Chapter 3

Ari

“ G ood morning, Your Highness,” the guards greeted me as I approached my mother’s breakfast room the following day.

Mother sat in her usual place at the head of the table opposite her husband King Trebor, the King Consort. Dressed in a flowy lavender dress that reached down to her flat-soled velvet shoes, she stirred cream and sugar in her cup of coffee.

At fifty-two, the queen was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, and to me, she’d always stay that way. Her dark hair was swept up into a voluminous bun inside her wide golden crown. There were just a few silver strands over her temples, which only enhanced her beauty and emphasized her years of wisdom and experience.

“Morning, Mother,” I gave her a peck on the cheek, inhaling a whiff of her flowery fragrance.

“Good morning, dearest,” she murmured. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” I lied.

Some nights had been better than others. After ten years in Rorrim, nightmares had become rare, but I’d long lost the ability to “sleep like a log” that I had when I was younger. Last night, I’d stayed up way past midnight to pore over the paperwork of the punished slave’s case, but I saw no reason to bother the queen with complaints about my insomnia.

I made my way to the other end of the table.

“Morning, Father.” I placed a kiss on the cheek of my other parent, King Trebor.

He gave me a bright smile. “Good morning, sweetie.”

Father was a tall man with vivid blue eyes and sandy-blond hair that was neatly cut and styled into perfect waves. Unlike the queen’s, there was not a glimmer of silver in the king’s locks. His team of skilled groomers made sure to maintain his youthful appearance by dying his hair regularly.

The king was wearing one of his usual dress coats with rich embroidery along the stiff collar and wide cuffs. Tall and slim by nature, Father had gotten a little wider around the middle with age and now wore a waistcoat corset for a slimmer shape. The padding of the shoulders of his coat and the slightly raised heels on his boots further enhanced the masculine form and the elegant, regal stance that was appreciated in all high-born men.

“The head chef made your favorite muffins this morning,” Father informed me with his ever-present smile. “She sure loves to spoil you.”

“I’m glad she does.” I beamed in response and grabbed a lemon-cranberry muffin from the basket in the middle of the table, then took my place between him and Mother on the right-hand side of the queen.

Squinting at the sunshine flooding the room through the three sets of glass patio doors, Father took a sip of his tea.

“It looks like it’s going to be another gorgeous day today,” he said. “Any plans for this afternoon, Ari? Did you have a fun ride with Gem yesterday?”

His words brought yesterday’s gory flogging scene to the forefront of my mind. I cut the warm muffin in half, smeared a dollop of butter on it, then watched it melt. My mouth should be watering at the delicious aroma. Instead, a bitter taste lingered in it.

“Mother.” I turned to her without answering Father’s questions. I simply couldn’t match his cheerful tone this morning. “Since when do we hire slaves at the palace?”

She glanced at me over the rim of her coffee cup before setting it down. “Technically, we don’t hire them, dearest. Their work is contracted through their owner. We deal with her.”

“What difference does it make? Either way, the crown is using slave labor—the work of men and women who are owned by another person.”

She folded her hands on the table in front of her.

“Well, first of all, slaves are usually almost exclusively men. There are no women in the group we hired. Women tend to manage their finances in ways that don’t involve signing off their freedom in exchange for money. If they do end up in debt, they usually work out a repayment arrangement other than slavery. Sadly, men are far more reckless and more emotional by nature, which often lands them in debt beyond their control.” She took the cup again but didn’t raise it to drink, holding it over the table. “Second, slaves are owned by another person only because they carelessly allowed for it to happen. You know that no one is born into slavery in Rorrim, and everyone can work their way out of it if they apply themselves. You see, Ari,” she took a deep breath, “sometimes people fall on hard times. By providing them with employment, we actually help them repay their debt to the owner, regain their freedom, and return to society debt-free.”

“They get flogged while they’re at it,” I muttered under my breath, staring at the muffin that I no longer had any appetite to eat.

“Oh, I see.” Mother nodded. “That’s what it’s all about? I heard a punishment was delivered yesterday. I’m sorry you got to witness it.”

“I’m sorry it happened at all.”

“Ari, darling, some things are necessary to happen. You’ve been learning what it means to run a country, and punishment is a sad but necessary part of it.” She glanced down the table at Father, who quietly ate his breakfast. “Trebor dear, I don’t want to bore you with state matters. Why don’t you go see to the horses? Didn’t you say a mare needed attention for her hoof or something? Surely, you need to discuss it with her groomers.”

“Yes, of course.” Father dabbed his mouth with a napkin before getting up. “I’ll see you at lunch, Your Majesty.” He gave Mother a quick kiss, then winked at me with a smile. “Enjoy your morning, sweetie.”

Mother followed him with her gaze, speaking only after the door had closed behind him.

“You shouldn’t bring up these topics in the king’s presence, Ari,” she reprimanded gently. “Men find conversations about state affairs either boring or unsettling, neither is good for their volatile disposition.”

Father was the sweetest and the least “volatile” person I knew, but I didn’t argue with her on that.

