Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

JAMES

I want to be with you, James.

Those words were all I’d needed to hear from her—all that really mattered. She wanted me. I wanted her. The truth was out. No more pretending nothing had changed between the two of us. For better or for worse the path had been set. That was the good part in all of this. But there was no disputing the fact I was still fucked.

So very fucked.

Winter presenting herself like a perfect sub with downcast eyes as Enzo drove us to the house was the problem. Scratch that. It was my problem, not hers. My inner craving to dominate was on high alert, screaming at me to go for broke with her. To act on every filthy thing I’d fantasized doing to her, for her…with her. What if I overstepped when we were deep into it and said or did something that scared her, or worse, repulsed her? A flash of the demise of my relationship with Leah shuttered in the back of my mind for an instant like a reminder of exactly where this could lead with Winter if I wasn’t careful, or if I revealed too much. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I could rein it in, but my training should make it possible. You didn’t become a Dom without learning boundaries, limits, and control. I’d wanted Winter for a long time, and I knew I had to take things very slowly tonight, as if I was training a new sub. But I’ve never trained someone I love. Winter was my ultimate endgame, but if I wasn’t hers? She was young and focused on her career. And I was considering actually following my father’s insane orders…but only if I could do it with her.

She’ll tell me what she wants. Because that was the kind of person Winter Blackstone was. She was honest to a fault. All I could do was show her who I was and go from there. It was a risk. It could end badly. She could be hurt. I would be ruined—worse than I already was—if I lost her in the process.

I couldn’t go through that again. I wouldn’t.

Why did something so simple have to be so fucking complicated? Two people who felt something good for each other being together because they wanted to.

She also told you she loves you.

I had to keep reminding myself of that, because I’d never known she felt that way about me. In fact, I’d been shocked hearing those three small words leave her sweet lips. Winter and I had been easy friends for as long as I could remember. We’d always clicked. As she grew up and transformed into the gorgeous woman she was today, I’d noticed…of course. I would’ve had to be dead not to notice her over the years. But I’d only admired Winter from afar, accepting she my best friend’s little sister and wouldn’t ever be on the menu for me. But thank fuck…she was.

Because we’re barreling down the Freeway of Fucking at high speed with no brakes.

I was a careful person by nature. It was necessary to survive growing up with the manipulative and conceited father I had. Life experiences had made me into the man I was, and Winter would get a partial view into that tonight. It’s impossible to hide your true self when you had your cock buried in someone who wanted it there, and the only thing on your mind was when and how hard you’d come. And how many times you made her scream your name through the multiple orgasms you made sure she had. And after that, how many times you could do it all again before you’re satisfied, because you knew instinctively you’d never get enough of her.

More. I’d want more than this one night. I wanted all of her all the time. I wanted to be out in public with her on my arm. I wanted to come home to her after a long day. I wanted her as the mother of my future children. I wanted so fucking much…and all of it is with her.

The time for pondering this pointless shit was over, though.

She was right beside me—and she was waiting.

An ambulance screamed past us in the opposite direction, the shrill siren cutting through the tension with a jolt. Someone somewhere was probably dying on this cold wet night, while I was about to cross boundaries a lifetime in the making with my best friend’s little sister.

I turned toward her and put my index finger to her chin. She didn’t say a word, just looked at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers that spoke volumes in the silence. She was fucking beautiful with her lips still wet from my kiss. Her lips were going to stay wet from my kisses all night long.

"If at any point you change your mind about this, you need to tell me. Talk to me, and I’ll hear you." I’d probably combust if she shut me down now.

It would hurt, but I’d live.

"I…I’m not going to change my mind, but maybe you will." She looked at where our other hands were still entwined. I never wanted to let go of her. Not ever.

"Why would you even say that?"

"I’m just not that—"

She shook her head in frustration as she continued to look at our hands.

