Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Ethan’s large office suddenly felt cramped. It was the same size as it was earlier, but the amount of ego Poosh was displaying was too much. Ethan’s lips were compressed into a thin line, and I had to shove my hands into my pockets, so I didn’t light her on fire. If this turned out to be a dead end or a waste of time, I was going to post Uncle Fucker’s choo-choo diaper bag picture to the group chat and on billboards in Hell.

However, I didn’t think Satan was messing with us. He was as disturbed as we were about the Vampyre hunters and the Dhampirs. He said Poosh was an expert. We had no other option but to go with it.

The problem at the moment was that everyone seemed to have their own agenda. Poosh wanted Augustus. Augustus wanted nothing to do with the insane Demon. Martha and Jane were writing up a new list of demands for their concerts that I was in charge or procuring for them, and Felix was busy protecting his buddy. He’d placed a large armchair in front of Augustus, covering his buddy’s privates. It was useless, but I supposed it was the thought that counted.

Only Ethan and I were concerned that the end of the Vampyres’ secret existence was on the line.

“Be right back,” Martha shouted as she and Jane hustled out of the room. “Gotta go get the tour schedule. Don’t wanna leave none of them malls off the list.”

“Damn straight,” Jane added. “We’re gonna need a fresh naked Simon Cowell at every stop!”

And on that note the two idiots who could keep Poosh in line were gone. Whatever. I didn’t need them to keep the Demon on task. I hoped…

In between leering at Augustus, Poosh was eyeing the room with interest. That wasn’t working for me. I was glad I hadn’t put back any of the expensive electronics. She apparently had stickier fingers than Uncle Fucker… and she wasn’t remotely as charming.

“I’ll use this as my office,” she commented in a timber so high I was surprised it didn’t attract all the stray dogs in Kentucky. She ran her perfectly manicured nails over the leather couch in satisfaction.

As I went to zap her, Ethan stepped in front of me. He wasn’t any happier than I was about her attitude, but until we quizzed her, we had to play nice.

The Demon had the gall to giggle. It was as shill as her voice. “I’m glad you understand, bloodsucker. It seems you’re a little squirrely,” she purred.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” I purred right back. “You see, I don’t actually speak asshole and I’m only slightly fluent in moron.” I didn’t give her a second to reply. Augustus screamed. He was roundly ignored. “Let’s get started,” I said in a brook no bullshit tone. I didn’t care if Poosh thought she was superior to me. She wasn’t, but that was not why we were here. She had knowledge and I wanted it. She’d get paid and then she would leave. Hopefully, I’d never have to see or hear the nasty woman again.

“I’d like to start by saying that I shall be in charge of the mission,” she announced. “My word shall be the law.”

“Whoa Nelly, not part of the deal,” I said with a laugh that made her eyes spark red with fury. “You will not be going on any mission. You’ll tell us what you know about Dhampirs, you’ll get your payment and then you’re gone.”

“An ego is an ugly thing,” she purred. “It can get one killed. It’s quite clear that you’re jealous of me.”

I had no clue where she got that. However, I would squash that shit before it grew. “Actually,” I said flatly. “It’s clear to me that you must not like your own life very much. Chasing someone who wants nothing to do with you is pathetic. So, me being jealous of you is a stretch that would require a suspension of reality.” I dangled the two Chanel bags in front of her face.

She sneered. “Have it your way. For each piece of intel that I share, I get something.”

My eye roll was small but noticeable. “Fine. Besides the bags and the code what do you want?”

“I challenge you to a fight, bitch,” she said with a smug grin. “It will be delightful when I kick the Chosen One’s ass… and I will.”

Augustus screamed. Ethan laughed. Felix looked like he was going to pass out. Poosh was now not quite as sure about her demand, but she was a Demon. There was no backing down.

“As you wish, Pootie,” I replied flatly. “However, spill some info for the bags and the code or this goes nowhere fast.”

Poosh didn’t like her nicknames or threats, but that was too bad. She was earning them quickly. However, she wanted the bags.

“It’s impossible for a bloodsucker to impregnate a human,” she said.

“Out,” I snapped, pointing toward the door. “You’re a fucking idiot and useless.”

She didn’t move a muscle, just smiled. “Unless voodoo is used,” she finished.

I froze in my tracks.

