Seventeen

SEVENTEEN

Huck

"Huck!"

My eyes shot open at the shrill sound of my name being called out. No, not simply called. There was an undeniable pleading edge and desperation to the tone.

It was pitch black in the room, an indication it was the middle of the night. I was in my bed, and it took me half a second to realize I hadn't made up that voice in my head while I was dreaming.

Josie was here.

She was in my house, in the guest bedroom, and she needed me.

Without another moment of hesitation, I tossed the blanket back from my body and sprang up out of the bed.

In a flash, I was in the guest room. The lights were off—the room was just as dark as mine had been—and I could hear the frantic movement of Josie's body in the bed.

"Josie?" I called.

"Huck, help me."

Her voice was begging me to do something for her. Sadly, there was little I could do to stop what was happening. Because there was no imminent physical danger.

Josie's mind was terrorizing her. She was having another nightmare.

Fuck.

This was the second time it had happened, the first since I brought her home from the hospital three days ago.

I'd been wrong. I had foolishly assumed that the nightmare in the hospital was a one-time thing, that she'd quickly realize she was safe and didn't have to worry. Apparently, that wasn't the case.

The movement of Josie's legs against the mattress mixed with the moans of distress indicated she was becoming more and more restless. I moved in her direction. "Huck, please. No. No! "

Gently, I placed my hand on her arm. "Josie?"

With a gasp, her body shot up in the bed. Given the nature of her injuries, I was surprised she'd managed to do it in a way that seemed so effortless. Though I couldn't make out any of her features in the dark, I could see the shadowy outline of her torso, which remained still for all of two or three seconds, before she started to scramble away to the opposite side of the bed. "No!"

"Josie, it's me. It's Huck," I said, my voice firm.

She froze. "Huck?"

I reached out to the lamp, turned on the light, and met her gaze. "It's me. You're okay. You're safe."

Even as the relief swept through her expression, her bottom lip trembled. "I'm not safe. He's not going to let me go."

Hearing the fear in her hushed voice was nearly enough to bring me to my knees. It was the knowledge that Josie only had me right now to see her through this that stopped that from happening. She needed me, and I refused to let her down. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to take this away from her, to take away the terror and give her the strength and resolve to believe she was never going to be a victim again.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, held my arms out to her, and said, "Come here."

No longer running on adrenaline, Josie moved much more gingerly. I enfolded her in my arms, tucking her head into the crook of my neck. Her body was shaking, trembling, and shuddering in the aftermath of her nightmare, and it was all I could do to remain calm.

Placing one hand on the back of her neck, I offered a gentle squeeze and insisted, "You're safe, honey. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Nobody can get you here, not without having to go through me first. They'd have to kill me to even have a chance to get to you. And I'm not planning on dying any time soon. So, I promise you are safe as long as you're here with me."

Josie nuzzled her face closer, seeking comfort. I did my best to give it to her by keeping one arm wrapped firmly around her, my thumb on that hand stroking her side, while my other hand massaged the base of her skull and along her neck. While I did that, I continued to whisper words of reassurance to her. The only thing that mattered was making sure she understood she was safe, that I'd never let anything happen to her.

It took some time, but Josie's breathing eventually evened out, and the one hand she had the use of loosened its hold at my side. As I felt that tension ease out of her body, the same happened for me.

Josie pulled her face back from where she'd kept it buried against my neck and looked up at me. I could just barely make out the lines on her face, the hint of worry still lingering there.

"Would you…" she trailed off.

"Would I what?"

There was a long pause that followed that prompt. Clearly, Josie was torn about whether to ask me her question. Just as I was about to urge her to ask whatever she needed, she said, "Would you mind staying here with me?"

I swallowed hard. There was nothing I wanted more than to be in a bed with Josie, her body pressed close and wrapped up in my arms. And even though this wasn't how I envisioned it happening, there wasn't a chance I was going to deny her what she so obviously needed right now.

"Not at all," I answered, releasing my hold on her and standing so I could shift my body beneath the covers with her.

After sliding in the bed beside her, I reached out to the lamp once more, turned off the light, and scooted close to her. With her arm still in a sling, Josie had to lie on her back to sleep, so I couldn't hold her the way I would have liked. But for Josie, I had a feeling she was grateful simply to have me there with her. So, I settled myself on my back as well, trying to find that same level of gratitude for being able to be close to her.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome, honey. Any time you need anything, all you have to do is ask," I reminded her. "Are you comfortable?"