"You’re just not that…what?" I tipped her chin back up. "I need to see your eyes when you tell me why you think I’d change my mind about being with you." She didn’t flinch, but I could tell her confidence was being tested. "I’ve wanted you for a long time. This is my fantasy moment," I added, trying to lighten the mood. It was the truth. The shocked surprise on her face? So worth it. Yes, beautiful. You are my fantasy.

"James, I’m…I’m not very…sexually experienced," she finally blurted.

She tugged her hand against my hold, which only made me grip tighter. I wouldn’t let her pull away from me after that bombshell she’d just dropped. "Okay," I said calmly. "What does ’not sexually experienced’ mean for you?" I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the idea, and wasn’t sure I should even ask, but of course I did, because it was sort of fucking vital that I knew the answer. "Are you trying to say you’re a virgin?"

Holy fuck.

"Holy fuck" indeed, even though I couldn’t imagine how it was possible. Shelton had hatched a plan to marry her. Surely the two of them had been intimate…

"Not a virgin." She shook her head again, but this time she kept her eyes on me. She was watching for my reaction, wanting to know if her news made a difference to me. It didn’t, and I was careful not to show any surprise.

"Elaborate, darling. I need more information," I said as my heart started beating again.

In total relief.

She wasn’t a virgin, and that helped. I was already doubting how far I could take her—take whatever the hell this was between us. But I also realized that if she "wasn’t very experienced" as she put it, then her expectations would be right in line with that inexperience. Better for me. Better for us. I didn’t want to fuck up and ruin what could be my only chance to show her what we could have together. Before she could answer, I rearranged our positions, effectively sitting her across my lap with her back supported by the corner area of the seat where I could see her eyes as we talked.

"Comfortable?"

She nodded slowly, her expression subtly mysterious. It felt like a reward to be able to look at her with no imposed time limit. For once. I don’t have to hide anything from her. She can see the full force of how much I adore her. Love…her…

"Good, because I like having you in this position." And wasn’t that the motherfucking truth? Having her over my lap felt like heaven.

"Why?" she asked softly.

"Why do I like you in this position?"

She nodded once.

I hesitated, needing to find the right words to answer without outright lying. She definitely wasn’t ready to hear about my need for control during sex. Baby steps. Maybe we’d get there, maybe not. Worrying about it was pointless right now though.

"Because I like holding you and knowing you aren’t going anywhere, that I’ve got you," I offered, the truth told the best I could. Telling her about the vision I really wanted to see—her tied to my bed where I could keep her pleasured for as long as I deemed it—wasn’t exactly possible, so I focused on other points instead. "In this position, I can see your face right before I kiss you."

Her eyes flared just enough to show me what I wanted to see. Desire. Winter was turned on by my words. So responsive. So sensual. Completely mine.

"And be able to read your emotions if I’m lucky. You are so beautiful across my lap right now. I need to enjoy my view for a moment."

"Me too," she said, settling her head and neck to a comfortable position, probably because being situated directly above my hardening cock was requiring an adjustment on her part. "I love my view." She stared at me, her pretty green eyes studying me as intently as I was studying her.

Every time the word "love" came out of her mouth, my heart zinged me with a jolt that bordered on pain. Jesus, I was so lost already, and all we’d done was some eye-fucking in the back seat of a limo. Time to up the ante, though, because I’d go crazy if I didn’t know more. "So, you want to tell me about not being a virgin?" I asked carefully, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

She blushed, but didn’t hedge my question. "Only a few times, and only ever with Chris. He wasn’t all about the sex in the beginning and said we should wait until it felt right. Later on, after Dad got sick and our relationship started to suffer, he changed."

HOW the fuck she’d never been with anyone but that moron was a true mystery. "Changed how?"

"He began pressing me for sex all of a sudden, but only at certain times. It took me a minute to figure it out, but I caught on to what he was trying to do."

"Which was?" I asked. Oh, I had a very good idea exactly what that piece of shit was trying to do.

