Chapter 21

Twenty-One

Abby

N ot wanting to wake the boys, I knocked softly on the door. Then I sent a text to Nick announcing my arrival.

My feet hurt from being pinched in my shoes all day, and the pain at the base of my head had turned into a full-blown tension headache. But I still needed to wake a sleeping Hunter and get him home and tucked into bed for the night.

I wished I’d brought a change of clothes, so I’d at least be more comfortable. But I never expected the wedding to take so long.

When the door opened, I said, “Sorry I’m late.”

Nick looked relaxed in a black T-shirt and worn jeans. His feet were bare. It was quiet as he gestured for me to come inside. The TV screen lit up the living room, revealing the boys asleep on the floor.

“I hope they weren’t too out of control for you,” I whispered in a low tone.

“Not at all. It makes my life easier when Brody has someone to play with. Want to come outside for a quick drink?”

I shook my head. “I should get Hunter home.”

“He can sleep here tonight.”

Before I could protest, Nick grabbed a wine bottle and two glasses before heading through the living room to the slider door that opened to the backyard.

I followed him, maneuvering through the blankets and pillows strewn across the carpet. There were Nerf bullets covering every surface.

“It looks like they had fun,” I said when the slider was shut.

“We had a Nerf gun battle at some point. I hope that’s okay.”

I sighed, sinking into the cushion on one of the wicker chairs next to Nick. “I tried to keep guns out of the house, but I couldn’t avoid having a Nerf gun. It’s not a battle I fight anymore.”

“They had fun. We played arcade games and watched a movie before they passed out.”

“It sounds like the perfect day for the boys. How are you holding up?”

Nick poured the wine into the glasses and handed me one. “I should ask you the same question.”

I scanned through my body, assessing the aches and pains. “I feel better now.”

“Good.” Nick seemed pleased with my answer.

I sipped the wine, then asked, “Tell me the truth. How bad was it?”

I knew Hunter could play baseball for hours, then eat a ton of food. He wasn’t destructive; he was just exhausting.

“Honestly?” Nick looked at me, his expression vulnerable.

I nodded at him, encouraging him to continue.

“It wasn’t that bad. The boys mostly entertained themselves.” He shrugged. “And sure, they need a catcher now and then, but I’m happy to oblige. This life is so different from my old one. I don’t miss the quiet.”

I smiled. “You like being busy and exhausted?”

“It’s a nice contrast to being lonely.”

I winced at my thoughtlessness. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring anything up.”

He shifted on the chair, so his knees were spread wide. “You didn’t. It was just a fact. But I like my life now. I like you.”

“I like you too.” No matter how idiotic it was. I liked that he’d offered to watch Hunter. That he played ball with him and made sure he was comfortable. Hunter was growing closer to him. I should pull back, reevaluate what was happening between us, but I couldn’t. Not yet.

I wanted one more night where we could just be ourselves. Give in to our desires.

“I don’t want to wake the kids. Want to sleep in the guest room?” Nick asked.

I wanted to sleep with him. “A bed sounds good.”

It was all I’d been thinking about for the last few hours.

“Come on. I’ll get it ready for you, and you can relax.”

I followed behind him, sipping my wine and wondering how I’d gotten so lucky for Nick to come into our lives. He was the total package—a father figure, caring, and attentive. He was good to me. We didn’t spend much time together outside my house, but that reflected the reality of our situation.

He led me upstairs and down the hall to the guest room. “I put fresh sheets on earlier.”

There was a nightstand, a dresser, and a desk. “Is this where you work?”

Nick nodded. “I cleaned up my stuff, so it wouldn’t get in your way.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” I was touched that he’d gone through so much effort for us.

“The bathroom’s through there if you want to freshen up. I put out toothpaste and a new brush.”

“Do you mind if I take a shower?”

“Sure. I’ll grab you an extra set of clothes.” Then he paused. “Unless you brought some?”

“I didn’t.”

“Be right back then.” He left, and I sat on the bed.

The room wasn’t decorated, but then, he’d just moved in. The comforter was a solid navy and the walls gray with white trim.

He came back with sweats and a T-shirt. “You need anything else?”

“That should be it. Thanks for taking care of us,” I said as I stood and made my way to the bathroom.

Nick stopped me with a hand on my arm. “I don’t mind. I want to take care of you.”

My heart clenched because I wanted to give in to that sentiment more than anything. I had one night to enjoy it. Him. Then I needed to create some distance between us. We couldn’t sustain our relationship. I was falling too hard. Too fast. I needed to save myself before I was too far gone.

He kissed me softly then ushered me into the bathroom, where he started the water and pointed out the towels. “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be down the hall.”

“Thank you.” I wanted to ask him to stay, but the kids were downstairs, and it would be better if we weren’t both in the shower in case they needed something. Instead, he walked out, and I shut the door behind him.

