20: NOVA

The ladies didn’t leave my cottage until sometime after dinner. We ordered pizza, and when the call came up from the gate house that it had arrived, we were told to stay put, and a couple of the prospects drove up to the cottage to deliver the pizzas.

When we’d finished those and our third pitcher of margaritas, the women left for the evening. I still hadn’t heard from Kai.

I called him and texted him again and still nothing. I finally ended the night by removing the nail polish, adding a fresh coat, showering and heading to bed.

I feel the mattress when it dips down and I can’t help but wonder if it’s part of the dream that I’m having. But when I feel a warm arm wrap around my midsection and pull me against a hard body, I know that Kai has returned.

Muddled with sleep, I don’t have the energy or the desire to argue with him and point out how he could have at least called me.

Warm lips press against the nape of my neck, and I smell the alcohol on his breath. It’s not heavy or strong, but it’s there.

“I need you,” he growls in my ear, causing my core to pulse.

Just those words are more than what I needed to hear.

All I’ve ever wanted was to feel needed by someone, and he’s giving me that with those words. But I need him to know that he can’t just disappear when I need him. He has no idea how his actions left me feeling the same way that I did all those years ago.

I love Kai, and I won’t give up on him, but I need him to fight with me.

“Kai, I was worried about you,” I whisper in the dark.

My eyes finally flutter open, and I see the clock on the nightstand. It’s just after midnight.

“I’m sorry,” he grunts, pulling at my hip to roll me onto my back.

“You can’t keep doing this. Disappearing when I need you most.”

“I’m sorry,” he groans again, shifting his body so that he’s over me and pinning me down.

I roll my eyes and grip his hands that are resting at my waist.

“I will always be here for you when you need me, but I need you to be here for me, too, Kai.”

“I will be. I fucked up, Nova. I fucked up bad, but I’m all screwed up in the head. I can’t...I don’t know how to fucking deal with this. He’s not looking good, Nova,” he grits out, sliding down my body until his face is right at my belly.

I realize that I hear what sounds like tears clogging in his throat. My heart goes out to him, and I wish that I could make this all better. He’s hurting, and if he hurts, then I hurt.

Wrapping my arms around his upper back, I pull my fingers through his mussed hair. His wiry arms grip me tight, and he closes his eyes. I feel a shake or two before wetness seeps through my nightgown and onto my belly.

I know that he’s crying, and I don’t interrupt him or begrudge him at this moment. It takes a lot for a man like Kai to let his guard down and express his truest feelings. I want him to know that I’m his safe space. I’m the place where he can come and do that, and when he walks away, he should feel as strong as he did before he broke. I want him to know he has a strong woman who has his back.

I suspect that as he continues, it’s not only Anarchy he’s crying about, but he’s also crying about other losses he’s encountered throughout his life.

When he opens his eyes again, he lifts his head and looks up at me.

“Nova, you’re too damn good for me. I don’t deserve you.”

“No, Kai. You’re wrong. We deserve each other. We’re the best for each other because we bring out the best in each other, and I’ll always be here to accept your worst and help you through it.”

“Ditto,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss to my belly.

“What did the doctors say?”

“That the next forty-eight hours will be critical. It’s touch and go. That’s where I’ve been, at the hospital.”

“All of you were?”

“Yes. We hung around waiting for those forty-eight hours.”

“It hasn’t been that long, though,” I say, glancing at the clock.

“I know. Chainz made us start going home in shifts. Said that none of us were doing our Ol’ Ladies or Anarchy any good by remaining there. He wanted us to try to eat, but if we couldn’t, he said he understood. But he insisted that we try to get some sleep and check on our families before we returned to the hospital.”

“Good for him.”

“Are you hungry?” I ask, lifting in bed.

Kai presses me back down into the bed.

“What I’m hungry for you don’t need to leave the bed to feed me.”

“Kai, I’m serious.”

“So am I, baby.”

“I know what you want, and I know what you need, but are you interested in what I want and need?”

“I am. Always.”

“I have been through hell throughout the years, and I’ve stayed strong and managed to survive. Somehow, I made my way back to you, not because it was my plan. I believe it was my destiny to be in your life again. Does that mean it will be easy?”

“No.”

“Does it mean that we won’t have to put in work?”

“No.”

“Then I’ll need you to put in the work, Kai. That means communication, respect, honesty, and trust. I understand that what happened was a shock to all of you. I understand that your brothers weren’t in touch with their Ol’ Ladies, but you know that I cannot operate that way. Perhaps if I were a different woman, I could.”

“But because of our history,” he prompts.