"Hoping to get me pregnant so I would agree to marry him."

Not a surprise, but it made me furious to imagine him attempting to impregnate a grieving girl at a horribly vulnerable time. The cocksucker figured out early on about her trust fund and its requirements for an early release. "Shelton was lucky he didn’t get jail time with what he pulled taking you away after your father’s funeral. Did he hurt you when he took you to that cabin in Vermont?" If the answer is yes, then his miserable excuse for a life is over.

"Hurt me? No." She shook her head quickly. "We were together at the cabin, which I am sure he thought might get him to his goal, but I’d ditched birth control pills in favor of a Depo shot after my pills were lost a second time." She frowned in annoyance and closed her eyes. "I don’t want to talk about him anymore. Chris was just another guy in a long line of guys whose interest in me was financial over personal. The sex was barely memorable and the reason for my inexperience. I’ve never been with anyone who just wants me for who I am." I should have stepped up a long time ago.

"And who are you?" I asked, curious for her answer.

"Just a girl whose last name is Blackstone…who doesn’t want her name to be what matters most to someone." I heard sadness in her answer, and it made me even more determined to get this right with her.

"Open your eyes, beautiful."

They fluttered open, finding mine.

"That’s all about to change tonight," I said, bringing a hand between us to settle behind her neck. "I want you, and I’d never try to trap you into marriage with a pregnancy or anything you didn’t want. Was done to me and it’s fucked up."

"Leah did that to you?"

"Yeah, she pulled the whole ’I’m pregnant’ bullshit, but neglected to tell me the father was someone else. I mean, I wanted to legitimize my child of course, but her betrayal left me blindsided so badly I…I needed a reset. I couldn’t go back to my life how it had been when I was with her." It still burned now to even talk about it, but with Winter I didn’t feel the need for keeping secrets. Anyone else I’d happily lie to, saying whatever to make him or her think I came out of my relationship with Leah unscathed, which I definitely hadn’t. But I had absolutely no desire to lie to Winter. We weren’t about lies and never had been.

"What she did to you was horrible, James. It bothered me so fucking much. I hated how she treated you, but I didn’t know what to say or do at the time that could’ve possibly helped." She brought a gloved finger to my lips and traced them top to bottom slowly, the silk threads catching on my beard stubble as her finger moved. "I wished so badly I could help you then."

"I’m so glad you didn’t try." Fuck. I hated to think of what really stupid shit I might have done five years ago when I was out of my mind with anger and rage.

"Why are you glad?"

"Because back then I wasn’t fit to be in the same company as your sweet, nineteen-year-old, innocent self. I wouldn’t have brought you into my hell for anything. Truly. I let darkness rule me for a while until I found a path of least destruction. At least it felt a lot like it at the time. Changes were made in my life, I left my dad’s firm, started my own, and eventually settled into a…situation… that worked for me."

I studied her expression for any signs that she’d caught my small reveal about the "darkness ruling me" but she didn’t react as if she did. Winter listened to me in her typical nonjudgmental fashion, a skill she’d perfected in the course of being a social worker I imagine. She had always been a good listener now that I thought about it. Mostly she was just a good person. So much better than me.

"Until about six months ago," I added, trying to move our conversation along to something more pleasant.

"Oh? What changed six months ago?" Her grin gave away she knew the answer. Little tease. How I’d love to paddle her ass for that sass.

"This gorgeous girl moved into my building, and I started to spend a lot of time thinking about her in her apartment, which just happens to be right below mine."

Her whole face lit up as her grin became a full-on smile. She looked like she had a lot to say, but whatever was on her mind remained a mystery as I cradled her in my lap.

I wanted—no, needed to kiss her again. I mostly wanted her spread out naked, so I could take my time with kissing every inch of her. And I did mean every single inch.