I peeled off my clothes and breathed a sigh of relief when I stepped under the warm stream of water. I tipped my head back. Nothing had ever felt so good. I let the day wash away with the water. Stressful brides who changed their minds were par for the course. I needed to get used to it. I was ruled by my job on the weekends.

But it would be nice to have someone at home to watch Hunter. To know he was cared for and loved. Ben and Brooke loved him, but it wasn’t the same as having a father or a significant other. Someone who had my back.

Nick sure did. He had Hunter’s too. He was the total package. My heart soared with the feelings I tried to repress. I let the appreciation and love for him wash over me until the soap washed out of my hair and down the drain.

I turned off the water and stepped out to wrap myself in a large towel. Everything smelled like him. Like home.

I towel-dried my hair and stepped into the bedroom, intending to get dressed in the bedroom. I paused when I saw Nick resting on the bed, his arm crooked behind his head.

His eyes fluttered open. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to come out.”

I knelt on the bed, holding the towel to my chest. “Did you fall asleep?”

He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “I must have. I wanted to give you a foot massage.”

“That sounds great,” I purred as I stretched out my legs and rested back on the pillows. I was exhausted before I showered. Now I was relaxed from the warm water.

Nick lifted my ankle onto his lap. The door was closed and, I hoped, locked. When Nick pressed his fingers into my sore arch, I let out a moan and relaxed deeper into the pillows. “That feels amazing.”

“I want you to relax.” He bit his lip, and I wondered if there was more that he wanted to say.

Each time he pressed on the muscles, tingles traveled up my calf muscles to my core.

I could see myself relaxing with him after a long event. I could see us living in that house together, playing baseball on the evenings and weekends and helping the kids with homework during the week. It was too much to hope that it would all work out like a present tied neatly with a bow.

Life wasn’t like that. People didn’t do what you wanted them or even expected them to do. There were always wild cards and variables. I’d been burned too much to just ignore reality.

“You’re worried about something.”

I let out a huff of air and opened my eyes. “How did you know?”

“You were relaxed, and then you tensed.”

I forced my muscles to relax, not wanting to relay my worries to him.

“Much better,” he murmured as he continued his ministrations on my feet and moved onto my calves.

“You’re spoiling me.”

His lips lifted. “Mmm. I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Oh yeah?” I asked. The room had a dream-like quality to it. It was late, the house was quiet, and it was just us whispering to each other. The only light in the room was the lamp on the nightstand, which emitted a soft glow.

“I don’t think you’ve been spoiled enough.”

“And you’re the one to do it?” I asked without sending my words through the filter in my brain first.

He smiled wider. “I’m the perfect guy for the job.”

“And why is that?” I couldn’t stop the twitch in my lips.

“I’m handsome.”

“Mmm.”

“Thoughtful. Clearly skilled at foot massages.”

I dipped my chin. “I’ll give you that.”

He glanced at me before returning his attention to my legs. “I care about you. I enjoy spending time with you.”

I sighed. His words were sweet, each one sent a current through my body, a longing for what I shouldn’t want.

“You’re tense again.”

“I can’t—” But the words got stuck in my throat.

He looked up at me, his eyes imploring. “Can you give me more time to prove myself?”

“This wasn’t supposed to mean anything,” I whispered.

He let out a laugh without any humor. “That might have been our intention, but it hasn’t worked out that way.”

I was touched to know he felt the same way. But our best intentions for a relationship weren’t enough. I thought Seth was committed for life. I thought he’d take care of us—Hunter and me. But he’d failed on both counts.

“I know your history. I know you have reservations. But what you experienced with your ex—that’s not normal.”

“So I’m the exception to the rule,” I said carefully.

“Your ex left you when you were your most vulnerable. I don’t think that’s a common occurrence, and I think I’ve proven I’m not that guy,” he said the last sentence with conviction.

When I came home from the hospital with Hunter, I was scared, certain I wasn’t cut out to be his mother. But I thought Seth and I were in it together. I’d clearly misjudged him. “No. You’re not.”

Not many guys would have upended their life to care for their nephew.

He gestured between us. “Will you give this a chance?”

I wanted to. Every muscle in my body leaned toward yes. I knew it’s what he wanted me to say. It’s what I wanted to do. But something always held me back. My past. My bad judgment.

“I’ve never felt anything like this. Even if we don’t give it a label, I feel the love.”

His last words struck a chord within me. I’d been so numb since Seth walked out. I didn’t want to expect anything and be disappointed. I pushed everyone away, even my family. My excuse was that I wanted to be independent, but what if I was walling myself off from true connection with others? What if I’d let Seth influence my life negatively?

