15. CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

SERA

Days meld into weeks, and two things remain consistent—the veilquakes are worsening and Ender refuses to talk to me.

Something happened that night he confessed we were mates, but I can't figure out what.

I was shocked by the news, but no more flabbergasted by it than when he told me that he loved me.

The man is in my head, for fuck's sake, there should be no confusion between the two of us.

But the Teraphim acts like I've rejected him when I've done nothing of the sort.

He pretends that he's an emotionless robot, going through the motions, but I know otherwise.

To love someone means that even though Ender doesn't want to feel, he does—and deeply.

Therefore, his reaction isn't a rational one, but rather, one born from the tumult of emotions.

This helps me to understand better when he refuses to talk to me, but my patience is nearly worn thin.

We have to talk—if not about us, then what's happening to The Veil.

The man is nuts if he thinks I don't notice something is seriously wrong.

Veilquakes aside, I swear there are times that the sides of the world seem to squeeze together.

For a second, I can't breathe or even feel my body.

Everything goes pear-shaped and then rights itself in the blink of an eye.

Ender is constantly on edge, and I know it's not just me.

His sightless gaze flashes red almost every hour, and I know it's his ‘visions'.

But, of course, he doesn't say anything to me about them.

No, the giant a-hole would rather suffer in silence.

The hero complex running through his veins is thick enough to clog them.

He is a good teacher, though, and I'm rather adept at flying now.

Once upon a time, I hated my wings, but now, I adore them.

They lift me up, even when I'm feeling down.

Flying has become a comfort and retreat when I can't handle Ender's silence anymore.

He set up a perimeter for me to stay in that would normally irk me.

But I've learned that the lightshow from his hands are wards.

I'm safe as long as I stay within them, and after everything I've experienced in The Veil, I don't want to be outside of the wards when the realm goes wonky.

It's been nearly a month of me being here, and even though I fly well, Ender hasn't taken me to The Valley of Souls or taught me how to contain my power.

At one point, he said we could go, but this was before his confession of loving me and that we're mates.

Is this his form of punishment—as if he needs to add to it when he won't even talk to me?

We're currently in the dining room eating dinner while I stew.

I have no idea why he even bothers to join me if he won't even try to be friends.

Ender growls, the sound low and menacing as it echoes around us.

"I'm not punishing you," he says, answering my mental question.

"Who are you punishing then?"

Just when I think he's not going to answer, he spits out in a terse voice, "Me."

My heart flips a little, and I have to remind myself that he's been a total douchecanoe.

But I can't help but be sad for the beautiful man who feels like he has nothing to offer this world.

To me.

I only know a little about his past, but it's enough to tell me that Ender doesn't feel worthy.

Maybe instead of me waiting for him to crack, I should try closing the gap instead.

Not that I haven't tried, but maybe I need a different approach.

"You don't need a different approach. I'm not an egg—you can't crack me."

"Why won't you let me in?"

"Because my secrets are the kind that hurt."

"You've already hurt me, Ender."

This whispered announcement gets his attention.

"I'm sorry. It was never my intention."

"Regardless, you did—and you continue to every time you shut me out."

"Sera, I'm a drowning man. There's no saving me, as you so quaintly put it in your mind. There's only keeping others from sinking with me. That's all I'm trying to do—keep you afloat."

"And if the tables were reversed, and you were me?"

"I'd be pissed."

To this, I just sigh. It's the most I've gotten him to speak in nearly a month, and he admits to understanding how I feel but refuses to say more.

"What's wrong with The Veil?"

Ender's claws scratch against the wooden tabletop.

I've never asked directly, but he has to know that I know something.

"It's…" I wait for the lie. "It's fucked."

His harsh honesty makes me pause, the forkful of food suspended in the air as I stare at him.

"Fucked how?" I demand, setting down my silverware and leaning toward him.

"Space is bearing down, forcing the realm inward until it'll eventually collapse on itself."

"I'm sorry, what?! How do we fix it?"

" We don't do anything. I'm already doing everything I can."

"Well, no offense, but it's not enough."

"Obviously," he grits out. "I'm just trying to buy us time."

"For what?"

"Me, so that I can get others to safety, and you, so that you can harness your powers. You must connect with the land here for them to be at full capacity."

"You mean you've been wasting precious days by not talking to me when I could've been learning how to do what you do? I could've been helping with the wards! Has it occurred to you that two are more powerful than one?"

"I have the unfortunate luxury of knowing the future. As such, I make decisions based on what I know is going to happen. Two working together doesn't change anything."

"Is this why the veilquakes have been getting worse?"

"Yes."

"And you've evacuated everyone?"

"All but the souls that haven't crossed into The Beyond."

"When will they be gone?"

"Some can't cross…"

"And?"

"They can't leave The Veil. If they can't cross, then they cease to exist."

I bite my lip. "Ender, that's—"

"Terrible? Fucking unfair? Why do you think I didn't want to tell you? Now you can spend endless hours worrying about something you have no hope of fixing. Are you really happy that you finally know?"

"I'm not happy about what's happening, but I don't want to be kept in the dark. And maybe you're right, maybe nothing can be done, but at least I can help you shoulder the burden. That's what—"

I was going to say ‘mates', but I cut off at the last moment.

"That's what?"

"That's what friends do," I finish.

"Are we friends, Sera?"

"Not because you deserve it."

Bitterness laces my tone, and Ender sighs. He hasn't made any of this easy for me.

But then I remember his own lack of self-worth and regret my words.

"I want to be friends."

"Why?"

"Why do you love me?"

"I've already told you—"

"Because you love my fire and pettiness, yes, I remember."

At this, Ender chuckles, and it's the first time I've heard his laugh in a long time.

I let the sound wash over me, and I hope he knows I mean every word I've said.

"Is it so hard to imagine that maybe I care for you like you do me?"

"Yes."

"Well, if I can believe that you love me, then you can believe I want to be friends. I'm not leaving you to sort out this mess alone. All I'm asking is that you stop shutting me out."

Ender hangs his head. The entire room falls silent except for the rustle of his feathers as his wings twitch.

"I'm afraid that if I let you in, I might drown faster."

His words steal the air from my lungs and settle in my chest like a heavy weight.

Because I have no idea how to prove him wrong.