Chapter 23

Twenty-Three

Abby

T hursday night, I slipped out of a wedding consultation early to get Hunter to a scrimmage since it was an away game. I’d presented the photography packages early in the meeting, but I still felt bad about leaving.

I liked Gia’s idea of presenting as a team, though. I couldn’t help but think if I was dating Nick, he could have taken Hunter, allowing me to join them later. It was an attractive idea, and on the drive over, I allowed myself to play house. To imagine telling Nick how I felt, being honest with our boys about our relationship, and moving in together.

By the time I arrived at the game, I was feeling pretty good. A warmth had settled in my chest and kept expanding. I was at least open to the idea of having a relationship with Nick. One where we could be open about our desires. Usually, dreaming about the possibilities felt off. But that time, it seemed right.

Hunter immediately went to warm up because he was pitching the first few innings. I knew Brody was hearing things at school about his father because Hunter mentioned it. I didn’t want the boys to get into a fight, but I couldn’t help but think the other kids needed to stop.

My worst fear was that Nick would decide it wouldn’t be good for Brody to stay. If he moved, I couldn’t follow him. My family was there. My business. My partnership with Happily Ever Afters.

When Nick didn’t come over to say hi or send me a knowing look or wink, the uneasy feeling settled in, taking over the lovely dreams on the drive over.

Our team was up to bat first. The pitcher for the other team was a left-hander, and he was good. The kids seemed a little stunned by the speed of his fastball. When it was time for Hunter to pitch, he warmed up with confidence, but then the first pitch was a hit to the fence in the outfield. It dropped between the center fielder and the fence, giving him a triple.

My heart ached for Hunter because he’d only ever struck kids out in rec. A few hard hits later, and I was pacing the area behind the dugout.

I wanted Hunter to shake it off. But I knew he wouldn’t be able to. He was too competitive, and kids hitting like that off him had to be a shock.

When the inning ended, I hovered by the dugout, listening to Nick talk to him. It sounded positive, and Hunter nodded to his words. When he put his glove in his bag, I asked him, “How do you feel?”

He shrugged, looking miserable.

“Do you think you can shake it off?”

“I’m supposed to strike kids out.” I looked helplessly at Nick, who came over.

He crouched beside him. “Your job is to throw strikes.”

“Yeah, strike batters out.”

“That’s not what I said. You put the ball in play and rely on your fielders to play defense.”

That was a new idea for Hunter.

“You did your job. You threw strikes. This team is more experienced, and they hit hard. Your fielders aren’t ready to field those balls yet. They let you down. We’re still learning. By the spring, we’ll look like a different team. I promise.”

Hunter’s overall demeanor had completely changed.

“Are you okay to pitch the next inning? I need you on the mound.”

“You got it, Coach,” Hunter said.

Nick initiated some kind of complicated handshake that ended with a manly shoulder hug. It was endearing. Nick stood and moved over to where the other assistant coaches were standing. I hoped he’d acknowledge me in some way, but he didn’t.

In fact, we hadn’t seen each other since that night at his house. The one when he asked me to stay. Was he considering moving? Was that why he’d rebuffed my attempts to talk to him? I didn’t like the implications of that.

Where would that leave the team or me? And even worse, Hunter? Hunter looked up to him. Hunter had no idea Nick and Brody might leave. I’d never thought it was necessary to bring it up. It was a small possibility, but now it might be our reality.

I went back to my seat and saw that Brooke and Ben had arrived with Cammie.

“How’s it going so far?” Ben asked.

“Not good. They’re hitting on Hunter.”

“He upset?”

“Nick talked to him. He said all the right things.”

“That’s good.” Ben moved to the fence and leaned his forearms over it to get a better view of our team, which was up to bat.

“Is everything okay with you and Nick?”

“He won’t talk to me about what’s going on. He just keeps saying that Brody needs him. I’m worried he’s going to move.”

“Did you see what happened at Austin’s arraignment today?”

“I was in meetings most of the day.”

“He pled not guilty.”

“He wants a trial.”

“Looks like it.”

“The state’s probably not offering anything worth taking yet. He can take a plea deal at any time,” Ben said from his position at the fence.

Ben’s assurances did nothing to stem the rolling of my stomach. If Austin went to trial, it meant more publicity, not less. There’d be speculation about the evidence, his life and background, maybe even his family. I hated that for Nick and Brody. They didn’t deserve it.

“If he knew what was good for his kid, he’d plead guilty and quietly serve his sentence.”

“How well do you know Nick’s brother? Is he worried about the effect on Brody? Do you think he’ll protect him?”

“I don’t know him, but from what Nick has said, he only cares about himself.”

“That’s not good,” Ben said before turning his attention to the game.

Hunter didn’t bat that inning, enabling me to get lost in my thoughts. If I were in Nick’s position, would I stay and subject my son to the scrutiny? I knew without a doubt, I wouldn’t. I couldn’t blame him for wanting to move. Even if it meant we’d be over.

