5. Terra

No one except for Rylan knows about the tent.

That's part of why I like it. My mom doesn't know. Ember doesn't know.

The meadow is incredibly sheltered. There's a creek that runs above it, and about half a mile up, it splits, putting the meadow squarely in the middle of two thin streams of water, which makes it hard for shifters to track since they have to cross the stream, which periodically floods. The meadow is elevated about six feet higher than the banks of the creek, and the island has a total surface area of about a half mile. It's big enough that you don't realize that it's an island, but small enough that the two streams of the creek pretty effectively hide the little canvas tent.

I know the minute that Rylan knows where we're going, because he lets out a little huff. I wait for him to say more, and when he doesn't, I breathe against the frustration in my chest.

I put in a wood bridge over the first stream last year. I deftly hop over it, then look back.

Rylan's staring at the bridge.

"What?"

"How often do you come here?" he says in a thick voice.

Every week. Sometimes twice a day if I have time. "I just didn't like getting my feet wet."

Rylan huffs. He takes a step back then clears the five-foot gap over the creek in one leap.

Well. There's that, I guess.

I don't respond to him, walking instead to the canvas tent. "Get in here," I bark at him.

Rylan follows.

Inside the tent, I've really done it up. I love the idea of glamping, and I have fun trying to create a cute space in here. So, because of that, there's a water (and insect) proof plastic barrier. I have a luxurious bed, with an actual mattress, and some nice lighting and several poufs scattered around. There's also a couple of lamps, hooked up to a generator that I put on the back side of the tent. In theory, I could put cooking supplies out here, but I don't really need that right now.

"Terra," Rylan breathes as he steps into the tent. "This is..."

"I know," I mutter.

I'm already mad about being here. The fact that I now have to enter my little oasis and remember how big Rylan is when he steps inside, and how the lamp light looks on his hard chest, and how he smells…

Yeah. Maybe I'll tear the whole thing down.

"This is amazing. Why did you…"

"I just like it," I say in response to his question. "It's just fun, Rylan."

"It's more than fun. This is homey. It reminds me of you," he says softly.

Yeah. Well.

"Are you going to give me some answers or not?"

Rylan looks at me. His eyes are such an electric blue, they almost look like they're illuminated from within.

I miss seeing them when he laughs.

The thought is startling. Yes, absolutely, I miss seeing Rylan's eyes lit up in joy. But I didn't expect it to painfully echo through me like it is now, lighting up the loss that I've felt around him again.

He sighs, which is good, because if he doesn't move or do something, I'm going to lose my mind.

"I don't want this to come back on you," he says finally.

This is getting annoying. "Rylan," I say firmly. "The cryptic, holier-than-thou, martyr stuff has to stop. Either figure your shit out or don't. Trust me with what you need to say, or don't, but just know that you're not exactly in a good place with me. You owe me, at the very least, an explanation about where the hell you disappeared to."

Rylan looks to the side. "It's compli?—"

"I do not care if it's complicated," I interject, holding up a hand. "Assume, for ten seconds, that I'm a reasonably intelligent person, and I can figure it the fuck out."

He stares at me for another second before continuing. "I… I was set up. Framed. For something I didn't do."

I don't say anything but arch an eyebrow at him. Rylan continues. "Thorne believed someone else over me. I took the fall. He outcast me, banned me from talking to anyone in the pack, as punishment for what he thinks I did."

It's very cryptic, and I frown, because that doesn't sound like Thorne at all. "And so you just, what… had to leave?"

"Two years ago, yes."

"What have you been doing since then?"

His jaw clenches, and he shakes his head. He shuffles slightly, the angle of the lamplight catching on his chest, and I gasp.

He's covered in scars.

I rush forward, my heart in my throat. "Rylan," I breathe, my fingers barely brushing the lines as they cascade over his body. "These are… how did you get these?"

He doesn't answer.

I let my fingers linger on one particularly gruesome scar that bisects his carved abs. Under my hands, his muscles jump and bunch, twitching at my touch.

Don't touch him, my mind says. But my hands can't obey. They keep tracing, sketching out the new marks on his skin that are so unfamiliar to me.

Shifters don't scar easily. Small cuts and scrapes heal nearly instantly, and if they're bigger, they disappear after each shift.

