Chapter Sixteen | Daniel

It had been over a week since I'd seen Ethan in person. We continued our nightly calls, but they were shorter than before. I could sense the hesitation in his voice.

I probably came across with a similar tone. A couple of times, our conversation had wound down long before bed. We hadn't fallen asleep on the phone since before I spent all those days with him at his apartment. Maybe he was having second thoughts about us too.

After much contemplation, I'd dispelled mine. Regardless of the arguments against us being together, I knew I wanted to spend my life with Ethan. How ever many years we had together.

His reluctance to engage in exuberant conversations concerned me.

I needed to turn the decline in our relationship around.

Me: I'm bowling tonight.

No answer.

Me: I'd love for you to be there.

No answer.

Me: I miss seeing you. I think we need to talk.

Ethan: Sorry. Not tonight. I'm busy.

Me: I need to see you .

Ethan: Sorry. I've got a lot on the go.

Me: Ethan.

Ethan: Daniel, I have some things I need to process. Give me half a second, please.

What the hell does that mean?

I didn't know how to respond to the blunt statement … so I didn't.

My bowling night was crap. I was in the unprecedented last place which meant even Avery was beating me. I couldn't stop thinking about Ethan and how abrupt he'd been with me.

"What the hell is going on with you?" Lance asked.

"Relationship issues?" Carl added. "Things not going well with your lady?"

Lance grunted but didn't say anything. He'd seen Ethan and me together behaving like a couple and yet, he hadn't mentioned it to me. I appreciated that he hadn't told the rest of the guys.

"We've hit a rocky patch," I admitted.

"What kind of rocks?" Avery asked.

"I think they might be the age difference kind," I replied.

"How many years are we talking about?" Carl asked.

I sighed. "Almost twenty."

Carl laughed. "And that's a problem, why?"

"Maybe the old man is having trouble keeping up with her," Avery teased.

"My stamina in bed is perfectly fine … thank you very much."

"Fuck." Lance got to his feet and wandered off.

"What's his problem?" Carl asked. "He's up next."

"Just give him a minute," I replied .

Lance came back and thrashed us all. He was a man on fire. I suspected he was burning some aggression off. Seeing Ethan and me together had crawled under his skin.

My heart did a flip-flop.

My Ethan.

We needed to talk things through, but I respected his request for time to think and didn't phone him when I arrived home from the bowling alley.

It was the first time we hadn't communicated at night in almost six weeks.

Later, after a restless start to my night, my phone ringing pulled me out of a deep sleep. I checked the time. It was just past 5 am.

It was Ethan.

"Baby," I answered.

Ethan exhaled. "I'm sorry for waking you, but I can't get my head in the game to bake this morning. You were right. We need to talk."

My heart rate quickened to a frightening pace. "Are you going to break up with me?"

"Daniel … I'm not sure what we're doing. Why we're together."

"Because we're great together. I love spending time with you."

There was a slice too long of silence.

Ethan sighed. "Me too … but I've been doing some thinking."

Please, no.

"You are breaking up with me."

"No, I just need us to take a break."

I scrubbed my hand through my hair. This couldn't be happening.

"Is it because of our ages? "

"I don't know what our future is going to look like. For either of us."

I was right. He didn't want to tie himself to an old man. Maybe a different kind of relationship was the answer. He could be my partner but spend time with younger men too. "What if we were to have an open relationship? Would that make a difference?"

Ethan barked out a choked laugh. "I'm sorry … what? You think I want to fuck other men?"

"You wouldn't have to give up men your own age for my sake."

"Fuck you, Daniel! Fuck! You!"

He ended the call. I tried phoning back, but he wouldn't answer. I'd fucked up. When I was fighting to keep him was the wrong time to have a conversation like that.

I texted I'm sorry then threw my phone across the bed.

I knew he wouldn't answer me.

Blinking up at the ceiling, tears streaked down my cheeks. I loved Ethan and I'd misjudged his needs. Now, there was little chance he'd forgive me and return to my arms. I should have told him I was in love with him instead of throwing that grenade into the water of our relationship.

What we had together was so much more than sex. And yet, I'd devalued our passion for one another to that. I'd cheapened Ethan's affection for me. He was a deeper man than that.

I knew that about him.

I was an idiot.

I might have driven him away—permanently.

Work could wait. I needed to be surrounded by people who understood me. Those people were going to come in the form of Derek and Michael. Their shared office wasn't far away from mine. That's how they'd met. Through work. They were both small business accountants.

The receptionist looked up at me. "Mr. Gregory … are you here to see Derek?"

"Both of them if you can manage."

"Head down to the Oak Bay conference room and I'll round them up. Neither of them is in a meeting at the moment. They should only be a few minutes."

"Thank you."

On the way to the conference room, I snagged myself a cup of coffee. The view from the spacious meeting room wasn't as panoramic as ours, theirs only being on the third floor, but then none of us were being paid to look out the windows. I sipped on my coffee, thinking about Ethan.

I'd royally fucked up.

"Dad." Derek was the first in the room with me. "This is a surprise. What's up?"

"Can we wait for Michael?"

Derek nodded. "Sure. Sure."

Michael slipped into the room and closed the door. "What are we doing?"

"Judging by the look on Dad's face, I'd say he's in crisis."

I set my cup on the conference table. "I've screwed up so badly, I think I've lost him."

Derek pulled out a chair and sat. "What did you do?"

I stayed standing. "Things have been strained. I was having second thoughts. Not anymore, but he is. He wants us to take a break. I was trying to fix things and stuck my foot in it."

Michael crossed his arms. "And you did what?"

"Suggested we have an open relationship."

"While you were in a bad place?" Derek shook his head. "Dad, what were you thinking? "

"Your relationship needs to be strong before you bring something like that up," Michael said, sat beside Derek, and reached for his hand. "We were solid."

The look Derek gave Michael was pure love.

"You're open?" I'd had no idea.

"I have a boyfriend on occasion," Derek said.

"I play with a couple over in Vancouver once a month," Michael added.

Derek squeezed Michael's hand. "How did Ethan react to the idea?"

"He lost it. Hung up on me. I definitely offended him."

"You asked him over the phone?" Derek sighed. "I don't even know where to start with you."

"I know I'm an idiot. What should I do?"

"Give him space," Michael answered. "Let him work through what he's feeling."

"Have you told him you love him?" Derek asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know if he even wants to be with me anymore."

"Not to argue with you, Michael, but Dad might not want to sit on that … his love for him."

Too complicated.

I didn't want to pressure Ethan by bringing love into the picture. Whatever he was struggling with, I needed to leave him to it. I needed to trust him to weigh everything in his heart.