Chapter 18

Rojtar

While I do not think Abby originally wanted to speak about the mate bond, I am glad for her curiosity in regards to it. Over the last several lunar cycles I have asked many of the mated males what it is like to have a human keeshla . It is almost like I knew I was waiting to meet Abby. The sorrow I have sensed from her is still present, but it appears to be muted over the last few turns. I have been hopeful that it means her feelings toward me are changing.

Having a human female as a mate is more challenging to navigate than if she’d been Tavikhi. Yet somehow, I know that it is far more rewarding, because as Abby has said, humans do not want to just be given to a male not of her choosing. So for her to choose me, it somehow holds a deeper meaning and makes me think the bond between us will become even stronger if— when —she accepts it.

I like to think that she is developing softer feelings. Her hardness toward me has lessened which I count as a good sign and something I will not take for granted. It also reminds me of the male she spoke of earlier.

“Will you tell me about the male who hurt you? Was he your mate?”

“I thought he was going to be,” Abby says with so much sadness. “But it turns out he already had a mate I didn’t know about.”

Did I truly hear her right? “Do you mean a mated male led you to believe he was unmated and wanted you to be his mate?” Are all humans this dishonorable?

“That’s not even the worst of it, but essentially yes.” She sighs.

There is more? Whatever male hurt her back on their planet is lucky I am unable to travel. If I were, I would track him down and make him regret hurting my female.

“He is an unworthy male who does not deserve a moment’s thought.”

Abby huffs out a bitter laugh. Several strands of hair that have fallen across her cheek lift with the breath of air she breathes out and then settle back down. “If only it were that easy.”

“Why is it not? Do you still carry love for this male?” Is that why she hasn’t accepted me or our mate bond? Her heart still belongs to the dishonorable male?

She swivels her head and stares out at the river and forest. Abby’s arms tighten around her legs and she curls into herself even more deeply. Dread lands in my belly and my chest aches with a pain I have not experienced before this turn. Has my soul light not burned brightly enough to share with her?

“After my mother died, my dad started drinking. The alcohol then turned to drugs. Here I was, still a child and one who’d just lost her mom, having to take care of herself because her father was hardly ever home,” Abby finally says. “I don’t know how much you know about what it was like back on Earth, but I was part of what they call the bottom tier. We barely had any money no matter how hard we worked.”

She stops, but I remain patient and silent until she is ready to resume her story.

“With my dad always gone and using whatever money we did have to pay for his drugs, it was left up to me to make sure I had enough to take care of the rent where we lived as well as keep up with our supply of protein bars. Otherwise, we would not only be homeless, but we’d starve,” Abby’s voice breaks, but she clears her throat and continues. “I was fourteen years old, barely older than Carter is, and working eighteen hours a day. There was hardly even any time to sleep. I asked for help from people I thought were friends, but only a couple of them were willing. But the things they asked for in return—things no one should ask a fourteen-year old child for—were things I wasn’t willing to give. This went on for almost two years, until one day, I met Henry. I knew he came from the upper tier and was only in the bottom tier to monitor the workers at the factory where I worked, but he never made me feel less than. Not once.”

Anger swells within my chest at hearing the name of the male who harmed my keeshla . There is a tenderness in her voice when she says it that makes my heart ache. I wish it were my name Abby is saying this way, because it would mean she has similar feelings for me that she does for this Henry. There has never been hate inside me until now, not even for the Krijese who were once our enemies.

“He was kind and made me feel special. Like I was the most important person in the world. It didn’t matter that he was so much older than me—my dad’s age, in fact. Henry treated me like I meant something to him and gave me the love I’d been lacking and so desperately wanted.” Abby laughs and it is filled with bitterness. “It wasn’t long before we became intimate. I was only sixteen. A child who equated sex with love. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for Henry if only he’d keep loving me. When my dad found out about our relationship, he was livid. Tried to separate us, but I kept meeting Henry because we were in love and no one was going to keep us apart.”