I stood next to Ben by the fence when Hunter pitched the bottom of the second inning. That time, Hunter seemed more composed. He even threw in some sliders and changeups to vary his pitches, which was effective against the hard hitters.

“He’s holding his own,” Ben commented.

“I think Nick’s talk helped.”

“He’s good for him,” Nick said.

“He is.” It was too bad he most likely wouldn’t be in our lives much longer. Nick was a runner. He’d admitted it on many occasions. He lived his life like he’d need to move at a moment’s notice. No matter what our arrangement meant to him, I wasn’t enough for him to stay.

Standing by the fence, I felt a little dizzy.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked, his voice full of concern.

“I’m probably just hungry. I came here from my meeting.” And I hadn’t eaten dinner.

“I brought some pretzels,” Brooke offered, digging them out of her bag.

“Thank you.” I felt dizzy as I made my way to my chair. I plopped gratefully into it, hoping I was just hungry and the vertigo would lift.

I nibbled on the pretzels. My stomach was a little off too. I actually felt a little nauseous and light-headed. I wondered if I was coming down with something. I didn’t have time to get sick. Not when the fall wedding season was the busiest. Our consultations were growing for the spring and summer weddings.

“Are you okay now that you ate?” Brooke asked a little while later.

“I still feel off. I haven’t felt like this since—” I tried to remember the last time I’d gotten sick. Not just a cold but the flu. It had to be before I had Hunter. I felt off-center, and it had nothing to do with Nick’s situation. I hadn’t felt like that since the fertility nurse told me I was pregnant with Hunter.

I remember feeling pregnant right away. I immediately felt nauseous and fatigued. Could I be pregnant? The idea was ludicrous. After trying for years to get pregnant with Seth and numerous rounds of infertility treatment, I would get pregnant after not using a condom once with Nick?

I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea. There was no way.

“You don’t think you’re—I mean, you said you hooked up with that guy at the wedding.”

I hadn’t told her that I’d been carrying on a friends-with-benefits arrangement with Nick. “Nick.”

“What?”

“That guy was Nick, and we’re seeing each other.”

Her eyes widened. “Is it a possibility?”

She’d kept her voice low, and everyone’s attention was on the game. “I can’t imagine it is, but yes.”

“You don’t know why it didn’t work last time. Maybe it was Seth.”

“And what? Nick is the difference?” So it wasn’t my fault that we couldn’t get pregnant. It was Seth’s? I couldn’t even focus on that realization because all I could focus on was that I might be pregnant, and the father might not stick around—again.

“Don’t panic yet. We don’t know for sure. You could be sick.”

There was that one time we didn’t use a condom. It was a possibility. But I tried to think rationally about it. I’d put the possibility of getting pregnant naturally out of my mind years ago. I had to in order to temper my expectations when Seth and I were going through treatments.

“It’s so unlikely. I’m not going to worry about it.”

Brooke covered my hand with hers, squeezing it lightly before letting it go. “We’re here for you.”

“Hopefully, it’s just a false alarm. I’m probably coming down with something.” I smiled at her, but it must not have been convincing. She looked more worried than I felt.

I tried to re-focus on the game, but thoughts of hitting a pharmacy the next day kept invading my brain. I didn’t have any pregnancy tests in my house. I’d confiscated them when we started fertility treatments. They were always negative. There was no point in keeping them around because I’d test incessantly only to get the same results.

After the second inning, Nick moved Hunter to shortstop. We got a few runs, but the other team easily won. I wasn’t sure how Hunter would take it.

I waited with Ben and Brooke while Nick talked to the players. He went over the positive things he saw and the things they’d work on in future practices. Then he asked who had fun. Most of the kids cracked a smile at his question, called out, and raised their hands.

Nick nodded. “The only thing that matters is that you had fun.”

He’d be the best dad. He was so good to the kids and his nephew. I knew without a doubt he’d step up, didn’t I? There was always the niggling doubt that I couldn’t seem to get over. Even if he said he’d stay, how could I trust it? Nick wasn’t Seth, but I couldn’t forget that Nick would do what was best for Brody.

Staying in town if it bothered Brody wouldn’t be good for him. Wouldn’t it be selfish to ask him to stay? I needed to take a step back. I didn’t even know if I was pregnant. Hopefully, it was a false alarm.

Hunter gathered his things and met us by the fence.

“Great game. You looked fast out there,” Ben told him.

“Thanks, Uncle Ben.”

I loved that he’d taken to calling him uncle even if they weren’t married yet. Brooke and Ben were meant to be together, their marriage inevitable. And Hunter sensed that.

“How are you doing, bud?” I asked as we walked toward the car. I needed to focus on Hunter. Not whether Nick spoke to me after the game or not.

“Nick said I pitched well.”

“You did.”

We said good-bye to Ben and Brooke, but before we walked off, Brooke pulled me aside to hug me and made me promise to call her if I needed her to be with me when I took the test. I would definitely take her up on that offer. I couldn’t do it alone. I asked her to stop by the next morning with the tests.

