Chapter 37

Andrew

“ Y ou’re not your usual self.”

When I looked up from the paperwork I was filing, I couldn’t even bring myself to give Todd a half-hearted grin. Things had shifted between us since the whole performance evaluation thing, and he seemed like he was more invested in me as a person.

It had been three days since the blowup at the apartment and I had heard nothing from Brandon. While part of me was grateful for the space, it also made me worry about him. We’d never spent that much time apart. In twenty-three years, three days apart shouldn’t feel like a huge deal, but for us it was enormous. It was rare to spend more than a day apart.

Even the year my parents had tried to send me off to summer camp, I’d cried until Brandon could come with me. Joined at the hip didn’t even cover it, and the days made it feel like I was missing a limb. More than a limb, a vital organ.

Brandon was my heart.

“I’m...” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Todd placed the papers on the counter in front of me, and I turned to face him. Since staying with Joe, I hadn’t allowed myself to cry properly, and work wasn’t the place for it. Todd shifted back and forth, his discomfort with the situation more than apparent. He wasn’t a bad guy, but he wasn’t the person you came to with your emotional baggage.

“Do you need some time off? The afternoon maybe?”

I shook my head. My finances might have taken a turn for the better since the idea of moving in with Brandon, but I might be back in the same boat now that we were on rocky ground…

“I’d like to stay. My head isn’t with it. I can recognize that, but I’m doing my best.”

Todd gave my shoulder a squeeze and went back to sorting prescriptions. When my eyes closed, I struggled to pull in a full breath. A large part of my life was missing. How many more days could I go without seeing my better half? Because that’s what Brandon had been.

We completed each other, and now a part of me was missing.

“Andrew, there’s someone at the counter asking for you.”

My head snapped up when one of my co-workers called for me. If I was hoping for someone to set my mind at ease, I was sorely disappointed when Mrs. Davis appeared, as she wasn’t the most unwelcome sight. She gave me a small wave and something squeezed inside my chest. Did she know what had happened?

I took off my smock, leaving the secured pharmacy area, and pulling her to the side.

“What can I do for you? ”

She fidgeted with her skirt, looking anywhere but at me.

“Andrew. I don’t want to interfere...”

“Then don’t.”

She sighed, finally meeting my gaze head-on. “I know. But you have to understand that I see you as my son just as much as Brandon.”

It wasn’t fair to punish her. She was only trying to make things better, though I wasn’t sure how much it would help to come from her and not from the source.

“I think with Brandon unable to come to work, I just want to make sure that you were doing okay.”

He wasn’t able to work? The thought shouldn’t make me feel better about the situation. His pain shouldn’t ever make me feel that way, but he’d torn me in half and left me feeling raw in a way I thought no one could.

“Mrs. Davis...”

The way she frowned hurt. Since the beginning, she’s always hated when I called her that, preferring Patricia or Mom. “I want to let it go. I do. It doesn’t change the fact that what Brandon did hurt on a level I didn’t think anyone could touch—especially him.”

She looked off to the side. Seeing her where I work was different. Growing up, she was always in the organic stores, anywhere she could find things that were ‘ better for the body ’ than the big box store I worked for. As a believer in holistic medicine, how much did it kill her that I pushed big pharma? It wasn’t that I supported it. This was just a job. Her opinion was just as important to me as the opinions of my own parents.

“I’m glad—I’m glad to see you’re okay. That’s all I wanted, I guess.” When she shrugged and turned to leave, I couldn’t stand seeing this woman in pain. My hands reached for her as if they had a mind of their own.

“I’m not. I miss him every day. This is probably just as hard for me as it is for him. I just need—”

“Space. I told him that. If there’s anyone who gets it, I would. Andrew, my son loves you deeply. Just as much as you love him. I can clearly see that you two aren’t the best at communicating that. My only ask is that you don’t approach him again until you’re ready to talk things through like mature adults.”

That hadn’t been what I was expecting.

But I had used being in love with him against him when I’d stormed out.

Mrs. Davis pulled free from my hands and left the store, leaving me to gape at the empty space she left behind. Now I just needed to figure out what the hell I was going to do.

T he handle didn’t turn. I cursed as I shoved my shoulder into the door before giving up and heading into the kitchen. Teresa and McKenzie sat at the kitchen table. Joe’s niece had a piece of paper and some markers, and her mom was helping her draw something. Looking over her shoulder, it was a picture of two people holding hands.

“What do you have there?”

Teresa smiled up at me. “She wanted to draw us together.”

McKenzie added two little triangles to her stick figures to make skirts to show that the two people she had drawn were female.

“This is my family.” As if something clicked, she moved off to the side of the page and drew another stick figure, holding hands with another one.

“Who is that?” I asked.

“You and Uncle Joe. Since you’re his boyfriend.”

My face heated. “I’m not...”

The door to the basement opened, and Joe emerged. He was rosy-cheeked and looked like he’d been working out. He stared at us before coming into the kitchen.

“Your niece seems to think I’m your boyfriend.”

Joe had pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and had just started to drink when he choked on it. “She what now?”

Teresa rolled her eyes, patting her daughter on her shoulder before going to her brother and taking the bottle of water away from him .

“Don’t confuse her.”

Joe looked between all three of us before throwing up his arms. “I didn’t do shit. Not my fault the kid drew conclusions about a friend in need.”

McKenzie giggled. “Uncle Joe said shit.”

Teresa glared at her brother. “Jesus, Joe. Can you please watch what you say around her?”

The small girl kicked her feet as she kept scribbling on her piece of paper. Instead of getting irritated, I kneeled next to her and watched her as she drew.

“McKenzie, I’m just a friend. I’m going through a hard time right now and your uncle offered to help me out. Is that okay?”

She didn’t answer, just stuck her tongue out as she continued to scribble. I let her be for several moments before she finally spoke up.

“But you like him?”

She was dang cute, and I scrubbed my hand through her messy brown hair before standing back up. “Not in a boyfriend type of way.”

She stared up at me with wide eyes, the marker finally stopping its scrawl across the page.

“What about mommy? Mommy could use a boyfriend.”

Teresa blushed, turning away, laughing. The child was downright precious .

I crouched back down next to her. “McKenzie, your momma is just another friend helping me out. I have someone that I love very much, but we’re not happy with each other right now and I needed some space.”

The little girl tilted her head to the side.

“But you don’t want to be angry with them?”

Leave it to small children to be the voice of reason.

“I don’t. It’s not always that simple for grownups. You see, he hurt me pretty bad.”

She looked back at her drawing and set her marker on the table. McKenzie lost herself in thought for a moment before she turned back to blink at me with her wide hazel eyes. “Did he take the last of the cookies? When Uncle Joe takes the last of my cookies, I always get upset, but I know he doesn’t mean it. Then he replaces them and I forgive him.”

Damn, this girl was too cute for her own good.

McKenzie Bishop had just compared my relationship to cookies, and in a weird way, it made sense. Deep down, I knew that Brandon hadn’t meant any harm. It didn’t make it sting any less. The fact that he still hadn’t reached out since the ordeal made it burn all that much more.

“It’s a bit more complicated than cookies, kiddo. I appreciate the effort.”

She nodded, picking back up her marker and going back to drawing. Teresa shrugged, and I stood back up. Joe took his water bottle back from her and motioned for me to follow him back to the basement.