This Isn’t Some Weird Porn Thing, I Swear （13）

Fuck , JT thought as he entered the arena and was immediately met with a few members of the social media team holding a stupid sign with an even stupider question on it and shoving a phone in his face to catch his reaction.

The sign read, "What do you put on your hot dog? " to which JT smirked, stared dead into the camera, and replied, "I, uh, just put some mayo all over one the other night. One of those real thick, all-beef suckers, you know?" before winking and heading toward the locker room.

"Mayo? Eww," he heard one of the girls say to the other one as he walked away.

"Redshirt!" D'Angelo yelled, before he finished strapping on his chest pads and made his way toward JT. "So, listen, I want you to lead some puck movement drills with the D today. We're gonna need it this weekend against LIU. Been studying the videos all morning and their forechecking is top tier. Can you do that for me?" he asked, his fist extended for a bump. JT bumped him, then winced, having momentarily forgotten about the pain. "Uh oh, Red. What's wrong?"

"It's…nothing. I, uh, I just…"

"What happened?" Ryker asked, immediately appearing alongside JT from out of nowhere. "Here, lemme see."

JT offered his hand to his roommate, struggling to extend his fingers as both Ryker and D'Angelo examined it. "It's…fine."

"Doesn't look fine. C'mon, you need to let Trevino take a look at this." D'Angelo reached a hand to his arm, but Ryker interrupted.

"I'll take him. Go out with the rest of the team. I'll be out in a few."

"Alright, see you out there, then," he said, turning and heading back over to his stall to finish dressing for practice.

Ryker waited until the captain was out of earshot. "What happened, baby?" he asked quietly, holding JT's swollen hand on one of his and running his fingertips lightly across the top of it with the other.

Baby.

The absolute butterflies that one word instantly caused JT to feel every. Single. Time.

"Audrey and I…I was a dick, she threw me out, and I lost my temper."

Ryker nodded slowly. "Is she OK?"

JT rolled his eyes and pulled his hand away. "I wouldn't hurt her, Nerd. Ever."

"I know that. I'm just asking if she's OK, or if, like, she's upset."

"Don't know. I haven't talked to her."

"Are you OK?"

JT shrugged. "I went and saw Dr. Namour right after, talked through some shit with him. I guess I'll be alright."

"Good," Ryker said, as he put a hand on JT's upper back. "Come on, let's let Trevino take a look. Hopefully you just bruised it."

The two made their way to the athletic training room, with Ryker's hand remaining on JT's back for most of the walk. He removed it as they approached the door. Before entering, JT turned toward his teammate. "Hey, um, can we talk later?"

Ryker scanned all directions before leaning in and planting a kiss on JT's lips, letting his own linger there briefly before pulling away. "Don't we always?"

JT smiled. "Yeah, and it usually ends with my dick in your mouth."

"So, what's wrong with that?"

His smile fading, JT placed a hand on Ryker's shoulder and dragged it down the front of his body, tugged his jersey lightly at his stomach, then pulled it away. "Listen, there's…something I think we need to talk about, OK?"

Ryker's expression became serious. "Is everything…I mean, are we good, Banner?"

"It's nothing like that, alright?" JT assured him. "There's just something I kinda wanted to…fuck, I'm not good at this shit," JT huffed, raking his good hand through his hair.

"Hey," Ryker said softly, running a hand across JT's cheek. "Don't get upset. We'll talk later, about whatever you want. You know I'm here for you, baby…"

Both of them jumped, startled, as the door to the athletic training room opened suddenly and Kirk Trevino, the team athletic trainer, was standing right there. "Shit!" he exclaimed, holding his chest. "You guys scared me. What's up?"

JT held up his hand, pressed his lips together, and widened his eyes as Trevino grabbed his wrist and examined him, wincing as he touched the joints and moved his fingers back and forth slightly.

"Fantastic, DiMara. Yeah, you're gonna need to go get an x-ray. I don't think it's broken, most likely just bruised, but better to play it safe. I'm gonna send you over to MedExpress. What the hell happened?"

"Lost a fight with a wall."

"Smart."

JT nodded. "You know me."

"Alright, better head over there now, just in case it is broken, so they can splint it up or buddy tape it."

Trevino left the training room toward the locker room, JT and Ryker hanging back for a minute. "Wanna skip the team dinner tonight so we can talk?" Ryker asked, grabbing JT's good hand. "The team leaves for New York tomorrow morning."

JT nodded.

"Cool. I should be outta here around 7:45 or so. I'll just meet you back at the room. I'll pick up something to eat, whatever you want."

JT nodded again.