“The punishment was brutal...” my voice broke, and I swallowed hard. The images of the man’s mangled back and the blood soaking into the coarse fabric of his pants rose in my mind as vividly as when I first saw them.

“Oh, honey.” Mother reached along the table to cover my hand with hers. “I’m sorry it upset you. Being a just ruler is a constant strife for balance between kindness and ruthlessness. One can’t work without the other. Punishment is often necessary for justice to be served.”

I didn’t move my hand away. Like always, the warmth of her touch felt comforting, and I could never deny that comfort to myself.

“What did that man do to earn the punishment?” she asked. “I’m not familiar with the details of his case.”

“He started a fight.”

“Ah.” She sounded as if she’d expected it. “The flogging seems an appropriate verdict to correct his behavior. Sometimes violence is the most effective response to aggression. Sadly, that’s the only language some men understand. Men are violent by nature. Their physical strength can get out of their control, and it’s our job to help them correct that. They need to be reminded that no matter how physically strong they are, there is a power that will hold them accountable for their irresponsible actions.” She squeezed my hand gently. “Let’s just hope that the man learned his lesson and will control his temper better from now on.”

Usually, her logic, presented in a calm, even voice, made sense. However, not everything in this case fit neatly together.

The queen peered at me. “I got a report that you intervened in his punishment, Ari.”

News traveled fast in Egami. The punishment of a slave might not warrant the attention of the queen, but her daughter stopping it certainly did.

“I did, Mother. I’ve reviewed his case, and I’d like to appeal it in front of the Royal Council.”

Mother’s brow furrowed in a concerned expression.

“Do you believe an injustice has been done in his case?”

This wasn’t exactly a case of injustice. According to the court papers, the man’s name was Salas. He did start a fight with other slaves while working on repairing a road to the palace. The fight resulted in a broken arm of one of his opponents. By law, flogging was the appropriate punishment for his crime. But one thing bothered me.

Several passersby witnessed the other men taunting Salas relentlessly. He was clearly provoked into the attack. However, when standing in front of the judge, Salas never mentioned that fact. He’d made no attempt to argue his case or to defend himself. He simply accepted the blame and the verdict as it was presented to him.

Was it enough to reopen his case and to put it on the council's already very busy agenda? At best, it would reduce the sentence by two lashes. I feared it’d sound too trivial to Mother. To the man being flogged, however, I believed that every lash was of importance.

“Some circumstances of this case caught my attention,” I said. “I believe they warrant a reduced sentence for this man.”

The queen patted my hand before letting go of it and leaning back in her chair. “Very well, I will support your request for an appeal.”

“You will?” I exhaled with relief. Her support meant a world to me both in the council room and beyond.

“Ari, I applaud your asking questions and seeking answers. No law is perfect. Our society constantly evolves, and we should strive for improvement every single day.”

“Thank you, Mother.” I picked up my muffin and finally took a bite of it.

She moved her spoon on the table, then adjusted the napkin in her lap.

“Laws of the land are important, Ari,” she said, looking at her cup of coffee instead of me. “But so are our traditions.”

I caught a slight change in her tone of voice and set the muffin down again. “What traditions are you talking about, Mother?”

She took a long drink of her coffee before meeting my eyes. “Your father and I have been looking for a suitable candidate for the next king consort.”

“Ahh, that...” I exhaled.

I knew this conversation was coming sooner or later. I’d just hoped for later rather than right now.

“Yes, dearest. You are of the perfect age for marriage—mature enough to guide your future groom but also with many years ahead of you to ensure an offspring.”

“Right. The offspring,” I groaned inwardly, holding my back straight and my head high.

“Ensuring the continuation of our line is one of the most important duties of a queen. You know that, dear.”

“Of course I do, Mother.”

“Now, that leads me to the delicate topic I’ve been meaning to discuss with you.” She cleared her throat and tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “In order to produce offspring, usually the more experienced wife guides her innocent husband through the... um, the process . And I’m afraid you're not sufficiently experienced in that matter, dear.”

“Right.” I shifted in my seat. “Any chance I could maybe get a more experienced and slightly less innocent husband?”

She huffed a laugh, as if I’d told her a joke.

“You know a royal husband’s reputation can’t be anything but spotless. Your father and I have worked hard on our list of candidates. All of them come from royal families with excellent ancestry. Their mothers vouch for their purity and virtuous upbringing. Which means your duty will be to introduce intimacy to your future groom. But you can’t introduce something you haven’t experienced yourself, can you? From what I’ve heard, you haven’t been intimate with a man yet.” She let the silence stretch, obviously waiting for me to either confirm or deny that claim.

“You spoke to Gem, didn't you?” I mumbled, not meeting her eyes.

“I did,” she admitted with a soft smile. “Daughters often share with friends things they wouldn’t talk to their mothers about.” She leaned toward me again. “But if there is a reason for your hesitation around men, tell me, maybe I can help? I am the queen, after all.”

I clasped my hands in front of me. How exactly could a queen help?

Did I need help? Was something wrong with me?