“Exactly. Because of our history it’s not easy for me to overlook. When I was waiting for you before, you didn’t show up, there was no communication, and it wasn’t entirely your fault. Your decision to become involved in illegal activities was your fault. Your failure to communicate with me wasn’t. But it’s because of that failure to communicate that I made different decisions. I went a different direction in my life.”

“And we lost years,” he adds.

“Exactly, but it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t meant to be. It simply means, let’s not tempt fate again, huh?”

“Sounds like a plan, baby. I promise to communicate moving forward. Do you accept my apology?”

“I do, but you have to prove to me that you mean it.”

“Tell me how, baby,” he grumbles.

“By cleaning your plate,” I whisper, rotating my hips.

This time, when his fingers lift my nightgown, I don’t stop him. Kai tugs my thong panties down, and I lift my hips, allowing him to remove them from me.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Nova.”

“About?” I ask, running my fingers over his head.

“Us.”

“What about us?”

“I don’t want to wait a long time to let you know what you mean to me. And I don’t want to wait a long time to show you or start a life with you.”

My heart thunders in my chest at his words, wanting him to continue talking and tell me everything. Alternatively, my pussy is clenching and hoping that he’ll stop talking and use his mouth for better things.

“We’ve known each other for a lifetime,” he says, planting kisses on the inside of my thighs. “I don’t need to get to know you all over again. You might’ve acquired a lot of experiences since we last knew each other, but your heart and your soul are the same. That’s what I love.”

I nod as he spreads my legs wide and parts my flesh with his fingers.

“I need to claim you. If you require a ring and wedding, we can do that, too, but I—”

“Honey, I’ve done the ring and wedding. They didn’t work out for me either time. So, if you don’t need it I don’t either,” I say as my heart grows louder, ringing in my ears.

“I want to fill you with my babies, Nova.”

He punctuates that sentence with his first lick of my pussy, and shit, I cannot find the right words to say. I can’t deny him, agree with him, question him or anything.

The only thing that I can do is lift my ass off the bed and clench my thighs around his head. His tongue curls and slides across my flesh, slipping in and out and bringing me unparalleled pleasure.

Kai’s thumbs rub across the inside of my thighs before pressing hard enough to leave indentations.

“Watch me,” he orders in a deep, dark voice.

And I do.

He uses his lips to pull my clitoris and suck on it, making me whimper like a little kid. I twirl my hips wanting him to dig deeper, but he takes his time, sampling, sucking, and licking until I cannot take anymore.

While my hands push on his head, connecting us, my heart is pondering the words that he spoke. I turn them over and contemplate how they make me feel.

I’ve been married before and Kai hasn’t. I won’t begrudge him whatever he wants, but I honestly don’t see the difference in making a piece of paper more important than the way he would commit to a serious relationship through the MC.

I’m open to this different life that Kai lives. I’m open to how he wants to bring us closer, build us stronger, and make us grow.

Kai wraps strong arms around my legs and closes his mouth over me, sucking hard and strong. My pussy lips are dripping with dew as I orgasm, and he’s catching every raindrop.

When he slides back up my body and covers my mouth with his, I take him in, enjoying the way that I taste on his lips combined with the taste of alcohol.

Dragging his lips to my neck, he murmurs in my ear, “Can we start with the baby-making thing now?”

Laughing, I whisper, “Are you drunk?”

“Not drunk, baby. I only had one beer. I’m just ready for a life with you. I’ve had too much loss. I don’t want to wait another day for a beautiful life,” he says, licking my earlobe.

“Give me all of you,” I invite, opening my legs and clamping them around his back.

When Kai shifts inside of me I feel the connection more powerful than before. I feel his frustration, his confusion, his fear, and his love all intermingled in every thrust and every poke.

Kai fills me up, taking my breath and giving me life in the same plunge. He’s deep within me, and if it were possible for him to touch my lungs, I would swear that’s what’s happening.

The remnants of the tears he cried earlier remain on his face, and when he slides his face against mine, I pull back. Clapping my hands on his face, I pull his face away from mine and see fresh tears begin to fall.

“Why are you crying, Kai? I’ve never known you to be a crier?”

“I love you so much that it’s unbelievable that I can have a second chance with you. People are dying every day, Nova. And to know that I’m given life through you is more than I can comprehend right now,” he says, dipping down and kissing my lips again.

Large hands slide down my body as he shifts in and out of me. His cock grows harder, and his arousal bangs all around inside of me. He swells, and I feel myself clinging to him, and the fit is becoming snugger.

“Kai,” I moan.

“Yes, baby.”

“I want forever with you. I love you,” I moan as my orgasm overtakes me.

“That’s it, sweetheart,” he cries out as his own release overtakes mine.

I feel the hot seed filling my insides and I hope and pray that this interaction is the beginning of our forever.

Kai is my family. He always has been and always will be.