Chapter 17

Abby

To my great shock, Rojtar’s right. I manage to bring down a second dreri. Granted, he has to put it out of its misery since I didn’t throw a kill shot, but I’m still proud—and also a bit guilty—of my accomplishments. I feel bad about the animals dying, but I’m trying my best not to think about it. Maybe I do have a soft heart.

“Excellent job, Abby,” Rojtar says and not for the first time.

I can’t help but preen under his compliments. “Thanks.”

No one’s ever treated me the way he does. I shouldn’t take as much pleasure out of it as I do, but I can’t help it. I’m so tired of keeping people at a distance. Or at least keeping him at one. A voice inside my head whispers to brace myself when he disappoints me. It’ll take great pleasure in saying “I told you so.” For once, I’m ignoring it.

“It is early, yet, but we should return to the village with our spoils. We have had a successful turn.”

Although I want to improve my hunting skills, there’s no way I can carry two of these deer. One’s going to be hard enough, but I refuse to complain. “You’re probably right. I also don’t want Carter to worry if I’m gone too long.”

As independent as my brother’s getting, he’s always making sure I’m okay. Rojtar faces the two Krijese I’ve done my best to avoid without making it obvious I’m avoiding them. I feel bad about it considering they haven’t done anything wrong, and Rojtar trusts them.

“Thank you for joining us on our hunt. I wish you continued success,” he says.

The massive male inclines his head making his black, rope-like hair fall farther over the front of his shoulders to his dark inky chest that shimmers with hints of green. “Give our respects to Healer Sage.”

“I will.” Rojtar turns to me. “Are you ready?”

Yes, but there’s something I need to do first. “In just a second.”

My steps are slow and measured, but I keep my chin up and my back straight while I approach Kala and Sorin. The elder’s pitch black eyes focus on me and the two small tusks on either side of vertical seam that splits his mouth and hides his teeth shift. I come to a stop directly in front of Kala and well within his reach, but keep my arms loose at my sides.

“I’m sorry for the way I reacted when you and your son first appeared. Thank you for remaining kind in spite of it and for joining us on our hunt.”

He doesn’t respond at first, and I force myself not to flinch under the intensity of his stare. Behind me, Rojtar hasn’t moved either. Kala’s expression remains impassive, but there’s a slight shift in the color of his eyes. So slight I’m not sure I’d have noticed if I weren’t so close and focused on him.

“My people have been feared for generations. Rightfully so. We have warred and killed and destroyed. But where has that gotten us? To the verge of extinction is where,” Kala says solemnly. “Being feared is all I have ever known. Until now. Now my people know what peace feels like, and I do not want to lose that. Not only for myself, but for my son. So, in spite of those who still fear us, I will still show kindness so I can teach Sorin that the Krijese are able to change. To be better than we were before.”

“Sorin is a lucky young man.”I give him a brief nod and walk to where Rojtar still stands over the dreri. The fact I’m giving my back to a person I feared straight down into my soul a few short hours ago isn’t lost on me. Where I’ve found the courage to do so is a mystery. Maybe it’s the utter trust that the man I’m heading toward has for him. Does that mean I trust Rojtar with the same utter certainty? It should scare me how much I want to say yes.

When I reach him, his tail twines around my waist. The weight of it is comforting. I should be pushing him away with its hint of possessiveness. Before my brain can process what I’m doing, I rest my hands on his chest. My body feels like it is a separate entity making all the decisions. So much heat radiates off Rojtar and the mating marks that color his skin darken. This is the first time I’ve touched any part of him aside from holding his hand.

The soft, buttery leathered texture against my fingertips is decadent. Logically I know Kala and Sorin are still close by, but I can’t find it in me to care just yet.

“You continue to make me proud, keeshla .”

“What does that word mean exactly?” I’ve heard it said by other warriors since our arrival in the Tavikhi village, but I haven’t paid much attention to its context.

“It means fated mate. The female we have been blessed by Deeka to spend eternity and beyond with.” The way Rojtar says it feels as though it’s the best thing that could ever happen. I suppose to the Tavikhi, it is.

Instead of instantly refuting the idea I’m his mate, I take a moment to absorb it. To see how it makes me feel. There’s a part of me that wants to deny him. But it’s not as big as the part that wants to believe he’s everything he’s shown me he is to be. That I can trust him. Rely on him. That he’s going to always be there no matter how hard life gets. He won’t turn his back on me.

More than anything, I want to believe it. I suddenly realize how exhausting it is to keep him at arm’s length. Do I dare entrust myself to him?

“What are you thinking, right now?” Rojtar caresses my cheek. “I have not seen you this intense since we first met.”

I glance around, only to find Kala and Sorin—along with their kills—gone. Despite the privacy we now have, this is a conversation that should happen in the village and not out in the open like this. I rise up and kiss him.

“Let’s go home and we’ll talk.” This is the first I’ve referred to the Tavikhi village as such.

The familiar light flares brightly from Rojtar’s eyes before it quickly disappears. “Let us go home then.”

This time, I let him assist with draping the dreri across my shoulders. We return to where he left the other two, and I wait while he hoists them both over his own shoulders. Then we set off. There’s a buzz of expectation as well as excitement that settles between us on the trek to the village. Our pace is faster than it had been when we left in spite of the weight we both carry.

