Chapter 14

I’m so shocked to see him here at my door, my jaw hangs open, which allows him to easily deepen the kiss. A gasp escapes me and he groans, pushing his solid body against mine. I stumble back and Cove keeps walking towards me, his lips never leaving mine. I didn’t even plan to kiss him back, yet here I am.

I’m vaguely aware of the sound of my bedroom door closing – there’s a boy in my room! – before Cove’s sunshine and ocean scent fills my senses and overtakes all rational thought. I lose myself in him, which, in the back of my mind somewhere, freaks me out. But not enough that I stop kissing him.

When the back of my legs bump into the edge of my bed, I fall, pulling Cove right along with me. Somehow I’m as reluctant to let him go, as he is me. He braces his arms on the mattress to save from crushing me under his weight, and his lips devour me like a fish swallowing water – nope that’s too random – like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I have no comparisons, but it feels so damn good.

We break for air, or Cove does. I’ve forgotten that I need air to breathe, consumed by the enticing taste of him, and half convinced that all I need to live is his lips. When he gently rubs the tip of his nose along my cheek and inhales the scent of my shampoo, goosebumps raise all along my arms and a delicious shiver shoots down my spine.

“Cove,” I gasp. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to say goodnight,” he answers, gazing down at me. His ocean blue eyes are dark with midnight promise as he vows, “and I don’t plan on leaving.”

He kisses me again, less feverishly this time, as though he’s managed to convince himself that I’m not going anywhere – or I’m not sending him anywhere – and he has all night. Now he kisses me like he wants to take his time, to explore every inch of me and to commit me to memory. I wouldn’t know from experience, but his kiss is like something out of the movies…something they tell us looks a lot like love.

Which is ridiculous, because all my life I’ve been told that I’m a burden. A curse. A cross to bear.

Unlovable.

But I do love the way Cove kisses me, so I’m more than happy to let him. My hands wander across his strong shoulders and along his biceps while we make out languorously. He’s not as built as Bhodi is – I don’t know anyone who is – but he’s seriously toned and athletic from all the surfing he does.

I don’t know how long we lie together, cocooned in my room under the soft yellow glow of my fairy lights. The world could be imploding right outside my window, and we wouldn’t have a clue; we’re so lost in each other. I’m not even sure I’d care if it were.

I squirm, overcome with a sudden need for…something….and my movement makes Cove groan.

“Shit, sorry, did I hurt you?” I ask, my brow creasing in panicked concern.

“Hurt me? No.” He shakes his head and gives me a rueful look. “You’re killing me.”

I frown, not understanding. “Wha—” Cove rolls his hips and the long, hard length of him presses against my core. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

I still don’t fully understand how I’m killing him, but it feels like he needs something almost as badly as I do. It certainly felt good when he pushed himself against me. My body screamed yes! at the contact.

“You like that?” he asks, doing it again. I nod. He gives a wicked grin and leans down to kiss me again. “Me too.”

He tugs at the belt on my robe which easily comes undone and the satin falls open, exposing me to the heat of his body. Even though he’s fully clothed, he feels like a furnace right on top of me, and his increasingly demanding kisses are raising my temperature too.

I’ve never been naked in front of a guy like this before. Breathe. Just…breathe, Malia!

I’m a split second away from freaking the fuck out when Cove skims his palm down my side, ghosting the side of my breast, grazing my waist and coming to rest gripping my hip. My hips jolt upward and my skin zings alive under the barely-there caress of his thumb pad on my hip bone.

“Is this okay?” he whispers, moving to kiss along my jawline and tease my ear. My music switches to ‘I Lost Myself In Loving You’ and I nod, half lost in the lyrics and praying I don’t blurt out something stupid.

“Mmm-hmm.”

“You sure? You’re really tense.”

“Don’t stop,” I plead, barely recognising my own voice.

“Wasn’t planning to, sweetheart.”

He bites the tender skin of my neck, and I’m embarrassed by the noise that comes out of me. He soothes the sting with his tongue, but the gentle lapping soon turns into a strong sucking that has me squirming restlessly under him.