In the car, Hunter went into a play-by-play of everything he did in the game and asking if I saw. I forced myself to pay attention to him, not to spiral into what-ifs. There was no point in worrying about something that I wasn’t sure happened.

At home, I made Hunter eat a snack and take a quick shower. It was late, and I was beyond exhausted. When he was finally tucked into bed, I checked my phone.

There was a missed call from Nick, so I returned it. My heart beat hard in my chest the whole time I waited for him to answer.

“Hey,” his voice came over the line in a low, comforting tone.

“You called?”

“I wanted to see if Hunter was okay.”

As sweet as him checking up on Hunter was, I wished he’d called to talk to me. But he didn’t know what was running through my head, and there was no point in bringing it up until I knew I was pregnant for sure. “Your talk helped.”

“Oh good. I was worried after that first inning.”

I chuckled. “I was too. He’s never been hit on like that before. That first one was almost a homer.”

“That would have sucked.”

“Is everything okay with you and Brody?”

“He’s getting shit from the other kids. I’ve talked to the counselor and teachers. They’re working on it, but it happens at lunch and recess when it’s harder to control.”

“That’s tough. I’m sorry.”

“We might have to move out of town to escape it. Brody’s really affected by it.”

My stomach dropped, and all I could think about was another guy leaving me. But that wasn’t what was happening. He didn’t know my situation. It wasn’t fair to assume he’d make the same decision if he knew. Besides, I’d only know for sure tomorrow when Brooke came by with the pregnancy tests.

“Are you still there?”

I swallowed over the sudden dryness in my throat. “I’m here. I don’t want you to leave, but I understand you feel like you have to.”

“It’s not what I feel—it’s Brody who’s dealing with it.”

“You don’t think it’ll blow over?” Maybe it was na?ve, but I didn’t want them to leave.

Nick sighed, and I felt his frustration through the line. “Austin agreed to do an interview with a local news station.”

“He did what?” That was bad. Very bad.

“That motherfucker.”

I winced at his language. I’d never heard him swear before, which was a testament to how upset he was.

“Fuck. What am I going to do? What if he talks about Brody? I wouldn’t put it past him to use Brody to gain sympathy. I need to get out because I have a kid to take care of.”

I couldn’t see him, but I imagined Nick running his hands through his hair. “I think you shouldn’t make any rash decisions. You should wait to see how it plays out.”

“The interview is scheduled for next week. I think I should get out of town for a while. Hopefully, it’ll blow over, and I won’t need to move.”

“You don’t think it’s going to blow over, do you?”

“I know Austin. He loves attention. He’s going to work the media. He’s so used to getting what he wants, and I’m sure he thinks he can manipulate everyone watching and potential jurors.”

“Have you thought about talking to him?”

Nick chuckled without any humor. “He’d love that.”

“You don’t think if you asked him to back off, he would? Maybe you could explain how it’s affected Brody—”

“He doesn’t care about Brody. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. That should be obvious.”

I winced at his insinuation that I wasn’t helping. I knew he was upset. “I don’t know him like you do.”

“I need to think about this. Figure out what I’m going to do.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“It’s not about us anymore. This is about Brody.”

“I know.” But my voice was so soft I wasn’t sure Nick heard. I felt like he was spiraling and couldn’t even hear anyone talking to him. He was panicking. Acting on impulse. I wished he’d take a second and really think about what he was doing. But it wasn’t my place. We were just friends with benefits. “What does this mean for us?”

“We had an arrangement. It was good. But if I have to leave, I don’t expect you to wait for me. That was never our agreement.”

The words stuck in my throat. It wasn’t an arrangement for me anymore, but I never told him. And now, if I was pregnant, would he even believe me if I told him how I felt? Or would he think I was just hanging on to him because I was alone and pregnant? There were too many unknowns. Too many variables. I wish he’d take a few days to think it over. It would give me time to figure out if I was pregnant and process the results either way.

“Maybe think things over tonight.”

“I don’t see any way out of this.”

“You might feel differently in the morning.” Our circumstances might be different in the morning.

“Listen, I’ve gotta go. I have a lot to think about.”

And I wasn’t helping. “Of course.”

“Take care of yourself.” Then he hung up.

That sounded a lot like he wasn’t coming back. That we were over. The pain exploded in my chest and spread to every limb. I tried not to think about what it meant if I was pregnant. I let myself feel the pain because I’d spent our time together pushing him away, refusing to feel anything, but now? Everything felt amplified.

The pain was so intense, I couldn’t move from the couch. I just lay down, replaying every moment in my head. The times he’d asked me to stay. When he wanted me to give him a chance. And when I finally did, he left. It was what I worried about, and it came true.

They said you created your reality, and maybe I had. I was worried about worst-case scenarios, and that’s exactly what had happened.

Hours later, I finally made my way to my bedroom. I didn’t want Hunter to find me crying on the couch. I had to get myself together. Tomorrow. I’d be strong tomorrow.