I didn’t hate the idea of sex. I had experienced the pleasure of sexual release. I just hadn’t had the desire to share it with anyone yet, being perfectly content with my own hand so far.

“I really don’t know what to say, Mother.”

She peered at me closely. “Does the company of women possibly excite you more than that of men?”

This conversation was unlike any other I’d had with the queen before, but it wasn’t the first open or sincere one. I might not have spoken to Mother on this particular topic before, but we’d shared many heart-to-heart conversations about life in general. Being honest with her wasn’t difficult or new to me.

I pondered the best way to answer her question. I did feel far more at ease in female company, but that wasn’t what the queen’s question implied.

“No. Not sexually, Mother.”

She nodded. “We can make some arrangements then.”

“What kind of arrangements?”

“Whatever suits you best, dearest. I’m afraid your past may be to blame for your hesitation, but I don’t want it to dictate your future.” Her voice softened with compassion that made my heart squeeze with love.

Queen Anna was the best mother I knew, the only mother I had who was worthy of that name. It hurt to disappoint her in anything. My desire for her approval had been a huge drive behind my success both as a student and the council member.

“What will be best for you, Ari?” she continued. “I can’t possibly send the crown princess to a fun house like a commoner. Any contact with the fallen men from such an establishment would cause a scandal the crown cannot afford, especially while arranging for your marriage. But I will support any other way you choose to go about it.”

I adjusted my glasses, then twisted a diamond bracelet around my wrist. “Do you really think it’s necessary for me to do before the marriage, Mother? Maybe... Maybe my groom and I will figure things out after? Somehow?”

I was stalling, and the queen knew it. If there really was a problem with my having physical intimacy with anyone, it wouldn’t magically disappear after my marriage. If the thought of getting naked with a man made me feel like running for the hills now, what would I do when I stood in the bedroom of my groom, with the added pressure of the whole world waiting for us to consummate our marriage and give an heiress to Rorrim’s crown?

There’d be no way to hide. Literally overnight, my personal issues would become the talk of all queendoms.

I understood the queen’s concern, but I feared I couldn’t alleviate her worries that easily.

“Trust me, it’s best to know these things in advance,” Mother assured me. “Your groom will be nervous during his first time. It wouldn’t help if you were nervous too. You need to know what to do and guide your groom with confidence expected from your age and position. You know, if there is any doubt about your marriage being real in every aspect, including physical, it may be annulled. The groom’s family may also demand a public consummation, which isn’t pleasant for anyone. Luckily, there is still time for you to get the experience you need.”

“Honestly, Mother, I’m not sure how. I don’t know if I can...”

“You can have any man you like,” she offered promptly. “Discreetly, of course, but I will allow you to bring anyone you feel comfortable with into your chambers. Perhaps, there is a gentleman of my court you find agreeable?”

Most men of the royal court belonged to my father’s gentlemen-in-waiting. They usually left the room when I visited Father’s parlor. I hardly interacted with any of them.

“They’re all fine gentlemen, Mother. But I don’t feel that kind of affection for any of them.”

“It’s not a matter of affection, dear.” The queen smiled. “Physical attraction isn’t always the same as the matters of the heart. In your case, it’s actually preferable that it isn’t.” She gazed up, as if pondering the issue at hand. “How about the royal gladiators then? I’ve heard those men are well skilled in the art of pleasuring a woman. The crown will handsomely reward the one you choose if he manages to please you and put you at ease.”

I huffed a nervous laugh. “You’ll pay a man to have sex with me?”

“Ari, dearest, men don’t need to be paid to have sex. Their urges make them crave it all the time, especially at your age. For any man of the queendom, it’d be an honor to spend a night with the crown princess. The compensation will be simply a token of our appreciation after the fact, nothing more.”

I rubbed my forehead, wishing I could just disappear from this room altogether. However, that wouldn’t solve the issue. Maybe it was best to get it over with, somehow.

“Does it have to be a gladiator?” I asked.

“Of course not. It’s just that my gladiators are easily accessible, clean, and discreet. But as I said, it could be anyone you find acceptable.” She took her chin in her hand, lost to a moment of contemplation. “Do you find the gladiators threatening, perhaps? I can understand that. The nature of their occupation requires them to be large and act aggressively.”

The image of Salas, the punished slave, came to my mind once again. As far as size was concerned, that man would easily give any of the queen’s gladiators a run for their money.

“Maybe I should have Gem take you to the theater this week?” Mother mulled over another idea. “There is a new production group performing this season. If a delicate, artistic type of man is more to your liking—”

“I’ll find someone, Mother.” Placing my linen napkin next to the plate with my unfinished muffin, I got up from the table.

The queen’s support was important in this matter, but I couldn’t possibly have her search for a bed partner for me. I was old enough to woman up and resolve my own issues.

More than anything, I wished to be the queen my mother would be proud of. I had studied hard for that. A queen ruled her people and ensured a smooth continuation of her line to preserve the peace in her land. If that meant I also had to know how to bed my future husband, then that was what I was going to learn too. Somehow.