Chapter 8

“Do you think you have enough decorations?” Justin asked dryly as he handed her the sparkly angel.

Stepping back from the enormous tree, Cathy studied her handiwork with a slight frown. Christmas was just two weeks away and she was behind with her usual activities. Fortunately, she had gotten her shopping done in October, something she could tick off her exceedingly lengthy list.

“I think we need some more tinsel. The gold is outpacing the green and the red. Could you…?

“No.” Clamping his hands on her shoulders, he turned her to face him. “In case you did not get it, that was me being sarcastic.” He nodded to the brilliantly lit tree that was blinding in its intensity.

“You have outdone yourself. It’s even more lavish than last year’s tree. The entire neighborhood will be telling you thanks or damning you to hell for all the lights, both inside and outside. Frankly, I have no idea how you are going to sleep with all this brightness.”

His expression softened as he stared at her. He knew why she was so hellbent on going this far. Christmas for them had been a rotten deal. In fact, all the holidays were when they were stuck in that home.

But Christmas had been the worst, because they had gotten broken toys and hand me down clothes. The food was nothing to write home about. They had both seen couples quickly visit to pick up children for the holidays and leave them there.

But it was more than that. Ever since they had come back from that successful photoshoot, she had been morose and miserable. The guy had not called her at all, and it pissed him off that he had dumped her without even saying a word. The prick had simply stopped calling her.

She was going out with Byron, but the more the man lavished her with attention, the more she seemed to withdraw. She would not even talk about it with him or Teresa, and Justin was getting worried. She had thrown herself into her work and barely went anywhere. He would see her staring at the phone as if willing it to ring.

He wanted to find the son of a bitch and beat him to a pulp. He also felt guilty, because he was the one who had pushed the issue.

“Enough!” He said with quiet force. “We are finishing this monstrosity, and I am taking you to dinner. Nuh Uh…,”he shook his head. “You are not making an excuse to back out of this.

There is this quaint little restaurant that serves the best clam chowder on this side of the world. We are dressing up, well not really dressing up because the place is kind of a dump. But it is owned by a friend of mine, and I promised to give her my support.”

“Her?” Her eyebrows lifted.

“No need for jealousy,” he grinned at her. “She is just someone who has been through the system like us and I met her when my car broke down on Silver Street.”

“Does she know who you are?”

“Darling, please. Everyone knows who I am. The billboard with our sexy photo is all over the city and on the internet. You are almost as famous as I am.”

She had seen the billboards, the displays on the sides of buses and the ads on social media platforms and was not certain how she felt about it. Unlike Justin, she preferred to fade into the background, but after Mexico, it was getting very hard to do so.

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“That’s too damn bad!” He felt his hackles rising. “How long are you going to let that bastard control your emotions? You have a guy who is waiting for you to get your head out of your ass and see him and all you do is mope around as if you lost your best friend and I happen to be right here.”

She glared at him and tried to pull away. “You are about to become my ex best friend.”

He relaxed his posture and sighed, long and low. “He is not worth it darling. No one is.”

“You think I don’t know that?” She exploded, the hated tears, she had sworn not to give into, flooded her eyes.

“I keep hearing his voice. Every time I close my eyes, I can hear him talking to me. I know it’s ridiculous, but I had started to…” Twisting out of his hold, she marched over to the red and gold sofa she had redecorated to keep in tune with the Christmas spirit and plopped down dejectedly.

Moving over to make space when he came over, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “I keep asking myself why he never called me back. I almost swallowed my pride and called him. I want to know what I said or did to turn him off.” Tears leaked from her eyes.

“What’s wrong with me, Jus?” She whispered. “Even when the guy has never met me, the relationship ends up turning sour. Is it something to do with the way I speak? My manner? Did he find out that I am not a size two? What? Not knowing is driving me crazy. Why did he stop calling?”

“It’s his loss.” Taking her hand in his, he turned to face her. “Byron likes you, don’t you think you owe it to him, to yourself to give him a chance?”

