Chapter Thirty-Five

CHAPTER

THIRTY-FIVE

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W E BATHE, PACK, AND PREP FOR THE NEXT FEW HOURS . Go over details of the castle, memorize our route and our meetup points if we get separated. The lump in my throat grows every time Cayden pulls out his pocket watch; the gold chain dangling on his leg taunts me.

The air feels thin no matter how deeply I breathe, and I busy myself securing the straps on the purple and brown set of leathers I wore while infiltrating Kallistar. A sword is strapped on my back and waist, and knives hang from my thick corset belt and line my legs.

"You should eat something," Cayden says while I stir some sweet syrup into the coffee I poured. My nerves don't need the extra jolt, but I'll thank myself while sprinting to the caves.

I turn to where he's sharpening his swords on the couch, clad in the same black set of leathers he wore when we first met. "I'd rather not sprint with a full stomach."

"Will you be able to fly home once you free the dragons?" Ryder asks.

I flinch without meaning to. "They may not trust me enough for that yet."

"It's not necessarily about trust," Saskia says. "I found this ancient text about a bond between a rider and their dragon. Supposedly, that kind of bond can never be broken, only dulled by time, but you'll always find your way back to it. The bond is . . . inevitable. There are ways to help you renew it, but you won't be able to do it until you're out of enemy territory."

I offer a tight nod in response. I've had visions of the dragons, but I don't know how they'll react to me when they truly see me. I don't know if they'll be relieved, elated, or enraged. The prophecy foretold the tale of a girl and five dragons with a bond not even time or distance could break, but bonds can always be rejected, and prophecies aren't always true.

I trace the column of my throat, recalling how I screamed until it turned raw and thrashed against Ailliard, begging him to take me back to them. I wonder if they sensed it. I wonder what it was like for them to experience our dulled bond and not know where I was.

I was Imirath's princess, but I'm now its ruin. I'll free my dragons and burn Garrick's reign to the ground for all the pain he's caused. But deep down, I know I'll let my dragons go if they don't wish to be with me. Perhaps they'll come back in time, but I won't free them from one prison only to force them into another. I love them enough to want what's best for them.

Cayden glances at his watch again. "It's time."

I nod, tying my brown cloak around my neck and throwing my satchel over my shoulder. The tension in the tent is nearly suffocating. We all know the dangers of this mission, but I don't focus on the fall, I focus on the possibility of the flight.

"I'll ride to the border with you and take the horses back," Ryder says, but Finnian and Saskia get to their feet as well, all wearing expressions that mingle with helplessness. I'd feel the same way if I were in their positions.

The five of us ride to a covering of trees beside the camp. They're so dense that hardly any moonlight trickles through the branches. We remain silent, leading the horses over trickling streams, fallen trees, and humongous roots popping up from the earth like spider legs.

Cayden holds up a hand, signaling us to stop. It's eerily quiet in the forest, making it easy to hear Finnian's choppy breaths as he dismounts beside me. He embraces me the moment my boots hit the dirt, and I breathe in his scent. Finnian looks like autumn but smells like summer. Being wrapped up in the arms of the person who became my family when I felt entirely alone is one of my favorite feelings.

"You didn't forget to take your tonic this month, right? You tend to forget to take care of yourself when you're overwhelmed. You won't be able to have the tea that helps your cramps while you're in Imirath, and sometimes your hands shake from the pain so your aim will be off."

"I took my tonic," I gently say to quiet his rambling. "I'll be back before you know it."

"Tomorrow is ideal." I pull away from him to wipe the tears off his freckle-filled cheeks, but he must notice the anticipation on my features because his arms fall away from me and he asks, "What is it?"

"You're my brother in every way that counts." My eyes have already begun to burn. "There's a letter in the top drawer—"

"No."

"It's merely precaution."

"Elowen, no." He rakes his hands through his hair, looking like he wants to scream. "I can't think about losing you."

"I'm coming back to you. I always do. But I need to make sure you're taken care of in case something happens." I speak calmly, doing my best to comfort the first person who ever made me laugh. The first person to show me what it is to live. We've never needed blood to be siblings, and I know the bond we've created is something I'll carry with me into the afterlife or the next life, whenever the time comes.

"I love you, Ellie." He presses his lips to my forehead. "So much. Don't force me to learn what it is to live without you."

"You won't have to." He learned to live without his family once, and I won't let him go through that again. I'll do whatever it takes to get back to him.

Saskia clings to Cayden and I know he's trying his best to comfort her, but the awkward way he's patting her head breaks some tension within our group. She doesn't pull herself away until she hears us approach, and she flings herself at me, tightly wrapping her arms around my neck. "I'll see you when you come home. I refuse to tolerate a different outcome."

I squeeze her tight. "Start planning where to shop for our winter wardrobes."

She gives me a watery laugh in response.

"I'll be seeing you, Atarah," Ryder says as I release Saskia. "Don't let him die out there."

"Her rogue knives will probably take me out before Imirath does," Cayden says, glancing at his watch again. "You should head back."

Ryder looks like he wants to argue but nods. He and Cayden clasp hands and slap each other on their shoulders. "I'll see you soon, brother."

We're cloaked in eerie silence once they're gone. My cloak flutters around my ankles, almost like nature is trying to persuade us to stay out of Imirath. We still have a few hours before the sun rises, but we need to get past their lines and deep enough into Imirath by the time it does.

"It's just you and me, angel," he says.

"I'm still trying to figure out if that's for better or worse."

"Do let me know once you discover your answer."