I most certainly had. I’d pushed people away. I didn’t trust easily, if at all. And here was a man who was ready and willing to take on me and everything that came along with it—Hunter, my trust issues.

He shifted my legs off his lap and leaned over to whisper in my ear. “Feel my love.”

I wasn’t ready for labels or words, but I could promise him I’d try. It was what we’d been doing the last few weeks. “Okay.”

He relaxed onto the pillows beside me, his arm banded across my middle, the weight heavy and reassuring. It felt like an anchor, keeping me beside him.

Was it bad to give in to him? To want something for myself? The only thing holding me back was that he’d walk away from Hunter.

“I know what you’re worried about.” The low tone of his voice rumbled through my body, warming me from the inside out.

“How can you promise you won’t move? If it’s what’s best for Brody …”

“If that’s something I’m considering, we’ll talk about it together.”

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to think he’d take that extra step. Give me a hint if things weren’t working. But Seth hadn’t. The headache was back, stronger than ever.

There was a push-pull going on inside me. Stay with Nick and see what was possible, or walk away and protect my heart? Staying was reckless. Stupid, even. Leaving was cowardly.

“Stay,” he insisted, a comforting reminder from our first night together.

“I have no plans to leave.” My words seemed to pacify him, but I’d meant I wouldn’t slip away in the middle of the night again. That time, there wasn’t just me to consider. Hunter was there.

“That’s what I like to hear.” He kissed me until I forgot about our conversation and the towel between us fell away. I was bare to him as he left kisses down my body and settled between my legs. I closed my eyes and savored the feel of his mouth on me.

I’d never get used to it. The tender way he cared for me. The amazing father figure he was. On paper, he was perfect for me. It was the uncertainty of the future that held me back from falling completely under his trance.

He reached up to tweak my nipple, and the errant thoughts slipped away. Sensations were zinging from my nipple to my core, a fire building inside me I couldn’t put out. I cried out as I went over, wave after wave of pleasure coursing through me. When I finally settled on the bed, languid and satisfied, Nick had chucked his clothes, grabbed a condom, and positioned himself between my legs.

He entered me slowly, his gaze on me the entire time. I couldn’t look away or escape the intensity in his eyes. It seemed like he was all-in. Only time would tell if he wasn’t.

He lowered his lips to mine, and I forced the worries and doubts away. I’d enjoy the moment. I wasn’t sure how many more I’d get. I knew things only lasted for so long. Nothing good lasted forever. And that seemed too good to be true.

He intertwined his fingers with mine on either side of my head, moving slowly in and out. It was like he was trying to show me he was consistent, reliable, and would never leave. But that was impossible. He had no idea what was going through my head. The things I worried about. The loneliness I saw in my future.

Tears stung my eyes, but I kept them at bay. Nick was observant. He’d want to know why I was overwhelmed with emotion and couldn’t explain it.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, punctuating his words with a kiss.

I let his words wash over me as he increased his pace, hitting a spot deep inside, creating a ball of need that built. Whimpers escaped my lips as he drove me higher. He rested his forehead against mine as we went over together.

I bit down hard on my lip as the sensations threatened to overwhelm me. I squeezed my eyes shut to stem the flow of tears. I was in love with this man.

He nestled his face in my neck, pressing his lips to my skin. My heart squeezed, and I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t express what I was feeling. I’d never been able to trust words. Actions always spoke louder. Would he stay? Or would he leave at the first sign of trouble?

He rolled to his side, facing me. “Is everything okay?”

“Of course. I just need to go to the bathroom.” He let me go and I didn’t breathe deeply until the door shut behind me. It was too late. I’d already fallen for him. I just hoped it was merely the heat of the moment and I could pull back in the light of day.

I peed, washed my hands, and threw cold water on my face. Patting it dry, I took a deep breath before opening the door. I was positive Nick would want to talk about what just happened, but all I heard was soft snores. He was asleep.

Maybe I’d imagined the intensity. It had been a long day, and I was tired. I settled next to him in bed, not wanting to wake him.

Nick wasn’t Seth. He wouldn’t run at the first sign of trouble. But no matter how many times I said the words to myself, they didn’t sink in. It was too hard for me to believe someone would stick around. It seemed impossible.

There was a lump in my throat I couldn’t quite get around. A piece of me thought I wasn’t good enough for Seth and that was why he left. That it had nothing to do with the baby we’d created together.

What if I was right all along? What if everything came down to me, not Hunter? The resulting pain exploded in my chest, ricocheting through my body and out to my limbs. That time, I couldn’t stop the tears from overflowing. I quickly swiped them away, not wanting Nick to wake up and see. I finally rolled so that I faced away from him and tried to stifle any sound.

I was in love with someone who couldn’t love me. Because the bottom line was that I was unlovable. No one stayed around. I sank into despair. Disheartened and exhausted, I finally fell asleep.