19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Darren

So maybe I was more cowardly than I'd initially believed. I hadn't come out after Christmas. Thank fuck I hadn't told Christian about my plans, and I appreciated Dillon and Cade not nagging me.

But I finally got the balls before school ended, giving the students the summer to percolate with the idea that I was with a guy—not any guy, but Christian, the most gorgeous of all guys.

I wasn't sure what held me back because rumors had been spreading about us since we spent so much time together, anyway.

After I'd picked him up in my truck at his house, I drove us to school and parked the car in the lot. When I turned off the ignition, I turned to face him.

"Have I told you how gorgeous you are?"

His smile was crooked. "Every day."

"Clearly not enough, then. "

He snorted a laugh and rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hide, turning all mushy with pinked cheeks. I loved to make him starry-eyed. It was my drug of choice.

Christian especially looked stunning with the makeup around his eyes that matched his hair. He wore the pretty blouse his dad had gotten him this past Christmas. But instead of wearing delicate jewelry, he chose a thick chain to go around his throat, small but thick silver hoops in his ears, and black jeans, which he paired with black boots. The look was part dainty and part punk. He was amazing at contrasting his looks, and it all worked.

Today, he wore his hair up in a messy bun, with his waves spilling down intentionally haphazardly.

"Don't move."

Christian raised a brow. "Okay."

I got out of the truck and rushed over to the other side to open his door.

He jumped down, and I closed the door.

"What's that about?"

I never opened his door unless we were out on a date, so I understood his confusion.

I held out my hand, and Christian stared at it.

"Chris, take my hand."

"What's going on, Dare?"

"Everything is about to change, so take a deep breath with me, take my hand, and we're going to go into the school as boyfriends."

His jaw dropped to the ground, and he shook his head.

"No. I'm not going to let you ruin your goals."

" I get to decide that, and I choose you."

He looked at my hand again, still reaching out to him, then he glanced back up at me. "Dare, you can have both."

"I plan to, but you're worth the risk, baby."

"Are you sure? "

"Positive."

"What brought this on suddenly?"

I scoffed, but it was mostly at myself. "There's nothing sudden about it. It's been on my mind for a while, but I'm just now gettin' the balls."

He still wasn't reaching for my hand. Dammit, this wasn't going according to plan at all.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I wanted to surprise you. What's wrong?"

Christian took a deep breath and exhaled a smile. "Nothing. I was just caught off guard."

"Are you with me?"

He reached for my hand, now smiling. "I'm always with you."

We threaded our fingers and made our way into the school. Not gonna lie. My stomach was nearly nauseous. I wasn't scared of what the kids would do to me, because they wouldn't do shit, and though I could get ostracized from the football team, I was willing to risk it all for him.

Christian grabbed my hand tighter and pressed up against me as if I was his shield.

Maybe I should've asked him about this first because he didn't seem as excited about it as I'd expected. I'd intended it to be some grand gesture, but it was easier for me to deal with the hate.

"We can stop this now if you're uncomfortable," I said before we walked any further.

"No. I need to get used to being out in the open. If I can openly be gay, I can be openly gay with you."

I looked down at him to make sure he wasn't placating me, but he had only determination in his pretty, coppery eyes.

While he didn't leave my side, we walked on. Some students were busy chatting, rummaging through their lockers, or heading to class, but others stopped and stared .

I was very well aware that Christian and I made an odd-looking pair. I was the huge country boy who played football, and Christian was the smaller, more feminine, gay city boy.

Unsurprisingly, David, Angus, and Darcy, lingering by their lockers, were the first to say something.

David stood in front of me, blocking my path with a sneer. "I knew you were a—"

"If you fucking say it, I'm going to have to beat you so hard you won't have a jaw left and you'll never talk again." Now standing at six-foot-three, towering over all of them, I said, "I'm going to tell you this once, and that will be the end of it. I'm bisexual and always have been. Christian is mine and always has been. You'll leave me alone, and you'll leave him alone, or there will be fucking hell to pay."

