Chapter 20

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Baby's first date.

Am I still reeling from this morning? Completely.

Does Alexios care? No.

Not even a little bit.

Okay, that's probably not true, actually. Given how today has gone, I'm opting to assume Alexios cares. A lot. So far, today began with a lavish breakfast, swept into a photo shoot that made me cry seven times—not that I counted—slipped into a crafts for newborns session, trotted into a little family movie lunchtime , broke for me to have a nap , and now it's opening up again for date night .

"Be home by ten," Castor says as he rocks Ash in his arms. My little baby's face is twisted with dissent, but he must be getting used to Castor, because he's not crying.

Alexios rolls his eyes. "Just for that, I'm opting to be back by two ."

I'd be opting to not leave at all if Alexios hadn't dropped a cinder block of choice keywords on me just before Castor showed up.

Keywords like: Faerie and nightlife and fancy Faerie restaurant .

This being a date can burn like Sodom and Gomorrah. This being an excuse to sightsee in Faerie? Now, that's something I can get behind.

I want to see the establishments . If the woodland path to Ollie and Brittny's alone was incredible, I can't wait to see fae shops, the palace , street food. Take me on a date? Nah. Take me into a utopian society that doesn't run on capitalism? Yes, please.

"Don't do anything I might do!" Castor calls while Alexios ushers me out the door.

To that, Alexios throws Castor a finger he can't even see, so it's pretty stupid of him, honestly, and urges me down the driveway, toward the nearest trod into Cael's kingdom.

As far as I've come to understand, faerie paths are scattered all over the place, with no specific rhyme or reason. Two paths directly beside each other could lead to vastly different locations on the other side.

While I've been told that Cael claims Mountain Vale, Virgina as his due to the number of trods within it that lead directly to key places in his lands, I also know that not every trod in Mountain Vale belongs to him.

For example, the one that spits us out in downtown Winterfeld—the nearest faerie community to Cael's extravagant palace—rests poetically across the street from the one leading to Castor's garden.

As downtown Faerie presents itself in blistering glory, my mouth drops with such force, I don't have the functioning brain cells necessary to protest Alexios's hand closing around mine.

Two, tall colored crystals make up the walls of the alley we step from. Dusky purple sky stretches to a tree-lined horizon. In one direction, a town of scattered gorgeous buildings twists and turns and rises in an infinite collection of things to explore. In the other…a cherry blossom tree melded together with a palace reaches into the twilit clouds.

Awe ensnares me.

It ties around my throat and withholds every word I can think of.

"Let's go over the etiquette guidelines," Alexios's voice interrupts my reverie, and I find his beautiful silhouette in the fantasy.

I pull my mouth shut. "There's etiquette? Beyond the faerie rules I already know?"

He flicks a patronizing look my way. "Don't be silly, snowflake. Quite near every society has its own form of manners."

Welp. Pardon me.

Alexios points out a faerie woman with tall antlers, a tail, and a glistening blue crystal around her neck. Head down, she's fiddling with it, and everyone else on the street parts to give her space. "This might be hard for you, given your affliction, but don't talk to people wearing those necklaces."

"Given my affliction ?" Is that what we're calling humanity these days? Because, um, rude.

Pitifully, he pulls the hand he's holding up and pats it with his other. "The extroversion."

I yank my hand out of his. "Xios."

"Yes, angel?" He grins.

"Learn a new joke."

He chuckles, and it's hard to stay mad at him when he—a man who doesn't like food—is taking me out to eat at a fancy faerie restaurant.

Sighing, I ask, "What do those crystals mean?"

"They designate a disinterest in further stimulation, like conversations. Here, the shops and restaurants have options for people who want to go out without interacting with the public . There are private rooms and kiosks available to limit the sensory burden of leaving one's home."

Because I'm such an extrovert, I cross my arms. "Wow. Can't relate."

He shakes his head. "Wouldn't expect you to." Offering his hand this time, he says, "I don't want to lose you in the crowd. The nocturnals are waking. They may find themselves enamored by the pretty star nymph in their midst. What will I do if you get stolen?"

