Chapter 3

Jodah

Pain unlike any I have ever experienced before radiates through me. It is as though I am being stung by hordes of mushkanja one right after another in a never-ending cycle and there is nothing but an endless sea of pain and agony. On the other side of it is a sweet sound that calls to me, but it is too far away, and I am weak.

Cold seeps into my bones. If I am asleep, I cannot wake. I can only feel pain and want nothing more than for it to cease. A soft touch strokes my face. It might be the one place I do not hurt. It reminds me of my nene's touch when I caught a sickness as a kit and she held me in her arms and spoke to me of our ancestors. But then the caress stops. I desperately want to call it back.

A glowing light appears and grows brighter and brighter until I am nearly blinded. Yet, my eyes are closed. At least I believe they are. A pale wisp of smoke billows around me—covering me—and the pain disappears as though it never existed.

Peace settles within me and my body relaxes into the cloud of smoke that wraps around me like a warm fur. A sudden knowing comes. A form rises from the smoke to appear in front of me. A female. Deeka.

She is stunning, although she has no form. Her essence shines so bright it takes my breath away.

"Am I dead, then?"

There is no answer. Only a sensation of love gliding over my skin. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever felt. I never want it to stop.

"Why am I here?"

She remains silent. Frustration bubbles up inside me and grows. What is this? Am I lost in some void? Have I not been a worthy enough male to be allowed to join the rest of my ancestors and tribespeople in Deeka's land? Have I not prayed enough? Followed her truthfully enough?

Another caress moves along my cheek as though assuring me that is not the case. Or perhaps I am merely trying to comfort myself. In the distance, that same sweet sound from before calls again. I face the goddess again.

"Tell me what to do. Please."

Her silence continues. Instead the other sweet sound grows louder and louder, becoming more distinguishable.

"Jodah, you must drink for me."

I can finally make sense of it. But who is speaking? Why can I not see them?

"Drink."

Compelled to follow the directive, I drink something bitter. My tongue rejects the flavor and I spit it out.

"Please, Jodah. You need to drink this. It will help you."

Is this why I have not traveled into Deeka's lands? I require help from the voice that is soft and tender? Doing what the voice instructs, I swallow the foul liquid being poured down my throat. When it almost becomes more than I can handle, the flow stops and provides me a blessed relief from the awful, bitter taste.

A gentle caress sweeps along the side of my face and the sweet voice speaks.

"Everyone has been in here to check on you, you know. To see how you're doing. It must be nice having that many people care about you." The caress runs along my brow bones this time. "The only person who cared about me back on Earth was my friend Makayla. I miss her. A lot. But I didn't have much choice about coming to Tavikh."

Her words do not make sense.

"I've been really lucky though. I've found new friends here. We've all become like sisters, so it's made living here that much more pleasant. Although, it was touch-and-go for a while there with the Krijese attacking all the time." The female loosens a small laugh that sends a pleasant sensation through me.

Her voice is so lovely I do not want it to stop, but fatigue has hit me hard and the pain is returning. Slowly, the female's voice fades until it is no more.

Heat more sweltering than that given off by the sun burns me from the inside. It is as though my blood is made of the flowing fire water that spewed from the mountain top my baba once told me about. Violent agony pierces my chest as though someone is stabbing me over and over again with a sword. I cry out with it and thrash, trying to thrust off whatever is causing it. Strong arms hold me down which only makes my need to get free that much more.

"Jodah, you're tearing your stitches," the strange female's voice calls out. "You have to be still. Please."

Cold water runs across my brow bones and drips into my hair, but it quickly warms from the sweltering heat of my body. I am on fire. In pain. So much pain. I try once again to dodge it, but there is no escaping. I cry out wishing for it to end.

Is Deeka punishing me? Have I done something to anger her? Is that why I am stuck in this place of never-ending pain and suffering?

"Please, goddess. Make it stop." My plea falls on deaf ears, because the pain only grows. I cannot take much more of this. I thought I was a warrior, but I am not strong enough to fight this.

"You are strong enough," a firm female voice—that sweet sound—tells me. "You are going to fight. Don't give up. Do you hear me, Jodah? I won't let you give up."

I want to do what the female says, but it is so hard. I am weak and I am tired. More cold liquid spreads over my head and along my upper chest and arms. It is no use. I give in to oblivion.

