That’s a Van I’m Definitely Getting Into （24）

End of January

"Knock knock," Jess said, as she entered Audrey's apartment using her key and kicking the door the rest of the way open as she fumbled with the grocery tote. She walked into the kitchen, set it down, and peeked into the living area to find Audrey where she'd been pretty much since New Year's Day: lying motionless in her bed.

"What's it gonna be today, babe? I got…" she said, pa using to check the contentsof the bag, "peanut butter, carrots, guacamole, hummus, pita and tortilla chips. What're you in the mood for?"

"None of it," Audrey monotoned, rolling over to face away from Jess.

"Peanut butter it is. You need the calories. You're shrinking away again, bestie."

And she was.

She'd shed almost 1o pounds since her fight with JT that had ended in his arrest for assaulting her ex-boyfriend.

That night, things had gone from bad to worse to catastrophic in a matter of hours.

Not only had Evan called the police after JT beat his ass, but the guilt that Audrey had felt because of it had caused her to make a decision that she'd done nothing but regret since.

She'd shot off a single text message to Ryker that night, right after Evan had left her apartment.

A: Tell JT I'm sorry, but I can't see him anymore. He'll need to find a new tutor.

Ryker had begged her to reconsider, literally begged her, assuring her that this would blow over and that it wasn't worth throwing away what they had.

But she couldn't do it.

She was the one who caused JT to fight with Evan.

She was the one who led to him losing his temper and trashing his dorm room.

She was the one who'd broken his fragile heart.

And that fragile heart?

Deserved better.

Ryker had shown up to her apartment the very next day after practice to try and talk some sense into her.

"You can't do this to him. It's not fair."

"Ryk, I've got a class in 10 minutes…"

"I can wait," he'd said with a shrug, pushing himself inside the door, having a seat at the kitchen counter, and busting out his laptop, busying himself with going over his upcoming course syllabi while he waited.

And as soon as she'd shut her laptop to end the class, he'd approached her. "Aud, you can't do this. He needs you right now. He's a wreck without you."

"It's…for the best, Ryk. Really. What he doesn't need is this distraction right now. He needs to focus on his classes so he can pass them and play next year, and he needs to focus on his relationship with his boyfriend, because we both know damn well that's who he's meant to be with."

For the first time ever, she'd seen Ryker McCreery get angry.

And holy hell, was it hot.

"Are you out of your fucking mind, Audrey?" he shouted, slamming his laptop closed and standing up, his glasses going cockeyed before he'd reached up to fix them. "Whether you wanna admit it or not, it's the three of us, just like it has been from the beginning. Neither one of us is going anywhere, so you better fucking get used to it."

He'd paused, apologized for being disrespectful to her, and continued. "He is falling apart without you. He can't concentrate. He can't study. He's failing his English class, and miserably, I might add. He cries constantly, and do you wanna know why? It has nothing to do with him. He cries because he's worried you're back with that douchebag and that you're gonna stop eating again and hurt yourself. And, if we're being honest, so am I."

"Ryk, it's not like that…"

"Then what's it like, Audrey? I…miss us. I miss you, I miss him. This is all…" His anger had taken a sudden turn as he'd unexpectedly burst into tears, with her immediately rushing to hug him. "This is all so fucked up, and I just want things to go back to the way they were."

"Please don't cry, Ryk," she'd said softly, rubbing his back. "I'll…talk to him, OK?"

"Promise?"

"I…promise."

And that had been three weeks ago.

Other than a quick check-in text every few days from Ryker, asking if she needed anything and reminding her to eat, she'd had no contact with either of them.

"Hey, come on. Nope," Jess said, putting a hand on her shoulder and rolling her over to face her as she sat down on the bed with the sandwich. "Sit up."

Audrey rolled her eyes and propped herself up onto one elbow, her friend shoving the sandwich in her face. "Open," she said softly, and Audrey reluctantly took a bite. They repeated this until half the sandwich was gone, Jess setting it down on the nightstand, then lying down next to her depressed friend and reaching a hand up to play with her hair. "Have there been any new developments?"

Audrey sighed, defeated. "The assault case against him was dropped. Ev initially wanted to withdraw the charges, but in PA, they don't allow victims to drop charges. So, when he refused any further cooperation with the prosecution, they dropped the case. I…I wasn't expecting that at all, but he called me to let me know. I have no idea why. Just said it was so mething he felt compelled to do, whatever the fuck that means."

"Aud!" Jess exclaimed. "That's fantastic. I mean, it sucks that he got arrested, but at least it won't be on his record."

