Chapter 7

7

Percy

" W hat the actual fuck?" I threw my towel on top of the counter.

"You're pouting. You're an adult man, yet somehow, it's cute. Boring but cute." Tammy Sue was getting annoyed by my little temper tantrums. I couldn't blame her. I had been throwing them ever since Ben walked in out of nowhere like a fantasy or a nightmare – the jury was still out on which it was.

"I mean, come on, he just… No! How in the hell could that man just waltz in here all smiles and charm and… He has no right to look so fucking handsome. It's not fair!"

"Well, you're more handsome now than you were then ." She sighed heavily.

"He looked… I mean, how does he still look so fucking hot? Shouldn't he have aged horribly since he's so rotten inside?" I threw a pan into the sink and enjoyed the loud clang as it hit.

"He must have made a pact with the devil."

"Probably." I scoffed. "I wouldn't put it past the mother fucker."

"We could always call the church and have them perform an exorcism."

"Now is not the time for jokes. I'm having a… good old-fashioned breakdown here. The least you could do is to show me a little sympathy."

She walked over and handed me a plate from the counter. "There, there, dear. Maybe you should break some china?"

"Do not tempt me. That smile of his made me melt and fill with rage at the same time." It also made my heartbeat race and my pulse quicken.

"You're so full of paradoxes. Isn't this the way he always was? Charming and sexy, with a smile to hide his evil?" She rolled her eyes and went back to busying herself with cleaning up all the mixing bowls in the sink.

"Even when he destroyed me in the hallways, he smiled as if he were trying to hide who he really was. It was like a mask." A fucking gorgeous mask that I used to dream about kissing almost every night.

"It was our teenage years. We were all hiding something."

"Oh, I'm sure he was hiding something. I know he was – fucking coward. And then he would make fun of me, and I'd… I bit my tongue because I was not a bad person, but I so wanted to make him feel the same way that he did me. I could have destroyed him if I had wanted to."

Tammy Sue rolled her neck. "He was an asshole, babe. But you always had a thing for…"

"I did not! Not a… thing-thing… It was more like a…" I sighed. "Why am I so fucked up?" I leaned against the counter and felt like curling up into a ball. This was not supposed to happen like this, I was… But it did, and now I had to deal with the fallout of my emotions and the potential of running into him again.

"You've always been this way when it came to him. You had hope that he'd… come back to himself, and you always did. Well, maybe he has? I don't know. I fucking still hate him, even if he is the most loving and charitable person in the fucking world. Forgiveness takes time, and I have a lifetime to forgive but never to forget."

Her words hit me like a brick wall. "I like that. But… I wish I could hate him the way you do. I've never been able to. I mean, I don't like him. Never forget, right? I have not forgotten, but…"

"It was a decade ago. Maybe he has changed? We have. We're definitely not the same people we were, even if we are right back where we started." She groaned and started stacking the bowls for us to use again tomorrow.

"That's more depressing than I needed."

"But true!"

"Yeah, I guess it is. And as soon as I settle into my new life in the Basin, here comes Ben. My life is cursed." I picked up another dish towel and wrung it in my hands.

She stacked the last of her bowls and came over to me. Her arm wrapped around my shoulders, and I laid my head against her. "I hate him, like I said, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't or couldn't talk to him if you wanted to. Like I said, maybe he's changed. I mean, he did look pretty damn morose when he left. But maybe I've watched too many fucking Hallmark movies. Oh! Maybe this is more of a Lifetime stalker type of film. Maybe he hasn't changed at all. Maybe he's worse and wants to skin you alive." I hated and loved when she teased me because she had a fabulous imagination.

"Oh my God! You are fucking insane." I groaned.

"But in a fun way. People like him… Prom King, football star… Maybe people like that don't change? That fucking Pam didn't. She's even more of a nightmare now than she was back then."

"I think I need to believe that people can change. If I don't… Well, that's really fucking depressing, isn't it?" Her fingers ran through my red hair, and it felt relaxing. I really needed it.

"Why are you asking me? I live in a state of perpetual depression."

"No, you don't," I laughed.

"Anxiety then." She giggled.

"That I believe. Maybe he has. Do you think I should talk to him if he does come back like he said?" I caught my breath and waited for her to answer. I really needed her to tell me that it was okay. I needed permission, and that was utterly ridiculous. I knew it, but I still needed it.

"We don't know his life any more than he now knows ours. Ten years, boo… A lot can change in ten years. If you want to, maybe you should."

"You are truly a contradiction and a puzzle."

"That's what all the boys say. So?"

"We'll see, I guess. He's still handsome as shit."

"Yeah, that polo looked like it would rip off his torso with a gentle flex. It's not fair. His biceps got even more sexy."

"No one ever said life was fair, Tammy Sue. If it was, he'd have lost his hair and had a big beer belly."

"You can say that again. However, I really like a belly. God, I'm horny."

"Aren't we all?"