21

Everything hurt and I was numb at the same time.

People talked and I didn’t register it.

Food was put in my hands and I only ate from muscle memory.

The tears fell the whole time and nothing was comforting.

Julian finally reached through my magic and gave me a little shake. I blinked and realized he was in front of me with worry thick in his eyes.

“It’s time. They need you to put the magic on them to preserve them for the viewings and crypt,” he said gently. “Iolas and Taeral took care of your da and Shale and Talila your mum. They’re with them now and won’t leave them alone, okay?”

I nodded but then felt selfish. “They need to sleep and eat too. They can’t live with them until they’re sealed up.”

“We’ll figure it out, agra ,” Darby assured me. “I was going to sit with them a bit and my detail will be with me. That’s enough.”

As long as he had my magic on him so no one could do anything to him. I nodded, easily putting every protection possible on him. Actually, I did it to all of them and it was like breathing.

Shit, I really was powerful now.

I went and did what I had to, watching as they moved my parents from the preparation area to the throne room. “Am I a horrible daughter that I’m grieving for him and not her?”

“No,” several people said firmly.

“I’m grieving him only too really,” Izzy said quietly. “I didn’t know Queen Meira.” She cleared her throat and squeezed my hand. “Besides, all of the light realm is mourning her and has been. We were the lucky few who truly knew Lageos.”

I nodded, surprised she was even there, but then… No, I wasn’t. Izzy was already around.

Had she been this morning and I’d missed it? Probably.

She’d forgive me.

Once they were laid out on the viewing altars, I went and knelt next to him. For a week, they would be outside for people to say goodbye to like a human wake. During the day at least. At night they would be inside the castle in the throne room where only family and those allowed in the castle could visit them.

I lowered my head against the stone and cried until someone carried me off. Lucca. I was pretty sure it was Lucca.

They made me eat, but the moment I had enough energy, I went right back to stay with my dad. It hurt worse each time I left him… Like it was sinking in that he was really gone.

“I had so much left to say,” I choked out when Julian tried to bring me back to our suite.

“You always would have, Tams,” he rasped. “No matter how much time you had—I still feel that way about my da too. I’m older and have more to say. There is never enough time no matter how much you had.” He cupped my cheek. “But we need you to stay with us, not go with him, okay? Please.”

I nodded and let him carry me off.

But I snuck out later. Onas was sitting with them reading, a few others were there sitting peacefully or snoozing. It meant a lot to me that people heard me that I was worried.

Even if my parents were protected magically.

“I couldn’t leave my parents either when they died,” Onas whispered when he saw me. “Most of us know that pain well.”

I sniffled loudly and nodded. “How did they die?”

“In war,” he said sadly. “Many wars ago.” He cleared his throat as if unsure of what he wanted to say next. He waited until I nodded for him to go ahead. “My mother went first. She was a healer and was bold, died because of it. My father faded as yours did. Only he did over a hundred years, and it broke my soul to watch. I had such dark thoughts because of it.”

He wanted to end his dad’s suffering so he could be with his mate. Yeah, that had to hurt.

“Thank you, Onas,” I whispered. “I’m sorry you know this pain.” He was blurry when I looked at him. “How long until I feel like I’m not dying too?”

He reached out and ran his hand over my hair. “I hope not as long as it took me. You have more support and love in your life than I ever have. They won’t let you suffer and fall into darkness. You’ll be okay, Your Majesty.”

I nodded, thanking him again before kneeling next to my dad.

That was all I wanted to do. I stood outside like I was dead too, watching people cry and pray over my parents—mostly my mother. One of my guys would crack and carry me off to refuel or hydrate while the others stayed and acted in my place.

“She’s not eating enough,” Neldor whispered after the third day. “This is getting dangerous, especially with her new power level. She’s like a zombie.”

“That’s normal,” Julian sighed. “It is, Neldor. Others who have lost parents and family are saying it as well. You had traumatic—sometimes I don’t think you have grieved losing your da because of how it happened. Your mum is—she’s doing okay. We just keep watching her and helping.”

But he was scared too. I could hear it.

“I want the burritos I ate with my dad,” I heard myself say. “He’d get a kick out of that. Us sitting around here eating those huge burritos he loved.”

“I know the place,” Izzy promised, coming over and kissing my hair. “Yeah, he’d love that. He’s probably up in Paradise bitching that he doesn’t get one too.”

I snorted. That sounded like my dad for sure.

When they came, I forced it into my mouth. Then the next one. I put away five before I couldn’t make myself eat anymore.

It was the fourth day when I was kneeling and praying before they brought my parents outside that something happened. I felt the jolt and received the vision. It took me a minute to shake off the shock of it, and I sat back on my feet as my body settled with it.

Then I burst out laughing. I covered my face and laughed.

“Tams? Come on, shorty, you’re scaring me and River,” Hudson whimpered as he shook me.

I nodded and hugged his arm to try and signal that I was okay. He wrapped himself around me and kissed my hair. I lifted my head to see the others there and just as worried. “He bugged his dad or family until they caved and sent me a message. They made it to Paradise.”

Neldor reacted first, bursting out laughing—completely unable to control his reaction.

