Chapter 22

Twenty-Two

Everly

T he next morning, I plugged my father’s address into my GPS and drove south. Halfway there, my stomach rumbled, and I pulled over for gas and snacks. I’d been checking my messages, but so far, Harrison hadn’t reached out.

I tried to put our fight out of my mind because this was something I needed to do. Besides, he’d told me to leave. He’d said I was just like my father. As much as I hated what he’d said, I was about to find out the truth.

My heart rate picked up with each mile I traversed to my father’s home and new family. I hoped I wasn’t making a huge mistake.

As I drove through his neighborhood, I saw the houses were nicer than the one I grew up in. The neighborhood was newer, the lawns well-kept, and the homes lovingly cared for. Kids played in the street and at the nearby parks since it was a weekend.

I took a deep breath, wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans before getting out to knock on the door, still not sure what to expect. For the first time, I considered the fact that he might not be home.

My heart stuttered to a stop. What would I do if his wife or one of his kids answered?

The door opened before I could answer that question. It was a woman dressed in navy slacks and a floral blouse.

“Can I help you?” the woman asked.

I couldn’t seem to form any words. With my heart pounding in my ears, I finally said, “I’m here to see my father.”

The woman’s eyes widened. “Bill. I think you should come here.”

“I’ve driven all this way.” She was the woman I’d seen in my father’s social media pictures. “I just wanted to talk to him. I don’t want to hurt you.” I stepped back, questioning everything. “I’m sorry. I should have called first.”

“Sarah, who’s at the door?” My father’s voice preceded him as he appeared behind her. He looked older, with more lines on his face and gray hair on his head. He was the same yet different. He looked happier than he had while living with us. My heart sank.

“It’s your daughter,” Sarah said, backing away from the door to give us space.

Dad’s eyes widened as he took me in. “Everly? What are you doing here?”

“I deserve some answers, don’t you think?” I didn’t want a relationship with him. It was too late for that. I just wanted to know why. I held on to the anger and everything my mother told me over the years. He’d left and never tried to see me.

“Why don’t you come in?” Dad asked tentatively, as if he were afraid I’d disappear at any second.

I stepped inside, my heart pounding.

He led me into a formal living room, and I sat perched on the edge of a couch. He murmured to his wife, probably apologizing for not telling her about me. I couldn’t even bring myself to care. He’d brought this on himself. He should have known this day would come.

“I’ll get some water,” Sarah said, leaving the room.

“How can I help you?” Dad asked stiffly.

I laughed, feeling a little maniacal. “You walk out and start a new family, and you want to know how you can help me?”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t like that.”

“It was exactly like that.” My voice sounded bitter, just like my mother’s had for so many years.

His head dropped. “You don’t know the whole story.”

I tried to steel myself from the emotion I sensed bubbling just beneath the surface. This wasn’t easy for him either. “Then enlighten me.”

Sarah walked back in and set two glasses of ice water on the coffee table between us. “I’ll let you two talk.”

Neither one of us acknowledged her. I couldn’t take my gaze from my father’s. I knew this would be the only time I talked to him, and I wanted to commit it to memory. Every ridiculous excuse. “You left us.”

“I left your mother,” he immediately corrected me.

“You left me .” The pain was just as fresh as it had been when I was a little girl. It was like reopening an old wound.

“Your mother was depressed all the time. I couldn’t handle it anymore.”

“She was only depressed because you left her.” But was I wrong about that?

“You were so young. I wanted to take you with me, but your mother wouldn’t allow it.”

That’s not what my mother had said over the years. She’d said he had no interest in me. “You could have visited.”

“She said if I left, I was never to come back. That was it.”

“No.” I was shaking my head and wrapping my arms around my middle, trying to hold myself together.

“I tried to reach out so many times, but she said you were better off without me.”

“You created a new family.” I gestured at the framed pictures on the wall of his other kids. My half sister and brother. He’d replaced me.

“She said you didn’t want me. You were angry.”

“I was angry. I had every right to be. But I’m not a child anymore. You could have reached out to me anytime. When I was younger, you could have gone to court and fought for me.”

“I didn’t want to take you from your mother. That would have killed her. I just wanted to see you. Be a part of your life.”

“Instead, you left me with a depressed mother, one who could barely care for me after you left.” There was a slight roar in my head that was making it difficult to process his words. I was hanging on to what my mother had told me over the years, but had she filtered what I knew?

“I didn’t know.” His voice sounded defeated.

My shoulders lowered. Coming here was a mistake. “You should have known. I don’t even know why I came.”

“You came for answers.”

“For that, and I don’t know what else. I don’t want to be you. I don’t want to be known as someone who can’t connect with people. I don’t want to hurt like this.” It hurt so much. Harrison’s words, my father’s abandonment, and the fresh pain of my mother’s betrayal.