She nodded.

Lifting a hand, he wiped the tears from her cheek. “And for the record, there is nothing wrong with you. I get a boner just looking at you in that skimpy…,” he squinted at her. “What the hell is that?”

Looking down at herself, she burst out laughing and felt the tension easing from around her heart. “It’s my Christmas apparel.”

“Darling, you are practically naked.”

“It’s translucent.”

“It’s transparent,” he corrected. “What the hell kind of material is it?”

“It’s a mixture of nylon and silk.” Letting go of his hand, she smoothed down the shimmery gold material that molded itself to her body. “It’s designed to drive a man crazy and have him imagining all sorts of erotic thoughts. And you don’t fool me. This outfit does nothing for you.”

He shook his head. “It is not the outfit darling. It is you.” Cupping her face between his hands, he stroked her cheek. “Maybe we should try and see if it will work between us.”

Laughing again, she pushed him away. “You are very good for my ego.”

“And you are hell on mine.” He muttered, but inside he was jubilant that he had managed to lift her spirit.

“Okay, let’s finish the decorations and you go and get ready.”

“I haven’t said I am going.”

“You are. Now scoot.”

*****

“I cannot believe you are seeing her again. What are you thinking?”

Earl looked over at his sister and smiled faintly.

“It’s not what you think. We decided that we should put the past behind us and be friends.” His sister scoffed at that as she unfolded her napkin and placed it carefully over her lap.

“That is her latest ploy, to get you to be friends with her so that she can worm herself back into your life. Darling, are you blind?”

He summoned the waiter and placed their order, taking his time doing so and waited until the man had bowed himself from their table before responding.

“I am not blind, neither am I a fool.” His gray eyes had hardened instantly at her implied insult. “I happen to know what I am doing.”

“I apologize,” she told him quietly. “It’s just that ever since you came back from Italy, you haven’t been yourself. What happened over there?”

“Nothing.” He told her tersely, wondering if agreeing to have lunch with her had been such a good idea. He had been avoiding her since he got back, but she had insisted on seeing him today.

“Earl…”

“I am not in the mood to discuss it.”

His tone brooked no argument and normally she would comply, but not today. Something was bothering him, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

“It’s the holidays.”

“What?” He sent her a frowning glance as he picked up his glass of water.

“Christmas has always been such a trying time for us.”

“It’s not…,” his voice trailed off as memories came flooding his brain. “I try not to think about it.”

“How can you not help it?” She cried softly, tears gathering at the back of her eyes. They had been brought up not to show the slightest hint of emotion, but that had never stopped her. Earl had gotten it the worse.

He was not allowed to cry, not even when he broke his arm skiing one winter in Switzerland. The pain had been so excruciating that he had turned a ghostly pale, his eyes bright with the intensity of it.

Their father had ordered the doctor to snap it back in place without using anesthesia. Evelyn had stood there helplessly as she watched her brother struggle not to faint from the pain.

It had been a Christmas outing – a rare one where their parents had announced they were going to Switzerland for the holiday.

At first, they had been excited, wondering if this was going to be special. They had been proven wrong. After blistering Earl’s ears with his scathing remarks about clumsiness and his ineptitude, they had been sent to bed without any supper to ‘teach them a lesson’.

“Earl…”

“No.” he bit out. “Let’s not go there.”

Their meals were placed in front of them and Evelyn waited until the waiter had moved away.

“I hate to see you so unhappy!” She cried. “When you are doing that online…”

“It’s over.”

“May I ask why?”

“It was a bad idea to begin with, Let’s eat.” He glanced at his watch. “I have a meeting in half an hour.”

*****

“What do you think?”

“Does she know you are gay?”

He gave her an exasperated look. “Everyone knows I am gay.”

“Maybe you should remind her.” Her eyes danced merrily as she scooped up some of the delicious chowder. “She keeps coming over here to check on you and she has not stopped touching you.