Conversation is minimal. Almost like we’re saving it all up. In what feels like record time, we reach the long field that stretches out in all directions. My energy and strength are flagging, but I push through.

“We are almost there, keeshla .”

I love the easy encouragement Rojtar offers. It’s constant and steady, as though he already knows I can do it, but can tell I don’t have the same faith in myself as he does. It’s a bit disconcerting that he has discerned so much about me like he can see right to the core of who I am. He may even know more about me than I know about myself. The only thing I know about him is that he’s an orphan as well.It’s a correction I need to make when we talk.

Finally, we reach the village entrance. It’s still a bit early for other hunters to return or for the evening meal so there aren’t many people visible on our way to the tanning tent. On our way past the central fire, London sits on a bench while the children, including Carter, form a semi-circle on the ground in front of her. To my shock, it looks like they’re having some kind of lesson. I’ve been here for over a week. How did I not know they had something resembling school? Maybe because you’ve kept yourself so separate from everyone .

My face grows hot. I really have isolated myself completely, except from Carter. I make a vow to do better. Thankfully our destination comes into view. Rojtar deposits his two dreri just inside the tent and turns to help me with mine. Now that things have shifted between us to whatever it currently is, I’m trying to change. To open myself up more. It’s not going to be easy.

“Thank you.” The more I say the words, hopefully the easier they’ll come.

“You are most welcome.”

“Do you mind if I get cleaned up first? Maybe we can meet down by the river in a little bit?” I might be using that excuse as a minor postponement tactic to put off talking for just a bit longer. Just to give myself a little time to avoid becoming vulnerable.

“Of course. I will do the same.”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon then.”A slightly giddiness fills me that we’re both going to come to each other trying to look our best.

It reminds me of a first date back on Earth. I suppose if I were to count the walk we took or the two times we’ve eaten together already, this wouldn’t be our first one. Except that this one feels much more intentional. Not wanting to get held up any longer than necessary, I avoid the central fire where Carter is. Instead, I hurry to our tent, wash really quickly, and change into a clean pair of jeans and the nicest shirt I own.

It’s a castaway I found after the attack that killed my dad. The dark green fabric goes well with my hair and I love the way it fits. I feel like I should have been living in the upper tier when I have it on. Hopefully it doesn’t belong to any of the women who live here now, because that would be extremely awkward.

After a quick brush of my teeth, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. I’m glad Carter’s still occupied. I exit the tent and make my way to the river. Rojtar is already there and once again he has a large fur spread out on the ground. At my approach, he turns and glances over his shoulder. His smile is large and I can’t help but return it. Butterflies flutter inside my belly and a throbbing starts up below it.

The way the sun shines down on him makes his hair look like burnished gold. His mating marks have turned to nearly black from the bright purple they started out as when I first touched him. It feels like a lifetime ago and yet it’s only been three days. Things have changed so fast. I’ve changed. I know I’m still holding a lot of myself back—nearly all of myself, in fact. Rojtar makes me want to be a different person entirely, but I’m not sure I have it in me.

I arrive at the blanket where he sits, and he pats the empty space next to him. “Come and rest, keeshla .”

Once seated, I pull my knees into my chest and rest my chin on top of them to stare outover the river and enjoy the peaceful stillness. The suffocation I always felt living in the bottom tier has slowly been melting away over the last ten days. It still plagued me even while in the human settlement. I think it was being surrounded by four walls where, here, in the village there are no barriers where we sit. It’s wide open with nature being the only thing in the way.

“My mother died when I was fourteen.” It’s been years since I’ve talked about her. “After that, my dad was never the same.”

“Do mates on Earth not join each other in the afterlife?” Rojtar asks.

“I mean, I suppose some do, but it’s usually many years later before it happens. Is that not how it works here?”

“The bond between mates is unbreakable. Even in death. When two Tavikhi are fated, their soul lights sear together to form a single unit,” Rojtar explains. “When one dies and their soul light is extinguished, the other’s soul light is as well, although it can often take a single turn and sometimes two. But both are snuffed out and together, they join the ancestors in the lands of Deeka.”

I can’t decide if that’s romantic or sad. It does lead me to another question. I turn my head to rest my cheek against my knees so I can look at Rojtar. “You said the soul lights of two fated Tavikhi sear together. What happens when one of those mates is a human? We don’t have soul lights. Actually, I don’t even know what that is.”

“Deep within us is a spark that lies dormant. When our fated mate touches us or us them, it triggers our mating marks to appear and ignites that small spark so that it flares to life. It burns throughout our entire bodies and shines so hot and so brightly to even become visible outside of ourselves during times of high emotion, but only to the person it belongs to.”

I listen with intent fascination.

“The heat of two soul lights from those two mates is what sears it together until they become one soul,” Rojtar says.

“But what about a human mate who doesn’t possess one?” I ask again.

“I have heard the other males with human mates say that because you do not have your own soul light, we share ours with you. From my understanding, this occurs as you fall in love, although I’m not entirely clear on how it truly works.”

I think about all the times I could have sworn a bright light shined out from Rojtar’s eyes and how it makes me feel like I’m being wrapped in a warm hug and gives me such a sense of peace. Does that mean I’m falling in love with him? It doesn’t seem possible to develop such strong feelings for someone in such a short period of time. I’ve never believed such a thing as love at first sight exists.

Then how do you explain what’s been happening to you ? The thing is, I can’t.