Chapter 8

8

Percy

I sometimes feel that the Basin Grocery is like a second… er… third home to me. After the oven situation came to its trash fire conclusion, I had to pivot. At least the insurance accepted the claim, and I'm truly grateful for that. However, because the oven was so old, they would only cover a portion of the cost of the new oven.

Fuck my life.

I have slowly drained my savings since moving back here. Now, I have to dig deeper and pay up for a new oven that will help me keep the business open. It's always something, and I should have understood that. The bakery hadn't been updated in almost any way over the last thirty years. There's so much that I would love to change, but for that to happen, I needed to be running in the black again. The bakery being closed for almost a year before I came back home hurt the bottom line. Now I'm digging my way back up.

Maybe this was all a mistake? Maybe I should just sign the papers and sell this place? Am I being an idiot? I thought of how Ben made my stomach feel like butterflies and lead all at the same time – even after all these years.

"Yes," I said to the peanut butter chips I was holding. "I am truly the world's biggest idiot."

"You've never struck me as an idiot."

I froze like a deer in headlights.

"You were always smart and had a good head on your shoulders," he said gently.

"Are you following me?" I started down at my peanut butter chips.

"I may be many things, Percy, but a stalker is not one of them."

"Feels like it." I snorted. "Last night and again today."

"It's a small town," he chuckled, and I turned slowly to face him. Fuck… That smile broke me. "I'm staying at the Inn down the street. It's really nice. This place has and hasn't changed over the last ten years. But you sure have ."

"Have you?" I asked pointedly.

His shoulders slumped. "God, I hope so. I'm… I was… I'm sorry, Percy." The force of his apology almost made me want to fall to my knees.

"I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to react to that, to be honest." I shivered. Why had it gotten so fucking cold all of a sudden?

"I… I'm sure. I was a miserable human being who couldn't deal with my… feelings and all of the changes that were happening. I just shut down and tried to… bury it as deeply as I could, and now… I'm me." He shrugged and took a very small step toward me.

"What does that even mean?" There was more emotion behind the question than I intended. I was on the verge of some kind of real emotional outburst, and I had no idea what kind it was going to be. "You really treated me like shit ." Ok, anger it was.

"When I looked at you, I saw myself. I… really hated myself, Percy. Therapy helped. But mainly, it was being away from this place and all of the… I was scared that someone would actually know me—see through me... like you did." The way his voice welled up with emotion, it… It brought me back. Ben was standing in front of me and asking for forgiveness, and I had no idea what to do.

"Do you know what was the hardest part? We had always been friends – very good friends – and then you just… You took it all away. You changed so quickly and were so mean." I fought back the tears that I could feel on the verge of pouring out. Why was I always such an emotional mess when it came to him? I didn't really need the answer. I knew why.

"I know I said things to you that were… I really am sorry for being an asshole, Percy. I really wish you would give me a chance to show you how much I regret that."

"I don't know."

He got down on one knee. "Would it help if I beg? That night… I still think about it. I tried to find you on socials, but you were unfindable. I really wanted to… You were the first person I wanted to talk to when I worked through all my shit. When I came out, it was you that I wanted to tell."

I glanced anywhere but at him for a minute and then felt my entire body relax. My fight or flight response was broken, apparently. "I… I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Stand up, for God's sake."

"You can just let my very sincere apology sink in, and you can think about it. You don't have to say anything right now. I get it." He stood up and put his hands in his pockets. Did he have any clue how watching his biceps in that t-shirt was disarming?

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. "I need to check out."

"Can I walk you back to the bakery? I'd come in, but I'm terrified of Tammy Sue."

I nodded and carried my basket to the check-out stand. Thankfully, I didn't need much, so it was a quick experience. All I wanted was to get back to the bakery and feel… hidden, so I could think about how I actually felt.

Sincere? Yes – I believed he was. But what, if anything, did that change? I still had those old feelings that crept back into my soul the moment I saw him standing in the bakery after all these years. It was stupid and I should push it back down to where it had laid dormant all these years. My feelings were mine. My fantasies were mine. He was just making contrition.

But…

He held the door for me as I picked up the bag and walked out into the Foggy Basin's fresh air. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Where are you now?" Curiosity had gotten the best out of me.

"San Francisco. I work in real estate, and I thought it was time for me to come back here. It's been a nice visit so far. You have gotten really handsome—even more handsome if it were possible."

I couldn't stop my heart from jumping in my chest if I had wanted to. "You always thought I was handsome? That breaks my brain."

"You know I did. But what you didn't know is the way I secretly watched you in high school. I tried so hard to get a glimpse of you. The things I hid are… I was a fucking moron." His easy laugh was filled with sadness, and it broke my heart. If I had known, maybe I could have gotten through to him instead of being so sad and angry.

"You were fifteen. I think, by definition, we were all morons. You were just meaner."

"I know. Do you want me to keep apologizing because I will?"

"No. You've done that, and I… believe that you regret it."

"More than anyone will ever know. I missed out on so much. I missed out on you."

"You're coming on a little heavy-handed." But I didn't want him to stop.

"Am I? I guess so. It's just… seeing you again has… Would you like to have dinner?"

I almost dropped my bag. "Huh? Like what?"

"Food in a sit-down restaurant with people who serve us drinks."

"That is not what I meant."

"A date, maybe? A tentative chance for us to get to know each other again, as we really are."

"How about we start with coffee… Dinner is maybe a little too…"

"Coffee sounds great. Tonight?"

"I can't tonight. Tomorrow should be… ok."

"Tomorrow sounds great."

I watched him walk off before I went into the bakery. My mind was flooding with all the information I had just found out. He still liked me. I still liked him. What the actual fuck!