Anticipation and worry engaged in an epic warfare inside my brain. I wasn’t used to feeling this out of control—something I never experienced while hooking-up with—

With whom? Those random subs you find at Lurid? The ones you choose because they remind you of Winter? Don’t put her in the same category as those other women, asshole.

And this was most definitely not just another hookup for me. That much was a given, but from what she’d just told me, this wouldn’t be a random hookup for her either, and that changed things. But everything was different with Winter, and it always had been. I needed to start being truthful with my feelings.

As I battled my demonic conscience, reconsidering just how many lines I would be crossing tonight with her, Winter brought me back into the moment by touching me again. This time her finger just pressed between my lips, suspending my runaway fears in a split second. "What kind of thoughts do you have about this girl?" she asked in a demure whisper.

"Filthy ones," I blurted. I pulled her off my lap and up onto the seat, where I could have her lips close to mine. "So very filthy, but right now I’m keeping a promise I made to myself earlier."

"What promise, James?"

"The one where your lips stay wet from my kisses all night long."

Touching my lips with her finger was Winter’s way to ask me to kiss her without saying the words. Without a shadow of a doubt—and it was fucking hot. Beautiful perfect submission, and she wasn’t even aware of it, which made it that much better. She’d given me so many clues in our recent interactions, and my theory was being confirmed bit by bit.

I closed the distance between our mouths and gave her what she wanted. It wasn’t a crash of lips and tongues though, not at first. I needed to kiss her without time racing us forward impatiently. There was no rush. Just the two of us alone, and as much time as needed to get it right for once.

And I was determined to get it right for the rest of our trip to the Sherborn house. I could feel the warmth of her body heat, and the softness of her breasts shaping into my chest. All I wanted was to get closer to her.

I moved my lips away from hers to kiss her jaw and then her neck. I had so much skin to kiss before this night was over. So much more than just her pretty lips I realized, as I moved to the other side of her neck and licked a path back to her bottom lip. I took it between my teeth and bit down just enough for her to feel it. The moan that came out of her as she arched her body in my arms shot straight to my cock—she not only felt it…but she wanted it.

She wanted more, and I was going to give it to her. Fuck. Yes.

I hadn’t beento my house in almost three months. Before tonight, I hadn’t given the place much thought beyond questioning why I still paid caretaking services when I hardly ever used it. Mostly I pondered selling the fucking thing.

I bought it five years ago as a surprise for my fiancée. A place in the suburbs where we could start a family and do the grown-up shit people did when they got married.

Turned out I didn’t need the big house in a private equestrian community with an empty barn waiting for a pony or two. Or situated within easy distance to the best schools. Providing for a family was no longer my concern. That ship had sailed to the benefit of all parties involved—fuck you very much.

So why had I held on to the house?

Not completely sure, except that I’d craved the idea of having a place nobody knew about, a sanctuary for whenever I needed one. I’d never told Leah or anyone in my family about this house. The deed wasn’t even in my name, so it was completely off the grid, with the sole exception of my driver, Enzo. He knew about it because he lived in the guesthouse on the property and kept an eye on things for me.

My house was finally useful. It couldn’t be more perfect for tonight with Winter.

"James, whose house is this?" she finally asked as I opened the front door and led her inside, grateful for the timed heating and lighting that kept it from feeling cold and dark.

"Mine."

"I didn’t know you owned a house." She looked around at the mostly empty space, her eyes taking in the wood and stone and glass without comment. I so wished I knew what her thoughts were right now. Was she curious? Nervous? Scared to death of screwing this up between us like I was?

"Nobody knows, because I haven’t told anyone before."

"When do you come here?" she asked, turning back toward me with the serious expression on her beautiful face.

"When I need a break."

"Is it often that you need a break?" she asked quietly.

"I haven’t been to this house for months." Only the truth for her. "But I’m really happy that you’re here now. I finally have you all to myself."