"Save me, duh," I mutter, narrowing my eyes on his hand. "Is being stolen actually a concern in Cael's kingdom?"

"More shocking things have happened."

That really isn't an answer to my question. "I thought you didn't like being touched."

"As it turns out, I'm not averse to your touch in the way I am others'." Backdropped by dimming rays, Alexios looks captured directly from one of my silly dating sims. And I don't appreciate it one bit. He says, "Please, angel. Spare me an evening of illusion."

After the rest of today, you'd think I'd be more open to such a request.

Instead, I say, "Sucks to suck," and march on past him.

I only can't talk to the people with blue crystal necklaces, right? That, technically, means that everyone else is open to conversations, right?

I'll probably shoot myself if I start talking to someone and they oh-so-slowly put on their necklace, but…well…we will cross that bridge when we get to it, right? An excellent plan if I've ever heard one.

"Hi!" I chirp at a woman holding a beautiful cupcake decorated with elaborate frosting roses.

She licks some of the lilac frosting off her lip and beams. "Hello!"

"This is my first time in Winterfeld, and I couldn't help but notice how amazing your cupcake looks. Where did you get it?"

Her luminescent wings buzz as she lights up and points at a three-tier building up the road a ways. "Cakes and Rakes! I recommend anything they have with custard. Are you thinking of moving into this community? Welcome, welcome! I could show you around." She gasps, and her hand lands on my arm. "We could be friends ! Come on. I'm not doing anything tonight. Let's get you a cupcake, and then we can play. What sorts of things do you like? I love your hair. Does the green half grow like that?"

I haven't made a friend this easily since I was five, and—not to brag or anything—but I make friends very easily. Laughing, I touch the cropped and dyed half of my hair. "No, this is a box, sadly. Maybe one day it'll grow like this, though." The wicked little desire to ditch Alexios niggles its way into my chest, and I'm almost positive I can convince myself it is an excellent prank when my new friend's eyes dart past me.

"Oh, Xios!" She waves her cupcake. "Want to join us? We're heading back to Cakes and Rakes to get another treat. Maybe they'll let you do more frosting flowers like last time."

Cool and collected, hands in his pockets, Alexios says, "Good evening, Siella. I've some unfortunate news concerning your plans."

Siella's moon blue eyes sadden. "You can't join us? Are you on your way to a job?"

"I'm on a date." He lifts a hand from his pocket to present me. "With her."

Siella gasps, splaying her slender fingers in front of her gaping lips. "You're dating ? Why, if I'd known you weren't waiting on your soulmate, I may have propositioned you myself." Her attention skips to me. "How long do you plan to court? Might I have the next dance?"

" Siella ," Alexios states, "she is my soulmate."

Siella's brows draw together, and utter confusion screws up her expression. "I could have sworn you were barely in this world."

"On occasion, fate blesses."

She giggles; it's musical and friendly. "It would seem so. Why, congratulations, you two! Xios is wonderful. You must be very happy together."

Before I know how to respond to that one, she's taking another bite out of her cupcake and a giant man with green skin on the other side of the street is lifting a hand larger than my head in Alexios's direction. "Xios!" he booms, crossing to us in, oh, about half a step . "Haven't seen you at the wood yard recently."

Alexios's shoulders sag. "I do remember saying that I never wanted to go back, Helkin."

Helkin's laughter shakes the very cobblestones beneath my feet. "Many young fae believe as much after their first time, but the call of the lumbar gets into their blood, keeps them coming back for more."

Alexios juts a lip. "Is that what you call the splinters? Pity for you, I'm sure, but I never touched a log without several layers of gloves to protect me."

Helkin laughs again, raising his hand to smack Alexios in the back.

Alexios pulls away before the man's large hand can make contact. "Ah-ah. None of that, now. It felt like you were dislocating my ribs last time you touched me."

"Xios!"

My back straightens as another person—this time a woman with hooves—trots up to us from behind me.

When three more people swarm in, Siella flits to my side. Brushing her blue hair away from her face and cupcake-stained lips, she whispers a conspiratorial, "We could absolutely get you a custard cupcake before Xios notices you're missing."