My vision goes dark at the image she crafts. What sort of male preys on a lonely and innocent kit? Abby once again turns her head to face me.

“You probably think I’m stupid and reckless,” she says.

“I do not think you are either of those things.” My muscles ache with the need to reach out and touch her, but I am unsure if she will welcome it so I do nothing. “I think you were taken advantage of by a male who was not worthy of your tender and young emotions.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Abby corrects. “Henry didn’t take advantage of me. I knew exactly what I was doing. I craved him and everything he gave me.”

“You were a kit who needed to be loved. That is something we all want and there is nothing wrong with it. But no matter how much you do not believe he manipulated you and your emotions, he did. He was an adult who saw a vulnerable kit desperate for affection. Instead of preying on you, he should have been protecting you.” The more I hear about this male, the more despicable he becomes.

Abby’s gaze bores into me like she is judging the truthfulness of what I say. I keep my eyes on her without glancing away once because I want her to understand I stand by my words. Tears well and spill down her face. She sniffs, but does not wipe them away. Carefully, I reach out and wait for her to draw away from my touch. When she does not, I brush away the wetness with my finger. I am bothered by the fact she cries for this male who does not deserve her tears.

“What if I tell you that’s not everything?” Abby whispers.

“Then I will tell you that nothing you say will change how I feel about you. You are my keeshla . The female who Deeka chose because she knows that we are perfect for each other in every way. Just as you are mine, I am yours. Completely and fully. You are the female I was born to love and always will, no matter what.” I have never been more certain of anything in my life.

“Even if I tell you Carter isn’t my brother, but my son, and it’s a secret I’ve kept from him his entire life?”

For some reason, her revelation does not surprise me although I am unsure why. Perhaps I always suspected. I cradle her face within my palm. “Even then.”

More tears fall from her eyes. “Do you know what Henry said when I told him I was pregnant?”

I am not sure I want to know or guess. “No, what did he say?”

“He denied that Carter was his. The one and only person I’ve ever been with—the only person I’d ever loved —had the nerve to suggest our baby was someone else’s.”

It is no wonder my Abby does not trust me or anyone. Her poor heart must have been crushed by the callousness of the male she had given it to.

“How did you discover he was already mated?”

She huffs out a pained sound. “Believe it or not, my dad. After I told Henry I was pregnant and he refused to acknowledge the baby as his, I had no idea what to do. For months he had been promising to take me away from the bottom tier. Any time I brought it up, though, he would change the subject. I never understood why. Although in hindsight, I should have. So after he rejected me and wouldn’t even talk to me anymore, I searched out my father and told him the truth.”

If Abby and Carter came to this planet with her baba then he must have repaired their relationship.

“To my surprise, he sobered up and was home more often. He got a job and started contributing toward the bills. He actually became the father he was before my mother died. One day, he got off work early and used some of his money to bribe his way into the upper tier to track down Henry. He managed to locate him and discovered he didn’t just have a wife—a mate—but he also had other children.”

Unsure if Abby will accept my comfort or not, I risk gently lifting her and place her over my thighs. To my great relief, she leans into my chest and rests her head on my shoulder. I keep my arms wrapped tightly around her and twine my tail around her ankle and lower leg. Nothing has felt more perfect and right than my mate allowing me to take care of her.

“I know words often have no meaning, but I vow to you here and now that I will never deceive you, always keep my promises, and hold your heart close to mine and protect it with every bit of strength I possess.” I press my mouth against her hair. “You are my keeshla —my tender-hearted Abby—and the one being I love more than anyone, including myself. I will spend the rest of this lifetime and the next proving to you that your trust in me is the most precious gift I have ever received and will never take it for granted.”

Abby sniffles and rubs her cheek against me, burrowing herself farther into me as though we might become one being. “Why couldn’t I have met you when I was sixteen?”

I smile into her hair and breathe in its sweet fragrance. “As much as I wish the same, we would not be who we are now if we had. You would not have Carter and I would not understand how truly blessed I am to be the mate of the strongest, most courageous female to ever exist on this planet or any other.”

