Chapter 4

Sage

Something's wrong. I don't know what it is, but Jodah's reaction to learning we're fated mates is not what I expected. Not even close. I've witnessed three matings and every single male was in awe over being blessed by Deeka with what they call their keeshla.Jodah, on the other hand, barely acknowledged it. His studying of the marks on his arms was so detached. Like they belonged to someone else.

An all-too-familiar sense of dread settles in my belly adding to the weight that's been present since the night Mr. Griffith attacked me. My eyes burn with tears and that clogged sensation enters my nose. I blink them back and sniff to get rid of it. Jodah just woke up. He almost died. I shouldn't read too much into his lack of reaction. Right? No, I'm going to let him get some more sleep and things will be different when he wakes.

Maybe if I say it enough times it will be true.

I dump the gritty remains of the burim-infused water and rinse out the cup I've been using to give Jodah the medicine before refilling it. I'll wait to add the pain relieving powder until he wakes up again and asks for it. I glance back at the sleeping warrior several times as I putter around the tent. With him alert and talking I'm sure the worst of this hellish week is over. As though my body agrees with me, the fatigue I've forced away the last seven days rears up stronger than ever.

I've done nothing more than catch a few cat naps here and there this past week. The girls—Zara especially—have stopped by constantly trying to get me to come back to my own bed and rest, but I refused. I couldn't. It might've been irrational, but I just knew that if I left Jodah's side for even a second, he was going to die. The feeling was so strong that I never once left this tent.

The door flap swings open, bringing with it a burst of sunshine, and Kyler steps in. I've sensed his concern for me, but he never forced me to leave. Not that he could have, but he didn't try too hard. Not after the first day.

"Greetings, Sage." He glances at Jodah. "Any change?"

"Actually, he woke up while you were gone. We talked about what happened and why he was here. It wasn't for long and he tired soon after, so he's been resting."

"That is excellent news." Kyler cocks his head. "Did you speak of the mating?"

"Yeah."

The healer closes the distance and rests a hand on my shoulder.

"What is wrong?" Kyler asks as someone who's gotten to know me pretty well over the last six or seven months. With him being ten years—or cold seasons, as he says—older than me, I've kind of come to think of him as a big brother.

I stare at the male who is supposed to be my mate. "He didn't act like he even cared."

Kyler blinks his feline-like eyes with their vertical pupils and the inner point of his brow bones shift downward. "What do you mean?"

"He asked how long he'd been here, and if I'd been with him the whole time. When I said yes, he asked me why, so I showed him the marks." I have to pause, because that stupid burning behind my eyes returns. "All he said was ‘you have my thanks'. That's it. It felt like that obligatory thanks you say to someone who just gave you the ugliest gift you've ever seen, but you don't want to be a dick."

Kyler's gaze shifts over to Jodah. "He has been asleep, healing, for seven turns of the sun. Give him time to become more like himself."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's it." Except I'm not.

The healer turns back to me. "I have not pushed you these past turns, because I understand why you have needed to remain here, but if he has awoken, then he is past the point of worry. Which means I am going to push a little. Please go get some rest and eat. You have done far too little of both since Jodah was brought in it. You cannot do him any service if you also become sick."

I know Kyler has a point, but the desperation I've been consumed with to make sure that the male lying over there stays alive is still gnawing at me.

"Go rest, Sage," my boss—and friend—says firmly.

My shoulders sag in capitulation and I let out a heavy sigh. "You'll come get me the moment he wakes up, right?"

"Rest," Kyler repeats without answering me.

I glare at him, but he's not even fazed. He only stares more pointedly at me.

"Fine. But only because you asked so nicely."

He chuckles and gently pushes me toward the door. I cast one more glance back at Jodah like I'm hoping he'll wake up, but he remains still. His scabbed over chest rises and falls evenly. I've run out of excuses.

The sun is high in the sky and nearly blinding as I make my way to the tent I share with Zara. What started out as four women has dwindled to two. The night we moved here, London went to Zander's tent. Remi was the first to leave after she mated with Zydon. Maeve moved out about the same time Benham brought Jodah's injured body back.

She'd come by the healer's tent and asked me if I'd be upset if she left, especially while I wasn't staying there. How could I be mad that one of my dearest friends conquered some major personal hurdles and found a guy who loved her with everything he is?

I glance around. In the seven days I sequestered myself in the healer's tent, the entire village has changed. Human children run around with Tavikhi children, all of them laughing and playing. Human adults walk side-by-side with adult Tavikhi, sharing conversation. It's almost like I stepped into an alternate universe.

I'm glad the humans are finally becoming a part of the community. Despite moving here for protection, they still kept themselves separate from the tribespeople. It always bothered me how the Tavikhi were being treated by the very people who took advantage of the safety Zander and the other warriors provided.

