Chapter 21

Primrose

Took me a while to fall asleep that night. I was going to strangle Ava and Sooyeon for putting me up to it.

Even though part of me wanted to thank them.

I woke up in the morning a full hour before my alarm went off and couldn’t get back to sleep, lying on my side with my hair falling over my face, shrunk into the blankets, replaying that kiss over, and over, and over…

I groaned, throwing the blankets off and standing up. I wasn’t getting any sleep. And the less I thought about it right now, the better. I took a shower and got ready to go out, doing my makeup quickly before I sat down on the edge of my bed and cracked the journal, scribbling down a quick note that did not encapsulate the experience.

Enacted the kiss scene as planned. This is full-on damage control at this point. Just trying to make it through to mission’s end in one piece.

I tapped the pen to my lips, looking down at the page, knowing I wasn’t supposed to write it down but needing—needing—a place to put it, a place to say it.

I wanted to kiss her. Don’t know what she’s doing to me. Might have flown too close to the sun with this case.

Zach’s gonna kill me if he knows. Guess I’ll just make sure not to tell him.

I snapped the book shut, clicking my pen and tossing them both aside, standing up and heading at a quick clip for the door.

I ran into what I didn’t need—Sooyeon at the volleyball court with one other girl, still waiting for the rest of them to show up. She flagged me down with a sly smile where I knew right away what I was getting into, and I wanted out, but—I should have taken the back exit. No escape now.

“Hey, Primrose,” she said. “Sleep well? No hangover?”

“Yeah, nah, I’m all right.” I shoved my hands in my pockets, arching my eyebrows at her. “And you? You drank the second the game started, with your secret crush.”

She glanced down idly at her fingernails. “I’ve done worse. I feel fine today.”

“So, who is it?”

She laughed, looking away. “C’mon. What’d I opt out for if you’re going to come around asking me the next morning?”

I folded my arms, giving her a dry smile. “Figured you just didn’t want to say it in front of everyone… and by everyone, I mean, you know.”

“You mean who?” she said, doing a good job of looking casual—I’d have fallen for it if I didn’t know her well.

“Come on, Sooyeon. I’m not oblivious.”

She looked away, crossing an arm over her body. “What, are you trying to imply I have a crush on someone there? In the circle?”

“You trying to make me say it?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re getting at.”

“Ava. You like her, don’t you?”

She snorted, but it wasn’t a very good effort. “That’d be a death sentence, getting into anything with her. If I wanted a girlfriend, I could ask out any number of girls in the volleyball group. Is that why you told her to make out with me?”

I shoved my hands in my pockets, giving her a what-can-you-do shrug. “Hey. You looked awfully happy after it happened.”

She gave me a pointed smile. “Well, look who’s talking. You didn’t hold anything back with Skates, did you?”

I rubbed my forehead, looking down and hoping it would hide the prickle of blush on my cheeks. “I have a job to do.”

“Taking it very, very seriously.”

“How long were we actually at it for?”

She laughed. “Just over a minute.”

“Yeah, yeah. Twenty-six seconds, my ass. Why were you even timing then?”

“Oh, you know. To see how long you’d make out with your girlfriend if we didn’t stop you.”

I gave her a withering look. “You know, if I actually did feel that way, it would be really bad news.”

She arched her eyebrows. “Would it?”

“Are you kidding? Firstly, Zachary would kill me. Secondly, Andrea would kill me. Zachary and Andrea would probably kill each other, too. I’d end up bungling the case. We’d probably lose our in on this job. Fifthly… what are we up to? Sixthly? Whatever it is—” I shrugged wildly. “What, you think this would be a good basis for a relationship? Tell her yeah, so, I was actually being nice trying to make you like me so I could break your heart and sell out your family, but now I do think you’re cute, wanna date?”

“You’ve been thinking about it, I see.”

“Fuck off.”

She gave me a distant smile. “Even if things with Giselle aren’t exactly happily-ever-after material… it’d be nice to see you find someone who makes you happy.”

I snorted, folding my arms and looking away. “I’m not in a good line of work for that.”

“Who says you need to be a professional heartbreaker forever?”

