Chapter 12

Maeve

I stare after Benham. He kissed me. And I let him. I'm not sure which one surprises me the most. The minute he asked, my heart raced with a mix of fear and excitement. No one has ever kissed me so gently or briefly. It almost didn't even qualify. A mere brushing of lips. Yet, I felt it throughout my whole body.

A cold breeze blows my hair in my eyes. I tuck it behind my ear and go back inside the tent with Sage and the fire. There's a torch planted next to the center pit providing additional light and heat. She's sitting at her pallet working on the balm she's making for us to try on our skin and glances up.

"How was your walk?"

I take the seat I'd vacated when Benham showed up and go back to grinding the plant I offered to help with. "It was nice."

Even though I count Sage as a friend, I've known her the shortest amount of time. And none of us know what brought her to Tavikh. London either, for that matter, although knowing she's from the bottom tier like me, I'm sure she had a good reason.

"So you guys are dating, then?"

My immediate response is to deny it, but isn't that what we're doing? Going for walks. Eating dinner together. Those pretty much constitute dates. Not that I have much experience with them.

"I suppose maybe we are."

The only person I ever "dated" was David and that was more dragging me to parties at his friends' houses. He always introduced me as an afterthought and never as his girlfriend. Just "This is Katherine." Then he'd ditch me for the rest of the night to get drunk. I'd go find a quiet place to sit until he came back and told me he was ready to go. We'd go back to my place, he'd come into the room I rented, have sex with me, and leave.

"I'm happy for you Maeve. You deserve a good guy," she says and tips her head back down while she works on adding an oil from some plant to the mixture. It has a flowery earthy scent to it. I study her.

"It's just you and Zara left, I guess. Do you think you're the mate of one of the warriors?" Zara has already said she's all for finding a mate, but Sage hasn't said one way or another about it and she's been on Tavikh the longest. Six months give or take.

"I don't know if I want one, although I suspect it won't happen after all this time," she says. "I mean, if we're all here because of fate or destiny or whatever, then what is Deeka waiting for? I've been on this planet for a while. I've been to this village countless times working with Kyler when I still lived in the human settlement before we moved in here. You'd think she would have put my fated mate in front of me by this point if I had one."

But if Sage hasn't touched anybody except for Kyler then she wouldn't know. How many warriors has she touched who've come into the healer's tent? There have been six in there since the Krijese attack on the village a week ago. Before that there were a couple other warriors she worked on. And none of their marks were triggered.

"Maybe she's waiting for something." It's a thought. Why else would she bring all of us here, if not to give us mates?

"I'm not sure what she'd be waiting for. I've been here this whole time." Sage sweeps her arm out.

"Maybe it's not you she's waiting on. Maybe it's the warrior. Maybe he's one of the younger ones and needs to age a few more years."

She snort laughs. "Great, Deeka is going to make me a cradle robber."

"Not that young." I chuckle. "Aren't there a few warriors that are nineteen or twenty? That's only, what six or seven years?"

"More like ten."

Oh. For some reason I've always thought she was closer to my age. "Still. Ten years isn't that much. Human men date and marry younger women all the time. Even ones more than ten years younger. Why does everyone make such a huge deal out of when it's the woman who's older?"

"Misogyny," Sage says without missing a beat.

"True. Earth has always been a man's world." Men get away with crap and people dismiss it as boys will be boys. No one cared what was done to me. Not just because David was rich, but also because he was a man. "Tavikh is different though. I doubt anyone would look twice if your mate is younger than you. They'll thank the goddess for yet another blessing."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I'm still not going to pin my hopes on anything." She reaches out for the mortar holding the plant I finished grinding up. I pass it over and fold my hands in my lap. For several minutes I sit quietly and watch her pour my plant remnants into her own bowl and stir it up.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Sage glances up at me. "Of course."

"What if I'm wrong?"

Her forehead creases and she tilts her head the tiniest bit. "Wrong about what?"

"What if I can't ever be more than friends with Benham? I'm still so confused about if I even want to be more. I'm clearly a terrible judge of character. It wasn't that long ago, I thought Deeka was punishing me." I pick at my cuticle. "He offered to forget all about his mating marks and we'd both go about our lives as if they didn't exist and never happened."

Sage completely stops what she's doing. "When did he do that?"

"The night he confessed to being the one to take my basket of bizele. I left the evening meal to come back here, but I wound up at his tent first to thank him. He said it before we went for our walk."

"Has he mentioned it again since?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Can I ask you a question?" She leans forward and rests her elbows on her folded legs.

This feels like a trick. "Yes."

"Why didn't you take Benham up on the offer? He gave you the perfect out."

I gnaw at my lip. "Because it isn't fair to him."

"What about you? Is it fair to you to be given a mate you didn't even want?" She claps her hands over her ankles.

Before that whole dark period of my life, I'd always hoped to find a nice guy to fall in love with. The kind of love my parents had. I wanted someone to snuggle with at night. To talk with. Laugh with. Maybe have a kid with.

