Chapter Thirty-Four

CHAPTER

THIRTY-FOUR

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W HAT ROUTE DID YOU TAKE WHEN YOU LEFT IMIRATH ?" Saskia asks, staring down several maps.

My mind conjures the icy, treacherous path we took. "We went through the mountains."

Her eyes widen in shock. "Hardly anyone survives a trek through the Etril."

"That's precisely why we took it."

The Seren Mountains stretch along the eastern side of Erebos, but the Etril Forest resides between Imirath and Vareveth. Beasts lurk within their icy peaks, and conditions alone are a risk to anyone seeking shelter.

"There are caves Cayden and I can seek shelter in on the first night. They're far enough from the border, but close enough to reach before nightfall." Ailliard would've taken me there if Garrick didn't know of their existence. It's a religious site for the Goddess of Life, so ceremonies are held there on occasion.

Saskia snaps her fingers in recognition. "Perfect. There are no holidays coming up, so they should be deserted. The most difficult part will be crossing the border."

"Yes, remaining hidden and infiltrating the castle will be nothing." I laugh under my breath and pinch my tired eyes. "Did anyone fill you in on the information we obtained last night?"

Her head shoots up. "You went on a mission? Where?"

The tent entrance opens and Cayden, Ryder, and Finnian stroll through. My nerves shoot up when Cayden stares at me with such intensity that my knees feel weak. Most people layer themselves in armor before a battle, but Cayden's outfit is made of durable black leather with silver armored accents. At least he's armed to the teeth with knives, a sword on his back, and double axes on his belt.

"Morning, ladies." Ryder greets us, standing beside Saskia and glancing over the map.

"Why didn't you tell me you went on a mission last night? Elowen was about to go over the details," Saskia says. I look anywhere other than Cayden, who now stands at the edge of the desk. My cheeks heat further when Ryder smiles. "Where were you?"

I lick my dry lips. "The Golden Rose, but that's beside the—"

"What in the hells were you doing at a brothel?" Saskia cuts me off, and I let out an awkward laugh while pressing my hand to my burning neck and resisting the urge to crawl under a table.

"Elowen thought of a plan to catch the mastermind behind the assassination attempts, and we helped her follow it through," Cayden informs her with ease.

"I would've helped if you'd sent word," Saskia grumbles.

"Honestly, Sas, I've never seen Cayden quite so . . ." Ryder waves his hand in front of his face, trying to pluck the perfect word from thin air. " Dedicated to a mission."

"I'm also dedicated to silencing those whose voices irritate me," Cayden responds.

"The pair of you can finish this later." Saskia's eyes flash between them. "Elowen, what did you discover?"

Bless her thirst for knowledge. "He wasn't able to hire new assassins, he was working alone, and I can use the amulet to unlock the dragons' chains. I believe they're forged from the same magic."

Saskia's smile grows the more I speak. I think knowledge and intelligence sustain her more than food and water. "Brilliant! Did you manage to get his name?"

"Robick." The mood in the tent gets darker. "Garrick's head guard."

"I would've stayed if I'd known it was him. You should've told me to stay." Finnian turns a sickly shade of green, and his hand shoots forward to grip the desk. "Tell me you made him suffer."

"I did."

"Well, whatever you did, he still deserved worse," Finnian adds. "I'll shoot in the archers' line with your permission."

"Permission granted," Cayden responds.

The archers' line is behind the charge, so my chest doesn't tighten with worry like it would if he were in the battle. But neither of us has seen a battle of this magnitude so I ask, "You're sure?"

"Killing more soldiers gives you a better chance when you cross the border." He rises to his full height and turns to me, affectionately squeezing my arms. I have no right to persuade him to stay other than selfish reasons. "Are you all right?"

"Of course." I grab his face to bring him down to my height and kiss his cheek. "Shoot straight, bloodthirsty archer."

"I'll find you as soon as it's over," he says before leaving the tent.

"I follow Imirath's battle techniques, changes in rank, and weaponry developments, so I'll ride down with Finnian," Saskia says while shoving a few pens into her pocket, and she glances between Cayden and Ryder again. "Be careful."