"You sure we're OK, Banner?" Ryker squeezed JT's hand, with JT returning the gesture. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't do anything. There's just something I think we should talk about, that's all. I've been avoiding it, but it's…"

"Does it have to do with you and Audrey?" he asked quietly, letting go of JT's hand and looking down at the floor between them.

"Sorta." JT noticed tears starting to form in his roommate's eyes. "Don't…it's not what you think, OK?"

"I'm sorry I can't…you know? I'm trying, but I'm…I'm not ready yet."

"Ryker," JT said sternly, taking him by surprise, as JT rarely used his real name. "Stop it. I don't fucking care about any of that shit, OK? I know this is all new to you…"

"McCreery! Let's fuckin' go, kid!" Coach Emerick's voice echoed down the hallway as Ryker wiped his eyes. "We don't have all night here and your squad's waiting."

"I gotta go. Good luck. I'll see you in a little while."

With that, both of them made their way back toward the locker room. Ryker headed out onto the ice for practice, and JT grabbed his things from his stall and pulled up the Uber app since the urgent care was about an hour walk from Pegula.

As he hit the button to book the ride, he got a notification on his home screen that Audrey had texted him, so he opened the text chain.

A: I'm not saying I overreacted today with you, but it's possible I overreacted today with you.

JT smirked, then responded.

J: You can just tell me you miss my cock. You don't have to fake an apology.

A: OMG, you're an asshole.

J: Maybe. You know you love me tho.

Shit.

Too much.

He followed it up quickly with another message.

J: Anyway, it's fine.

A: Why aren't you at practice? Have anything to do with the hole you punched outside my apartment?

J: You're both beautiful and smart. Don't worry, I talked to your office. They're billing me for the damage.

A: Jacob, can I come over? I wanna see you.

Instant butterflies.

But also: Ryker.

J: Raincheck? I kinda made plans to hang out with Nerd.

A: Good, because I think the three of us should probably talk.

Shit.

J: I think you're right. Come by around 8ish. On my way to get an x-ray now.

A: OK. I'll be there.

JT sighed.

Welp, guess this is happening sooner than I thought.

???

"So."

JT sat on the floor, leaning against the fridge. He looked up at Audrey, who was lying on her side in his bed, then at Ryker, who was lying on his back in his own bed.

"So," they both responded in unison.

"I wanted to talk to both of you about…something," he began nervously, fidgeting with his hoodie pocket and continuously switching his gaze between the two of them.

"OK," Audrey replied. "Go for it, then. Because honestly, this awkward silence for the last half hour has been maddening."

"Agreed," Ryker added, repeatedly tossing a stress ball into the air and catching it.

JT's mind replayed the events from earlier: Ryker had returned to the room after practice, bumbling through the door as he juggled his backpack, the sushi he'd picked up for them, a package he'd gotten from the front desk, and a half-dozen blue and white roses. JT had gotten up to help him. "I, uh, wasn't sure what to get you for smashed knuckles. But I figured maybe Penn State-themed flowers would be appropriate? Also, it's the only thing they had at Sheetz."

JT smiled, taking them from Ryker and setting them down on his desk. "They're perfect," he'd told his roommate, leaning in and planting a quick kiss on his cheek. "Did you know that six roses is a subtle expression that you, like, wanna take a relationship to the next level?"

"I…did not know that. But, I can't say I'm surprised you do," Ryker had teased, blushing, as he'd begun unpacking the contents of the bag on the other desk. "Anyway, I, um, wasn't sure what you wanted, so I ordered you a little bit of everything, all your favorites. I figured if you…"

JT had interrupted him by wrapping his arms around the back of his neck, Ryker abandoning the food to return the gesture, which ended with their noses touching. "Hey, " JT had whispered. " I love you."

Ryker had immediately frozen, and they'd both stood there like statues until the 18-year-old had murmured, "It's…just fish."

JT had pulled away, sighed, and shaken his head. "I'm sorry if that's weird. But I feel it. Hard. And I'm sorry."

Ryker had reached out and placed a hand on JT's arm. "Don't be. I have…no idea what I'm even doing anymore, OK? But I love you, too. JT, you're the only fucking thing on my mind from the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep." Ryker had moved his hand up to JT's cheek, turning it slightly so their eyes met. "Do you maybe have that going on, too, with me?"

Just as Ryker had finished that question, there was a knock at the door, which they'd both turned to look at.

"That's…kinda what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Right," Ryker had said softly, reaching for the flowers and grabbing a nearby Gatorade sport bottle. "These probably need water."

