30. Wrenlee

30

WRENLEE

S ek'su shuffles across the room, his dragging tail makes a rasping sound. He stops on the far side of the fire staring at the floor the entire time. I watch with bated breath. I can't speak or move because I know if I do I'll throw away all sense to leap into his arms.

And it's high time we talk. Really talk. No more leaping into one another's arms, making out, and having sex as if there is nothing bigger at work here. We have gone too far to ignore the truth between us any longer. This is a lot more than a great lay.

He makes a rumbling sound, rolls his shoulders, and rustles his wings. His eyes dart up and over me before dropping back to the floor. He shakes his head. I want to say something, but I don't know where to begin. My thoughts crash into one another leaving nothing but confusion in my head and I have no words to express them.

"Wrenlee…" he says my name and damn it if my heart doesn't leap into my throat. He dares another quick glance and grimaces, clearly hurting too. "I am sorry."

What? Sorry?

That is not what I expected him to say. None of this has gone the way I planned or thought it would from the beginning. Not from the first moment we laid eyes on each other. It's been a constant string of surprises but for some reason this one shakes me the most.

"Sorry?" He nods, not looking up. "For what?"

He inhales sharply, darts his eyes up again, and drops them.

"I know now that I was mistaken. I should not have made such a public display of my feelings for you. I do not… did not…" he shrugs, struggling to find the words. "Understand. I still do not."

"Sek… understand what?"

"You," he says, meeting my eyes for the first time. "Your culture. Your people. It is so… different."

I snort. "Different is one way to put it."

A fleeting smile dances over his face and I want with all my heart to kiss him. To make this better somehow.

"Your people are different than mine," he says. "I cannot comprehend the ways of your culture, but it has been made clear to me that I have caused harm to your reputation. I am truly sorry."

I climb to my feet and walk around the fire to stand in front of him. I'm inches from the rise and fall of his muscular chest. The scent of him, unique even among Zmaj, fills my nose. I inhale deeply and it feels as if I am taking him into my soul. My heart doesn't race, though, it's beating loud, strong, but steady.

"Sek," I say, looking up into his beautiful eyes. "I love you."

He blinks rapidly while his brow furrows. A smile darts over his face but is quickly replaced by a frown.

"Wren?"

I smile and place my hand on his cheek letting my fingers trail along his jaw. I like the feeling of the tiny scales there. Smooth and cool to the touch.

"Sek?" I respond with a soft laugh.

"Treasure?"

"Treasure," I agree.

Every fiber of my body wants him. Wants to be taken. Fucked like there is nothing else to worry about but this is not the time, not yet, so though it is a struggle I push that urge away. He leans in to kiss but I pull back. The look he gives me makes it clear how much that hurt him and I hate it. He frowns and takes a step back.

"Wren… is this… are you…" he can't seem to make up his mind as to what words to say. His mouth moves as he tries to figure out what he wants to say and I let him have the moment instead of inserting my own words. He throws his hands up and turns to leave.

"Wait," I call after him. "What is it? What are you trying to say?"

He stops at the door with his head bowed and his wings hanging low.

"Do you think I am… an animal?"

I'm stunned into silence. He doesn't turn around or even look back in my direction. Staring at the floor he sighs heavily and opens the door.

"No!" I yell in protest at both the question and his leaving. He pauses but still has one foot out the door. "Sek, come back. Please. I don't."

He drops the curtain and slowly turns around. His eyes are narrowed, his brow furrowed, and there is suspicion on his face.

"You do not?" he asks.

"No," I say shaking my head. "Who told you that? Where did you hear it?"

Anger burns hot and I want to find the one who said it and make them regret it. Forever. This is exactly the problem with all of my life. Rumors, words, and opinions mattering more than anything else.

"Does it matter?" he asks.

"Yes, it does!" I say, unable to keep my voice from being loud and angry. "Why can't they leave us alone? Let us be us? I was young and I was stupid. I said something dumb. I was wrong, okay?"

"You do not think I am… an animal?"

"No," I say, shaking my head almost violently. "I said that, yes, years ago. When I didn't know any better."

The suspicion fades from his face and he looks relieved.

"Good," he says, moving towards me with his arms out.

We're close, his lips are pressing onto mine and God knows I want this but I pull back again.

"Am I wrong again?" he asks.

"No," I shake my head, moving my hand to place two fingers on his lips. "I want to kiss you but if I do we both know where that will end. We need to talk, first."

"As you wish," he says, with a wining smile that makes my knees weak.

"Come, sit," I say motioning towards the mats and then leading the way.

He takes a seat and I sit next to him, our legs touching, but that is the only concession I give to the physical desire that thrums in my body. I stare at the fire silently marveling at how comfortable I am with him. All the men I've dated in my life not once have I ever felt something like this.

Peaceful in quiet. Every other time there was always this rush that could not be ignored. A need to say something, do something, to use or manipulate, or cajole. I don't think I've ever sat in silence like this with another person. Maybe with Ziva, but those memories are so long ago and they've faded with time. Yet I still miss her. Every day.

"This is wonderful," he says, breaking the silence.

"You think so?" I ask, genuinely interested and curious to know what he is thinking. Another new thing for me.

"Wren, my treasure, I am happy with anything that lets me be near you. I only want your happiness. I will fight and kill for it. I will do whatever you ask."

The intensity of his words is almost more than I can process. The passion in them is raw and resonates in my chest. I take a deep breath and hold it before letting it out slowly. As nice as this is, some things must be said. Things I must help him to understand if we are ever to be what I hope we can become.

"I don't think I'll need any of that," I say, shifting around so I'm sitting in front of him and our knees are touching.

"You never know, this is Tajss," he says with an easy smile and we both chuckle.

"True," I agree. "I'm sorry this has been… what it has."

"I do not regret a moment, Wren."

I smile as my cheeks burn hot. He really does say the sweetest things.

"I do," I say, shaking my head. "But we're going to fix it. No, I'm going to fix it, with your help."

"What do you need?" he asks, leaning in closer.

"I was… very popular. Does that make sense to you?"

"Hmm, as a well-known warrior?"

"Sort of, I guess. Do your people have legends?"

"Of course, we know all the great warriors who came before and we honor all those who died bravely."

"Sort of like that I guess," I say. "Except for me, it was an accident of birth. My parents were rich, among the founders as they were called on the ship. Part of the family that created the generation ships."

"Okay," he says, shrugging and reaching his hand over and taking mine in his. "I may not be famous myself, but I am happy for you to be. I will do my best to be worthy of you."

"No, no, honey, oh no," I say, chuckling. "I am the one who has to be worthy of you. All of that, it was stupid."

He frowns and something crosses his eyes.

"Are you… using me for something?" he asks.

"No, my treasure," I say and I truly mean it. "I have used everyone and everything in my life, but now that is over. I am yours. I've thrown all I was away."

"Are you… okay? How does one throw such away?"

"You let it all burn."

He frowns and shakes his head.

"This makes no sense."

"No, but you will understand. What matters now is you. Me. Us. I want there to be an us. Are you okay with that?"

"It is all I desire."

"Speaking of desire," I say, rising to my knees and crawling onto his lap. "How about now?"

He doesn't waste more words, letting his lips, fingers, and other body parts do the talking for him.