What…the Hell Is a Butt Plug? （15）

"I ordered you that brown sugar oat milk thing that you liked last time. Hope that's OK," Ryker said, sliding the drink across the table to Audrey, who sat by herself on the side of the booth, JT taking a seat next to Ryker.

"Of course it is. Thank you."

"What'd you get me ?" JT asked, looking over at his boyfriend.

"Green tea with honey because," he responded, moving the cup in front of JT, "coffee turns you into a raving lunatic any time after 10 a.m."

"Awww, you do pay attention," JT said, wanting desperately to lean over and kiss Ryker but ultimately deciding against it. He took a sip of the tea as Audrey pulled up a list on her phone's "Notes" app, and Ryker opened his notebook to the neatly organized, bulleted list of questions and uncapped his pen.

JT unzipped his backpack and fished around for a bit before pulling out a crumpled sheet of paper that looked like it'd been through a war. He laid it on the table in front of him, both of them staring at it, then at him. "Hey, I didn't lose it. That's gotta count for something."

"OK, so," Audrey began, "who wants to go first?"

"Um, I will," Ryker said softly. "So, JT, the first question is how many others are there going to be?"

"Oh, shit," Audrey responded, clicking on her phone, then sitting back and crossing her arms. "Coming out swinging. I had the same question."

"What do you mean? Like, others how ?"

"I mean, is it just me and Audrey, or are you…"

"Whoa, no. Don't even go there," JT interrupted. "I'm only proposing this because I love both of you. It's no different than, like, if I was in love with one other person, commitment-wise. I just happen to love two."

"Right, but people typically get into these kinds of relationships because they don't really put a limit on who they can love, and I just wasn't sure if…"

"Listen, I don't give a fuck what other people do, OK?" JT snapped, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath before exhaling and continuing. "I'm sorry. To answer your question, none. There won't be any others."

"Fine. I'll go," Audrey said, looking at her phone screen. "What about for us?"

"What do you mean?" JT asked, confused.

"So, you get me and Ryker. But what if, say, Ryker wants to hook up with someone else, or I meet someone who I'm interested in dating. Is that something you'd considered?"

"I'm gonna be honest with you right now. No, it isn't."

"I hadn't really thought about it either," Ryker admitted.

"Well, I have," Audrey said matter-of-factly. "So, you just thought you'd get to have us both at your beck and call and didn't stop to think about how our own needs as individuals might play into this?"

"Is that even remotely what the fuck I said?" Flustered, JT stood up. "You know what? This was a horrible idea…"

"Sit down, baby," Ryker said gently, reaching for his hand as he noticed a few people turn to look at them. "You asked for our questions, our concerns. You should listen to them, OK?"

JT nodded, sitting back down. "Fine. Sorry. So, no, I hadn't considered that. And honestly, it wouldn't be fair for me at all to sit here and ask that of either of you. So, yeah, if you feel like you wanna mess around with someone else, or if you feel like you wanna date someone else, then that's," JT swallowed, then continued, "fine."

"JT, I'm not saying I will or that I want to. I just want to know that if it happens, you're not gonna freak out about it."

"That'd make me, like, the biggest hypocrite ever. Did you know the word hypocrite actually comes from a Greek word that one of its meanings is ‘jealous'? Kinda makes sense when you think about it." He looked at both of them, neither of whom were looking at him. "That, um, was one of mine, actually. I don't want there to be any jealousy, but I know that isn't, like, realistic. So, here goes. I'm…kinda jealous of how close the two of you have gotten recently."

"Audrey and I are just friends, JT. There's nothing else going on. Also, we both felt like if we're gonna do this, it's important we get to know each other. We just happen to get along really well. We mostly talk about you, anyway."

"JT, I'm not jealous of your relationship with Ryker," Audrey stated. "Ryker, are you jealous of my relationship with JT?"

"I am not," he replied, looking down at his notes. "But I know that he and I have to plan our time together around your relationship with him as well."

"Not always. I don't mind having it be the three of us. I kinda think of JT as a package deal. He comes with a bonus Ryker."

"You guys know I'm right here, right?" JT cut in, glancing between the two of them. "Like, that I can be part of this conversation, too?"

"JT, you're the one with the jealousy issues, and it isn't really fair considering you're getting both of us. Would you rather us resent each other?" Audrey asked.

"Listen, it's not jealousy so much as it is, like, insecurity. I've spent my whole life building up these walls, making sure they were high enough that no one could get in, you know? When my mom…" JT stopped, feeling Ryker's hand on his back before the tears even filled his eyes. He played with the straw in his drink, not looking up from it. "When she died, I swore I would never let anyone get too close. The hurt that comes with a loss like that? It changed me. And my walls aren't just to protect me. They're to protect others because what I keep inside these walls? I don't want it to get out.