Complimenting your locks, the way your shirt complements your skin, the whiteness of your teeth when you laugh, things like that. I am starting to feel invisible.”

“You are exaggerating. So, she likes me, so what?”

“Honey, she wants to take you to her bed.”

“Well maybe that is not such a bad idea. I have been asking you to sleep with me for years and you won’t budge.”

She gave him a wry look. “That’s because I know better.”

“She is just hung up on the fact that I am such a celebrity.”

“Who is as modest as they come.”

“Modesty is overrated. What do you think?” He pointed to the bowl.

“It is really good. What does having you here as a guest, do to her tiny restaurant?”

“Really darling?” He chided as he reached for his glass of water. The place was small and out of the way. Nestled a few feet away from the harbor, it had a quaintness about it that was rather attractive.

In the summer, tables were placed outside for the patrons to enjoy staring at the ships passing by and there was even a boardwalk for them to take advantage of. The setting was not bad at all.

“You are right. I am just being a bitch. Sometimes I get too possessive where you are concerned,” she admitted.

“Ah, that’s so sweet.”

“Bite me.”

“As soon as we get back to your place.” He grinned at her. “You look better.”

“I feel better. I was in the shower, and I had this pep talk. From now on, I am going to forget that someone who shall remain nameless and get on with my life.”

“Will Byron play a part in this resolve?”

She shrugged. “I like him.”

“But?”

“Not sexually. He tried to kiss me the other night after he brought me home and I turned my head away. I could see that he was hurt and confused, but I could not help it. I don’t feel that way towards him and I cannot force it.”

“Then perhaps you should tell him he is wasting his time. It’s not fair to be stringing him along.”

“I did tell him, but he wants to give me time,” she sighed sadly. “Life is so messed up. Here is a man who wants me, genuinely wants me and I cannot make myself want him back. What the hell is wrong with me?”

Reaching over, he put his hand over hers. “Absolutely nothing is wrong with you, and I would ask you kindly not to keep saying that.”

She laughed softly, her eyes dancing. “You really are good for me.”

“I am. Now, we need to discuss what you will be wearing to the Christmas gala next Saturday.”

Her response was a heartfelt groan. “Do I have to go?”

He looked at her in surprise. “What a question!”

*****

He had quit smoking years ago. After acknowledging to himself that it was an unhealthy habit, he had simply tossed the packets into the trash can and be done with it. He had only started an act of rebellion against his parents anyway and had not really enjoyed the habit.

But now, more than ever, he would kill to feel the nicotine inside his lungs. Lunch with his sister had been upsetting. She had forced him to remember things he had thought buried.

Awful memories that had plagued him for years. And yes, the holidays had a lot to do with his sour mood. Sitting behind his desk inside his home office, he had not bothered with any lights but was nursing the drink he had poured as soon as he entered the room.

He missed talking to Cathy. He missed hearing the sound of her sultry voice, the cadence, the texture, her wit, the way she had about herself that made him laugh.

He had decided from their last conversation that it was best to break things off before they got out of hand. He had fallen too hard and too fast. The conversation with Diana had been a wakeup call, one that they needed.

Desperation was making him do irrational things. He had to stop. Had to take a step back and proceed with caution. Evelyn was concerned that he was with Diana, but she should know him enough to realize that after what Diana had done to him, there was no going back.

He felt nothing for her. Whatever feelings had been there had died when he saw her with the guy. He could be with her and not feel a twinge of anything. It was over between them.

He knew she was hoping that he would change his mind, but there was no fear of that ever happening. He had her by his side as a plus one whenever the needs arose, and she was eager to please.

It was Cathy who occupied his every waking moment. The sound of her voice was haunting him, making it impossible for him to fall asleep.

He should call her. And say what?

“I am suspicious by nature and have been burned too many times to trust anyone, that’s why I haven’t called?”

She would probably run him off the phone. As it was, she had most certainly deleted his number and moved on. What was she doing? He wondered achingly. Had she hooked up with some other guy online and was now talking to him?