I backed her against the wall and settled my body against hers. Soft and quiet, and smelling so fucking wonderful with her whole body aligned with mine, I took a moment to breathe her in before I went insane. I could tell she was anticipating what I’d do next, but I had no intentions of rushing it. Not this first time anyway. Being with Winter was something I’d wanted for so damn long I ached. I couldn’t even remember when my feelings had started. The wanting was something I recognized as a familiar companion. Always with me. Very well understood and accepted. I’d lived with it for years.

I never expected we might ever get to this point together.

I took her jaw in the palm of my hand and tilted it toward my lips. I smelled flowers mixed with oranges. The scent filtered into my senses where it would stay, because I was committing her to memory.

"Do you trust me?" I asked with my lips just out of reach of hers, so close but achingly much too far away.

"Yesss…always." I heard frustration loud and clear in her whispered words, and so did my cock. Painfully hard—and loving every second of the sweet torture of being so close to her.

"Good girl." I brushed over her pouty lips lightly with my thumb. "I need to tell you the rules before I take you upstairs."

"You have rules?" Her lips parted as she drew in a heavy breath and shaped them around pad of my thumb for a second before I took it away.

"Just two," I paused before adding, "but two very important ones."

The tip of her tongue wet her bottom lip before disappearing into her mouth. I’m sure I groaned audibly, when all I could imagine was that pretty pink tongue licking up the length of my rock-hard dick.

"Complete honesty from you is the first rule. You tell me we need to stop? We stop. You tell me to give you more? I will give you more. If I ask you a question, you give me a truthful answer. I’ll hear you, as long as you tell me. I’ll always listen to whatever you say."

She stilled as my words sunk in. I sensed a rapidly beating pulse against my lips as I kissed up her neck, but still she asked, "And rule number two?"

"I’m in charge in the bedroom. It’s the only way I can do this with you. I’ll make it so good, and give you exactly what you want, but I’ll be taking the lead the whole way." I pulled back from her neck reluctantly. I had to read her face so I knew. It was a risk for me to even voice my second rule out loud, but I knew I had to do it, if not for me, then for her.

The breath left her in the softest way, in a quiet rush that almost masked the intensity of it. Almost. Her eyes were directed down but I could clearly see the pulse at her throat fluttering as she contemplated my conditions. What is she thinking?

"What if I say no to your rules?" Her chin lifted but her eyes stayed down. Such a tantalizing contradiction of gestures she presented while pinned against the wall by my crowding her. It was fucking hot. She wasn’t even doing anything beyond standing before me waiting for an answer to her question. Winter didn’t need to do anything for me to want her.

"Then we don’t fuck. Not tonight…or ever."

Her eyes flickered up and held mine. "Then I…I agree to the rules, James," she replied without a trace of fear. "I want to fu…I want to do everything with you."

Probably the wrong thing for her to tell me when I was nearly out of my mind in crazy fucking lust. I knew she didn’t have any idea what she was saying or the meaning behind it. Winter’s idea of "everything" was a far cry from mine when discussing sex, but that didn’t matter right now. She’d agreed to my rules. We were done with waiting.

I kissed her deeply, my tongue as far into her as I could get it. I kept her pinned to my wall and kissed the fuck out of her, pleasured myself on her mouth until the raging need burning me from the inside settled into something more familiar.

The darker edge of control I was used to took over as I learned her: the softness of her lips and tongue dancing along with mine; the way she moved her body against mine; the little sounds she made when aroused.

Which she fucking was. Her pussy was no doubt already wet, and soon I’d know when she was spread out naked in my bed ready to be fucked. Hell, she was ready right now just from kissing.

Her response was fucking perfect. Soft and accepting, she let me go to work on her. Before this night was through, Winter would be on the receiving end of more orgasms than she’d ever known. And I was going to enjoy giving every one of them to her.

I ended our kiss abruptly and took a step back.

Slowly she opened her eyes, her body resting against the wall as she took in deep breaths, waiting for me.

I obliged her.

"Take off the dress."