Chapter Four | Daniel

I was beyond busy. Income taxes were due six months after the year-end of corporations. Since most companies had their year-end on December 31, my workload to finish their tax returns was intense for the next two weeks until the deadline of June 30.

I had a stack of paper I was working through. Thank God for my assistant who sorted all the invoices and receipts for me and the computer program that made my life easier than when I had first started as a corporate tax accountant twenty-seven years ago.

Business software had been available back then, but it had been clunky and required a large computer that needed its own enclosed room, including air conditioning to keep it from overheating. The advent of spreadsheets, word processing, and email had been a life changer.

When the internet made its appearance, the whole world opened up.

I'd been using computers for over thirty years.

Some days, I felt like a dinosaur.

When I went to university, I learned to create simple programs using DOS. That wasn't even a thing anymore and I was so glad about that. I hated those courses.

My love was for numbers. They made sense. Balancing someone's books was satisfying in a way that was absent in the everyday events of living.

Nothing felt that definite .

Except for what I was feeling for Ethan. From the first day I met him, the sky had been slowly cracking open. Now even in the daylight, I could see the brilliance of millions of stars.

Ethan's smile caused every damned one of them to sparkle bright for me.

Even still, I was in flip-flop mode. I yearned desperately for him, but I had my family to consider. Ethan was only a few years older than my kids. That was going to be an issue.

Saturday in the coffee shop with Ethan had me imagining what it might be like if I was brave, throwing caution aside and asking him if he was feeling what I was. His eyes and his expression of enjoyment in our conversations made me believe I was on to something. He made me feel hopeful that he wanted to advance, to take our conversations deeper. To look at me differently.

A light tapping on my door disrupted my thoughts of him.

Frank, another corporate accountant, popped his head in.

"Want to take a break for lunch with me?"

"Where were you thinking?"

"Just the diner down the road."

I looked at the time on my phone. I could break for an hour. The work would still be here when I got back. I could stay late if I needed to. Plus, I needed to eat.

"Sure. Give me five minutes. I'll meet you in the front lobby."

"Perfect." Frank shut the door. I finished up the stack of invoices I was checking the coding on and logged out of the accounting software.

Frank was waiting for me downstairs. As we walked, we talked about our day. My colleague had become a good friend over the fourteen years I'd known him. My wife and I used to meet him and his wife for dinner often. Now, since my divorce, that aspect of our friendship had fallen by the wayside. I'd felt like a third wheel when we tried to continue our dinners. I hadn't dated since Delores and I went our separate ways. I hadn't even gone the route of one-night stands.

I'd been living the life of a monk.

The absence of sexual encounters for too many years was another thing that frightened me when it came to Ethan. One, it had been a long time. Two, I'd never even kissed a man.

But I was getting ahead of myself. I hadn't even established that Ethan was interested in me. Going from zero to sex with him was a stretch I had no right to take. Not that I hadn't imagined it in the months since I'd seen him last. There were nights when he infiltrated my dreams. His body in my bed, sighing and moaning, his hips undulating, his hole hungry for my cock.

He'd cling to me. His arms around my neck, his legs around my waist as I plunged into him, making him come apart and cover his abs in his cum. I'd lick every inch of him clean.

We slid into a booth at the diner.

"You seem distracted," Frank said.

"Yeah." I shook my head to clear the lurid scenario. My cock ached as I pulled myself out of my imagination. "I met someone. I'm not sure if I want to proceed."

"When did you meet?"

I sighed. "Gosh, like seven months ago. Haven't seen them in six. Gathered up my courage and went to see them yesterday at their place of work."

"How did that go?"

"Really well … until I guffed it at the end."

"What did you say?"

"That I'd have to check my schedule to see if I could visit them again."

"Ugh. Daniel. She probably thought you decided you weren't interested after all."

God, I hope not .

"I don't know what to do. They're incredible. Successful. Intelligent. Always smiling with a confidence that lights up the room. And they're gorgeous. So gorgeous."

Frank laughed. "Then what's the problem?"

I scooted the carafe of water that had been set on our table to one side. "Their age. They're not much older than my children. I think Sarah and Derek would have a problem with that."

"But you really like her?"

I set aside the continued mention of the incorrect pronoun. I was reluctant to tell Frank I was smitten with a man. That I was considering foraying out of the closet.

Into the complete unknown.

"I do. They don't seem younger than me. There's no flightiness. No immaturity. Just a hardworking and joyful individual who makes me want to experience more of them."

Frank frowned at me. "You keep using they/them ."

I rolled my eyes.

Fuck.

"Are they non-binary or something?" Frank continued.

"No." I stared at the menu and picked at the edge of it. I wasn't sure how Frank would react. He'd never made any homophobic remarks around me, but he'd never spoken in support of the queer community either. This could ruin our friendship—or not.

Only one way to find out.

"His name is Ethan."

I looked up. Frank's eyebrows were raised but he didn't look disgusted.

"A man?"

"Yeah. It's the first time I've ever done anything like this."

"Are you gay?"

"No. Bisexual. I've always been attracted to women and men. "

"Huh." Frank rubbed his chin. "Never saw that in you."

"Didn't exactly advertise it. I was married."

"Does Delores know?"

"About my attraction to men?" I shook my head. "No. It's not something we ever talked about."

"So … you really like this guy, Ethan?"

I wouldn't look away from Frank's gaze for this. "So much. Borders on painful."

"Are you going to ask him out?"

"I don't know. I'm reluctant."