" Untrue ." Alexios's voice parts the mob around him. He frowns at Siella, and she giggles. A chilling smile overtakes him, then he addresses his adoring fans. "I apologize for this, but it seems as though someone is trying to steal my soulmate." Without another word, he pulls a blue crystal necklace out of his pocket and puts it on. Siella giggles, along with half the others in the friendly group. Then, one by one, they quietly wave and disperse.

I shudder once only Alexios and I are left standing together in the bustling street, people parting around us like we're the plague. "I've just witnessed my worst nightmare," I say. "I don't know how nobody immediately broke down in tears."

"Probably on account of my communicating beforehand. Get over here." He hooks a finger at me.

Um. Excuse him.

"Huh, I swear someone just told me that I'm not supposed to talk to people wearing blue necklaces. I think I can catch up with Siella—" I angle myself to look around Alexios and locate the pretty faerie woman nibbling on her cupcake as she wanders into what looks like a lovely boutique.

Without any warning, Alexios procures another blue crystal from his pocket and says, "We're allowed to talk to each other. We're together. The crystals don't apply to members in a group."

"What are you doing with that?" I step away from him, eyeing the blue glass.

He unclasps the long chain. "I'll give you one hint."

I step back again, weaving around a child, who appears to be stargazing, in the middle of the road, and—upon further inspection—appears to have the face of a ninety-year-old. "I'm allergic to that thing. I've come to Faerie . I want to talk to the faeries ."

Alexios stalks after me. "I'm a faerie."

"I talk to you all the time."

"Zahra—"

"I'm an extrovert , dang it!" Twisting on my heel, I bolt .

I barely make it past Cakes and Rakes, which—get this—appears to be a pastry shop mashed with a gardening store, before Alexios appears in front of me. As I skid to a halt, he holds the blue crystal he intends for me against his lips and regards me down the tip of his nose. "I'm not a hunter, snowflake. Are you really going to make me chase you in public?"

Lifting my chin, I toss my hands to my hips. "I thought you weren't in public while you were wearing that ?"

His smile spreads against the jagged blue. "Are you afraid of what might happen if we're both not in public ?"

What a funny, silly man he is. "Sweetheart, we live together. If I were more worried about what might happen away from the public eye , you'd still be sleeping outside." Brightening, I say, "I have a great idea. Why don't you give me those necklaces and your cuff links, turn into a little bat, and let me explore while you ride around on top of my head?"

He pouts.

I prep to launch myself past him once again, for funsies, but he's clasping my hand and pressing both necklaces against my palm before I get the chance.

He murmurs, "I had hoped tonight might be romantic, but if that is nowhere near what you want, I'll not press my wishes onto you." Unlinking his cuffs, he drops the silver pieces on top of the necklaces. Then, he smiles. "Please just don't forget about me. I don't weigh much as a bat."

Lips parted, I lay my hand on his arm, stopping him before he can shift.

His eyes catch mine, curious.

Slowly, I gather his cuff links…and give them back.

"You've changed your mind?" he murmurs.

I close my fist around the necklaces, grin, and shove them in my pocket. "They're in the no-no square."

Baffled, he blinks. "Th-the what?"

"No-no, don't touch me there. This is my no-no square," I sing. "Attempting retrieval would be molesting me. That's not something you would do, right?"

Red flaring to his cheeks, he says, "Absolutely not."

"Excellent."

"Xios!" someone behind me cheers.

So, I grab his free hand, and we both jet .

※

Giggling at the vast expanse of stars before us while I stuff a spoonful of fresh strawberry ice cream in my mouth, I say, "All this time you've been bullying me about being an extrovert when you know more people than I do."

Seated in the grass of a hilly landscape overlooking the come-alive night life of Winterfeld, Alexios shakes his head. "Being an extrovert means you thrive on social interactions. It has nothing to do with how many people you know. I'm an anomaly. A rare unseelie sanctioned beneath Cael's banner. That has earned me a grand number of relationships with impressively low effort on my part." Releasing a sigh, he arranges the tray of street food I had him get for me, and the overwhelming amount makes me think we're going to have to save that fancy restaurant idea for another time.

Which, you know, I am not complaining about.