Snapped back to the present by the sound of Audrey dramatically clearing her throat, JT sat up tall, clapped twice, and clasped his hands in front of his face. "OK, I don't know, like, what the fuck I'm doing here, at all, so I'm just gonna go for it. I like both of you. A lot. Obviously, there's a sexual piece, but, like, it transcribes…I mean…" JT thought for a second, then corrected himself. " Transcends that. Ryker, I'm in love with you. I just told you that and I meant it. You're the first guy I've ever been able to see myself in a relationship with, and I guess that's what we have. Even if you're not ready to be out yet, it doesn't matter to me. I'll give you whatever space you need, and I'll wait fucking forever if that's what it takes."

He looked at Ryker, who'd stopped tossing the ball and was wiping his eyes. "I'm in love with you, too."

"But there's also Aud. And Aud," JT began, looking over at her and noticing she was also wiping her eyes. "You get me. You see me, in ways no one else ever has. My entire life, all the people who've been in and out of it, teachers, coaches, my dead parents, Ryan and Ty, and you're the first person to figure out that I can barely fucking read. Seriously, people who spent years with me, who should've seen it, and it took you less than two months. You give a shit about me, the real me, and I feel like I can be that me in front of you, unapologetically."

"You absolutely can. So, what are you saying, JT?" she asked, sitting up. "What is it you want?"

"Both of you," he replied immediately, scanning between them. "I want both of you. It's like my breathing, the 4-7-8 breathing that I do? Aud, you're the 4. You get me calm, you get me to relax, force me to see myself as I really am. And Nerd, you're the 8. You keep me grounded, keep me relaxed, assure me that the way I really am is enough. Don't you see? The 7 doesn't work without the 4 and the 8. At that point, without both of you, I'm just…holding my breath."

He stood up, needing to move around, and began pacing. "I know this is a lot to ask, and I completely understand if you're not, like, down with it. But I can't pretend that this isn't how I feel anymore. I am falling the fuck apart because I love both of you so much I can't even concentrate." He stopped talking and looked at each of them, who were looking at each other. "What are you guys thinking right now?"

Ryker closed his eyes, then sat up on his bed as well. "I'm not out yet, JT. You and Aud are literally the only two who know that I'm..."

"I know that," JT said, rushing over to him, getting onto his knees in front of him and grabbing Ryker's hand with his good one. "And I'd never pressure you to come out. We can keep this on the down low for as long as we have to, you know that. I just…I can't keep it on the down low from her , because I," he turned in her direction, "love her, too."

"I'm too old for you, Jacob. We both know that."

"No, we don't both know that," he shot back, letting go of Ryker's hand and moving over to grab hers. "We have a connection, Audrey. A real one. I know you feel it. There's something there that, like, probably shouldn't be there, but it is. And I don't wanna ignore it anymore."

Audrey exhaled, shaking her head slightly. "Ryker, what do you think about all this?"

He shrugged, his eyes meeting hers. "Do you love him?"

"Yes."

JT's eyes bulged as a huge smile crept across his face. "Yeah?" He rose onto his knees, reached up to her shoulders, and pulled her down for a quick kiss.

"Yeah, fine. I love you, College Boy. Alright?" she said, pushing him gently back down to the floor. "But, JT, I don't think you fully understand what this means, what you're asking."

"Of course I fucking don't!" he shouted, throwing his hands up. "I've never loved anyone before, and I damn sure didn't think I…" He paused, swallowing. "I damn sure didn't think I was worthy of being loved. And somehow, I ended up being lucky enough to, like, have the two most beautiful people in the entire world decide that I am. That's fucking huge."

"You're young, JT," she warned. "You're only 20 years old..."

"Twenty-one in two months," he interrupted.

"OK, and? Ryker, you're…how old are you?"

"I'm, uh, 18," he responded quietly. "And a virgin. Also, I don't know why I just said that last part out loud."

JT's head whipped in Ryker's direction, and he stared at him, wide-eyed, blinking a few times. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Um, we will definitely be revisiting that little info nugget later," JT teased, his cock thickening at the mere thought of being Ryker McCreery's first fuck.

Holy shit.

Audrey waved her hands and shook her head. "OK, seriously? Enough. You guys are babies. What you need is to study, focus on playing hockey, getting your contracts, and all that other bullshit. What you don't need is to get caught up in some crazy-ass, weird love triangle on top of it all…"

"So, actually," JT cut in, "it's not a triangle at all. It's more of, like, a V."

"A what? " she asked, annoyed.