Suddenly Cove pulls back, looks down at me and declares, “I have to taste you.”

“Erm, weren’t you just doing that?” I blush.

“All of you.”

He stares into my eyes with a poignant, expectant look until the penny drops. My cheeks burn.

Oh.

I turn to stone.

What do I do? What do I say? Is he waiting for me to give my permission? I’m so tense I feel like I might snap or break at the slightest touch. But Cove’s attention feels so good, I’m not ready for it to end.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath in and then jerk my head once in a nod of assent.

“I’m going to start easy on you, pretty girl, because I can see how nervous you are,” Cove tells me reassuringly. I breathe out a sigh of relief. “But when it gets to the main event, I want your eyes open and on me. I want to see every emotion and reaction wash across your face, and I want you to watch me make you scream so that you never forget how good I made you feel.”

Oh dear god, I’ll never be able to open my eyes ever again. If I play dead, will he give up and leave?I’m absolutely mortified.

Cove chuckles at me and then shifts his weight. Cold air kisses where his burning heat once was and I almost whimper at the loss of him. I don’t dare open my eyes to see what’s going on though. I’d rather freeze to death than admit I like…whatever it is we’re doing. Or should I say whatever he’s doing because I just seem to be lying here, dying of embarrassment.

A sudden thought occurs to me: does he expect tricks? Moves? Party favours? Because I have none. No tricks. No moves. And certainly no party favours.

Speaking of favours, does he expect me to return this one? Because I don’t know how to do…that. This. Shit. What am I going to do?

A squeal of surprise bursts from my lips when I feel Cove’s mouth on my breast. I sneak one eye open and quickly clamp it closed again at the sight of his golden blonde head worshipping my chest. Oh god, oh god, oh god…breathe Malia, just breathe.

Cove chuckles, and the vibration is unexpectedly arousing.

Summer has been on at me for years to get a vibrator – a battery operated boyfriend or BOB as she calls them – but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Now, from that one small buzz of Cove’s lips, I’m wondering if I’ve seriously been missing out.

He slips further down my body and my muscles completely lock up.

“Mai-Tai, do you want me to stop?” he asks. I don’t open my eyes but I shake my head no. He chuckles again and taps lightly at my thighs. “I’m going to need you to relax and let me in then.”

“I don’t know how…to relax, I mean. Obviously. I know how to open my legs.”

Oh Christ, I need to stop talking. I try to focus on the music…‘Deep End’ by Ruelle is playing and I love her, but when it doesn’t work, I clamp my lips closed even firmer than my legs are and just start counting sheep. In Mississippis.

Accidentally out loud.

I have to actually kill myself now. There’s no way out of this.

“Okay,” Cove laughs. “On the count of three Mississippi sheeps…one…two…three.”

The feather-light swipe of his tongue between my legs has me mewling in surprise. My eyes snap open, lock on Cove’s peering up at me from between my thighs, and slam closed again. Fuck. Fuck! He’s really there…between my legs…doing that!

And it feels so good.

“Wonder how many Mississippis it will take for you to scream my name?” Cove jokes.

I hope he’s joking!

He strokes and kisses up the inside of my thighs, which actually feels quite nice, and I find myself relaxing back into the mattress and getting lost in the sensations he’s creating.

This time when he licks up my centre, I don’t leap off the bed. I’m boneless, like jelly, beneath his touch. My breathing is deeper, slower, heavier.

“Mmm,” I sigh.

“Good?”

“So good,” I reply without looking down at him. So long as I keep my eyes closed, I can do this. I can lose myself in the moment and just feel so long as my closed eyes can trick my brain into relaxing and accepting.

“I’m going to finger you now, Malia,” Cove murmurs.

Oh Christ. I thought a running commentary would be the last thing I wanted, but it turns out it’s exactly the thing I didn’t know I needed. As evidenced by the rush of wetness between my thighs.

I only hope Cove doesn’t notice.

“Jesus, you’re soaked.”