My father wanted to see me, but she didn’t let him. It seemed far-fetched. Yet it held a tinge of truth to it. My mother had altered my view of the world. Why wouldn’t she have done the same with my memories of my father? Why wouldn’t she let him see me?

He stood and hesitated. “Let me show you something. Then I think you’ll understand.”

I nodded as he moved slowly out of the room. He’d seemingly aged years since he first saw me on the porch.

I shook my head. I didn’t want to feel any sympathy for him.

When he returned, he said, “You need to understand. When you were older, she told me you hated me. That you didn’t want to see me.”

“You never tried.” I burst to my feet, my voice breaking on the last word. I blinked away the tears that stung my eyes.

He clutched a shoebox in his hands. “I did. That’s what I wanted to show you. Please sit.” He gestured at the couch, and I reluctantly complied, every muscle braced to spring into action at any second.

He sat next to me, the box on the cushion between us. “I wrote you letters. Sent you a birthday card every year. I know it wasn’t nearly enough.”

He opened the lid to reveal sealed envelopes, marked return to sender . “She sent them back.”

“You could have done so many things. You could have gone to an attorney and fought for me.”

“I thought I was doing what was best at the time. I listened to your mother, and I shouldn’t have. I regret that now. I missed out on you growing up, and I know now that living with your mother wasn’t great for you.”

“Ya think?” I’d reverted to a teenager in my father’s presence.

“I’m so sorry. And it’s probably too soon to even ask, but I’d like to make up for the lost time. I’m just so happy you’re here.”

Was he? I was trying to reconcile the absent man who I thought hadn’t reached out to me with the one who was pleading with me in his living room, his wife hovering in the next room. “I thought you abandoned me. That you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“I should have known she wouldn’t be truthful with you. What you need to understand is that I wanted you, and I never stopped loving you.”

I lost the battle with my tears. “I thought you replaced me with a new family.”

“Is that really what you believed, or what your mother told you?”

I shrugged, feeling hopeless. Mom created my reality back then. “Didn’t you?”

“I wanted to be happy. I wanted you here. But I’m also a recovering alcoholic, and your mother said no judge would let me have you.”

“You believed her.”

“You did too.”

“I was a kid.”

He shook his head. “It’s not an excuse. I made so many mistakes.”

“Does Sarah know about me?”

“She told me to do more to get in touch with you, but I was afraid you didn’t want to see me.”

I didn’t know how I would have reacted. It might have been ugly. I built this moment up in my head over the years, but I also never believed he’d come for me. My life wasn’t a fairy tale, no matter what Harrison said. My life was in tatters.

“It’s probably too soon. But would you be open to seeing each other? I’d love to get to know you. I’d love for you to meet my other children, your sister and your brother.”

I loved that he hadn’t said half. The draw of siblings overwhelmed me. I wasn’t alone. I had family. “Maybe.” I didn’t want to make promises. Not until I processed what he was telling me. I needed time.

“Will you at least stay for lunch? I know it’s asking too much, but I’m so happy you’re here.”

At the desperation in his voice, tears spilled over again. “I’m sorry.”

He handed me tissues. “It’s okay. I’m just so thrilled you’re here.”

I dabbed at the tears. “It’s so hard to believe.”

“I’ll tell you every day until you do. I love you. I wanted you to be part of my family. No, you are a part of my family. A very necessary one.”

“Does your wife feel the same way?”

“She’s the one who kept telling me to reach out to you,” he repeated.

He’d said that, but it was so hard to believe. My mom made her out to be this awful person. A woman who’d stolen another man’s wife. “You never cheated on Mom?”

“No. I moved here initially for a job and met Sarah later. I never cheated on anyone, much less your mother.”

He said it with such sincerity I believed him.

“Will you stay?” he asked, reaching out to me again.

I nodded because I was curious. “Can I use your bathroom?”

“It’s down the hall on the right.” I needed to wash my face and blow my nose. I needed a few minutes to reconcile what I thought to be true all my life with what he was telling me.

The obvious sincerity in my father’s expression and voice convinced me. He was hurting too. He missed me. He wanted me.

Harrison was wrong. My mother had lied to keep me tied to her. So I wouldn’t look for my father. She’d made me feel like something was wrong with me when it couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

I had a father and a brother and a sister. I blew my nose and washed my hands and face, smoothing my hair before I left the room.

I found my father in the kitchen, talking softly to Sarah.

She smiled at me. “I’m so happy you’re finally here.”

“Me too.”

