16. CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

ENDER

Friends.

Sera wants to be friends.

Can we be that with everything that I feel for her—with everything that I know?

I owe it to be nice to her. I haven't made this past month easy on her.

In fact, I'm every inch the bastard she shouts at in her head, but I thought it would make it easier on Sera if she could distance herself from me.

Turns out, I've just made everything harder for both of us.

But I'm concerned if I soften even a little, I might crumble.

I crave her more than anything in all the worlds.

Even just the small taste of her that I had before has fried my brain.

I can't sleep.

I can barely eat.

Only my duty to The Veil keeps me from completely falling apart.

Because I want to be her friend, but it'll never be good enough.

I'll always want more, and that's not in any of my futures.

Not for the first time in my life, I curse my existence as an Erlking.

The damned visions have never brought me a moment's happiness.

It's just another albatross around my neck.

All I want is for Sera to be happy, and how can she be with someone like me?

She wants me to open up, but if I open up the wounds of my past, we both might never stop the bleeding.

And what about her parents?

They died trying to protect their daughter from a fate that never should've been hers.

The least I can do to honor their sacrifice is do the same.

I've already messed up by telling her that the realm is compromised.

She accuses me of having a hero complex when the Seraphim is worse than me!

Now that she knows, it doesn't matter what my Erlking prophecies are, she'll try to fix this.

And fail.

And then hate herself.

I loathe to admit it, but Sera and I are two peas in a pod.

Both of us would cut off our wings if we thought it would help anything.

But it won't.

There's no remedying the situation, which is why I'm cursing myself for telling her in the first place.

If I had just kept my beak shut like I had for the past weeks, Sera wouldn't be contemplating how to repair an entire realm on her own.

Stupid, stupid, stupid me.

The only option I have now is to intervene and distract her as much as possible.

"We should go to The Valley of Souls."

My abrupt announcement makes Sera snort. "You've been promising to take me there for a month and nothing. All you've done is become more taciturn."

"I'm sorry," I huff, not sounding particularly apologetic, even though I do mean it. "You're adept enough to fly on your own. If you're done eating, we can go now."

Sera knocks back her chair because she stands so fast.

"Yes, let's go!"

She grabs my hand, our wings bumping, and I wince against the fissure of lust that streaks through me.

My mate tugs me outside, and together, we push off into the air.

I take the lead, occasionally calling out to make sure that I'm going in the right direction.

Sera doesn't talk much, for all her complaints of me being quiet.

"Is everything alright?"

"Everything looks so…gray, like the life is being leached from the land."

"That's exactly what's happening."

"And this is just space causing this?"

"Yes. The bad guy isn't always a black and white concept, or even a person, in this case. It makes it harder to fight against something that's inevitable—and space is inevitable."

"Well, that's a bunch of horseshit," my mate grouses, and I laugh.

"What is your preoccupation with animal fecal matter?"

I practically can hear her roll her eyes as she ignores me and asks another question.

"Surely you've thought of something to do about the souls, though?"

"Don't you think if I did, I would've already done it?"

She doesn't say anything, and I hope Sera realizes how impotent I already feel.

Her asking me isn't helping.

"Do the souls know?"

"Like you, they know something is wrong, but I haven't told them."

"Ender! You can't just keep everything to yourself!"

"If you were going to cease to exist, would you want to know?"

Sera doesn't say anything for a moment.

"I don't know. Yes and no. I think if I did, I would spend the entire time worrying about it, but at the same time, I could plan how to spend my final moments."

"And how would you spend them?"

"With the people I love."

My chest tightens because I'm not one of those people.

"But you don't have any family left."

I don't say this to be cruel, but rather because I don't understand.

"I have Fern and Ahnou…and I have you."

"You don't love me."

"Only because you won't let me."

We fall silent again, only the sounds of our beating wings and the rushing wind can be heard.

Does she mean—could Sera really love someone like me?

My father's snicker echoes in my head, and I already know his condescending answer.

No, she couldn't really love someone like you.

"What are you thinking?"

"Nothing."

"I thought we agreed you would stop pushing me away. Every time you asked me to let go, I did. So now I'm asking you to let me in."

"I…I'm scared."

"It is scary. Remember when I said opening yourself up was just welcoming someone to hurt you? But you told me otherwise. Why do the rules apply to everyone but you?"

"Because I'm a dickhead, according to you," I tease.

"Ain't that the truth," she mutters. "Just tell me why you think I couldn't love you."

"My own father didn't even love me—why would you?"

"Do you think I'm anything like that man?"

"No—"

"Exactly. I'm not a heartless bastard who ruined an innocent child's entire life. So just because your experiences tell you that other people can't love you doesn't mean it's true. You brought me here to work on myself—and I have. Now, we're working on you."

I grimace. "Pass."

"Ooo, sorry, you can't pass go and collect your money until you put in the effort."

"What?"

"It's an Earth game."

"You have games about people's miserable existences?"

Sera chuckles. "Not exactly. The point is, I've done what you asked and more."

"Yes, you've been a very good girl," I smirk.

"And what's my reward? A petulant Erlking who doesn't even talk to me let alone give me more orgasms."

I inhale sharply, trying to ignore the last part.

"Well, I'm talking now."

"Nearly thirty days later, whoop-de-doo."

"I'm trying."

"You're right. I'm sorry. Keep talking."

"What do you want me to say?"

Sera thinks about this for a moment, but her gasp cuts off everything running through her head.

"Ender, is that—"

"The Valley of Souls."

We've finally arrived, and I know what my mate is looking at.

And it isn't good.