“Do you know the spell?” Ethan demanded.

Poosh shrugged. “Fight first. Info after.”

Ethan glanced over at me. “Don’t kill her,” he advised.

“Wouldn’t think of it.”

Poosh wasn’t fazed. Her ego wouldn’t let her believe that she could be taken by a Vamp. She was about to learn differently.

The training room was empty of Vamps other than Augustus, Felix, Martha, Jane and Ethan. That was good. We didn’t need anyone nosing around until we had a grasp of what was going on.

Thankfully, The Kev, my dear friend and instructor, had taught me how to separate Kill Magic from Damage Magic. It wasn’t easy, but with a decade under my belt, I could handle my power with finesse.

The Kev had assured me that a killing machine who was capable of compassion, like me, would be one of the ultimate warriors of all time. I didn’t understand his logic then, but I did now. With great power came even greater responsibility. Being responsible for Poosh hadn’t been on my list, but then again, neither had Dhampirs or Vampyre hunters.

Poosh walked around the massive room and took it all in. She was hyped up. Her eyes were blood red and sparking dangerously. I wasn’t sure what she planned to accomplish by fighting me, but she didn’t seem too smart. She was ready to kill.

Of course, she would never be able to end me, but it wasn’t something I thought necessary to share. Unfortunately for Poosh, I could kill her… but I wouldn’t.

“This is not a fight to the death,” Ethan announced, knowing full well I couldn’t die by Poosh’s hand. It was standard procedure to label all sparring sessions as to what the end game would be. “It will be called when one of the two opponents gives up. Am I clear?”

“Accidents can happen,” Poosh said with a shrill laugh. “I will not be blamed for my Demonic prowess and power.”

“Works for me,” I said with a chuckle. “You do you, Poo.”

She didn’t like that and grew more agitated. It was beyond clear that the stupid woman had no idea I was a True Immortal. Knowledge was power, and she was missing a bunch of it.

I snapped my fingers and dressed myself in comfortable sweats and tennis shoes. While I might be indestructible, my Prada sheath and stilettos definitely were not. I’d be pissed if they got torn or bled on.

Poosh was getting impatient, and I let her. Too much aggression would lead to carelessness and mistakes. She should know better.

“Do your best, bitch” she jeered. “It won’t be good enough.”

I simply stared at her.

“You’re scared of me,” she smiled. It wasn’t pretty. “You know if you give it your all and I win… which I will, you’re nothing. You’re less than nothing, and everyone will know it. The Chosen One will be a joke.”

I stayed silent. It unnerved her.

“Are you going to fight me or what?” she shrieked.

The Demon clearly had a death wish.

Honestly, I didn’t want to hurt her. I knew she would heal since she was Immortal, but for some reason, hurting her didn’t feel right to me. Getting my head examined was now at the top of my to-do list. The Demon was nasty, bitchy, disrespectful and horrid, but I couldn’t help feeling something made her that way. My compassion was showing.

“Let’s go,” I said.

Poosh walked over and got in my face.

“He’s fucking me,” she whisper-hissed.

“Who’s fucking you?” I asked, confused.

She threw her head back and laughed like a hyena. It was so disturbing, Augustus screamed. I was getting used to his sound effects.

Poosh wasn’t quite done. “I’ve got your number, Lynda . He’s mine, and after I kick your sorry ass, you will understand not to mess with what’s MINE.”

Holy fuck, and oh my God. The deranged Demon thought I was Lynda . Her squirrely comment from earlier and the way she stared at me after demanding Lynda be at the meeting now made sense—except it made no sense at all. From the description of the fictional Lynda, I didn’t look a thing like her. I didn’t have red hair, and I definitely didn’t keep squirrels as pets.

“Umm… I think you might be…” I started but got violently cut off when the jackass pounced. She got one excellent punch in before I backed up and centered myself. The game was on. Explanations would come after.

She was crazed and desperate. I could feel blood dripping from my lip, and my eye was swelling shut. That didn’t feel great. I looked into her red eyes. She needed to fight me more than I needed to clear up the misconception. She wouldn’t believe me anyway. She was batshit. However, after this was over, Augustus had some explaining to do. He was going to come clean about his imaginary lover. I didn’t care how many times he screamed.

Poosh wanted a piece of me? A piece of me she would get. She’d live, but the end of the story wouldn’t be pretty.