It was a lot to process, but I knew I wanted to learn more. I wanted to know everything. I sat in a chair at the small, round table in their kitchen while Sarah and my father prepared lunch. They flitted glances at me every now and then as if they were afraid I’d disappear.

“What do you do for work?” Dad asked, finally sitting across from me.

I couldn’t believe I was sitting here, talking to my father. “I used to work at a medical office, but I just opened my own business. I create wedding invitations.”

A small smile played on his lips. “You’re an artist.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think of myself that way.”

“Your father is good at drawing. I wonder if that’s where you got it from,” Sarah said with a smile.

I loved every tidbit I was picking up about my father. It was like a whole new world had been opened to me, one I’d never considered. A world where my father not only wanted me but loved me. It was almost too much to take in.

“If you create invitations, then you must be. May I see one?”

I opened my phone and scrolled through the pictures while Sarah put plates on the table with chicken and roasted veggies.

“These are amazing,” Dad said, and something bloomed in my chest. Something long dormant inside me.

I hadn’t realized I’d been seeking someone’s approval. My mother’s and now my father’s.

I wondered if my father had made more of an effort if I would have spent time here. Would I have played with my siblings?

During lunch, Dad told me about them. Kenneth was seventeen and a typical teenager who was into playing sports and video games. Andrea was fifteen and into competitive cheerleading and dance. Both were spending the afternoon with their friends. Would they want to get to know me, or would they see me as competition for our father’s attention?

When we finished eating, I said, “Thank you for lunch. It was good.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Sarah said with a smile.

While Sarah cleaned up, Dad said, “I’m sorry you missed out on so much.”

“Will Kenneth and Andrea want to meet me?”

“I think so. They’ve always been curious about you. I have pictures of you on the wall. I never hid you.” Dad led me back into the living room to point out the ones I hadn’t seen of him and me. One was at a playground. Dad was pushing me on a swing, and I had a huge grin on my face.

“I’ve never seen these.” Mom took down any pictures when he left. I was afraid to ask what she did with them. I wondered if Mom hid them away somewhere because they didn’t fit into her story about my life. “I’m so angry at my mom for keeping you from me.”

“I am too, but I realized I don’t want to feel that way anymore. Let’s make up for the time lost and not waste any more dwelling on it.”

“I’ll try.” I still wanted to confront my mother, even if it didn’t get me anywhere. I was positive she’d continue to spin the story she always had. I was starting to think she believed it. She’d repeated it so many times it had become her reality. The one she continued to live with, even if it wasn’t the truth. “I feel sorry for her.”

“Me too. I’m happy with Sarah, but my heart was never whole. Not without you. I know it will take time to get used to, but can I come see you? Can we set up a time to meet again?”

“I’d like that.” I exchanged numbers with him and said good-bye, with promises to talk soon. I drove home, trying to figure out what I was going to do with all this new information. Visiting my dad was the best thing I’d ever done. It lifted the weight that perpetually pressed down on my chest.

My reality wasn’t what I’d been told to believe it was. I’d lived a lie. Relief and anger mixed together. My mother kept the truth from me, perpetuated a lie that my father didn’t want me, that I didn’t want to hear from him. It was inexcusable.

I wanted to talk to her about it, but I suspected I wouldn’t get the answers I wanted.

Mom believed her lies. That’s what I was coming to understand about her. Her reality was what she’d created. She wasn’t interested in the truth.

But I wanted to create a new reality. Despite my fight with Harrison, I felt hopeful. That I’d have a future with my father. That I’d meet my siblings. That we’d be a family together.

I had a family. Every time I said it, I sucked in a deep breath, letting go of some of the pain from my past.

When I arrived home, I was spent, emotionally and physically. My apartment was dark but cold because I’d left the windows open when I left for my trip. I closed the windows, cranked up the heat, and crawled into bed even though it was early, wishing I had someone to share the news with. But I couldn’t go to Harrison. Not yet.

I hoped everything was okay with Wren. That she was back where she belonged with Harrison. I hoped Lola came to her senses and realized what she was doing. Every other time Harrison deviated from the order was by agreement. This was in violation of any agreement, spoken or written. My gut burned for Harrison.

But his words were too close to the surface. I couldn’t believe he was the one who’d said them. I couldn’t possibly understand what he was going through because my father didn’t want me. It was the farthest thing from the truth. I wanted to be there for Harrison, but he didn’t let me. He’d told me to go.

I wasn’t sure where we’d go from here. Would he be open to talking about us? Or was he done with whatever was between us? I rolled the engagement ring around my finger. My father hadn’t mentioned it, and I forgot about it when I was talking to him. There were so many other things to cover. He wanted to hear about my life, and I wanted to learn everything about his. We’d never get back those lost years, but I had a family. It was my last thought before I drifted off.