“Zachary Cohn, that’s who. And the rest of FIRE. We’ve got work to do.” I sighed, dropping my arms by my sides. “Look… I know you’re trying to look out for me. Thanks, Susu. But I assure you, Giselle and I aren’t going to ride into the sunset and I together.”

She gave me that sad little distant smile again. I hated it. I changed the subject.

“Now, your turn, Butterflies. You and Ava?”

She sighed, pushing her hand into her pocket and looking away.

“We all know you’re crushing on someone now. I’ve been wondering about you two for a minute now. You might as well spill.”

She spoke airily. “Feelings are just a specific kind of experience. Doesn’t mean anything more. They all pass eventually.”

“Uh-huh. So you’re into her and also too embarrassed to admit it without some lofty dismissal.”

She smiled wryly at me. “I’m sure you’ve also had feelings for someone that you just had to ignore and wait out.”

Ignore and wait out… guess that was exactly what I needed. I’d pull the plug on me and Giselle before long, and it would hurt like hell, but then I just had to sit on it for long enough they’d go away.

Butterflies had always been smart.

“I mean, Ava’s always talking about you,” I said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she feels the same way…”

“We can’t,” she said lightly. I paused.

“Er… why? Rival families I’m just now hearing about?”

“Just trust me that we can’t.” She shrugged, putting on a smile. “Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy being in the same room. Having feelings for someone that don’t go anywhere doesn’t have to be a painful experience. Now, I’m going to go find out where the hell Izzy is so we can play. And as for you, I imagine you’re getting down to the rink for free hours.”

“Ah, y’know.” I shoved my hands in my pockets, looking away. “Learning an axel. It’s hard work.”

“Doesn’t that take years to get down?”

“Not trying to get it down. Just trying to practice it enough to pull it off once by miracle.”

“So, six months instead of two years.”

“Hey, maybe I’m a natural.” I stepped away, raising a hand in a wave. “Have fun tracking down Izzy this time.”

It kept bouncing around in my head the whole walk down to the rink—that thought that maybe it could just be a nice experience to be around someone you liked. No reason in particular it was hanging with me. No reason in particular it made me feel a deep stab of guilt.

I got to the rink early, and when the girl at the desk let me up to the locker room before the rink, I watched out through the glass as I got my skates on, catching a glimpse of Jordan out on the ice practicing jumps. Axels were a little shaky even for her. I wasn’t pulling one off anytime soon.

Not that it mattered… I somehow doubted Giselle would want to take me to Switzerland with her after this week was done.

I was watching too intently, because I got her attention. Jordan glanced at me through the glass, and she lit up, waving to me and gesturing me out into the rink. I pushed through the door and out into the cold air of the cavernous space inside, and she glided over to me.

“Hey, Primrose,” she said. “Your girlfriend’s not in yet, but you can get on the ice now, as long as you watch out I don’t take you out.”

“Oh—thanks. You’re sure I won’t get in your way?”

Jordan planted her hands on the barrier, leaning in towards me. “So you are girlfriends now?”

“Oh, no. Um…” I scratched my head, looking away. “I don’t have a girlfriend. I just assume you mean Giselle when you say that.”

“Yeah, because you’re into her. You like her, right?”

“Um…” I wrung my hands. Somehow, mysteriously, acting the part felt effortless right now. “You mean Giselle?”

“Who else? Oh my god, you’re being difficult. Yes or no?”

“Uh…” I scratched my head. “I mean… I guess so, yeah, but—please do not tell her,” I said, and she lit up, leaning so far over the barrier I heard her skates come up off the ice.

“Oh my god, you two. She’s one hundred percent into you too. Just go for it, woman. Today! Here! Now! You could be on a date with her tonight! Have your first kiss under the stars!”

“Second.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Um—”

“You kissed her?”

“No! Um…” I scratched my arm, looking away. Frankly, I wasn’t even sure why I’d corrected her.

“She kissed you?” Jordan smelled blood in the water. She’d hound me to the ends of the world to get this.

“Don’t you have practice to do?”

“Since when did I ever keep up with practice? That’s not getting you out of this. You two kissed and you’re still not sure about it?”