"He kissed me. Benham, I mean."

Sage sits up and her eyes widen. "When?"

"After our walk." I point to the door. "Outside the tent right before I came back in here."

"Wow. And?"

My cheeks flame. "It was nice. There wasn't any tongue or anything. He just brushed his lips across mine."

"Did you like it?"

I press my fingers to my mouth, where there's still a slight tingle. "Yes."

"Then maybe you should follow that feeling. Trust your gut if it's telling you something." She picks up her wood bowl and goes back to stirring her concoction.

My gut says Benham might be special. That maybe I don't have to be afraid anymore. I get to my feet and bend to give Sage a hug. "Thank you."

She pats my arm with a small laugh. "You're welcome."

I hike my blanket up higher and leave the tent. The wind has picked up and my hair flies everywhere. Cold air manages to sneak past the neckline of the fur and skate down my back. I shiver, which kicks me into gear. I walk past the healer's tent and the food stores, my gaze straight ahead and intent on my destination. In no time, I reach Benham's tent and smack the door. He doesn't answer. I slap again and wait, but still nothing. Maybe he's at the forge.

Gathering my bearings, I head in the direction I think it is. I've never seen it, but Zara has told me all about it. The strong scent of burning fiku wood hits me as does the sharp metallic clanging. I maneuver around a tent and there it is bordered on two sides by a stone wall with the mountainous hill at its back.

My steps slow. I'm not sure of my welcome. I don't want to disturb Benham's work, but I'm also curious about it. I feel like he knows so much more about me, aside from the real reason I'm on Tavikh, and I don't know nearly as much about him. I haven't been a very good friend. Bolstering my courage, I stop at the entrance and look inside.

Zara is the first person I spot. She's bent over a long stick and using some tool to curl the metal tip into what I think is supposed to be a conical shape. Her tongue peeks out between her lips as she works. The sharp clack from the other side of the forge draws my attention. Benham is slamming a type of hammer down on the tip of a similarly shaped conical piece, but his is much more obvious. With each blow that lands, a sliver of metal breaks off, forming a sharp point.

He smashes the hammer down again and rises, bringing the cone shaped piece he's holding with some tool up to his face. His eyes meet mine and he lowers his arm. I wave a bit awkwardly.

"Is all well, Maeve?" He sets down his tools and comes closer.

Zara stops what she's doing as well and her head jerks up. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. I didn't mean to bother either of you. I just came to talk to Benham for a minute." We just walked around the village talking. They're probably wondering why I didn't say whatever it is I need to say then.

But Zara's eyes widen knowingly and she darts a glance at her boss, whose back is to her, and over to me again. She grins in that self-satisfied way and comes around to the other side of the table from where she's working.

"I'll just leave you two alone." She walks past me on the way out and as she does she leans in slightly. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I want to cover my face but keep my hands within my blanket. Finally, it's only Benham and me. He closes the last bit of distance between us, but still gives me plenty of breathing room.

"Are you sure you are well? What is it you need to speak with me about?"

Now that I'm here, my courage is slowly leaking out.

"Maeve?" He uses that same tone he did before and the sound of it is calming.

"I'm sorry. You probably have a lot of work to do. I didn't mean to interrupt."

Benham takes a single step closer, but no more. "Do not ever be afraid to seek me out if there is something you need. I am always available to you."

"Thank you. Would you mind if I stayed a little while and watched?I've been curious what it is exactly you do back here. Like that." I point to the thing he'd been crafting when I arrived. "What is it you're making?"

Benham glances behind him. "Zara and I are making arrowheads. Well, I am making arrowheads. Zara is…learning."

I bite back a grin. "I'm sure she'll get better."

He nods. "Aye, she will."

"I'm glad she found something she enjoys. We were all a little worried about her, but none of us have seen her as excited as she has been. She's finally found her calling, I think."

"I have no doubt that Zara will become a fine weapon maker." Benham turns part way. "Come. I will show you if you'd like."

He walks back to where he'd set down what he'd been working on and I follow. Between the warmth from the fire and the walls cutting off the cold breeze, it's not bad in here. I loosen my hold on my fur. Lying in stacks against a wall are long metal rods. He picks one from the top and sticks the end of it in the fire until it's bright red and then he gets to work.

I can't help but stare at the way his muscles ripple and shift as he moves his arms. Or at the near-black curling and climbing tattoos—mating marks—that line his leather-textured, purple skin. London says it's way softer than it appears.

"Benham?"

He stops hammering and gives me his full attention.

"Would it be okay if I…if I touched you?"

"Is that what you would like to do?"

No. Yes. Maybe. My hands shake and I clench and unclench my fists. "I think so."

"My Maeve," Benham says softly and hearing him call me his makes my stomach flip-flop in a weird way. "I would like nothing more than that, but I want you to know that you want to, not just think you do. When you can say yes without hesitation, then I welcome all of your touches."

I didn't expect that. What guy would turn down the offer for a woman to touch him?

Apparently this one.

I'm not sure if I should be mad or grateful.