"I was…Dr. Namour gave me some resources to check out about poly relationships, and I had some time in the urgent care while waiting for my x-ray. So, I listened to some of the websites because I…retain information better when I hear it," he pointed at her and winked. "This would be what's called a vee poly relationship, like the letter V. Think of me," he said, drawing a V in the air with his fingers, "as the middle point, and you guys would be, like, the arms. That is, assuming neither of you wanna date each other. Which, I'm not gonna lie…that'd be kinda fucking hot. But anyway." He shrugged, then looked at each of them, who both sat there with their mouths agape. "What? What'd I do?"

"I…no, JT. I don't wanna date Ryker. No offense, Ryk."

"None taken," he quickly replied, rubbing his hands across both of his cheeks. "Pretty positive I'm gay, anyway. So, I mean, there's that."

"Listen, this isn't some weird porn thing, I swear," JT pleaded, standing up again. "I love you, both of you. We can talk about it, we can set boundaries, whatever you want. And it doesn't have to happen right now. I just thought it was important to let you both know how I'm feeling because, like, the last thing I wanna do is hurt either one of you."

The room stayed silent for a few minutes, with Audrey finally getting up from the bed and grabbing her purse and hoodie. "I'm gonna run. My ride's almost here. I have an early class tomorrow morning, then therapy."

"I'll walk you out," JT said, getting up from the floor.

She turned toward Ryker. "I'm willing to give this a shot if you are. There's…a lot more to be discussed, but I know how much you love him, Ryk, and I know how much he loves you, too."

Ryker nodded. "Do you, um, wanna take some sushi? I ordered way too much, and it's just gonna stink up the room."

Audrey smiled. "No, thanks. Good luck this weekend. I'll see you soon."

JT followed her out the door. He closed it behind them so they could talk in the hallway, even though it was filled with muffled music and drunken shouts. He placed his hands on both her hips and dipped his head forward, resting it on top of hers. "Let me take you out tomorrow night. Anywhere you wanna go, as long as it's not a bar or I'll have to wait outside. I mean, I know we can't do dinner yet…"

"We'll be able to soon," she told him, running her fingers up the sides of his ribcage. "That's the next piece I'm working on with my therapist, getting to a point where I can eat in front of others again. I think I'm…almost there."

"Get it, Redshirt! Woooo!" one of his floormates screamed, scaring the shit out of both of them as he passed by and slapped JT's ass.

"Fucking moron," JT laughed, then wrapped Audrey in his arms. "Well, I cannot wait until I can take you out for the most idiotically expensive dinner. No limits. If I have to buy plane tickets to fly us there, I'll do it. But I'm so proud of the progress you're making with this. You know that, right? You're kicking its ass, Aud."

She nodded against his chest, then pulled away. "Well, I have you to thank for a lot of it. I mean, despite all that we talked about tonight with Ryker, you…make me feel like I'm good enough."

"Because you are," he said, grabbing her hand.

"JT, I can't give you what he can."

"I don't need you to. The only thing I need you to give me is what you can, OK? That will always be enough."

"But here's the thing: I know you're in love with him. And JT, I said I loved you, and I do . You're amazing. But I'm not… in love with you. I'm just not there yet."

"Well," he responded quietly, trying his best to hide his disappointment, "then like I said, give me what you can, OK? It's enough, Aud. I just want you in my life. Maybe that piece comes later for us, you know?"

"Yeah, maybe. I gotta go. Swing by around seven tomorrow night. I'll plan something for us." She kissed him on the cheek, then began walking away, holding onto his hand until the last possible second. "Bye."

"Bye."

JT opened the door, closing it and locking it behind him, where he found Ryker standing at his bed packing for his road trip. He approached him, ran his good hand up his back, and stopped on his shoulder. Ryker placed his hand on top of JT's and squeezed. "Hell of a day, huh, Banner?"

"Yep," JT agreed, leaning down and kissing the top of his roommate's hand. "So, Nerd. Were you serious?"

"About what?"

"About being a virgin."

Ryker turned around to face his teammate and nodded.

"How…I mean, like, is it for religious reasons, or…?"

Snickering, Ryker shook his head. "It is definitely not for religious reasons. For one, I've always been sorta shy around girls, though lately it's becoming a little more obvious as to why. And, also, um, girls don't typically react to an uncut dick like it's Christmas morning the way you did, baby. It's…kinda made me a little self-conscious."

"Well, clearly I'm obsessed with it. And I'm not gonna lie, Nerd." JT took Ryker's hand and shoved it toward his hard-on. "The thought of popping your cherry has me turned the fuck on."

"Does it? Because I think," he said, rubbing JT through his joggers, "I've finally got the hang of the whole blowjob thing."

"Oh, you definitely do," JT moaned, closing his eyes and biting his bottom lip as Ryker worked his cock.

"Good to know. Maybe you can teach me how to fuck next."