“It’s—it was a dare,” I said, my face genuinely burning. “We played truth or dare with some friends last night, and… um… well, things got a little out of hand…”

“I don’t care if it was a dare. Or, you know? Maybe I do!” She dropped back down onto the ice, throwing her hands up. “You just take dares that seriously. Incidentally, I totally double-dog dare you to tell Giselle how you feel.”

“That’s not…”

“I mean, why else are you here?”

I looked away. “To do what you’re allergic to and practice.”

She grinned. “Yeah, yeah. Want to try some Salchow jumps now?”

“Sure, if you have tips. I want to see if I can pull off an axel… one day… maybe soon.”

“Single axel? Ugh, that’s easy. C’mon.” She took me by the hand and tugged me into the barrier, and I made a noise in my throat as I fumbled over the barrier and onto the ice, sliding and almost losing my balance but holding for dear life onto Jordan’s hand. Her own practice seemingly forgotten, she helped me settle back into my slow-but-steady pace of forward skating before she had me practicing standing on one foot. And there I was, like a drunken flamingo, flapping my arms with one skate barely a few inches above the ice, when I heard the door unlatch and my heart missed a beat at the sight of Giselle coming in.

And the timing couldn’t have been worse, because when I saw Giselle, and she looked over at me and stopped, time seemed to hold still, and—and one way or another, I lost my focus and I fell straight back onto my butt, hitting hard on the ice. Giselle dropped her bag, vaulting over the barrier and coming to a stop next to where I fumbled trying to get up.

“Primrose—are you okay?”

“I’m good. Just embarrassed.” She held out a hand for me, and I took it and let her help me up, which—it was nice to be back on my feet, except that then I found myself standing there holding Giselle’s hands as we both slowly rotated on the ice together, and nothing else existed.

She looked beautiful today… a simple, fresh makeup look, her hair pulled back into a tight, high ponytail, wearing a sleek white down jacket and light pants that made her look like a winter dream out on the ice. And she was a dream who I’d been dreaming about plenty last night.

She swallowed, a soft pink blush creeping over her cheeks, and she glanced down at my lips, and an aching feeling blossomed out in my chest—wanting to let her kiss me as much as she was thinking about—

“Sorry,” she said, pulling suddenly back, looking away. “I’m getting in your way. You’re clearly practicing.”

“No—you’re good,” I laughed. “I’m getting in the way of your practice. You’re the one with a big competition coming up. I’m just playing around on the ice.”

Jordan pushed towards the two of us, gliding to a stop just next to us. “Just playing around,” she snorted, turning to Giselle. “Don’t listen to her, she’s just shy. You seem to have won her over to the ice.”

Giselle looked away. “Good morning, Jordan… I think Primrose already liked the ice. Are you helping her practice?”

“Just a bit. She said she wanted to learn an axel someday soon, so I told her to practice one-foot gliding.”

“Oh, um…” I looked down, my face burning. “I mean, I just want to learn all kinds of techniques. It’s really fun.”

Giselle gave me a sidelong smile, impossibly wide, and it made my chest feel like it might have burst. “Well,” she said after a second, turning back to Jordan. “Primrose has got drive in spades, so… I’m sure she’ll be able to pull off an axel in no time.”

“I don’t know about that,” I laughed, a small nervous sound in my throat. Giselle put a hand on my upper arm, still giving me that smile that was… Christ, I wasn’t the only one who’d rehearsed a killer smile. Or maybe she just did that naturally. Jesus. Was this what it felt like for other people when I was screwing with them?

“You’ve got me,” she said. “I’ll help you practice. We’ll get you flying in no time.”

Jordan put her hands on her hips. “So, why the axel, and what does it have to do with the secret looks?”

“Nothing,” I said, at the same time that Giselle said, “Don’t worry about it.”

Jordan rolled her eyes. “Okay, lovebirds. I’ll give you space.”

She turned and pushed away, and Giselle and I glanced sidelong at each other before she laughed, once, nervously.

“Let’s not tell her…” she said.

“She’d never shut up about it,” I said.

“You’re just diligent in your practice, is the reason.”

“The only reason Jordan ever needs to know.”