A strange noise reaches me. It is not a sound I have heard before. It takes great effort, but I try to force my eyes to part. Why do I hurt so much? Slowly, I finally manage to open them. Above me is the arched hide of a tent, but it is not my own. It is far too large. I blink and things become more focused. The unfamiliar sound continues. I move my head slightly. Only enough to determine if more pain will come. When it does not, I move it a bit more.

Standing on the other side of what I have determined is the healer's tent is one of the human females. The one with hair the color of fire. She leans against a high table and her body shakes. The noise comes from her. There is something sorrowful about it. I open my mouth and only a dry croak comes from my throat. It is enough to startle her.

The female whips around and quickly wipes her hands across her face. There is wetness pouring from eyes that are streaked with color that matches her hair. Beneath them are smudges so dark they rival the wood of the fiku trees.

"Oh my god, Jodah." She rushes over to me. "You're awake."

"Thirst."

"Yes, of course." She slides her hand beneath my head to bring a cup to my lips.

I should not need the female's assistance, but I am glad for it. The liquid has the bitter taste of burim root, but I drink it anyway. When I have had enough, I draw my head away. She gently releases me.

"How is your pain? Do you need anything else? Are you too hot?" The healer's apprentice touches my brow ridges. "Too cold?"

"What…" I clear the rasp in my voice. "What happened? Why am I here?"

"What is the last thing you remember?"

I strain my memory to recall anything. Evren and I discovered traces of a luani and needed at least two more warriors to go after it.

"Evren, Katem, and I asked Benham to come with us on our hunt for a luani. We left early that morning and…that is all I can remember." Except for the pain. The pain I will never forget.

"You all found it and it attacked. The luani struck you across the chest. Benham and Katem brought you here." Sage pauses. "That was a week ago."

Her words confuse me. "A week? I do not know how long that is."

"Sorry, yeah." She tosses up her hand. "Um, a week is seven days. So, it happened seven turns of the sun ago. Your wound got infected. We weren't sure if you were going to make it."

It is no wonder I am weaker than a kit if I have been with the healer for seven turns. I study Sage again. She does not look like I remember before the attack. There is something different about her. From the dark coloring under her eyes, she looks as though she has not slept. Her form is not the same either as though she has not been eating. She does not look healthy. "Have you been here the whole time?"

She glances away before bringing her gaze back to me. "Yes."

"Why have you done so?"

Sage pauses for several beats of my heart. She reaches for me and clasps my hand. Her skin is soft and smooth. She is also warm and there is a tingling along my flesh where we touch. Slowly, she raises my arm. I glance down at it, unsure what my limb has to do with why she has watched over me for seven turns. It is then that I see them.

Dark swirling mating marks line my flesh. I blink, unsure if I am imagining them, but they are still there. I turn my gaze up to Sage. There is a look of uncertainty on her face.

"You?" Is this why she has remained here?

She carefully sets down my arm. "Yes. It happened the day they brought you in here."

For this ‘week', I have been mated. I try to recall everything I have learned about what it is like when a warrior finds his fated mate. My nene and baba both said the minute they touched, not only did Baba's mating marks appear but both of their soul lights ignited. I look into myself and search for this light, but I cannot find it. Perhaps I am looking in the wrong place. Except there is nothing inside me anywhere that I can feel or see. My mating marks may have appeared on my body, but I do not feel mated.

"You have my thanks."

A flash of hurt crosses Sage's face, but is quickly gone. "I didn't do it for a thank you."

I want to say something else, but I do not know what. She clears her throat and steps back. "Do you need some water or anything more for the pain?"

"No, thank you. I will perhaps rest for a little while." It does not matter that I just woke, the small amount of speaking I have done has fatigued me.

She nods, but does not meet my gaze. "Rest is always the best medicine. I'll let Kyler know you woke up."

My eyes slowly close, but my mind does not want to rest no matter what my body says. Once again I search inside for my soul light, but there is nothing. Could it be I just need to heal from my injury? If I sleep, will I feel differently when I wake? I say a prayer to Deeka asking for guidance, but she does not answer. I am left with a hollow sensation in my chest.

The one thing that I have prayed for since the shefir mated the shefira has come to pass and yet it does not give me that sense of completeness Zander and the other mated males have spoken of. Am I defective in some way? What if Deeka is wrong and I am not meant to be mated to Sage? No answers to my questions come. I should say another prayer, but why do I bother if the goddess will not even acknowledge them in any way?

Discontent wells up inside me. I will rest though, like I said, and when I wake everything will be different.