"We always are," Ryder responds.

"That's not comforting," she groans before exiting.

"Her lack of faith is refreshing," Ryder says. "Are you ready?"

Cayden nods. "And consistent."

The pair of them turn to leave the tent, but I grab Cayden's hand before he can follow Ryder. He turns to me and his confusion melts when he notes my fear.

"I'll be fine," he says. "We can't get to the dragons if we can't find a weak spot in their lines."

"Then I'm coming with you." I try to pull my hand from his and step toward the exit, but he keeps them joined and pulls, pressing my back to his chest, and wraps an arm around me.

"You've never been in a battle like this."

"I'll learn by experience," I argue.

"I promise I'll train you when we get back from Imirath, but they'll target you as soon as you're recognized on the field, and I won't be able to focus unless I know you're safe." I hate how calm he's remaining while I'm submerged in panic.

"That sounds like your problem, so let me figure out mine." I struggle against his hold to no avail. "If you wanted a docile queen, then you should've made a deal with someone else."

"Yes, you are my problem." His chuckle vibrates my back. "But I'd never waste my time on someone lesser than you."

I shove his arm away from my waist and spin to face him. It's easier to do this when he's not pressed against me. "I can't just stay here while you're all off fighting."

"Let's compromise." He sighs, scanning my face as he often does. "Would you like to be a healer in one of the medical tents? It'll keep you occupied."

It's not the battle, but at least I'll be useful. I nod once before walking past him and toward his horse. The battle is starting soon so I don't want to waste time tracking one down. The second line is far, but within sight, and Cayden slows the horse once we breach it. There are no clear paths; it's a tactic used to slow a possible invasion. I don't know where we're going, but I assume the grimmer it gets, the closer we get. We stop in front of one of the largest tents I've ever seen and slide down from the horse.

"This is where I leave you," he says.

"Don't get yourself killed." My lighthearted attempt fails when my voice shakes.

He frames my face in his hands and stares at me with absolute certainty, stroking my cheekbones with his thumbs. "I swear to you, I'm coming back. I'll never make you a promise I can't keep."

A deep battle horn cuts through the air and several drumbeats follow, cutting me off from saying anything. His eyes dance over my face again, and I realize mine do the same to him, watching as he treads backward to his horse, only looking away to swing himself up.

"If you feel left out, I'll find someone for you to stab later," he calls out over his shoulder.

I cross my arms over my chest. "I'd like to stab you."

His grin widens. "I love it when you sweet-talk me."

A surplus of wounded soldiers trickle into the tent once the battle begins. I quickly lose myself in stitching and bandaging. Healing has always made me feel useful and gives me a sense of reward once a task is done and someone is taken care of. I like knowing I have the ability to care for someone, to nurse them. Cries of the wounded increase as time goes on, as does the scent of sweat and blood.

At least two hundred cots are set up throughout the space, all equally distanced and equipped with medical and sanitization supplies on an attached shelf below. I occasionally must weave between soldiers lingering by bedsides, holding conversations or a wounded soldier's hand. The healers keep their work quick and precise and are all dressed in black. I catch the occasional curious glance at my green shirt, brown waist corset, and pants tucked into boots, but it fades when I'm recognized.

My eyes dance between cots, looking for the people I care about, and my heart stops when I spy a familiar set of braids tumbling over the side of one. Saskia's face is scrunched up in pain when I reach her, and blood leaks from a gash on her arm. I search for signs of Finnian as I approach but find none.

"Hi, Sas," I say. Her eyes snap open and the relief that washes over her at the sight of me squeezes my heart.

"El," she breathes. "Finnian wasn't in the hit. I was at the tail end of it." Thank the gods. I shake out my hands and stay focused on my task, picking through the supplies under the cot. Thankfully nothing is stuck in her wound, so I grab the antiseptic and splash it onto some cotton.

"This is going to sting a bit," I warn, and dab her gash as lightly as possible. Her body jolts on the table, and I offer her my free hand.

"Fucking gods," she seethes, and squeezes it so hard I feel like it'll break. She sucks in a sharp breath and slowly blows it through parted lips, relaxing slightly.