My tent comes into view, and I push past the door flap and step inside. Someone has stoked the fire pit that sits in the center so it's cozy and warm in here. Now that I'm so close to my pallet, the fatigue hits hard. I take off my shoes and without even changing out of my clothes, I crawl under my stack of furs. I'm asleep before my head hits the makeshift pillow.

"How long do you think she's going to sleep?"

"As long as she needs to. My god, the woman hasn't slept in a week. If I were her, I'd probably wake up three days from now," a second voice—Zara's—says.

"I'm awake," I rasp out with a husky note of sleepiness and rub at my gritty eyes.

Maeve and Zara sit on the latter's pallet staring at me. In Maeve's hands is a bowl that smells like it's filled with kokrra, the grain-like food that is served at the morning meal with a sweet syrupy substance I like. Slowly, I push myself to sitting and swipe my hair off my face. "What time is it?"

"Just after breakfast," Maeve says.

"What? Kyler wasn't supposed to let me sleep that long. He promised to come get me if Jodah woke up." I'm scrambling to stand.

Zara reaches over and, with hands on my shoulders, gently pushes me. I collapse onto my butt in my furs. "Sit your ass back down. He stopped by already, and Jodah is fine. He's woken up a few more times and is alert and talking. He's fine. But you're not going to be, if you keep running yourself ragged. As your friends, we're staging an intervention we should have staged days ago."

"Exactly. This is us, intervention-ing." Maeve actually harrumphs and thrusts the bowl into my lap. "Now eat something. You've lost too much weight."

Reluctantly, I grip the wooden utensil and glare. "Intervention-ing isn't even a word."

Maeve crosses her arms. "It is now. I just made it up. Now eat."

I shovel a big bite into my mouth and talk around it. "When did you become the bossy one?"

Zara laughs."You do realize who she's mated to, right? I think Benham is rubbing off on her."

Maeve's cheeks turn pink. "I want my friend to not get sick, and I'm not going to apologize for it."

"I appreciate you thinking of me. Thank you for bringing food." In truth it's good to have friends who care and aren't afraid to push me when I truly need it.

"You're welcome," she says primly.

"So," Zara draws out the word for several beats. "How lovestruck was Jodah when he woke up and saw his mating marks? Did he go on and on about how Deeka has blessed him?"

The kokrra gets stuck in my throat like a boulder. It takes a second, but I finally manage to swallow. It's a painful admission, but these are my friends. "He wasn't."

Zara's forehead creases. "He wasn't what?"

"Lovestruck."

She cocks her head in obvious confusion. "How did he react then?"

I give a little shrug and my chest tightens. "Like he didn't particularly care."

Both she and Maeve rear back. Of course it's Zara who reacts the strongest. "What the actual fuck?"

The hurt I tried holding back yesterday bursts out of me. Tears well and my lip quivers. Both of them scramble close, park themselves on either side of me, and grab my hands.

"What happened?" Maeve asks softly, stroking my back.

"Jo—Jodah woke up,"—I stutter—"and when I showed him the mating marks on his arm, his face was blank. No reaction whatsoever. To make it worse, he thanked me for spending a week taking care of him. Kyler thinks it's just because he's been so injured and isn't himself yet, but I know that's not it."

Zara tugs down her sleeve, grips the cuff in her palm, and swipes it over my eyes drying my tears. "Then we'll figure out what the problem is and fix it. Deeka doesn't give these guys mating marks and then say, ‘Oops, I made a mistake'. Which means something else is going on. Maybe it is his injury or maybe it's not. And if he's a giant dick to you, then you don't want him for a mate anyway. There's not a warrior here who wouldn't want you for himself."

She's almost got me crying again. "What if Jodah doesn't want me?"

"Then we'll find you someone who does.I'm the only one left not mated," Zara reminds us, "so I'll go around and touch every single warrior of appropriate age until I find my mate or don't. Whoever's left are potential boyfriends, husbands, mates, whatever."

That all sounds great, but there's something she's forgetting. "What about the single females still at the settlement? Or when another ship lands here to drop off more humans? What if one of those women is the mate of the guy we pick?"

Zara scoffs. "The women back at the settlement have had ample opportunity to mingle with the Tavikhi. And if more humans do come, it'll be too late. Our men won't be touching anybody else but us."

As much as I love her for trying to cheer me up, I couldn't do it. How would I feel if someone had taken the male who was supposed to be my mate? It wouldn't matter that he didn't know he was mine. I don't want to do that to another woman. "Thank you for being such an amazing friend, but if Jodah doesn't want to be my mate, then he doesn't want to. I'll just stay single and maybe try to find a bunch of ketri to be my pets since we don't have cats here. I'll be the crazy ketri lady."

How I can possibly have any type of sense of humor right now, I don't know. I suppose it's laugh so I don't cry.

Maeve squeezes my hand and lays her head on my shoulder. "Everything is going to work out. You'll see."

I really wish I had her confidence.