Abby lifts her head and stares intently at me. She scans my face and brings her hand up to caress it. I sit patiently while she explores the bony ridges over my eyes, my flat nose, and my cheeks. When she traces her fingertip along the length of my ear to its pointed end and down the other side, a shudder runs through me, and beneath her round, tailless backside my cock hardens.

I tilt my pelvis away to avoid making her to think I expect anything more from her than what she is currently giving, but Abby shifts her weight and presses herself down on me. A groan rumbles up from my chest and before I can swallow it down, it spills from the lips she now brushes her finger across. My tongue flicks out and I get the briefest taste of my mate’s skin.

The inner black circle of her tri-colored eyes grows so large the next outer color—green—almost disappears. Her breaths become more rapid and Abby drops her gaze to my mouth. She removes her finger and I bite down on the need to call her back.

She replaces it with her own mouth.

She clasps the back of my neck and her fingers linger in my hair as her lips explore mine. There is a flicker of wetness against them and it takes me a moment to realize it is her tongue. My arousal deepens at this new type of mouth touching we are doing and, without thought, I grind my aching cock against her plump bottom. This time the moan of desire comes from her and I take it within myself, savoring the sound and drinking it down. It is most delicious.

I lose track of all time as we mouth touch and explore each other with our tongues. My Abby tastes like the shurup nectar I use to sweeten my kokrra at the morning meal.

“Oh man, gross!”We quickly break apart and glance behind us. Carter, Talek, and Cecily stand there watching us with mixed expressions, each holding a small, kit-sized spear. Carter’s is one of disgust, while Talek’s is interest, and Cecily appears bored. Abby quickly scrambles from her position on me and I swallow the groan as she rubs across my still hard and aching cock. I remain where I am. It won’t do to have the kits see my condition.

“Carter, oh god, I didn’t know you were…sorry, um, we were just…” Abby bumbles her words, but her brother—son—holds up his hand and shakes his head.

“I know what you were just…” he shudders, but there is a grin tugging at his lips. “Please don’t say anything else. What you two do is your business and you’re welcome to keep it to yourselves, thank you very much.”

My keeshla’s cheeks brighten in color and she wrings her hands in front of her in a nervous gesture I have never witnessed from her before. It is sweet and adorable. “Okay, yeah. Did you need something?”

“No, we were just going to see if we could do some fishing.” He raises his spear slightly.

Abby startles. “I didn’t realize there were fish in the river.”

Now that I have managed to get control of my body, I stand next to my mate. “There are a few peshku, although they are not easy to find. Most of them have shifted downriver, but on the rare occasion, it is possible to find some. The fun is in trying to locate them and see who the lucky person is that might actually be able to catch one.”

“Yeah, and I’m determined to win this time, since I missed out on the sparring tournament we had today.” Carter narrows his gaze at Cecily who preens a little.

I chuckle because they all underestimate the young female’s skill and determination. “Well done, Cecily.”

“Thanks.”

“We’ll be back later,” Carter tells Abby.

The three kits take off, leaving us alone. She watches them until they move behind a nenuphar bush and are no longer visible and then turns to me. To my delight, she closes the distance between us and wraps herself around me. I do the same and hold her close feeling the softness of her body against me.

“Thank you for listening and not judging me,” she whispers against my flesh.

“I will always lend you my ear and you never have to fear that I will think ill of you.”

We continue holding each other. I will be satisfied with whatever affection Abby gives me and patiently wait for when she is ready for more than mouth touching. We have time. It is more important to me that I earn her trust. After she realizes that I will never hurt her, everything will fall in place the way it is suppose to. I will follow her lead and whatever path she decides to go. My faith in Deeka’s choice is strong and I know she has picked the perfect mate for me with Abby. Soon, my keeshla will have the same realization. Until then, I remain patient and steadfast in my affection for her.