I sanitize the needle and loop thread through the top, grabbing a clean rag to dab the blood away. The wet rag thumps when I toss it next to her and begin sewing her wound shut. I dab as needed while issuing the first set of stitches and turn the needle to sew up the wound.

"Do you have pain anywhere else?" I ask.

"No, just my arm." I'm glad her voice has stopped trembling. "Thank you for helping me."

"You don't have to thank me," I reply, never taking my eyes off her stitches.

"How are you, truly?" she asks quietly. "After seeing that man again."

"I'm okay." I pause briefly, feeling her eyes on me. But it's not to pick me apart, it's the concern of a friend. "Cayden helped me."

"Torture is one of his specialties."

"He helped me after the torture," I quietly say. He found me trying to scrub the blood from under my nails, panicking and shaking on the floor from the feeling of a piece of Robick lingering on me. It was too much to handle, so he handled it for me by gently cleaning the blood from both my and his nails and making me a cup of lavender and chamomile tea. "He stayed with me."

" Tell me if my hands on you are too much. I'm happy to just sit beside you, " he'd said. But I asked him to stay, and he held me until sleep granted me reprieve. He kissed my forehead before slipping out of bed to start his day, and I pretended I was still asleep. Too much a coward to face him right away.

"He's a good man, even if he doesn't believe it," she says as I finish off her stitches, and I can't help but agree.

"How are you feeling now?" I ask.

"Better." I wish I had a tonic to ease her pain, but I'm sure she has one in her tent. I reach down and embrace her as best as I can, and she raises her good arm to hold me.

"Can I get a hug next?" I straighten up and rush toward Finnian, throwing my arms around his neck as his chuckle vibrates my cheek. "Before you start poking around, I'm not injured."

I step back to scan him, wanting to make sure he truly is unscathed. A fraction of my nerves eases by his presence, but I won't be completely calm until Cayden and Ryder make it back.

"Forgive me for worrying about you." I reach up to ruffle his hair that's been flattened by a helmet. "Can you get Saskia some water?"

"Of course," he replies before brushing past me in search of water.

I move on to the cot beside Saskia's and offer a smile to a man with a gash on his leg, finding the same supplies I used previously and stitching him up. After I finish him, I make my way to the following person, repeating the pattern until I've lost count of how many people I've bandaged. My fingers have gone numb, and blood is caked under my nails and splattered across my arms.

I finish stitching a woman and glance toward the entrance again. It's the ritual I do whenever I finish. I'll have whiplash if Cayden doesn't show up soon. Even the slightest bit of movement by the entrance makes me pause and look up midstitch.

"Thank you, Queen Elowen," the woman says as I wipe her blood from my hands. I smile at her as she swings her legs over the side and leans against another soldier to help her hobble away.

My eyes stay glued to the opening, but Cayden never appears. Countless soldiers enter and exit, but they're never him. I toss the bloody rag onto the table once my hands are clean, and all the reasons he may never walk into this tent plague me. "Where are you?"

"Who's the lucky man capturing your attention?"

I spin toward the voice, and relief pummels into me. Cayden's wavy hair is flattened, and he's streaked with a mixture of blood and dirt. Even postbattle, he's still handsome enough to captivate me. He pushes off the cot he was leaning against and comes closer, caging me in his arms.

I grip the cot behind me and wonder how long he was watching me. "You don't know him."

"No?" He gives me a sadistic smile, dimples and all. "I'd love to introduce myself."

"Was the charge successful?" I ask, pressing my lips together to hide a smile. If he notices people are watching, he pays them no mind. I know we should be careful despite the treaty being signed, but I've never been a fan of rules, and breaking them with him is so damn tempting.

He nods. "We'll leave in a few hours."

My smile breaks free. The danger is an afterthought because I'm going to see my dragons again. "Sit on the table, I'll wrap your shoulder before we leave." I cut him off when he opens his mouth to protest. "Now isn't the time to be prideful. Shirt off and sit down."

"I'm not being prideful," he grumbles, removing the sword from his back and revealing his torso dotted in love bites that he happily shows off. "I'm still breathing and getting bossed around by someone half my size; life has never been better."