Chapter 22

Primrose

We were on the ice for a while, and I had to give myself credit—I hadn’t actually managed to be on the ice the whole free skating time before, always wearing myself out long before then, so getting off the ice at the same time Giselle and the dozen or so other skaters who had gotten on the ice during free hours made me feel a little bit like I would be flying before long.

I sat down next to Giselle as we got off the ice and packed up our things, unlacing my skates with some proficiency by now, and I tried to tell myself it was just the job as I sidled closer to her on the bench.

“You were great out there,” I said.

“You too. Coming along fast.”

“Are you busy today?”

She scratched her head. “A bit, actually… nothing specific, I just have assignments to catch up on.”

“Me too. Do you want to hang out and do assignments together? You know, keep each other accountable.”

She glanced over at me, and she broke out into a big smile. “Yeah,” she said. “Actually, that sounds perfect.”

“Great. And once that’s done, we celebrate with dinner together? Because there’s another place I know that I want to introduce you to.”

Her smile widened, crinkling in the corners of her eyes. “Another place where they’re going to shout to the back hey, Primrose is here?”

I laughed awkwardly, tucking my hair back. “Uh… probably. I swear this is the last one, though. I’m not that famous.”

“I’m down,” she laughed. “Sounds like fun.”

I wished it wouldn’t be. It made me want to scream the whole time we packed up and headed out, going back to our respective places for showers before we met up at the one coffee shop open on campus on Sundays, where Giselle had gotten there first and ordered my favorite for me—this all-consuming thought, feeling, sensation in my head as I sat out on the patio with her, the two of us on our laptops working in comfortable silence.

I wasn’t homophobic. I could forgive myself for falling for a girl. But a rich girl?

Jesus Christ, what an embarrassment.

It should have been dissuading me every step of the way. Her with her nice new car, her trips to Switzerland, her rich family friends, even her ice-skating—skates and all those private ice sessions didn’t come cheap.

But she just… wasn’t like the others. My targets had always been, by and large, the privileged brats. The prodigal sons who had never heard no in their lives. Cassandra Meyers fit the mold—a girl who did what she wanted and acted like you were out of your mind if you even thought about not liking it. But Giselle… she wasn’t.

She was just nice. Nice to people. Nice to be around. And it wasn’t a performance—she was just a girl who wanted to make things better for people around her. And she just cared, with all her heart, and even just since I met her, it felt like she’d come so much into her own. And I’d turned into a sucker, because it just made me so damn happy to see that.

Maybe it was because she spoiled me too. Not buying me nice things—that was how the rich douchey guys before tried to spoil me. She just paid attention to me, told me the things I needed to hear, and I guess that was that.

Dumbass that I was. I thought I was immune to these feelings. Turned out just that nobody before gave me a reason to fall for them.

And now I wasn’t some cold-blooded heartbreaker. Now I was just some stupid girl who’d never known what it was like to belong somewhere without having to pay dues, and now I was done for.

Giselle looked up from her laptop, catching me staring at her, and she quirked a smile. “Something wrong?” she said.

“No… just looking at you.”

She raised her eyebrows, smiling wider. “Er… something on my face?”

God, it hurt so fucking bad. Even if I wanted to screw over FIRE and get myself kicked out, Giselle would never want me if she knew the truth. Was this what it felt like? Was this what everyone before her had felt like?

“Nah,” I said, going back to my laptop. “You’re just pretty.”

She laughed, a nervous sound as she gave me an odd look. “Well… you are too.”

I brushed my hair back. “Then you can stare, too.”

I didn’t make much progress on my assignments. I wanted to cry and I wanted to sigh in impossible happiness all at once. But I stuck it out, going back for a second coffee after a while and grabbing a croissant, and I brought it back to the table as if I’d brought it just for myself, just so I could enjoy the surprise on Giselle’s face when I pulled off a piece and pressed it to her lips. She grabbed a second coffee, too, and we went on into the late afternoon, before she shut her laptop, stretching her arms out.

“All done?” I said, closing mine.

“Reviewed for my accounting quiz and got my code working. Needs some optimizing and some cleaning up, but that’ll be for tomorrow when my brain’s not fried. How’s yours?”