"That's not entirely true. He still has to file a petition for expungement and pray the court grants it. It's this whole ass legal process that, because of me , he now has to deal with. Not to mention, he also has to go to hearing for both the arrest and the destruction to his dorm, and there's a good possibility that he could be suspended or even expelled. He's not…"

Audrey stopped, beginning to cry. "He's not allowed to practice with the team until it all gets sorted out. I don't know how any of this is affecting him and I hate it. I just wanna run to him and hug him, tell him everything is gonna be OK, but I don't know if it is, Jess. He…this could really fuck him, and it's all my fucking fault!"

Jess wrapped her arms around her friend and allowed her to sob, knowing that nothing she could say would make this any better.

Sometimes, the best thing you could do for someone was just be there to catch the tears they so desperately needed to shed.

The two women lay there for a bit, when Audrey's phone buzzed. "Want me to check it out?" Jess asked cautiously, to which Audrey gave her the green light. She previewed the text, put her hand over her heart, and read it aloud to her friend.

R: Hey, just a quick update. He's waiving his right to a hearing. Case manager said if he accepts responsibility and a proposed action plan, he has a better shot at staying on campus. We both miss you like fucking crazy, btw. Please come back to us (sobbing emoji) (broken heart emoji)

"Fuck," Audrey mumbled, grabbing the phone from Jess's hand and reading the message about 75 more times.

"You know what you have to do, right?"

She nodded. "Get back to my boys."

???

"You swear there isn't gonna be some dude in a white, windowless van trying to lure me inside with puppies or some shit?" JT asked, as he held his boyfriend's hand on the walk to Pegula. "Although, I gotta admit, after the fucking month I've had, I'll probably get in willingly."

Ryker smiled. "I promise," he said, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. "I did see a van that had ‘free blowjobs' on the side of it not too far from here, though, so…"

"Well, fuck. That's a van I'm definitely getting into," JT teased, bumping into Ryker playfully as they walked. "Not that anyone sucks a dick better than you, Nerd."

"I learned from the best."

It was the first time JT had been out of his dorm room other than to go to his classes and therapy sessions in weeks, and Ryker couldn't have been more excited for it. Due to his pending situation with the college, he was unable to practice with the team, but that didn't stop the team from making sure they let him know they hadn't forgotten him.

They headed around to the back entrance of Pegula, LaFleur there to let them in since the building was currently closed and the front entrance was locked. "Gentlemen," he said, holding the door open for them. "Please proceed to the changing area, if you would."

Ryker fist bumped LaFleur as they walked inside and made their way to the locker room. JT looked over curiously at his boyfriend. "What is this?"

"You'll see," Ryker responded, squeezing his hand.

As they approached the room, there was music blasting, and the distinct smell of pizza hung in the air. Upon entering, JT found the entire team hanging out in plain clothes, most of them with their skates on. They'd set up a table with food, including pizza, wings, salad, and various alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages, which most guys were currently housing.

"Seriously? How the fuck is all this pizza almost gone already?" Carter bitched, flipping over several empty pizza boxes and turning toward JT and Ryker. "Make sure you get the last few slices before all these animals devour it," he said, slapping Macklin's hand away when he tried to take his fourth one. "Outta here, vulture."

Still unsure what was happening, he focused his attention on his stall, where his skates had been placed neatly on the bench for him under a giant banner that read, "We've got you're back, Redshirt!" which included a correction underneath that read, "*your" followed by, "PS: Macklin's a dumbass."

"Baby?" Ryker asked, noticing that JT had dropped to his knees right where he'd been standing and buried his face in his hands, his body shaking from his sobs.

Immediately, several of his teammates approached him, got down on the ground next to him, and patted his shoulders.

"We've got you, man."

"You got this."

"We love you so much, Red."

"We're with you."

"We miss you, kid."

After a few moments, Ryker pulled his boyfriend to his feet, and JT threw his arms around him, squeezing furiously and nuzzling into his neck. "Thank you," he cried.

"Don't thank me," he said, as JT pulled away from him. "This was all them, baby. Come on, grab something to eat and get your skates on so we can kick everyone's ass at Sharks and Minnows."

"There are some really crappy people in this world, JT. Some of them are just awful. But there are some really amazing ones, too. So, when you find them, let them help you. And help them, too."

"I found them, Mom," he said quietly, wiping away a few stray tears as Ryker turned to him and asked what he'd said. "Nothing. I'm just…really fucking happy right now."

After lacing up their skates and heading onto the ice, they had a blast playing relay games, smacking around a beach ball, and doing a mini skills competition, during which JT shocked everyone when he'd taken a slapshot that the team's radar gun had clocked at 102.3 mph.