He doesn't have to ask me if I'm ready before beginning our journey; we've both been ready for years. We creep through the forest like the Lord and Lady of Death and Vengeance tracking down which souls they'd like to take next. My bond pleasantly hums in my chest once we've gotten a decent way into enemy territory, and I caress it in my mind, trying to send comfort down the solid strands.

We spy Imirath soldiers coming our way and keep to the shadows as we wait for them to pass. I'll always love the night, not only for the moon and stars but for the comfort and safety that darkness has always provided. They're completely unaware of our presence as they stride past, their swords sheathed at their waists.

Torchlight bleeds through the trees like sunlight through stained-glass windows as we get closer to their camp. We sink deeper into the forest, but it's not enough coverage. Soldiers are everywhere.

"Stay here," Cayden whispers.

I wrap my hand around his wrist before he can leave the shelter of the rocky hill. "Are you deranged?"

"Depends on who you ask," he replies, checking his watch again. "We don't have much time. I'll be back before you have the chance to miss me, love."

He disappears after that. I don't even hear his footsteps. It's like he blended into the night as nothing more than a shadow. Thank the gods I never had to face him as an assassin. Seconds turn into minutes, and there's still no sign of him when I climb to the top of the hill and peer over it. There's a dispute somewhere in the distance and I can't tell if it's a mere skirmish or a true fight, but I'm not staying here wondering.

Ailliard took me away from my dragons, and Imirath kept us apart; I'm not letting Imirath do the same to Cayden and me. I'd rather throw myself into danger with him than be safe without him. He's my ally, and we're in this together until the end.

My anxiety is so high that every breath I take makes me cringe. My fear of Imirath is paralyzing, but I don't let it affect the fluidity of my movement. I keep to the trees, jumping between the trunks before the patrols notice me.

An arm wraps around my waist midjump and a hand covers my mouth. I elbow the person in the stomach and flip the knife in my hand, aiming backward at their head, but the hand around my waist moves to my wrist.

"Again with the knives, El. You know I adore them, but now really isn't a good time." Cayden throws me over his shoulder and carries me behind a boulder cleaved in two.

"I could've killed you!" I snap quietly when he sets me on my feet.

"What a lovely way to go." He presses his back into the stone and pulls me close.

"What are—" He turns my head into his chest to cover my ear and mouth, muffling my scream when a series of explosions shakes the ground. We're far enough away that dirt doesn't rain down on us, and the flames won't reach us, but all the soldiers in close proximity rush toward the scene, not knowing that the true source is pressed against me.

"Just like hounds flocking to fresh meat," he says.

We rush out of our hiding spot, sliding down the hill I climbed to find him, and run toward a cliff with a shallow stream below. The soldiers continue shouting orders to put the flames out while we slip out of sight, splashing in the muddy bank when we land. We push through, making it onto the solid forest floor, and run between twisted trees with roots so tall we occasionally walk under them like archways and bushes dotted with ruby red berries. Crystal streams flow throughout the terrain with mist cloaking it like a blanket.

The sun chases away the night, and we don't speak as we push forward, occasionally having to stop and hide when a patrol rides through. I hold on to the knowledge that every step I take into Imirath is another step closer to my dragons. They keep me grounded. I want to live the kind of life that makes me long for the next morning and the little moments.

I feel a weight lift off my shoulders when we make it to the caves. Two waterfalls cascade down the moss-covered rocks, and ice frames the pool under them like a portrait painted by nature's faultless hand. We drink our canteens to the last drop and refill them in the falls before carefully climbing up to the caves behind them. Light purple starsnaps border the entrance.

I toss my satchel to the ground and quickly follow it, thankful for the moss in here to provide some comfort while we rest. Cayden takes the spot across from me, mirroring my position and leaning his back against the wall.

"Did you plant those explosives during the battle?" I ask.

He nods. "I needed to be close in case the timer didn't work."

"You're clever."

"I'm going to ignore your surprise and choose to take your statement as a compliment," he says before biting into an apple. "Eat something. You didn't eat before we left, and I'd prefer to not have to carry you the entire way to the castle. Might earn a few unnecessary stares."

I roll my eyes, digging in my bag for some cheese. Sometimes I forget how much he pays attention to me, it's like I deprive him when I deprive myself. We eat in silence, listening to the falls and accepting the momentary peace. He gets to his feet when we finish, untying his cloak and laying it on the ground.

"What are you doing?"

He looks at me expectantly. "You're freezing and we can't build a fire."

"I'll be all right." Last night was different, I tell myself. It was a friend helping a friend. But I know friends don't look at each other the way he looks at me. When his eyes are on me, it's like he craves my presence.

"Would you rather be all right or comfortable?" He sits on top of the cloak and pats the spot next to him, and his warmth is tempting. The caves are beautiful, but the dampness is killing me. I untie my cloak and crawl over to him without meeting his eyes while he tucks an arm under his head and wraps my cloak around us. I press my cold face in his neck while his hands slide along my back and through my hair before bringing one of my hands to his mouth to warm it, kissing my knuckles when he's done.

"I've always loved the sound of water," he says. "It's calming yet powerful. It's like listening to the sound of life after being surrounded by never-ending death."

"Is that why your house has a pond?"

"It's one of only a few places my mind quiets."

My eyes slide shut as his warmth, scent, and touches soothe me. "Where else does it?"

He chuckles, arm tightening around me ever so slightly. "Maybe I'll tell you one day, angel."

"Wake me up in a few hours so I can take second watch," I sleepily mumble.

I never thought I'd be able to sleep in Imirath considering it's the place where my darkest nightmares were born. But here, in Cayden's arms, I can imagine I'm somewhere far from here. With every gentle stroke on my spine, he transports me like no amulet ever could. It doesn't feel like I'm in Imirath; all I'm surrounded by is Cayden.