Chapter 13

Benham

There is nothing I would like more than for Maeve to touch me, but I sense her hesitation. If she is hesitant, then she is not touching me for the right reasons. I cannot believe there was ever a moment after my mating marks were triggered that I thought I held no affection for my mate.

My soul light shines for her. It is so bright I do not understand how no one is blinded by it.

"Do you know you're probably the first guy who's ever turned down being touched by a woman?" She huffs and her breath is smoky in the cold.

"Being touched by you would be my greatest pleasure. But how can I enjoy that pleasure if my mate cannot say for a fact it is something she wants to do? If we are to ever become mates in truth, it is because you welcome me with no hesitation."

Maeve drops her head slightly. "Do you want to be my mate?"

I set down my tools and carefully step closer, pausing only long enough for her to put space between us. When she does not, I place my finger under her chin and slowly lift until our eyes meet. "I stopped praying to Deeka when my baba and nene were killed by the Krijese. Since you have come into my life, I have prayed to her almost nightly asking her to show you I am a worthy mate, because there is nothing I want more than to be yours."

Maeve's mouth opens on an "Oh."

I drop my arm to my side and return to my work. My mate has a lot to think about. I reheat my metal rod and, careful of where she stands, place the heated end on the stone table. Just as I reach for my hammer, a touch as soft and light as a mellenje feather brushes along my arm. I remain unmoving, not wanting to scare my keeshla away since she has become so brave.

The blunt-clawed fingers run over my skin, tracing the pattern of my mating marks, causing them to heat and tingle. The sensation heads straight to my cock and I grit my teeth to keep the hardness at bay, but it is difficult when Maeve touches me so gently. I do not know what I have done in this world to deserve a treasure such as her, but I offer another prayer of thanks to the goddess for this blessing.

My mate continues her exploration, pausing at each scar that represents the battles I have fought. I can recall every encounter and which beast or enemy gave it to me. What caused the scars that I cannot see inside my mate? Her soft touches climb upward, gliding over the flesh of my shoulder, until she reaches the one that mars my face. I may have dealt the killing blow to the luani whose fur drapes over my mate, but he left me with one more thing to remember him by.

Maeve traces the length of the scar up into my hair and threads her fingers through the length of it. It falls around me as she releases it. Unable to resist, I turn my head to finally look at her. She leans in close and her plush chest mounds press into my arm as she rises up and gently mouth touches—kisses—me. That same pleasant sensation runs through me, but it feels like something is missing.

There's a light flick of something against my lips and I realize it is her tongue. Is this something humans do? They taste each other? I part my lips and touch my tongue to hers. My Maeve is delicious. Since this is my first time touching tongues with anyone, I let her lead and teach me how to do it. She is tentative, as though testing it out, and then grows bolder.

Except she is too far away.

I wrap my hands around her waist and draw her close to me. It takes me a moment to realize that I am the only one still doing any tasting. My mate has gone rigid and trembles in my embrace. I lift my mouth from hers and slowly loosen my hold until I have completely released her. Maeve's pale face is even paler, and her eyes are open, but it is as though she is not even seeing me.

Taking care not to startle her, I speak her name quietly. Once. Twice. Finally she blinks and is back with me. The human wetness fills up her eyes and fall down her cheeks.

"I did not mean to make you fear me again, Maeve."

She rattles her head side to side. "No, it's not you. It's me. I'm sorry for getting all weird on you."

"If I did something you do not like, I wish for you to tell me so I do not do it again."

"It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't that I didn't like it. I just wasn't expecting you to put your arm around me." She swipes at the wetness spilling from her eyes and loosens a breath. "I hate talking about this, because I want to forget it ever happened, but if we are going to be mates, then you deserve to know."

Ifwe are going to be mates. My soul light dims a little, but that is not what's important now. Maeve and what just happened is. "You may tell me anything. I will always listen."

"Yeah, but sometimes things aren't easy to say or hear." She wraps the luani fur more tightly around her as though she has gone cold again. "Back on Earth I had a boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?"

She shifts. "Yeah. It's like a guy you date—go on walks with and eat a meal with—and hope to fall in love and get married. Mated."

I draw back. "You had a mate?"

"No, he wasn't a mate. He was just a guy I dated. A not nice guy. In fact, he was terrible. I hate him so much," she says fiercely. "When he would get mad—which was all the time—he would hit me."

If I could travel to Earth, I would find this boyfriend and I would kill him.

"That's not even the worst of it." Maeve laughs, but it is the one I do no like. "He's the reason I'm here on Tavikh. The last time I saw him, he…hurt me. Forced me."

He forced her to do what? I try to puzzle it out, because this is so clearly painful for her, and she has been caused enough pain. I will not add to it. She is afraid of me or was afraid. She did not want to be alone with me in my tent. She did not go stiff until I held her close.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Maeve rasps. "Have you decided you don't want a mate who is damaged goods anymore?"