I stood closer to David, looking down at him, then at Angus and Darcy. Angus didn't seem to give a shit either way. Sometimes, I wondered if he had psychopathic tendencies. But David's eyes flashed in fear, and Darcy was wary, but she wore a smirk to hide her fear. I wouldn't ever hit a girl, but there were other ways to make someone's life miserable.

I fisted David's shirt with my free hand. "Is that understood? I don't give a fuck what you say about us. I'm not going to stop you, but you won't say shit to our faces, especially his. And if I hear you've been making Christian's life hell, I don't care what I have to do, but you'll regret it… painfully."

I stared at the growing crowd. "That goes for fucking everyone!"

My heart raced, and sweat sprinkled on my back, but I refused to let anyone see any sort of weakness from me. Meanwhile, Christian's clammy hands squeezed mine, and he pressed his body tightly against mine as if to climb inside me to hide.

Ignoring the talking in the halls, I moved on with Christian by my side and walked him to class. When we reached it, I further proved my point that we were together by lifting his chin and bending down to kiss him in front of everyone .

His lips tasted like strawberries today, the sweetness washing away my tension.

I ignored the gagging sounds and other comments. As long as there weren't slurs, I wouldn't threaten them with bodily harm.

"I'll see you at lunch," I said.

Christian nodded and looked at me, so adorably shy.

I opened my locker when I reached it, pulled out my advanced chemistry textbook, and shoved it into my backpack. As soon as I slammed the door closed, I found Dean, leaning against the other lockers, scanning me, unsmiling. He'd grown nearly as big as me, but he was even broader. His dark brown hair was parted in the middle, longer on top, and fell in natural waves around his face.

"Is it true?" he asked.

"Is what true?"

I rummaged in my backpack, making sure I had enough pencils and pens.

"You know what the fuck I'm talkin' about."

Here we go .

"Word sure does spread like wildfire around here."

"The bully, who turned nice guy, and then turned queer. That's quite a story to spread."

"I'm no fucking nice guy."

People around here needed to realize that just because I'd changed didn't make me a damn pushover or a doormat.

"You could've told me, you know."

"We best friends now?"

"We could be if you would let me, but you hide yourself away with our quarterback and his boyfriend. That's why you all hide, right?"

My body tensed and my fists tightened. "What'd you just say?"

Dean raised his hands. "Fucking chill. I'm not here to be a homophobic ass. I'm here to tell you I'm an ally and a friend, if you'll let me. "

I unclenched my body only slightly. "No one knew about me and Christian until now. I haven't told anyone, and while I appreciate the… support, I don't know you well enough to figure out if you're like the others."

"Again, because you don't let anyone in. I'm here telling you now that I'm on your side. When football starts up in the fall, I'll have your back. Dillon's, too."

My body finally relaxed, and I took a deep breath, choosing to trust Dean. I held out my hand, and we shook on it. "Thanks. I appreciate it, man. I'll need all the support I can get because our team isn't going to like it."

"They can get over it. We need you. We need Dillon, too."

"No one can know about Dillon. He's not out and won't ever be, at least not in high school."

"Their secret is safe."

I nodded. God, should I tell Dillon about Dean? Probably. Dillon was going to freak out. Cade, too.

"Thanks, man."

"I've been tryin' to friend you for a while now."

"Yeah, I've… got some walls to deal with."

Dean gripped my shoulder and walked off to class.

The rest of the day had been full of gossip. Where once students avoided me like the plague, most now just stared and talked behind notebooks over their mouths, staring. I needed to suck it up. If I were going to be open, people would fucking stare or talk about us. It wasn't right, but it was life. And I had to remind myself there were many, like Dean, who didn't give a shit.

Things had been perfect between Christian and me—so perfect that I wanted to introduce him to my mom as well. But that also meant I needed to deal with my dad. I didn't want to subject Christian to him, so I invited my mom somewhere so the two could meet. I would deal with my dad later.

Summer break had just started, and Mom and I had the day off from work. Dad was at the farm all day, so I walked into the kitchen, where she was washing the dishes.

Our relationship was still tentative at best, but she was opening up to me more.

"Mom?"