The Demon tackled me. I turned over and flipped her off of me. I flicked my fingers and sent her flying across the training area at a hundred miles an hour. She crashed into a huge stack of tables and chairs. It sounded like one of Martha and Jane’s butt grenades going off. That had to have hurt like a mofo, but she was right back up and coming at me like a heat-seeking missile. The Demon was strong and an excellent fighter. However, she was so angry that it made her sloppy. I sidestepped her and gut-punched her at the same time. It was a little difficult to see with one eye swelling shut, but I hit my target.

Poosh roared with fury and pulled a sharp and gnarly-looking blade from the pocket of her black leather jacket. I was assuming it was steel and not silver. Silver was extremely painful for Vamps. It dawned on me that we hadn’t set ground rules about weapons. A careless mistake. Ethan’s irate growl from the bleachers told me he’d had the realization as well. Whatever. I had things to do and Dhampirs to chase down. Being weakened by silver wasn’t going to happen. I quickly protected myself. Touching my hands to my chest, a glittery breeze shot out all around me, shielding me from her weapon.

Poosh shrieked like a banshee. “What, you can’t fight the normal way, you man-stealing, squirrel-eating, shitty whore?”

“You did not just call me a whore,” I snapped.

“No,” she screamed back. “I called you a man-stealing, squirrel-eating, shitty whore!”

I was many things, but a whore was not one of them—and I’d never eaten a squirrel in my freaking life. She was going down. This fight needed to end. I was done. Releasing the protection wall around me with a flick of my fingers, I did an aerial cartwheel right into her and scissor-kicked her in the head, taking her down to the mat before she even saw I moved.

I pinned her face down on the mat. I held her arms twisted behind her back, and I dug my knees into her hamstrings. As she screamed in agony, I leaned down and head-butted her. That didn’t feel awesome, and I probably now had two freaking black eyes. Whatever. It made her shut up.

Placing my lips next to her ear, I whispered. “I am not a whore. Possibly a bitch and maybe even an asshole, but not a whore. I have never eaten a squirrel and never will. And my name is Astrid, you stupid Demon… not Lynda. If you ever come at me again in any kind of jealous rage, I will end you. That’s not a threat. It’s a promise. I don’t have time for this shit. Satan sent you to me to help us solve something that could destroy the Vampyres along with the Demons, Fairies and Angels. If you’re in, you will behave and follow my orders. If you’re not, I can send you straight back to Hell. And trust me, it will be the bumpiest ride of your fucking life. I would highly suggest you remember that, Poosh. Make your choice now.”

The Demon underneath trembled with rage, but she knew when she’d been beaten.

“If you’re not Lynda, then who is?”

Turning her over, I glared at her. “Is that what this was all about?” I ground out, still sitting on her and limiting her motion. “A man?”

She simply glared at me.

“Have some self-respect,” I snapped. “No man is worth dying over. Especially one who you’ve been banging in the latrine at work.”

“He told you about that?” she asked, sniffling.

I groaned. “Yes. And you shouldn’t chase someone who isn’t into you. Ever. You’re better than that.” I couldn’t believe I was giving the crazed freak a woman-to-woman pep talk, but I was going with my gut here. Maybe this would make her stop chasing Augustus, and we could get down to business. Of course, that would be too easy, but something needed to be fucking easy in my life.

“But I love him,” she whispered. “And since you know about the banging in the latrine, it definitely means you’re not Lynda.”

I was tempted to punch the Demon in the head, but she was already bleeding. “No, I’m not Lynda. I told you I’m not Lynda. You need to start listening to people, or you’re going to end up decapitated.”

“Satan said the same thing,” she muttered as I helped her to her feet.

“Well, he’s right. My uncle can be an asshole, but he’s smart.”

Her mouth fell open. “Satan is your uncle?”

I wasn’t sure where she’d been. It was fairly common knowledge that I was related to all the big guys and gals. “Yep.”

Poosh dropped to her knees for the second time since I’d met her. “My apologies. Please do not tell Satan what I’ve done.”

Again, I pulled her to her feet. “That all depends on you, Poosh.”

With a nod of respect to each other, we walked out of the training area and back to Ethan’s office. It was time to get some misconceptions cleared up and some facts on the table. I just hoped everyone got to keep their appendages.