"We need you ASAP, Red," D'Angelo told him as they skated around together. "You're gonna be such a beast next year."

"Yeah, if I'm even here next year," he'd responded sadly, as the captain immediately grabbed him and held him in place.

"Don't talk like that. You're gonna be here. Ryker talked to everyone and we're gonna do whatever we have to do to support you. Me, Macklin, and Carter will all provide character witness statements for you if you need us to. Honestly, people have trashed their dorms before and haven't gotten expelled. You're gonna be fine."

"Yeah, but there's the rumors about the video. Even though that was never really proven, like, everyone fucking knows it was me, man. Plus, I've got all that assault bullshit I have to deal with, too. They might think I'm a danger to other students or whatever."

"Nah. The case was dropped. So, you petition the court to have it expunged, pay some fees, and it goes away. No worries."

JT nodded. "And I appreciate your offer for the character witness statements, but I talked to my case manager and she said the University considers them irrelevant. I'm not going to hearing. I'm gonna accept responsibility for the assault and for the vandalism, take my punishment, and hope to God they let me stay. I, uh, I messed up, man. I really fucking messed up."

D'Angelo placed a hand on his shoulder. "Everyone messes up, Red. How long's it been since you lost your temper like that?"

"A while. It used to be all the time."

"See? You're making progress. Progress doesn't mean perfection. It means every day, you're a little better than you were before. And when you fuck up and have a shit day? You reset the clock." D'Angelo shrugged. "How's the tutor thing going? Any of those names Carter gave you come through?"

He shook his head sadly. "I tried talking to a few others, but, like, it didn't work out. They didn't really understand me the way…" He paused, tears filling his eyes.

"You guys still haven't talked?"

"Nope," he said, feeling himself beginning to get agitated. "She hasn't even texted me. Nothing. I'm guessing she wants her space, so I'm giving it to her."

"I. uh, wouldn't bet on that, Red."

"Yeah?" JT asked, kicking at a stray puck that had made its way over to where they were standing. "And why's that?"

D'Angelo lifted his hand and pointed to the stands behind the bench, where Audrey stood behind the glass, arms crossed and looking around uncomfortably. "It would appear…"

But JT had already taken off toward the bench at full speed, coming to a stop and hopping over the boards into it as they spotted each other. His heart pounding and his stomach in knots, he motioned for her to stay there, then sat down and removed his skates in record time. Barefoot, he ran up the tunnel, grabbed onto the side railing, and pulled himself up into the stands, where they stood about 10 feet from each other.

Neither moved.

"Hey," Audrey finally said. "I hope it's OK that I'm here. Ryk told me…"

She was silenced by his lips crashing into hers as he wrapped her in his arms, allowing herself to melt completely into him.

His kiss, his embrace, his everything.

"Thank God !" Ryker's voice echoed throughout the arena over the music that was playing on the Bluetooth speaker, and some cheers and clapping broke out immediately following.

They finally pulled away from each other, both wiping their eyes. "I'm sorry…" they began simultaneously, with JT shaking his head.

"I fucked up so bad, Aud."

"So did I, JT."

He grabbed her hands and caressed them slowly, grateful to feel her soft skin against his for the first time in almost a month.

She continued. "I gave up on you when I promised I wouldn't. I broke that promise, and I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't know what to do. It's…it's all my fault that you're in trouble, an d…"

He reached a finger gently to her lips. "No. It's my fault that I'm in trouble. Being angry doesn't give me the right to put my hands on someone, even though he's a dirtbag piece of shit who deserved it, and it doesn't give me the right to trash my dorm. I'm responsible for my actions, Aud. Not you. Do you understand that?"

She nodded.

They walked up a few rows and had a seat in the stands so they could catch up. "So, tell me what's going on with the hearing."

JT raked a hand through his hair and exhaled, placing his hands on his knees. "I was given a written notice of my violation of the code of conduct regarding destruction of University property and I was assigned a case manager. Met with her the other day. I'm facing consequences for the assault and for the destruction of my room."

"Why the assault? That had nothing to do with the college!"

"It's in the code of conduct. It's a liability for them to ignore off-campus arrests if they think it could have an impact on student safety. They work together with the local police departments and it all gets reported."

"That's bullshit, JT. You're not a threat to anyone's safety. You're doing…so much better."

"I mean, you and I know that, but they don't. They're just covering their asses. Anyway, my case manager suggested that my option is to waive the administrative conference and just accept responsibility. Ty agrees. I designated him as my support person, so he's been involved with all the meetings and stuff so far."

"So, let me know what I can do to help. Can I write something up? Testify on your behalf? How do we fix this?"