Even though I've never gone on a date before, this one is the best, and I'm not sure I'd mind another.

"May I ask," Alexios begins as I take a fry from a woven basket, "if we were going to run every time someone called my name, why didn't we just wear the necklaces?"

I stuff the fry in my ice cream, receiving audible aghast from my companion. "Wasn't it more fun?"

"Is fun how you spell rude ?"

"Hey, bucko, you didn't seem all that put out."

He grimaces as I deliver the strawberry fry to my mouth. "It was…exhilarating." Lying back against the hill, he takes in a deep breath. "Everything about you excites me in some way. You're simply beautiful for my senses to behold."

His long lashes fall against his cheeks as he closes his eyes, and I find myself entranced by him, too, just a little at least. After everything I've been through, it takes me a long time to let anyone in. Maybe that's why I cast the net so wide, searching for the proof that most people are good people . I don't want to live in the shadow of my trauma. I don't want to feel like I can't trust the world at large.

I love people.

And not just because I believe, religiously, we're charged with loving people.

People are fascinating to me.

The way every single one has entire worlds spinning inside their heads…takes my breath away.

Nothing else begins to compare to the beauty of a soul.

"About today," I begin, gently.

Alexios smiles. "I'm glad you enjoyed your Mother's Day, angel." His eyes open, glinting like polished steel. "Are you about to thank me for it?"

"Is that what you want? Is that why you did all of this?"

Sitting up, he sets my tray of food aside, lifts his hand, and locks strands of my hair behind my ear. "No."

"So you're not just trying to make me fall in love with you?"

"You're my soulmate, and I'm too young to have learned to doubt fate. I don't need to try , Zahra. I am in love with who you are when you aren't trying. Why would things be any different in the other direction?"

My heart catches in my throat. "You…love me?"

"More each day." Leaning in, he touches a kiss to the corner of my eye. "You drive my system mad, but I have never suffered so sweetly before in my short time of being alive. While I struggle against the gaping hollow of experiencing a world that seems to both be too much and too little, knowing you makes the torment worth it."

My lip trembles. "Even though I like ketchup on my eggs?"

"Even though you somehow manage to enjoy the sensory—" He swears. "—that are eggs at all." His hand locates my waist, settling there. "I find myself unable to condemn you for it. Even though what you did with that fry earlier will haunt me forever, I believe I'm still quite hopeless where loving you is concerned."

"Xios—" I exhale. A horrible mix of attraction and fear riots inside me, turning my skin inside out.

"Shh…" He lets his eyes close. "I can feel you. I'm listening. It's okay. I will never push anything that makes you feel unsafe."

My soul shakes, but I force myself to lean in, to let my lips graze the softness of his.

He whispers a curse against my mouth, and his hand closes in my clothes, constricting the fabric against me.

My nerves flame, prickle, panic .

His hold loosens, but I grab his hand, cementing it in place.

"Zahra." His eyes open. "Zahra, you're shaking, snowflake. Let go."

"No," I croak. "I…" My breaths burn through my lungs. "I want this."

Tender, he shakes his head. "You don't. You're conflicted."

"Shut up. Stop looking inside me. Just listen to what I'm saying." I drag his hand deeper against my body. "Don't you want me, too?"

"More than I want to be alive."

"Then just ignore whatever vibes I'm putting off and kiss me." A tear falls down my cheek to catch on my trembling lip. "Please."

He stops pulling away. Resting his forehead against mine, he says, "How badly do you want me to kiss you?"

"Really?" I grumble. "You're going to make this a whole thing?"

He plants his palm, smoothing it up my waist.

My heart hammers, hurting .

"I love you," he whispers. "I love you too much to touch you when you're in pain." Kissing my forehead, he says, "If, however, you want me badly enough, give me everything…and I'll take your pain away before I engrave myself into every inch of your perfect, beautiful flesh."

Mouth dry, I choke on my words. Fear constricts my throat, convincing me if I were to give him everything , he wouldn't want me anymore.

If he knew everything , he wouldn't treat me like this anymore.

Shoulders bunching, I turn my face away, and keep silent.

After all, how do you tell someone who wants everything …that someone took it all from you many, many years ago?