"Yeah, I think so. Would it bother you if I just rested my good hand on your arm, though? I know you're here, but it would make me feel better to be able to feel you there."

Something squeezed in my chest, my throat tightening painfully.

Unable to trust myself to speak, I reached for her hand and placed it on my arm. The touch of her fingertips against my skin was so soft, but her grip was firm, like she was afraid I'd disappear if she let go.

Following a few beats, I asked, "Better?"

"Much better. I'm sorry for waking you."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're okay now. Do you want to talk about it?"

She let out an audible sigh. "There's nothing new to tell. It was pretty much like it was last time. I hate that he has this control over me, and I just want to forget about it. Honestly, I'd love it if you'd talk to me about anything else. Can you keep telling me the stories about your coworkers? That was a nice distraction last time."

I'd give her anything she wanted, even if I thought there was going to come a point when it would be necessary to take additional steps to help her mind heal from what she'd been through.

For now, to get her through tonight, I was going to tell her the stories about more of my coworkers. She got three more stories—Damon, Jesse, and Kane. Obviously, I was careful with the details I shared, never wanting to tell her things that would be traumatizing to her. I tried to focus more of the story on the outcomes, on the happiness each of my friends had found in their lives with the women they met.

Josie seemed particularly happy to hear about Damon and Avalon's recent wedding in June, Jesse and Sawyer's upcoming wedding later this summer, and Kane and Ellery's fresh engagement news. I'd believed that since those parts of the conversation were much more uplifting, Josie was more interested in focusing on them. But then she said something that had me thinking twice.

"It's so nice to hear these stories."

"Yeah, since everything worked out in the end, I have to agree with you."

"I think our reasoning for liking them is different, though."

I hadn't realized there could be any reason other than the obvious one for thinking these were good stories, so I asked, "What do you mean?"

The silence stretched between us for a few beats before Josie explained, "Hearing about your coworkers and how they've wound up where they are in their relationships gives me hope. It makes me believe that it's possible for a girl who picked the wrong guy in her past or for former friends who were separated for years to still be able to find happy endings. I guess I like being able to believe that there's a chance that exists for me, too."

If I had anything to say about it, Josie was going to get that.

Though there was a part of me that wanted to tell her I intended to make that happen, I didn't think this was the appropriate time. I was merely grateful to know that, after all she'd been through, she wasn't going to close herself off from the possibility of finding that happiness.

Maybe it would take time to get there—she needed to be able to heal and get help first—but she was going to get what she deserved in the end. Of that, I was certain.

I covered her hand that was resting on my arm with my opposite hand and stroked back and forth several times before I said, "It exists for you, Josie. I know it does."

Her fingers pressed deeper on my arm. "I hope you're right."

From that point forward, neither one of us said anything else. It was still dark out, we hadn't gotten much sleep, and after having distracted Josie for a while, we both wound up drifting off again.

Fortunately, Josie didn't have another nightmare.

It was two nights later when it happened again.

Only, this time, Josie didn't yell out my name in the middle of her nightmare.

This time, she screamed. High-pitched and terrified, like someone had just broken into the house and was coming after her.

I wasn't sure I'd ever moved so quickly in my life.

In record time, I was standing at the entrance to the guest bedroom, and Josie was already sitting up in the bed.

I moved toward her, flipped on the light, and had all of two seconds to assess the situation before she burst into tears. "When will this stop? It's never going to end. He's never going to leave me alone."

Continuing to be mindful of her shoulder, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. "You're okay. It's going to get better, Josie. We'll make it stop."

She had her forehead pressed against my collarbone and her good arm snaked beneath my arm, so her hand could curl up to grip my shoulder from behind. "I feel like such a baby."

"You're fine."

"I'm a mess."

"You're healing. It's going to take time."

Josie turned her head slightly so that her forehead was pressed against my neck. "You're going to hate me soon, if I keep waking you up. I'm so sorry, Huck."

I stroked my hand up and down her back. If she only knew how much I worried about her, how much I preferred being awake and exhausted with her over sleeping soundly and alone in my bed. "Please don't apologize. There's nowhere else I'd rather be. And there's not a chance of me ever hating you."

Josie's grip on me tightened, but she remained silent, attempting to settle herself down. I gave her the time to do that, partly because I knew she needed it, but also because I was trying to come to grips with the way I felt about how this was affecting her. All I wanted to do was snap my fingers and fix it for her.

"I don't want to be alone, Huck," Josie eventually whispered.