For him to have scars like this, they have to run deep, past the outer layer of skin, to the very bottom of the dermis, onto the subcutaneous tissue. Or deeper.

Some of these scars, like the one on his abs, look like they're not just through the skin. They look like they cover places where his skin was ripped away completely, then had to be grown anew.

"Terra," he grunts.

The sound is strained. I don't dare look down at his sweatpants, afraid that I'll find there the echoes of my own desire for him.

I look up.

Rylan's looking down at me with an expression that's so intense, it makes my chest ache. I want to hold him. To tuck him against my heart and tell him that everything's okay. That as long as we're together, we can figure anything out.

But none of that is true.

Whatever's going on with Rylan, I can't guarantee any type of future with him. If he's been exiled by the pack, he's not even supposed to be here.

I thought he was dead once. Now that I know he's alive, I can get the closure I need.

One thing is for sure, though… I can't lose him again.

"Okay," I whisper, shutting my eyes.

"Okay?" he rumbles.

"You said you need to go to Thorne?"

"Yes."

"I'll take you."

"Terra, you don't even know what I'm going to tell him…"

"Will it clear your name?" I interrupt him.

Even if Rylan won't tell me what he wants to say to Thorne, I at least need to know if I'm dealing with the possibility of Rylan coming back to the pack.

Because if I'm not… I really can't hope for it again.

Rylan looks down at me. "I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I mean, I'm not sure. The person… who falsely accused me," he says haltingly, "is very close to Thorne."

One of his inner circle, then. That makes sense. Thorne has a bunch of enforcers and an accountant as his main advisors, and now his mate Iris as well.

I hope it isn't Iris. I think she's marvelous, and I love the fact that they're fated mates.

I thought maybe Rylan and I might have that, but…

"So you just want to give him the information you know so that he can… what?"

"I'm hoping this time he believes me," Rylan rumbles.

My mind races. "If you could come back to the pack, would you?"

"I don't know, Terra," he says softly.

When he says my name, the hair on the back of my neck stands up.

I study him. "I can't leave the pack, Rylan. My mom… it's a good place for us here."

"I know."

"If I bring you to Thorne, will he think I'm in on whatever you did?"

Rylan shakes his head. "No, Terra," he says fiercely. "I'll make sure he knows that you have nothing to do with any of this."

I nod. "Okay. Tomorrow, we'll figure it out."

"Tomorrow."

I start to leave the tent, but I turn. "Do you have somewhere to sleep?"

He shrugs. "I sleep wherever. As a wolf, it doesn't really matter."

I blink. "Aren't you turning thirty soon?"

"In a month."

"And you are just… sleeping as a wolf until then?"

He shrugs.

My mind races. "Isn't it getting hard to shift?"

"Yeah, but it's not impossible yet."

"Rylan…"

He steps forward. "Terra. I'm not asking for your sympathy. I know what I've done."

"It sounds like you didn't do anything," I whisper.

His big body takes up so much space inside the tent. The heat from his chest is radiating out at me, and I…

My thoughts are cut off by Rylan's voice. "I should have said goodbye."

"What?"

He leans in closer. His eyes search my face. "I should have said goodbye, Terra. I should have walked out of the meeting with the alpha and gone to you and told you that I had to go, but that it had nothing to do with you. I should have told you that you were, and are, the best thing that ever happened to me. I should have told you that I love you, and I will always love you. That's what I did wrong. I left you and I hurt you because of it, and I'm so fucking sorry."

His voice is hoarse. It sounds like he's fighting for control.

It sounds like he means it.

But there's one word in all of that that's ringing in me like a bell. I look up at Rylan, my own emotions clawing at me.

"You love me?"

He nods. "Every day, Terra. I loved you then, and I love you now, and I'll love you…"

Screw it. If he's never going to come back, then this is closure.

And I want to have Rylan one last time.

I throw my hands around his shoulders and awkwardly mash my lips into his. Rylan pulls back slightly and looks down at me with confusion wrinkling his eyebrow. "Terra…"

"Don't ask," I whisper. "Please, just… I need you."

He hesitates. I lean forward, cupping the smooth line of his jaw with my hand, and I gently press my lips to his.

"Terra…"

"Just this time. This last time," I murmur.

I can tell he's not too fond of the idea, but when I trace a scar that crosses over his lips, his eyes shut.