"But you two showed up and, like, bulldozed that shit to the ground. And oddly enough, I don't feel like I'm constantly scrambling to put the pieces back together. That scares me, you know? Yeah, I don't wanna get hurt, but I really don't wanna hurt either of you. That's the part that terrifies me, that you'll look at me one day and decide that I'm…" He paused, wiping hi s eyes. "Too much, you know? That you'll give up on me."

Audrey reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "What did I tell you the day I met you? I told you I don't give up on people. And I don't. For whatever reason," she began, reaching for Ryker's free hand and holding onto it, "the three of us ended up here together. I don't necessarily believe in fate or any of that shit, but I do believe that things happen to us for a reason."

Ryker removed his hand from JT's back and grabbed his so the three of them were linked together. "I think I believe that, too."

"And this?" she said, motioning to their joined hands. "There's a reason for this. OK, so maybe it looks a little different from ‘normal' relationships, but I sure as shit haven't had much luck with those either. Hell, JT knows this, Ryk, but my last boyfriend dumped me because apparently, I'm too fat and ugly to date a professional hockey player."

"Well, he's a cunt who needs to get his eyes checked," Ryker said, causing Audrey to smile. "So, I got told I was entirely too boring for being so hot, and also that I have a ‘weird dick.' That one was fun."

"I've only seriously dated two girls, and both of them told me I was looking for a mother, not a girlfriend," JT chimed in. "One of them even outed me to the entire Storm when I came out as bi to her."

"So, it's safe to say we've all been through our fair share of shit when it comes to relationships. And again, while this isn't a ‘normal' relationship, maybe this is our normal, you know?" Audrey shrugged, letting go of both boys' hands so she could count the upcoming points on her fingers. "So, boundaries, right? One, we keep the sex safe. Condoms, always. Absolutely no exceptions.

"Two, Ryk, if there are other opportunities that either of us would like to pursue, we have to communicate that with JT before anything happens. And three, we all make time for each other, ensuring that everyone's emotional needs are being met. I'm fine with that. And if I'm ever not fine, I'll let you know. What do you guys think?"

Ryker nodded. "Sounds good to me. Banner?"

"I think it sounds pretty perfect."

"Good," Audrey said, checking the time on her phone and getting up from her seat. "I gotta get going. I'm teaching in less than an hour. See you tomorrow, stud," she leaned in and kissed JT quickly. "Don't forget to read the chapters. Bye, Ryk."

They both watched her leave, sitting silently for a few moments, until Ryker broke the silence. "Thank God for older women, man. They just…I mean, can you imagine the drama that would have come from that conversation with a girl our age?"

JT shook his head. "Don't even wanna think about it."

"Anyway, we should probably hit dryland for a bit before practice. I need to work on my plyo. I'm slow as shit lately. You wanna get going?" Ryker asked, stuffing his notebook and pen into his backpack, then looked over at JT.

"Yeah." JT stared back, their eyes locked, their faces only a few inches from each other. "I wanna kiss you so bad right now," he whispered. "I hope someday I can kiss you in public, hold your hand, you know? I know you're not ready, and I respect that, but it's all I…"

JT was silenced by Ryker's lips pressing against his own.

The two boys remained like that for a few seconds, neither of them moving their lips or deepening the kiss, instead just accepting and appreciating this beautiful moment as the first step in Ryker's journey.

As his roommate pulled away, JT smiled at him, then got up from the booth. "You have no fucking idea how happy that just made me."

Ryker, who was scanning the dining room nervously to see if anyone was staring at them, stood up, scanned again, then reached for JT's hand, the two quickly interlacing their fingers.

"Ryk, you don't have to."

"I know. I want to."

"You sure?"

Ryker nodded. "I'm sure."

They left Starbucks, hand in hand with their hearts pounding wildly, and headed back toward the dorm so they could get changed for the gym.

"Wanna know what else I'm sure about?" Ryker asked, breaking the silence.

"What's that?"

"I'll be losing my virginity to you after practice tonight."

???

"Carter, wait up!"

JT followed Colton Carter down the tunnel, who'd left the ice in a hurry once practice had been declared over. He jogged to catch up to him, tapping him from behind with his stick, but he didn't turn around. "Colton!" JT called again. "What was all that out there tonight, man? You good?"

His teammate had had one of the worst practices JT'd ever seen, screwing up the passing drills, icing the puck repeatedly, and getting visibly frustrated, once to the point of smashing his stick on the crossbar.

The sophomore d-man turned around slowly, reached up to his face cage, and removed his helmet, revealing bloodshot eyes and tear-slick cheeks. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Carter threw his helmet and gloves to the ground, fell backward against the wall, and slunk to the floor. "She fuckin' cheated on me. It's over," he choked out before burying his face in his hands and sobbing.

"Shit, man. I'm so sorry," JT offered, plopping down next to him and placing a hand on one of his thighs while he cried. Several of the other players came down the tunnel, a few of them offering words of encouragement.