Someone would have to physically drag me out of here to get me to leave her, and even then, I didn't think they'd be successful. "I'm not leaving you, honey. Let me climb under with you, and we'll turn out the lights, okay?"

Josie loosened her hold on me, scooted herself back slightly, and made room for me to slide in beside her. Once I shut off the light and took her hand in mine, I asked, "Are you tired, or do you want more stories about my coworkers tonight?"

"I feel tired, but I think my mind needs a distraction," she said softly as she linked her fingers with mine.

I tried not to read too much into it, even though I wanted to believe it meant something more than it did. The reality was that Josie just needed to have the connection and comfort she got out of being able to touch me following the horrific nightmares she had.

"Alright, I'll tell you about Leo and Magnus tonight."

Josie didn't put up a fight, so I dove in and gave her the details, putting most of my focus on the best parts of those stories. After telling her all about Leo and Hanna, as well as Magnus and Maren, I couldn't miss the way her breathing had evened out and how her voice no longer held that fear.

So, I turned to my side, facing her, lifted our clasped hands in front of my face, and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. It was the first time I'd kissed her like that, but I thought it was appropriate. "Goodnight, Josie."

"Goodnight, Huck."

I didn't immediately fall asleep. For some reason, I couldn't get myself to let go and drift until I knew that she was sleeping soundly beside me.

Josie

After the way things had gone the last couple of nights, I woke up the next morning prepared to feel miserable.

But that became an impossibility almost immediately.

The first thing I'd noticed was that it was morning, judging by the light filtering in through the window. The second—and far more important—thing my eyes landed on was Huck. He was still in the bed beside me, his eyes closed.

I didn't move.

I stayed exactly like I was, having only turned my head in his direction.

Then I watched as he slept, feeling a wave of gratitude wash over me. Huck was the best thing that had happened to me. Granted, I realized we weren't anything beyond being just friends, but his friendship alone was the best thing I had in my life.

It had been days since he brought me home from the hospital, and he hadn't left me alone beyond going into his bedroom to sleep every night. But when I had a nightmare and unintentionally woke him up as a result, he was right there to see me through.

I didn't deserve him.

But even if that much was true, I was too selfish to walk away and let him go forever. I just couldn't do it—he was the only good thing I had left in my life, the only good thing I'd ever had.

There was one thing I needed to do, though, to be fair to him. And it absolutely terrified me.

Whether he was genuinely ready to wake up, could sense I was watching him, or there had been some divine intervention, I'd never know, but Huck's eyes opened and met mine.

He smiled at me. "Good morning, Josie."

"Good morning, Huck."

"How are you feeling this morning?" he asked.

I didn't want to say it, but I knew I couldn't continue to hide the truth. This wasn't good for me or him any longer. "I'm okay now, but I can't keep doing this."

His body tensed beside mine. "What?"

Shooting him a sympathetic look, I clarified, "I can't do this to you any longer. I can't keep having nightmares, waking you up, and having hours of sleepless nights."

"So, what are you saying?"

Huck sounded so worried. Knowing what I knew about him, particularly what I'd seen ever since we reconnected recently, he tried hard to hide any sense of fear or worry from me, but I could tell. I hated that I was putting him in a position to feel that way now.

In fact, I hated it so much, I was going to do something I never thought I'd have to do. "I think I need some professional help," I confessed.

In an instant, relief swept through him. "I've been thinking that, too. I'd planned to bring it up to you today after breakfast. That, and I think it might give you some peace of mind to file to have a protection from abuse order. It's not to say he can't break it, but it will make it criminal if he does."

Nodding my understanding and agreement, I said, "I'm sorry I've been causing you to have sleepless nights."

Huck's hand instinctively reached for mine. "I hope you're not misunderstanding me, Josie. I didn't intend to talk to you about seeking the help of a professional because I'm upset about being woken up at night. That has nothing to do with it. My concern is about your well-being. I just want you to be able to rest easy again."

Again.

"I'm not sure there's ever been a time in my life when I rested easily," I muttered.

Disappointment washed over him. "Well, let's hope that can change for you now."

Unable to resist, I smiled at him. Because even if I didn't know where things would go for me, there was one thing I knew to be true. Huck was the kind of man who wouldn't rest until he knew I was okay. If I could give him any reassurance that I was heading in that direction by giving him a smile, I thought it was worth the shot.

Lucky for me, he didn't hesitate to smile back, something he continued to do even after we got out of bed and went downstairs for breakfast.