"Hi, love."

I smiled at that. She'd never called me that before.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Of course."

She wiped her hands on the dish towel and sat at the kitchen table.

With Dad not using her as a punching bag anymore, I swore she looked… brighter. Younger. It hadn't changed her behavior around him. She was still afraid. But something was different, at least. Something had changed in her for the better.

"So, as you know, I've been seeing someone."

"Yes… Chris, right?"

"Yeah, about that. Chris is a Christian, not a Christina."

She furrowed her brows, processing my words.

"I'm dating a boy."

"I-I don't understand."

"What's there to understand? He's gay, I'm bisexual. I love him. That's all you need to understand."

"B-but how? I mean… Oh god, your dad… He's going…"

She started to fidget, then abruptly stood and wiped down the counters, stress-cleaning. Maybe I dumped too much on her. She was right that Dad would be furious about this. Maybe making her keep this little secret behind his back would be too hard on her, but I really wanted her to meet him.

"Church isn't going to like this, either."

"Fuck the church. Your church is full of assholes. There are other churches out there that are more accepting." I took a breath to calm my tone. Sometimes, I needed to remember to stop treading over everyone when I was frustrated. "The church and Dad don't have to know. I want you to know because I want you to meet the most special person in the world to me."

When she wouldn't stop scrubbing, I stood and grabbed her tense shoulders to stop her. She looked up at me with large, afraid eyes. "It's going to be okay, Mom. No one is going to hurt you ever again. Can you please trust me?"

Her eyes watered, and her lip trembled. I wasn't sure if it was from emotions or fear. One day, I was going to take her out of this fucking house. I just needed the money to make it big.

For the first time since I could remember, I pulled her into a hug. "This is my life. I'm not going to live in fear anymore. I also protect those who are in it, which includes you."

She was stiff before she finally gave in and relaxed, wrapping her arms around me. Mom probably hadn't been hugged in a long time, either.

"But if you're too afraid to meet Christian and keep this secret between us, then… that's okay, too."

When she looked up at me, her eyes were rimmed red with unshed tears. "No, I'd… like to meet the boy you love. I… don't believe the same things as your father does. But if he learns the…"

He'd probably fucking kill us. "I suspected as much. We're going to have lunch with Christian tomorrow. Is that okay?"

"Yes, okay."

"Yes, it will all be okay." I kissed her head and walked back to my bedroom.

The next day, I drove Mom and me to Middleburg, a quaint colonial town that perfectly maintained its old charm with cute shops and restaurants. It was a lot like Waterford, the small town close to Dillon, but bigger. I wanted Mom comfortable and not worried we'd run into anyone we knew, though it wasn't too far away.

I had Christian and his mom meet us at the little café that sold sandwiches and salads. I'd hoped Tally being there would help Mom relax a bit. She was very aware of what was going on with Mom and the asshole that my dad was. It took a lot to confess to them, not just because it was hard, but I didn't want Christian's family to get involved. Mom needed help, but I also couldn't afford to get her out of there. Not yet, anyway. My threats alone would have to do to keep him away from her. Still, too many times, Tally wanted to get involved, but I told her I was handling it and begged her not to call the police. It would only make things worse for Mom. For now, Dad was under control.

When we walked in, Christian and Tally were already there, sitting at a table, waving us over.

His mom stood and hugged me, then she introduced herself to my mom.

"Hi, I'm Tally," she said, holding out her hand.

Mom took it and gently shook her hand. "Alice."

"It's so nice to meet you, Alice."

Christian also held out his hand to her. "I'm Christian. I'm so happy to meet you finally."

"Hello. Oh, aren't you… You're so lovely."

He smiled and blushed. "Thank you."

Tally did most of the talking as we ate our lunch, chatting about work, living in the country after city life, and how different it is. She gushed about Christian, of course.

Mom didn't talk much, but she listened a lot, responding to questions and being shy. The most important thing was that she looked like she was actually enjoying herself, and she liked Christian. And for a moment, I felt almost normal—that my parents weren't messed up, and that I had a happy childhood. It was a start.