"It'll be alright, man."

"Don't sweat it, bro. She's not worth it."

"You're better than this, baby. Fuck her."

Ryker stopped, but JT waved him on and mouthed, "Tell you later."

Once he was sure they were alone, Carter lifted his head and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm just…my heart's fuckin' broken." He slid the heels of his skates forward so his legs were straight out in front of him and threw his hands up. "Ten months down the drain, for some fuckin' guy she met at a concert and banged in a porta potty. I was good to her, Red. I didn't fuck around on her once. Not once. And believe me, it's not because I didn't have the chance."

JT sighed. "I understand broken hearts. If there's one thing I understand, it's broken hearts. I'm sorry you're going through this, man. What can I do to help?"

"Can you rewind time?" he asked sadly.

"Bro," JT said, then shook his head. "I wish. I…fucking wish."

"You said you understand broken hearts. You've been cheated on?"

"Nah, nothing like that. Both my parents were dead by the time I was 15, though."

Carter gasped. "Seriously? I had no idea, Red. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah. It kinda sucks."

They sat quietly together for a few moments when JT heard Carter start to cry again. He returned a hand to his thigh and squeezed. "Let it out, man. Just get it all out. But it will be OK. I promise."

"I swear, I wanna…fuckin' end it all. Just make the pain stop."

"Carter, no. Don't talk like that. That's a very permanent solution to a temporary problem, my guy. You cannot talk like that. You know how many people would miss you? Your family, all your friends." JT motioned down the tunnel toward the locker room. "There's at least 20 in there, plus me. Besides, you and me? We're gonna be unstoppable together next year when I'm actually playing in games. I need you."

"I fuckin' loved her, man. I still do. It hurts so bad. I feel like it's never gonna get any better, you know? Like, I don't wanna die , I just want the pain to stop."

"I've…been there." JT debated oversharing, but ultimately decided that this was a moment where it was necessary. "So, I haven't really told anyone this before, not even Nerd. But, right after my mom died, when I was 16? I…tried."

"Really?"

JT nodded. "Really. I fucking watched her body get eaten alive by cancer and held her hand when she stopped breathing. I…couldn't take the pain anymore, man. Drank half a liter of vodka and wrapped a belt around my neck. The, uh, closet rod ripped right out of the wall just as I'd started to slip away. Didn't make any sense either, because that shit was bolted into the studs. There was no reason it should've broken, but…it did. And I'm so fucking glad it did because now I'm here talking to you."

"I'm glad it did, too." JT wrapped an arm around his teammate, who then dropped his head onto his shoulder.

JT turned his face and kissed the top of Carter's sweaty head. "Everything passes, OK? This is gonna pass. I know it blows right now, but I promise you it's gonna pass. And, believe me, when the universe takes people out of your life, people you thought you couldn't live without, it'll give you new ones to focus your energy on." He thought about Ryker and Audrey. "And they'll remind you why you're still here."

"I love you, Red," Carter told him, standing up and extending a hand to help JT to his feet, then pulled him in for a hug. "You're one of the smartest dudes I've ever met. Seriously, you're living proof that grades don't mean shit. You're smart in so many other ways, so many more important ways. This helped. Thank you."

JT smiled. "Anyway, what are you doing now? You wanna hang out with me and Nerd? It…I mean, it'll most likely end with you drooling on yourself while he rattles on about dark matter and shit. But, if you're high enough, it's kinda interesting sometimes." JT shrugged. "We'd love to have you if you, like, don't wanna be alone."

"I appreciate that, Red. Nah, I'm heading over to the house with some of the guys. I fully intend to run through sorority chicks like Drano, make up for lost time."

"Well, there you go. Come on." JT placed a hand around his back and the two headed into the locker room.

"Thanks again, Red. You're as real as they come," Carter said, fist bumping him before moving to his stall, where D'Angelo and Macklin quickly joined him, throwing their arms around him for a group hug.

JT smiled, then began pulling off his gear, and within seconds, Ryker made his way over. "Is Carter OK?"

"Yeah. Breakup. His girl cheated."

"Shit."

"Yep. It's all good. He's about to go make some terrible decisions at the frat house. Speaking of terrible decisions: were you serious earlier, about me punching your v-card tonight?"

Ryker blushed, stealing a quick glance at JT and then staring at the floor. "Fuck yeah, I was."

"Good," JT said, resting a hand on his shoulder and leaning into his ear. "Because I put my butt plug in before we left the dorm, and I cannot wait to have your big cock in my ass."

Ryker released a small noise, JT pulling away and continuing to undress. "Um, Banner?" he asked, breathing heavily.

"Yeah, Nerd?"

"What…the hell is a butt plug?"

JT cackled, which, after having managed to keep their conversation private, turned a few heads in their direction. "Ryker McCreery," he said, shaking his head. "There is so much for you to learn, baby."