Was that other man enjoying the witting conversation, she had offered him? Were they even now meeting each other, going on dates?

A tortured groan was torn from his chest. What the hell was wrong with him and why couldn’t he simply forget her? Was he so hard up for a woman? Of course he was. He hadn’t been with one in months and was feeling the pinch.

Maybe he should take Diana up on her invitation. She hadn’t come right out and say the words, but he could read it in her eyes and body language. She was dying for him to take her to bed. He knew if he called her right now, no matter the hour, she would come running. But it wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

After seeing her with the guy, she had become used goods and no matter how hard up he was, he couldn’t go back to her. That was out of the question. Tossing back the drink, he pushed away from the desk to go and pour himself another glass. It was going to be a hell of a long night.

*****

“This is delicious,” Teresa murmured approvingly as she sipped the homemade eggnog. “And you added vodka.”

“And a touch of rum,” Cathy said with an impish smile. “To give it an added zest.”

“Bitch, you are going to make it hard for me to drive home and the weather is already iffy.”

“You can always spend the night.”

“I suppose I could.” She responded laconically. “Where is our illustrious model tonight?”

“He had an engagement.”

“I am surprised you are not tagging behind him. You two seem to be joined at the hips.” She shook her head before Cathy could reprimand her. “Don’t pay me any mind.” She took another dispirited sip of her beverage.

“I am sorry.”

Teresa nodded and stretched her legs out listlessly. “Life sucks, generally men suck a hell of a lot, and I wish I could swear off them.”

“I thought it was going very well between you and Jeff.”

“So, did I. I am tired of dating Cat. Tired of putting myself out there and just to be rejected.”

“But did he really reject you?”

“He might as well have,” she sighed.

“He doesn’t want to get married and specifically, he doesn’t want kids. He is very ambitious, and I suppose it is wrong of me not to wish him well. But he led me to believe we were heading in the same direction.” She turned her head to gaze into the brilliance of the tree in front of her.

She had teased Cathy about the number of decorations and declared that her house was like a beacon, beckoning sailors home from the war.

“I could see the lights on the outside a mile away. You have certainly outdone yourself this time.”

“You could change his mind.”

She shook her head. “He is resolved on the issue. He likes me a lot, but he is not willing to compromise. We could go on as usual, but I should realize that he will never change his mind,” she sighed again. “In all honesty, I couldn’t stay with him. We want different things.” She glanced at her friend. “How is it going with Byron?”

“It’s going.” Stretching her feet out, she wriggled her toes and stared at her coral painted nails. She was trying to make a commitment to him, but it was becoming increasingly difficult, and she was probably going to have to break it off soon. The thought of that was making her extremely sad and dejected.

“Honey, you sound as if you are about to go on death row. Cut the poor man loose if you are not interested. It’s a crime to lead him on, knowing that nothing is going to come of the relationship.”

“You are right. I will tell him it is over, right after the holidays. I already invited him to the Christmas gala on Saturday.”

“Oh crap.”

“What?”

“I had forgotten about that. Now I am without a date.”

“So is Justin.” Cathy pointed out, causing her friend to grimace.

“You know I cannot stand the fruitcake.”

“It’s terms like that makes it difficult for the two of you to get along.” Shoving to her feet, she picked up the empty glasses and chocolate wrappers. Teresa had brought her own comfort food in the form of sinfully sweet and delectable chocolates, and they were devoured within minutes.

“You really should try and get along.”

“Is it my fault?” She demanded. “As soon as he sees me, he starts comparing me to a toothpick with legs and arms.” She glanced down at her bosom. “I might not be as curvy as you are, but I am attractive in my own way.”

Cathy stared at her friend with a frown, hearing the peevishness in her voice.

“I am sorry honey. I am certainly not good company. I know you are still hung up on that Earl fellow, but you seem to be doing okay now.”

Picking up the bowl, Cathy did not comment. Her friend didn’t need to know that she was far from okay.