4. Rylan

Isleep in the alley outside of Terra's apartment.

It's a risk. There are more than just shifters in Oakwood, and if I reveal myself to the humans, I will never be able to get close to Thorne to tell him about Chet's betrayal. Because I will be in the silver-and-steel wolf cages that constitute our pack jail.

Or I will be dead.

However, I can't just walk away from Terra, especially when I clearly caused her a lot of pain by showing up in her world again. It's not the first time that I've hoped people would mistake me for a large black dog, and generally, no one is looking for a wolf in a dumpster.

I'm bigger than any dog and most wolves, but you'd be surprised. People don't see what they don't want to see.

When the sun cracks over the edge of the mountains, I'm already up and gone. Terra will be heading for her mom's today, and I plan to stake out the little farm workshop, just to be sure that whoever Chet had out last night doesn't return for anything retaliatory.

I let her get a good head start on me. She chooses to walk, which makes following her easier, but I wish that she'd taken the car so that she could escape if she needed…

Wrapped up in my thoughts, I almost don't notice when she steps out ahead of me on the little path that cuts through the woods and to her mom's place.

"Stop following me," Terra says, arms folded. "Seriously. Go home."

I can't help the wolfish huff that pops out of my mouth. Go home? Where would I go? There's a little trailer right at the edge of the pack lands where I've been sleeping since I decided to take the information about the fights back to Thorne, but it's hardly a home.

Terra rolls her eyes. "Fine. I get it. But just stop following me."

I slink back into the bushes. If I give her enough room, she won't notice I'm there.

She waits for a long time. I can see her smelling the air, looking for me, and I wonder if she'll turn into her wolf just to make sure that I'm not around. While our sense of smell is always strong as shifters, I don't want her to fully change into the wolf because she'll definitely know that I'm there.

Seemingly satisfied, Terra continues on the path.

I give her an hour, then follow.

The day progresses normally for her. She and her mom make a huge batch of something that smells deliciously floral and makes my heart ache because it reminds me of Terra so much. They chat, laugh, but the interaction between them seems a little strange. Normally, they have a really strong relationship, stronger than most mothers and daughters that I know. For their dynamic to feel so strained today, I think something must have happened between them.

If Terra and her mom aren't doing well, and Terra is feeling sad about the mating ceremony…

Of course the fact that I showed up is especially difficult for her.

My heart sinks as I realize that, no matter what I do, I seem to hurt Terra.

I can't worry about that, but… I do.

I wonder how much her mom knows about last night.

On second thought, I wonder if my appearance even had that much of an impact on Terra. It could be that I'm so beneath her notice that she wouldn't dream of bringing me up to her mom.

Somehow, I think that hurts even worse.

The fact that both of them might have completely moved on and forgotten me?

Yeah. That sucks.

Rhea is a really nice woman, and for a while, I was looking forward to having her as a mother-in-law. I would like to think that she felt the same way about me, but considering that I walked away from her child, it's probably no longer true.

I try not to think about that day. It's… painful.

Not only did I lose the woman I loved and wanted to be my mate, but I also lost my pack. Faith in my alpha. Faith in the system as a whole, because if Chet could so easily win Thorne's approval with falsified evidence, then anyone's position in a pack could be at risk.

I know the dangers of being a lone wolf. There's no protection from the Bureau. We have a history of violent, anti-social behavior, but I have wondered about that as the two years of my exile dragged on.

I am not particularly violent or anti-social…

I grimace.

Except for the fact that you enrolled in a fighting ring for money.

Well, that was a product of circumstance. I think that for many lone wolves, the fact that they've been exiled and have no further way to participate in society forces them into violence.

Maybe.

The only thing that still bothers me about the day that Chet sold me out, however, is that I wasn't able to explain to Terra (or Rhea) what happened.

I am not supposed to talk to anyone in the pack. I'm not supposed to be on pack lands. Both terms were effective immediately, and I'm violating them by being here.

But I have to.

If Terra's safety is at risk, then there's nowhere else for me to be. And if Chet manages to gamble away the pack's savings again, including the money that Terra and Rhea make from selling these lotions and stuff…

Then I'm here.

The day winds down. Terra starts to walk home, and I notice that she has a backpack on. I follow her, curious about where this will go.