He shudders.

"Please," I beg.

The word seems to unlock something in him. His arms lock around my back, and I feel his biceps flex as he crushes me to him.

When his lips find mine this time, it isn't hesitant. He isn't tentative.

He's all-consuming.

I gasp as Rylan's fingers run up my neck, moaning as he tugs on a fistful of hair. He tilts my head back, and I willingly lean back into his arms.

His kiss burns me. It has all the pain of a gallows' kiss and all the heat of Rylan, and I'll burn in it as long as I can. His kiss warms parts of me that I forgot existed.

It's always been like this with Rylan. The chemistry between us is more than just present. It's consuming.

I'm more than happy to be consumed as Rylan pushes me gently back onto the bed.

"Why do you have this here?" he growls.

"You don't like it?"

"I don't like that it seems to be here… with a purpose."

Oh. Oh.

A wicked smile spreads across my lips. "Are you jealous, Rylan?"

"Of the fact that you might bring other males here? Yes," he snarls.

I lean forward. Our time together is too short to bother with any of that. "There's no one else, Ry. It's you. It's only been you. It's always been you," I whisper as I put my hand on his face.

Rylan's electric eyes darken. "You can't say that."

"I can."

"Terra…"

I lean forward, tugging off the comfortable sweater I had on. When I lean back, Rylan's mouth is slightly open, and he's staring at me slack-jawed.

When he looks at me like that…

I arch, offering my breasts up to him. "Please," I say.

That's all it takes.

Rylan descends on me. My bra is off in a heartbeat. My soft leggings and panties follow quickly. All the while, Rylan's lips are tracing a fiery path over my skin, and his hands caress me with so much care, I feel…

Fragile. Like I'm made of porcelain or glass or something precious.

It makes my heart hurt.

His big hands slide up my legs, and his fingers arch inwards. When he caresses my center, I moan and part my legs.

I want more. I want everything, if I'm being honest.

"You're so wet, Terra," he whispers.

"For you. Always you," I respond.

It doesn't make sense. I'm just babbling things at this point.

But I don't care.

I need him, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to have him.

Rylan responds to that little comment with a feral sound, and I shut my eyes as he pushes two thick fingers inside me. "Terra. Fuck," he spits.

I like him like this.

"More, Rylan," I whisper. He pulls his hand back, and I stare up at him. "I want everything," I plead.

Slowly, he holds his hand up to his face. He licks the moisture from his fingers before he tugs down his gray sweatpants.

His cock is everything that I remember. He leans back, kneeling while he looks at me. His hand grips the smooth length, and I watch as he makes one long, lazy run up the thick column.

My mouth is practically watering. I open my legs wider, and I look up at him through my lashes.

Rylan's lips twist in a smile. "Is this what you want, Terra?"

"Yes," I say. I'm not playing games today.

Rylan leans forward and notches himself at my entrance. I breathe, anticipating this feeling.

Nothing that I remember, however, prepares me for how he feels.

I throw my head back and gasp.

"Rylan," I manage to get out. "You're so…"

"You can take me, baby," he whispers.

I shut my eyes as his hands palm my breasts and as he presses inward. When he reaches down to play with my clit, my mouth opens in surprise.

He takes the opportunity to lean down and seal his mouth over mine. He steals my breath as he continues to squeeze in, and when he finally makes it the whole way to the hilt, we're both panting.

The kiss ends, and Rylan pulls back. I open my eyes. Our gazes lock.

Then, he moves.

While Rylan pumps himself in and out of me, his eyes never leave mine. We don't speak. We don't say anything. Our bodies move in a perfect rhythm, but I'm more focused on the connection we share.

It shakes me to my core.

I'm so drawn into Rylan that I almost miss the orgasm that curls over my body. I lean forward and pull Rylan down into my shoulder, hugging him close as wave after wave of energy explodes over me.

Rylan comes seconds after I do. He grunts, holding me tight to his chest, clutching me like he never wants to let me go. In that moment, I don't want him to.

Together, we lay on the little bed, breathing, our chests rising and falling in rhythm.

I turn slightly so Rylan can't see my face. I don't need him to see the tears falling off of my cheeks.

This was supposed to be closure. But I have a very bad feeling that whatever just happened was nothing like closure.

I think I might have set myself up to have my heart broken.

Again.