“About damn time, Lageos,” Darby chuckled, shaking his head as he moved closer to me. “I expected it sooner.”

“Me too,” a few other people said, shocking me.

It took a bit for us to all calm down, and I put a healing rune on myself before elaborating. “The visions aren’t supposed to be for selfish messages, but he pestered someone until they caved. It wasn’t his dad. It felt like an aunt or uncle who just couldn’t watch their niece or nephew upset.”

“That’s perfect,” Julian chuckled. “And he doesn’t want you to keep being so sad.”

I nodded. “He said no more kneeling here shriveling up or he’ll figure some way to zap you guys for not taking better care of me. Also, he set up the queue, so no more group visions to hurt me.” Another chuckle slipped out. “And apparently, Mom promises they won’t watch us in our suite. She won’t let him be nosy, and they’re going to enjoy Paradise too.”

“That’s so Meira,” Iolas choked out. “She was always reeling him in, and—I’m so glad they made it and together.”

Yeah, me too. We all were. Everyone was relieved… Except one was conflicted.

I met Neldor’s gaze and switched on my telepathy. “The god said it’s not for us to know. I’m sorry, but the living shouldn’t know the answers, but I have millions who need me to keep going, and given what I sacrificed, I got one pass. Maybe someone will cave later and tell us more.”

“No, he’s right, and it’s not for us to know. She shouldn’t be in Paradise after what she did. I just don’t want her in Hades or at least not forever.”

I nodded in agreement but was glad when he dropped it and we focused on my dad being the goofball he always was. Only he would pester the gods until one caved and sent me a message to stop grieving.

I still did, but it wasn’t as bad. I cried, but I didn’t keep vigil, and—I stopped being unhealthy about it.

Mostly. Grief was hard and it always hurt us.

I did a bit better until it was time to put them in the family crypt. I got through it, but it was like some part of me stayed with them and was locked away.

I went through the motions, but it all felt really hollow. At least I had a whole huge castle to cleanse to keep me busy, right? It was quiet and peaceful at least.

Well, besides the one hiccup of some Guardians gossiping while I was in earshot. Apparently, some people thought something was going to happen when I unfroze my mom like when the last of the darkness was pulled off Faerie. They’d worried something more would happen with the spell Elora had cast or—I didn’t really know.

I just opened up a portal under them and sent them to the ocean. They needed to not be so stupid and crass to gossip about a woman in her own castle days after she was laid to rest in her family crypt.

Idiots.

A sentiment that was shared because Shael made it clear that the Guardians would be having some retraining and extra sensitivity training. Glad to hear it.

Truly, I was.

But after the whole castle was cleansed, I didn’t seem to know what to do with myself. I ended up doing Elora’s castle even if I was supposed to do it with Neldor. I felt him there for some of it, but I figured he’d forgive me.

I also cleansed myself before doing a couple of our vacation castles… Which weren’t normally done. So I’d done everything for tradition, and like what did I do with myself now?

I really didn’t know, but I realized I was at Artemis. I blinked around and stared out Julian’s old classroom. My detail was near, but we were all cloaked.

Seriously, where was my head?

Memory lane?

Could that help? I thought about it a moment and sort of mentally shrugged before deciding it couldn’t hurt. Everything had been so rushed with finals, graduation, and my coronation that I hadn’t really gotten a chance to say goodbye to the campus.

I started at my freshman dorm room, chuckling when I still felt some of the protective magic I’d put there. Was that on the other rooms we’d had?

Yes, yes, it was. Random witches would have some extra protection until it wore off if they were lucky enough to get my old dorm rooms. That was funny.

I went to check out Hudson’s old room, the climbing holds still there that River had placed for me. It was different now. Rearranged and definitely repainted since he’d graduated.

I smiled. We were in such a better place than I could ever have thought of before when I used to sneak in here. All the problems and issues we’d tripped over, but we’d still made it.

I went to the rec center and took it in. The classes there and sparring matches—even the ones with Mason that used to bother me. They didn’t anymore.

The mats were still piled the same like the first time Lucca and I had sex. I’d been so sure he wasn’t my mate and it would have just been quickie sex to get our attraction out of our systems.

How wrong I’d been. I didn’t regret that anymore and went to the spot I’d first met him in bear form, chuckling at how terrified I’d been when a huge ass bear had jumped out in front of me.

I hit all the highlights. The vending machine mecca. The lab I used to visit Darby in. The lab where I used to make my potions blow up. The bench Darby and I made up on after our first real fight.

I sat in the cafeteria for a while. A lot had happened there. Good and bad.

I rubbed my chest thinking about when my warning for Izzy had lit up and I’d had to out myself as being able to open portals on the fly to go save her. I didn’t regret that either. All the fights in that room and issues.

Including where my mate used to have dates with other women while he was under black magic. All of it swirled around me. All of it affected me.

And I was glad to leave it all in the past. This place had served its purpose and I could control my magic, never risking hurting someone on accident. But it could have been so much better like the promise.

Hopefully, it would be for the next powerful unknown instead of the crazy I’d been through.

That would be nice and maybe worth all I’d been through if someone else suffered less. Yeah, that would—I just wanted the next time to go better.