I reach for her hand, making sure I do not make any sudden moves. "I do not know what that means, but there is nothing about you that is damaged. You are brave and strong. You are also kind and generous and the most beautiful female I have ever seen."

"So you don't care that I'm not a virgin? I'm not sure if I'll be able to be a proper wife—mate—to you. Not after what he did to me. How could you want a mate who freezes just when you put your arm around her? What happens when you try to touch me in other places and I can't do it?"

A sudden knowing comes over me and I finally understand what my poor Maeve went through. I want to kill this male all over again. I cup her face in my hand and joy fills me when she leans into it. "Do you care that I have never touched a female?"

Her little nose wrinkles. "Of course I don't."

"What if I am not a proper mate to you? Because I am unskilled. Would you still want me for a mate?"

Maeve places her hand over mine. "You know it's not really the same thing, right?"

"Who we were before Deeka blessed us is not who we are now. Whatever happens between us is what we decide. I have gone thirty-eight warm seasons without touching a female and I expected to journey into the land of the goddess still having never touched a female. It does not affect my wanting you as a mate. I will always want you as my mate."

The water fills her eyes again and spills out. Maeve takes a tiny step forward and another until she is touching me. She puts her arms around me and lays her cheek against my abdomen. I stroke her hair to try and soothe her, but do not touch her in any other way. My mate needs to know that she can move away from me anytime she needs to and that I will not hold her if she does not want that.

Soon Maeve is done leaking water and releases me. She wipes away the wetness and takes in a shuddering breath. "I wish I had come to Tavikh a long time ago and met you then."

"You are here now and that is what matters."

She glances around. "God, I'm sorry. You were busy working and I've disturbed you long enough."

"You are never a disturbance. I welcome your company any time. No matter what I am doing."

"Still, I should probably let you get back to making your arrowheads. Since Zara is…learning." Her lips twitch. "I'll see you at the evening meal, though?"

I nod. "Of course. I would very much like that."

"Me too." Maeve walks to the doorway and pauses to glance back. "I very much liked kissing you as well."

Before I can reply, she leaves the forge. I am looking forward to our meal together even more, which makes going back to work harder. We will have plenty of time to spend together this evening though. I return to my project and try to lose myself in my craft. When each arrowhead grows worse, I know it is time to stop. My mind is not here. It is already with Maeve. I set about smothering the fire and putting away all my tools. Once that is finished, I head to my tent to wash the dust and smoke from my skin.

I make it to the central fire before my mate. Jodah, who I have not spoken to in several turns of the sun, approaches. He crosses his fist over his chest. I return the gesture.

"Blessings on your mating," he says.

"Thank you."

"Evren and I spotted traces of a luani today while out hunting. We are going to search for it tomorrow and are looking for two more hunters to join us. Since you have faced one down before, your skills would be valuable."

As much as I would like to spend more time with Maeve, a luani would feed our people for many turns of the sun. Its hide would provide warmth through the cold season. "I will join you."

"My thanks." He glances past me and dips his head. "Your mate comes."

I turn and there she is with Zara and Sage. Our eyes meet and affection fills my heart. I clap Jodah's shoulder and cross the distance between my mate and I. My apprentice nudges Maeve with a questioning glance. My mate nods. Zara and Sage break off from their group leaving me with my keeshla.

My tail twitches with the need to wrap around her and draw her close, but I will not do so until she invites me. I stop short of her, giving her space. Only she does not take it. Maeve walks the last few steps closer until we are practically touching and tips her head back to look up at me. Her arms go around my waist yet again and she rests her head on me. I will carry the sensation of my mate pressed against me into my tent tonight.

She draws away, but only slightly. "I'm practicing touching. Is that okay?"

"It is more than okay. You may touch me any time you like."

Maeve glances away but returns her gaze to me. "Maybe you could try hugging me. But not too tight."

I have never been one for gentle. As a warrior and hunter, strength and power are honed from a young age. There is no gentleness when taking down a luani or dhembe. There is no gentleness when fighting against a Krijese. For my keeshla, though, I will be gentle. Always.

Slowly, I wrap my arms around her, keeping my touch light. For the third time, Maeve puts hers around me as well and lays her cheek to my skin. We stand near the central fire as tribespeople make their way in our direction for the evening meal, and yet I remain here with my brave mate in my arms. It is the best feeling in all the galaxies. When I feel her hold loosening and she draws back, I release her instantly.

"I did not hold you too tightly, did I?"

Maeve's cheeks are that pretty color, and her smile is sweet. She shakes her head. "No, it was perfect."

"Good." I straighten with pride and hold out my hand. "Let us eat."

She slides her tiny one inside mine and we make our way over to the fire and the large pots filled with stew hanging over it. Once our eating vessels are full we walk to the spot where I usually take my meals. I sit and leave room for my mate. She pauses, glances at the empty place, at the ground, and back at the spot next to me, before finally lowering herself at my side.