Chapter 15

Giselle

Iglided over to where Primrose was pushing slowly, shakily along the wall, my skates carving against the ice.

“Not bad,” I said, looking her over. “Your form’s good. You weren’t kidding about taking in all the material you could.”

She flushed, giving me a helpless look. “If I’m doing well, why am I doing so badly?”

“You’re doing perfectly in every field but the muscle memory. That’s something only practice can get you. Honestly, though, your balance is good…”

She ducked her head with a sheepish smile. “I’ve been practicing…”

“You’ll be flying along in no time,” I laughed. “Just keep pushing and gliding, just like you’re doing. And don’t be afraid to fall. The more you’re thinking about falling, the more likely you’ll fall.”

“Great, so… about a hundred percent chance of falling, then, because I keep thinking about it.”

“Mm-hm. So get comfy with the idea. Falling doesn’t hurt as much as you think it will, as long as you’re prepared for it.” I squeezed her shoulder, and it made me think back in a quick flash to her comments about being tactile. Like she was asking me to touch her all the time… as if I didn’t already want that enough? “You’re doing great. Just keep going. I’m getting back to my program now, but just wave for me if you need.”

“Don’t say that. I’m going to accidentally wave constantly trying not to fall. And then while I am falling.”

But that smile she had on—that big, beautiful, genuine thing—it was so nice to see someone here just honestly having an amazing time. Someone honestly so thrilled to be on the ice, doing something that excited her.

I was such a sucker for a cute girl.

But it worked wonders, because once again, I found myself slipping into that space where everything was effortless out on the ice—just knowing Primrose was here, that she was watching, and that she thought it was amazing no matter what I did. The time slipped away, between me practicing my jumps and helping Primrose get the hang of her movement, and I felt a pang of disappointment as my scheduled time finished up feeling like I’d just started, when it normally felt like it dragged out twice as long as it should have.

“I feel like I took up your whole session,” Primrose said, looking down with her face tinged pink as she skated slowly, shakily forwards, me keeping up in front of her skating backwards.

“I feel like this was my best session in a while. I should be asking you to attend more of my sessions.”

She apparently wanted to murder me, because she looked me in the eye with a smile dancing on her lips, and she said, “I’d say yes. To every single one.”

“Oh, uh…” I stammered, heat prickling in my face. “I wouldn’t want to impose—”

“That’s why you’d just be asking.”

I looked away. “Er… you can show up to as many as you want. You can just show up… I’ll tell Shay at the door you can just come in during my blocks.”

She lit up, giving me that smile that always killed me. “I could just show up, or you could show up at my place before and I’ll make you breakfast.”

“You really don’t need to—”

“Please? It’ll make me feel better about you helping me with this.”

It was okay to accept good things for myself. It was really, really okay. “I… yeah. You know? That would be great. Thank you.”

Primrose gave me the sweetest smile in the world, and it could have melted a stone statue. “Thank you.”

“Also… not to ruin anything by calling attention to it, but youre skating really well right now.”

“Oh!” She looked down, and sure enough, she wobbled. “Oh, god. I wasn’t even thinking.”

“Then stop thinking. Focus on me.”

“What?”

I put a hand up in front of my face, guiding her gaze to meet mine. “Just look at me. Think about me.”

“Um…” She blinked fast, holding my gaze, and her face flushed as we glided across the rink together, moving slowly but surely.

“If you suddenly, magically became the world’s best skater, what would you do?” I said, and she laughed nervously, still holding my gaze as we moved.

“I wouldn’t want to be. Not just like that. If I just magically became the best, I wouldn’t be able to learn and improve.”

It caught me off-guard, and I had to take a second to find words. Maybe it was more accurate to say words found me—it slipped out before I could catch it. “You… are kind of inspirational when you say things like that.”

“Oh, stop,” she laughed, looking down and losing her cool, stumbling a little bit. I slowed down and caught her as she went off-balance, my hands in hers, and she glided forwards and bumped into my front, but—I almost had a heart attack when she just stayed there, resting her head against my chest. “You keep making me feel… good about myself…”

I cleared my throat. “Er… is that a bad thing?”

“No! Just… I don’t expect it.” She shook her head. “I thought I wanted you to like me, just because you’re so cool and talented and everything, but you’re so many things under the surface too… I don’t know why you give me so much time and attention.”

With her head up against my collar like this, she had to hear my heart beating wild right now. I didn’t think the skating was explanation enough. “You don’t give yourself enough credit,” I said, my voice low. “It’s… not an extraordinary ask to want people around who see good things in you, not… a… problem to compensate for.”

She let out a slow breath, not saying anything. I swallowed.

“Sorry. That’s—”

“No,” she said, putting her hands on my arms. “That’s really lovely of you… to say so. I guess I’m just nervous because I… never realized… how much I need someone in my life who would say that to me.”

I found my hands falling to her hips, holding her gently. Tactile. We both were. And she certainly seemed to like being all over me… “Well… for what it’s worth, you’re a breath of fresh air for me, too. More than you know.”