"We don't. I thought the University might reach out to you for a witness statement, but my case manager said they just went off the initial police report, in which you were incredibly supportive of me, by the way, so thanks for that. Anyway, they don't accept any sort of character witnesses. The only people they would accept statements from were Nerd and Dr. Namour, so we submitted those. I mean, what's my defense, Aud? I fucking did it. All of it."

"Shit, JT."

"Yup. The responsibility meeting is Tuesday. They'll provide me with an action plan to get me ‘back on track.' She really doesn't think they'll suspend or repel…I mean, expel me, but I will absolutely have to stay out of any further trouble. Aud, I can't fucking so much as, like, fart in an elevator if there are people in it, or I'm done. Another bitch of it is that I also waive any opportunity to appeal. So, it's really out of my hands at this point."

JT stopped fidgeting with his hands and looked over at Audrey, who was nodding slowly and taking it all in. She reached for his hand and took it between both of hers. "What do you need from me? How do I help you through this?"

"You come back to me."

"I'm here, Jacob."

"Oh, my God," he said, leaning his head onto her shoulder. "You have no idea how much I've missed hearing you say my name."

"You have no idea how much I've missed saying it." She turned her head and kissed the top of his. "Also, I wanna tutor you again. That is, if you want me to."

"Are you kidding? I'm fucking drowning, Aud. I mean, I think it's more mental than anything else, but you really do help me. I'll send you the course syllabus. I only have one English course this semester, rhet 2."

"Don't bother. Ryker already sent it to me," she said with a smile.

"Of course he did."

"You know, Ty didn't have to keep paying me for the past month while we weren't working together. That was sweet of him, but he really didn't have to."

JT stared at his hand in hers. "It…wasn't Ty."

"JT…" she began, attempting to pull her hands away, but he moved his other on top of them to keep them there.

"Aud? We talked about this. Let. Me. Help. You. OK?"

Without making eye contact, she nodded. "OK. Hey, so, do you and Ryk wanna come over tonight? We can watch movies, then fall asleep when he inevitably starts rambling on about black holes."

JT smiled, then nodded. "That sounds perfect, actually. Oh, but make sure you let Evan know so he doesn't show up again," he teased, smacking her leg. "Terrible joke. Sorry."

She smacked his right back. "Well, I can't because we're done. After that night, I told him I didn't ever want to see him again. But, when I found out he refused to cooperate and got the case dropped, I needed to know why. So, we met up for coffee…"

JT's leg began to shake, and she placed her hand on it. "And?" he asked through gritted teeth.

" And ," she said, rubbing his thigh, "he apologized. For everything. He admitted that he knew he was wrong for the way he'd treated me and that he'd started drinking heavily when he was up with the big club because he couldn't handle the pressure…"

"That's not an excuse, Audrey."

"I didn't say it was, Jacob. Anyway, when he saw you that night, he got jealous and he realized there was no saving this. Said he could tell by the way I looked at you that I…was in love, and that it was a look he'd never seen before."

His heart leapt a little at the confession. "None of this explains why he decided to help me out. My gut tells me that Ty had some sort of persuasive power behind all of this."

"Absolutely not," she assured him. "I initially thought the same thing. But Evan swears it had nothing to do with Ty. He's never even spoken to him."

"Then why would he do it?"

"Because you're just a kid, JT. A kid with anger issues who's been through hell, a kid who reminded him way too much of his younger self. Evan was…he struggled with anger issues when he was younger. It was really bad. We broke up several times because of it. Anyway, he said he hopes this all works out and if you need anything else from him, like a statement or whatever, to let him know. He's…sorry, JT. He's just another broken person trying to find his way in this broken world."

"What about what he did to you , Aud? Did he apologize for that?"

"Remember when you just told me that you're responsible for your actions, JT? I'm responsible for mine, too. Evan didn't do anything to me. I did. And I'm taking the proper steps to heal the damage I've done to myself, to learn how to treat me with a little more care and respect.

"He…JT, he doesn't even know about the eating disorder. I never told him. It's none of his business. Anyway, we're through. That was our last conversation. I have nothing left to say to him. We wished each other well, and honestly, I hope he's able to get his shit together."

"Honestly, I hope he gets hit in the nuts by a slapshot," JT muttered. "I mean, yeah. Hope he gets his shit together."

"Anyway," she said, standing up and stretching her arms over her head. "Round up that dorky ass boyfriend of yours and let's go home."

"Home?" JT asked curiously.

"Yes. I can finally call it that again, Jacob. Because without you and Ryk here these past few weeks, it's felt like anything but ."