Soaked…shit! Did I leave my washing in the machine? That’ll be soaked.

I bet my wet hair is soaking my pillow. Ugh. I have to sleep on that later.

I could sleep. I’m pretty tired.

“You know you just said all that out loud, right?”

Kill. Me. Now.

“Oh, don’t you worry, pretty little thing. I intend to.”

He slowly inserts a finger into me with little resistance and my breath becomes snatched – like he’s stolen it away. Along with my sanity.

There’s a feeling of bereftness which makes me open my eyes, only to find Cove staring at me, his finger in his mouth.

“Fucking delicious,” he says before diving back between my legs and moving with purpose. He was holding back before, but it feels like the dam on his self control has finally burst and now he can’t get enough.

“Cove!” I cry as he thrusts his finger back inside me and sucks on my clit at the same time. God knows why I’m calling his name; to beg him to stop or to never to?

If it’s a plea for him to stop, he doesn’t listen, adding another finger instead and increasing the tempo of his ministrations.

“Oh god!” I gasp as heat washes over me and the soles of my feet begin to tingle.

“I can tell how close you are, Mai-Tai. I don’t think you’ve even hit double figures in Mississippi sheep yet,” he teases, pulling away from my centre with a wet kiss.

“Cove.” His name is drawn from my lips in an agonising groan, which just seems to spur him on.

“How many Mississippis away do you think?” What is he talking about? I can’t think. I can’t breathe. Everything is building and heating and taking over and—

“How about if I do this?”

He shifts the angle of his fingers inside me, applying pressure to a new area and I see actual fucking stars explode behind my eyelids. Holy fucking shitballs what the fuck was that?

My eyes fly open and lock onto Cove’s brilliant blue stare. I swear he’s laughing at me if the freaking twinkle in his eyes is anything to go by.

“Oh good, I got your attention. You need to watch the next bit, it’s the grand finale.”

He flashes me a devilish smirk and goes right back to it.

It’s a fucking battle to keep my eyes open because it feels so good. I just want to lie back and drown in pleasure, but I do as he says and keep my eyes on him.

Somehow it’s even hotter, turns me on even more, and I’m racing towards a release that I’m scared will bring the walls crashing down around me.

“Fuck! Cove!” I cry as I come undone and several things happen all at once.

My orgasm rocks the bed.

The door to my room flies open.

I scream Cove’s name.

Someone screams mine.

The room is plunged into darkness.

‘I Hate The Way’ cuts off mid-chorus.

And Cove groans like a kid just got told it’s bedtime.

“What the actual fuck is going on in here? Why is it so damn dark—oh!” Summer squeaks as she flicks on the light and takes in the sight of me writhing naked on my bed with a guy between my thighs. “Malia!”

If the ground doesn’t split open and swallow me right fucking now, I might start digging my own damn hole.

“I, ummm…should probably go.”

It’s Cove who says that, not Summer. I wipe the sweat from my brow and glare at her. She’s the one who should be leaving. Not Cove.

From the disappointed look he’s giving me, we weren’t quite done here yet, despite his comments about a grand finale. To the first act maybe, but I’m not ready for him to go. I want my second act. And a half time show. And maybe an encore or three.

“I think that would be best,” Summer sniffs snootily at Cove.

He climbs off the bed, wipes his mouth on the back of his hand and then bends down to give me a quick peck on the cheek. It feels cold, distant, and I don’t like how it hurts. I draw my robe around myself and cringe. I should ask him to stay.

“Summer. You go. We weren’t done here.”

“Sorry, MT. I have to do your meds,” she whispers even though the room is dead silent so Cove is bound to hear her anyway.

God, I really hate her right now.

“It’s fine, Mai-Tai. I only came to say goodnight anyway. I guess I got carried away.”

Disappointment, hurt and acceptance – of course he doesn’t feel the same way as you! – stab my heart but I give him a tight smile and a sharp nod of agreement.

“I’ll message you, yeah?”

“Sure.” My response is cold and noncommittal.

“Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Cove leaves, closing the door softly behind him and Summer whirls on me before I can do the same to her.

“What the hell was that, MT?!”

“What the hell was what? It looked and felt a lot like sex to me! Or a precursor to what I’m sure would have a been a night of amazing sex if you hadn’t interrupted.”

“Well, it’s a damn good thing that I did interrupt.”

“Why?”

“Your meds, Malia! What would you have done if you’d woken up in the middle of the night with withdrawals and started freaking out. Would that boy have known what was going on? What to do to help you? Do you really think you should be getting involved with someone when you have all this going on?” She upends her bag and spreads her arms wide to indicate the plethora of medications that spill out onto my mattress.

I glare at her, absolutely hating that she’s right, that she’s ruined my night with common sense and looking out for me as always. I just hate…myself.

My anger towards her vanishes in a sigh, leaving me deflated and ashamed. I reboot my playlist and it flicks onto ‘Numb’ by Linkin Park. Fitting.

“You’re right.” It pains me to say it, but it’s the truth. Cove would run a mile if he had to deal with me when I’m having an ‘episode’. I shouldn’t be getting close to anyone.

“I know,” she says softly, without taking any pleasure in my misery. “I’m sorry. But it really is for the best.”

She squeezes my hand and then starts to measure out my medications.

A single tear escapes the corner of my eye and rolls down my cheek. I’m not crying, I don’t even know what this is or why all those amazing sparkly feelings from a moment ago have left me feeling so flat.

“Oh, Malia.” Summer sighs. “What’s wrong?”

“I really like him, Sum.”

“Oh, Mal,”

“Don’t call me that,” I snap. It’s too close to Cove’s Mai-Tai. “I just want to feel normal. I want to go out on a proper date with him, outside of this room.”

“I wish I could help you.”

“You…could,” I hedge.

“How?”

A plan quickly forms in my mind; a Cinderella-like vision of one night of freedom, of dancing, of laughing, of kissing and maybe even of something more.

“Give me a night off. Let me go out with him and see what happens. Trust me, for one night, to give myself my own medication. Or even let me go one night without it.”

“I don’t know, MT.”

“Please. Just one date. If it’s a disaster, I’ll-I’ll let him go,” I say, swallowing past the bitter taste that promise leaves in my mouth.

I don’t want to let Cove go, but if Summer will do this, give me one night of normality, then I’ll damn well make sure nothing goes wrong so that giving him up doesn’t have to become an option.

Sum 41’s ‘In Too Deep’ begins to play and even Summer raises a brow at the irony of the track.

“I’ll think about it, Malia.”

“Thank you!” I cry, rushing over to hug her.

“Wow. It really means that much to you?”

“You have no idea!”

“I think I do. You’re not normally a hugger.” She laughs, making me blush. It’s true. I don’t know what came over me. “Okay. How about, I agree to let you take a reduced number of your meds for one night so that you can go out on a date with Cove—”

“Thank you!” I jump up and down on the spot and clap my hands together, delight making me laugh and feel lighter than I have in a while.

“IF!” My face falls and I stop jumping. “If you also agree to leave your room and come out somewhere with me.”

“Where?” I ask, reluctantly.

“I want you to meet my boyfriends.”

“You can bring them over to say hello.”

Summer shakes her head. “No. I want us to go out together. All of us. They want to meet you, and I’d like to do that somewhere other than your bedroom.”

I really, really don’t want to agree to this, but I can see my Cinderella vision slipping through my fingers like sand.

“Can’t we—” I begin, but Summer cuts me off with a shake of her head.

“No, MT. That’s the offer. Take it or leave it.”

I sigh. “Fine.”

“Great! I’ll speak to the guys and get it arranged.” She beams at me like I just made her day. Don’t know how that’s possible when my stomach feels like it’s been knotted around a bag of rocks.

Summer hands me my tablets and scoops everything back into her bag while I take them with the drink on my bedside table. When I’m done, Summer gives me a dazzling smile and then laughs.

“Besides, I don’t think we’d all fit in here, and your room smells like almost-sex.”