Awful. I’d barely done a thing in the past hour, too busy daydreaming about our kiss last night. “Pretty good. Mostly just glad I came with you so I could have coffee.”

“And stare at me.”

She was so cute when she tried to give me some sass. It never held up long. I smiled at her. “I’ve only just gotten started with that one,” I said, and sure enough, she blushed suddenly and sharply, looking away.

“Ah… well, look all you like.”

“Over dinner? It’s a bit early, but it’ll just be less crowded.”

“I’m sure the crowds will show up once the celebrity Primrose Carter herself arrives.”

“Whole world could be there and I’d only have eyes for you.”

Her blush had just started to recede a little, and it came back in full-force, out to the tips of her ears. “Yeah, yeah… keep sweet-talking me here and we’ll never get to the restaurant.”

“I’ll sweet-talk you somewhere else, then,” I laughed, and I stood up with her, sliding my laptop into my bag. I stood in front of her, taking a long breath, and hopelessly, I felt my heart beating faster, just… overwhelmed with the presence of her there in front of me, under the drooping boughs of an evergreen tree, the sunlight dappled through the trees around the patio and falling in soft shades over her face, and I couldn’t help myself from taking her in. “Um… I’m going to go back to my place and get changed, and then I can drive us—”

“I’ll drive. You volunteered to be my passenger princess, remember?”

I laughed, nervous bubbling in my chest. “You have a type, huh?”

She looked away, smiling. “Something like that…”

“Just text me when you’re ready to pick me up, okay? I’ll be waiting.” And before I could rethink it, I stepped in, went up on my tiptoes, and I pecked her cheek, the feeling all too electric—miles away from all the other times, everyone before her. “See you soon,” I said, turning before she could form a response, and I hurried a little too quickly away.

I was going to have to have the best week of my life with her to make up for how it was going to end.

∞∞∞

Giselle

I was amped up like I’d had a couple dozen energy drinks as I parked the car behind November and sent Primrose a text, settling back in my seat and trying to calm my heart down.

Who was I kidding? We were going on a date. I wasn’t calming anything down.

There was no way it wasn’t a date and—and even I could acknowledge that. She’d asked me to dinner, just the two of us, two single queer girls, after talking about how she only had eyes for me and wanted to flirt with me over dinner, and she kissed me. That was a date.

I was… ninety percent sure. I’d still spent the past forty minutes asking myself if it was.

I had the windows rolled down, just enjoying the gorgeous weather we had today, but my heart stopped when I was distracted gazing out at the rustling trees at the sight of the complex door opening and Sooyeon stepped out, and right behind her, like something out of a fever dream, Andrea Carlisle, walking with her shoulders hunched looking like she was carrying the weight of the world. It hit me like a bolt to the chest, seeing her—painfully, achingly familiar, feeling like she was from a different lifetime instead of just barely the week before last—and the keen awareness of how I’d lied to her.

Focus on my skating career.And I’d immediately replaced her with a different girl.

Andrea glanced over, and a sick feeling turned in my gut as she spotted me and froze—just for an instant, her eyes wide, where we locked eye contact and time stretched out to forever.

And then she tore her gaze away and kept on ahead, catching up with Sooyeon, who didn’t even seem to notice Andrea had fallen behind. I let out a long, shaky breath, turning back to the windshield.

No. It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t even really a lie when I said it—I did want to focus on my skating more than I did on Andrea. And I was just… happier without her. I didn’t need a good excuse to leave. She’d never given me what I’d needed. It had always been an uphill battle, trying to be happy when it didn’t feel like either my girlfriend or my best friend wanted me to be.

And maybe I was a cold-hearted monster, but I found so much lightness in my chest at the realization that I didn’t miss either of them. I was happier with just myself.

And even happier still with Primrose, who was rapidly taking over the role of best friend for herself, and… and maybe I could dare to hope that she wanted to take over the girlfriend spot too.

Only downside was that then all her practice for an axel would be for nothing. Dad liked her so much he’d take her to Switzerland with us next time regardless if we started dating.

A text lit up my phone from Primrose. I am so sorry! Ava held me up arguing. I’m coming now!

I texted back. Tell her I’ll bring some chocolate to apologize for taking you away.

A second later, another text. She wants your number. Can I give it to her?

I laughed. Go for it.