The night is just creeping through the woods when she turns.

I freeze.

Terra drops the backpack and walks away. With her back to me, she says, "I know that you're following me. Put on some damn clothes and say what you need to say."

Cautiously, I walk forward and pick up the backpack. It does have a pair of men's sweatpants, but I notice that there's no shirt.

Oh, well.

If she notices the latticework of new scars crossing my body, I don't have to tell her that they're from two years spent in an illegal fighting ring. If, of course, she does notice.

I shift and put the pants on. "I'm not following you," I say.

"Really? So what do you call lurking around all day, then?"

"I just…" My voice trails off.

I could tell her everything. I've already broken the promise that I made Thorne. There's nothing left for me to do except help Terra and keep the pack from imploding due to Chet's stupidity.

But I don't want to do that. Thorne is dead to me, and any respect I had for him, gone.

I just need to tell him about Chet for Terra's sake. That's it.

"I think that it's best if we don't talk," I say quietly.

She shuts her eyes. "Of course. You know that you're being a real asshole when you say shit like that?"

"I know."

"And yet you're still sitting there thinking that it's best for us not to talk?"

"Yeah."

She sighs. "What the hell are you doing here then, Rylan?"

I shuffle on my feet slightly. "I need to talk to Thorne."

Terra's face radiates anger. "Oh, for the love of… And you thought that the way to get to Thorne is through me?"

I don't answer.

She throws her hands up in frustration. "You have to be kidding me. Seriously? You thought I was just going to be like, ‘Okay, Rylan. Even though I thought you were dead, I'll let you chat with Thorne'?"

"I didn't think that," I murmur.

I didn't think she would be easy about it, no.

"Why do you need to talk to him?"

"I can't tell you that."

She growls.

"I can't tell you, Terra, because I think that if I did, it's information that could hurt you."

"Rylan. What the heck are you talking about?" She didn't cuss. That's a good sign. Terra only cusses if she's really, really angry.

"I promise that I'm not trying to use you. I have a really good reason for needing to talk to Thorne. He won't listen to me, and I just need you to bring me to him and… vouch for me," I finish lamely.

"Vouch for you," she repeats, her voice flat.

"I know. I know what I've done, and I know it's asking a lot. But Terra, the stuff I have to tell him… it's for the safety of the pack." For your future, I don't add.

I could give a shit about the pack. It's Terra I care about. It's always been her.

Terra studies me. I see the shift in her eyes, and a tiny fissure of hope sparks in me.

"I'll think about vouching for you," she starts.

I look at her, hopeful.

"But only if you have some freaking answers for me," she finishes.

I pause. There's technically nothing that I could say now that would make my situation with the pack worse. I already broke the biggest rule of my exile, which was that I was forbidden from having any contact with the pack again. If I continue on this path, Thorne might not be so forgiving a second time. He might kill me, or do something that isn't death but still involves pain. I don't really know what kind of alpha he is now, given that Chet is probably still whispering in his ear.

Any punishment that I endure for saving Terra, though, is worth it.

I look at her. "I really don't think this is a good idea," I warn.

She squints at me. "Do you have an alternative?"

No, but I don't want her to know that. "Can we talk somewhere that's a little more… secure?"

Her eyes narrow. She nods.

"Fine. Follow me," she snaps.

Terra spins and heads off into the woods. I follow her, cautious of anyone who might be around.

So far, there's no sign of Chet's goons anywhere. However, that does nothing to heal the sadness in my heart as I follow Terra into the woods.

I know better than to hope that this will be good. If anything, it's going to be yet another chance for me to hurt Terra.

I'll do anything to keep from breaking her heart again. Anything, of course, except tell her the full truth.

If Terra knows what I've done these last two years? She'll definitely think I'm the monster that everyone sees me as. And for good reason.

I am a monster. I've had to become one, exiled from the pack. Fighting in the rings was the only way I knew how to make money. I figured that at the time of my exile, I had two good years to do it, before I wouldn't be able to shift again. I could at least earn some cash to set myself up in human society when the time came, so I thought fighting was a good option for me.

I thought I might just die there, if I'm being honest. But now, there's the chance to make sure Terra doesn't suffer because of Chet's stupidity.

I just don't want Terra to know what I've had to become in order to survive.