She looked up at me, giving me that soft, sweet smile, and I swear she fluttered her lashes at me. “It’s worth a lot. Thanks for teaching me…”

I glanced at her lips. I didn’t mean to, it just—happened. I’d been obvious—she raised her eyebrows—and then the death of me, she licked her lips, one quick gesture. She swallowed, and I did, too, feeling my heart pounding, and I just…

Jesus Christ. I couldn’t kiss her. I gave her a gentle squeeze before I pushed away, turning back towards the rink entrance, and Primrose blinked fast, looking like she was as dizzy and lost as I was.

“Anytime,” I said, useless to look her in the eye. “I want to see you learn—make progress, everything.”

“Oh…” She laughed nervously. “Well. If you’re invested in it, too, I guess I’ve got to put in the hours.”

My natural instinct was to pull back, especially after all of… that… but I knew her well enough to know what she needed. I leaned against the barrier, kicking one foot up over the other. “You’d better,” I said. “I’m expecting to see what that passion of yours does.”

“You shouldn’t encourage me.”

“And yet I am. Wonder what will happen?”

She laughed, but she didn’t get to say anything before the door squeaked back at the entrance, and I looked up to the absolute worst sight I could have seen right now—Jordan, giving me the absolutely unbearable smirk that said she’d just had a front-row seat to the whole… scene… that had just happened between me and Primrose.

Jesus. Thank god I didn’t do what every part of me had been tempted to do and kiss her. Primrose followed my gaze, giving a shy smile and a wave Jordan’s way. “Oh… she’s on the figure skating team too, isn’t she?”

“Jordan… guess she’s here for practice during free hours. I think you’d like each other…”

Jordan stripped off her skate guards and pushed out onto the ice, swooping over to the two of us and coming to a hockey stop in front of us. “Good morning, Giselle. Had a good practice session?”

Oh, she was having the time of her life. I looked away. “Mm-hm. Look at you, actually coming in for practice. Going to blow Coach’s mind.”

“Yeah, yeah. Nice of your girlfriend to show up and support you.”

“Jordan—”

“I like her much better than the last one.” Jordan turned to Primrose with a huge grin. “Jordan. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you,” Primrose said, puffing her chest out a little. “I’m Primrose.”

“Oh, I know,” Jordan laughed. I pushed her shoulder, and she went with it, gliding backwards.

“Learn how to make a first impression, J. Don’t make things weird. We’re not a couple.”

Primrose shrugged. “A little banter between friends isn’t going to turn me off. I’ve handled weirder.”

Jordan grinned at her, putting her hands on her hips. “So, Giselle tells me you’ve just started learning.”

Primrose wobbled. “Somehow I think you… could have guessed without Giselle saying so.”

“Your form’s not bad. You’ve had a good teacher. Wanna learn Salchow jumps?”

“Jordan,” I sighed. “You’ll break her neck.”

Primrose laughed, rubbing the back of her neck. “I think I need a second off the ice anyway… getting kind of tired. I’ll get back on once I’m ready to break my neck.”

Jordan and I glided with Primrose back to the entrance, and then I was left with the insurmountable task that was facing Jordan once Primrose sat down and the two of us pushed away along the perimeter.

“So,” Jordan hummed, her hands in her pockets. I looked away.

“We were just practicing together.”

“You made it official yet?”

“There’s nothing to make official, Jordan. She just came out of a breakup—”

She skidded around to face me, skating backwards in front of me with the most fiendishly delighted look on her face. “Oh my god. She broke up with her boyfriend?”

“Christ, I didn’t mean to say that…”

“Right after she met you?” She laughed. “Oh, honey.”

“It’s nothing to do with me.”

“The way she was just—” She held up two fingers pinched together. “This close to kissing you just now, kind of says otherwise.”

I put a hand to my forehead. “Jordan… it’s not what it looks like.”

“She’s cute.” She turned back ahead and fell back to skating next to me, matching my stride. “And she shows up to your practice. She shares an interest with you, she shows up for you, actively does stuff with you. And she’s seriously pretty, too. I think you’ve scored big with this one.”

“Please do not make things awkward with her.”

She clapped me on the back of the shoulder. “Hey, she didn’t seem awkward. Seemed perfectly happy I called you girlfriends.”

“Jordan, for Christ’s sake.”

“Besides.” She shoved her hands in her pockets, and she skated quietly for a minute before she spoke with her voice low. “You skate a lot better when she’s around.”

So I did. And so I didn’t want her to know. “It’s called confirmation bias. You just want me to skate better when she’s there.”

“Liar.” She paused. “She is gay, right?”

I looked away. “How should I know? Ask her yourself.”

“You’d have said no if you didn’t know.”

Jordan fully had my number. I sighed. “And if I do know, I’m not outing her.”

“Okay. So I’m just assuming she’s gay.”

“The way you talk about her, I’m left to assume you want her.”

She snorted. “I’m not stealing your girlfriend. I’m still dating Dale, unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately… you know you can just break up with him.”

“Neh.” She hunched her shoulders before she pushed ahead, glancing back at me. “For real, though. You like this, she likes this. Don’t waste something good by overthinking it. I’m getting into this Salchow waltz thing before too many people show up.”

She took off, heading for the center of the rink, just as I glided to a slow stop in front of where Primrose looked up from the bleachers with that heart-meltingly sweet smile, her cheeks still flushed from the exertion on the ice.

Or maybe from something else. I knew I was going to play back that moment with her earlier again and again and again… it was probably too much to hope she might be doing the same.