It was another minute, and just when the complex door opened and I spotted Primrose coming out, that my phone lit up with a text from an unknown number.

go fuck yourself

I saved the contact as Ava with an angry cat emoji and a chocolate-bar emoji. She’d have hated it.

I put the phone away just as the passenger door opened, and my heart beat faster at Primrose sliding into the seat, wearing that slim crop top and jacket she’d worn when she’d first collided into me on the ice.

“Hey,” she said. “I’m so sorry I kept you waiting.”

“You’re good. Got to get a mystery text from an unknown number telling me to go fuck myself.”

She laughed. “I know. She wrote it with speech-to-text while I was heading out the door.”

“You look beautiful. Ready to go?”

She ducked her head, covering up a smile before she buckled in. “You do too. Let me pull up the address now.”

Okay. So this definitely was a date. Unless it wasn’t. Who could say?

Watching Andrea go by as I waited to take Primrose on a date… it sure felt loaded.

“Are you okay?” Primrose said, putting her phone up on the clip on the dashboard. I looked away.

“Yeah… just thinking.”

She paused. “Um… you don’t have to come with me if you don’t—”

“No—it’s not that. I definitely want to. Just…” I sighed, sinking back against my seat. “Knew they both lived in this complex, but didn’t know Sooyeon was, uh… don’t know. Friends, I guess. With my ex.”

Primrose whirled on me. “Your ex? She lives here—she knows Sooyeon?”

“Seems like it. They just walked out of the building together just now.” I couldn’t bring myself to look at Primrose, almost guilty for some reason.

“Oh my god. That’s awkward. I’m so sorry. I mean, Sooyeon is friends with everyone in November, so I guess it makes sense, I just… I had no idea she…” She shifted. “Who is it?”

I scratched my head. Every answer felt like the wrong one right now. “Andrea Carlisle. Er… short girl, blonde hair, third-year, environmental sciences…”

“Oh… my god.” Primrose put a hand over her mouth, staring at me with wide eyes. “Andrea Carlisle? She’s your ex?”

I looked over at her with a sick feeling turning in my stomach. “What, you know her too?”

“Not closely… I didn’t know she did environmental sciences. But we’ve talked. I met her almost a year ago. You were dating that entire time?”

I felt so heavy all of a sudden. I rolled up the window, dragging my hand over my forehead. “Yep. And I didn’t realize I was dating a celebrity.”

“She never once said a word to imply she was dating anyone, let alone…”

“Let alone what?”

“Well—you know.” She ducked her head, blushing. “You.”

I raised my eyebrows, trying to keep cool. “Not like you knew me then, so it wouldn’t have meant anything.”

“You know what I mean. Just… you. You know, competitive athlete, honors student, going to Switzerland for business. How did she not want to show you off?”

So much for keeping my cool… I looked away, a hand over my face. “She had other stuff on her plate…”

“I don’t care. You deserve someone who’s going to appreciate how amazing and rare and special it is to date you.” She paused, shifting in her seat. “How special it would be to date you. I mean, I… er… forget it.”

Thank god I wasn’t the only one panicking over whether this was a date. I relaxed, a nervous excitement bubbling in my chest.

I’d always wondered if I was allowed to think that… wishing Andrea would seem excited to be with me. Wishing I could feel actually wanted. I’d always beaten myself up telling myself that was just what relationships in the real world were like, and Primrose telling me things could be better was such a balm on my soul.

And—she was one to talk. “Well,” I said, putting the car in reverse, “the same goes to you. You deserve somebody who likes you because of who you are and celebrates that.”

“Thank you,” she laughed nervously, finishing setting up her phone and hitting the button to start navigation, and she whispered—just to herself, quietly enough I think I wasn’t supposed to hear over the navigation voice speaking, “I would show you off…”

I suppressed a smile, keeping my eyes on the road as I took the car out of the lot, and I decided to go for it. “Same to you.”

“What?” Her voice went higher-pitched, turning wide-eyed to look at me. I kept my gaze straight ahead.

“Any clues on what the place for tonight’s dinner is?”

“Same what to me?”

“Is it going to cook my face off?”

She put a hand to her face, looking away. “Nah… Korean barbecue. I think you’ll be okay.”

Korean barbecue sounded great.

I really could have gotten used to dates like these.