"Because he's younger … and a man?"

I took a sip of my iced water. It felt good on my throat. "Both could be a problem."

"For whom? Your family? You don't think they want you to be happy?"

I furrowed my brow. "Of course, they do."

"Then what's stopping you? Ask him out. See what happens."

Even thinking about asking Ethan out on a date set off an inner conflict. Putting myself first felt as though it wasn't coded into my DNA. The needs of others had come first for much of my life. My wife and kids, and before having a family of my own, I'd spent my youth trying to protect my mother from an alcoholic maniac. I'd put myself in danger more times than I could remember.

But maybe Frank was right. My family wanted me to be happy. And if Ethan did that for me, chances were, my ex-wife and kids wouldn't object. I would be taking a chance, though. I'd hate to end up hurting Ethan. He was too precious to become entrenched in a family conflict.

He was. Ethan was precious. Precious and adorable. And so filled with joy. During one of our visits six months ago, he'd been wearing a shirt covered in pink kittens playing with yarn.

I wanted more of that .

As I sat there and ate my lunch, I made my decision. Tomorrow. I was going to take some time off in the morning and head down to Salish Café . I was going to ask Ethan out.

I pulled open the door of Ethan's coffee shop and was met with the comforting scent of brewing roasted beans and the chatter and clink of people enjoying their goodies.

With anxious nerves creating havoc in my chest, I walked up to the counter.

Ethan was nowhere in sight.

The same pink-haired person I'd seen last time I was here bounded up to the till. "Welcome to Salish Café . What can I get for you?"

"Could I speak to Ethan, please?"

"Sure thing, but he's out at the moment. You could find a seat. I'll let him know you're here."

"Can I have a cup of coffee while I wait?"

"Medium roast?"

"Yes, with room for cream, please." My cheeks burned as I fully processed what I was doing here. And that I'd have to wait for him to return. It had taken me ten minutes to leave my car, I was so nervous. I was perspiring. I could feel a trickle of moisture run down my spine.

Cup of coffee in hand, I went over to the condiment table, an antique sideboard, and dressed the steaming concoction that would likely make my jittering nerves worse.

I didn't have to wait long after I found a seat. Ethan emerged from the back and the person with pink hair pointed me out to him. His smile as he identified me nearly stopped my heart.

Wide eyes. Broad exuberant smile.

He was thrilled to see me.

Ethan rushed over to the table and took a seat across from me .

He laughed. "I hadn't expected to see you so soon."

Or at all, I'm sure.

"I'm sorry about Saturday. I didn't mean to sound like I was brushing you off."

His thick dark lashes created a peep show display of his honey-brown eyes as he studied me. "You had a lot to think about. Turns out, I did too."

I urged the words out. "I did. And I've made a decision."

"One you're sure about?"

I nodded. "And you?"

"Solid."

I clenched my hands together beneath the table. "Then I'm right about what's going on … with us? We're on the same page?"

Please, say yes.

Ethan bit his bottom lip, studied me, and then spoke. "That's there's mutual interest? Yes."

I almost didn't believe him. How could someone so beautiful and successful be interested in someone like me? A middle-aged accountant with questionable style.

I checked myself.

I knew Ethan would never lie to me. I could sense that in him.

My spirit soared. "I'd like to take you out."

"On a date?"

"If that's something you'd be into."

Ethan winked at me. "With you, I would."

"You don't date?"

"Not recently. The shop keeps me busy."

I didn't want Ethan to go out with me if it meant he was going to mess up his responsibilities. He had work. He had his friends. His family … and his horse.

"I don't want to disrupt your schedule. "

Ethan chuckled. "You wouldn't be. I want to go out with you."

My breath caught in my chest. This was happening. Ethan, the man I'd been dreaming about had agreed to go on a date with me. "Does Friday night work for you?"

"Can we go early? Like around six?"

My mind stuttered for words. I hadn't thought this far ahead, not fully believing Ethan would want to go on a date with me. I pulled my brain out of the mire of euphoria.

"That works. Do you want to meet at the top of Bastion Square? And then we can decide where we want to go for dinner. I have a few places in mind."

"Sounds perfect." Ethan rose to his feet. "I need to get back to work."

I hadn't even touched my coffee, but I'd done what I came here to do. Ethan and I were going out for an evening together. I joined him on his feet.

Ethan stepped toward me. "Can I hug you?"

My heart fluttered and copious saliva appeared that needed to be swallowed. It all took me a second to recover from. I murmured a weak yeah, sure .

He wrapped me in his arms, and I raised my hands to cling to him, gripping his back. I held him tight, reveling in this, our first physical contact. He was solid and broad—and all man.

I closed my eyes as he hummed in my ear.

It was a sound I wanted to capture forever. Find a little colourful box for it that I could open the lid on each time I yearned to hear it. He sighed and took a step back, so I released him.

Ethan smiled at me. "You're a good hugger."

I took a chance. "You feel good in my arms."

Ethan pursed his lips, playfulness in his eyes, and sidled back to me. "So do you." He placed his hand on my chest, directly above my thundering heart. "I hope we can do that again soon."

"Anytime … anything for you."

Ethan winked at me. "I'll keep that in mind." He patted my chest. "Have to get back. I'll see you at six on Friday." He lingered for a second before stepping away.

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too, handsome." Ethan turned and jumped in among his busy employees, taking over the espresso machine. I watched him for a second, marveling at how stunning he was.

I was reluctant to leave, but I had my work to get back to.

Friday night wouldn't come soon enough.