Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Mandy

I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I apply a layer of cherry red lipstick.

It’s been two weeks since Doc kissed me on the forehead that night when he had to go visit his mother’s long-term care facility.

There were two weeks of radio silence between us, and not a word was spoken about what happened.

Part of me wonders if he regrets it if he wishes he could take it back.

The other part of me hopes he’s just too shy or embarrassed to bring it up again.

Sighing, I put the lipstick down and fluff my curled, now brunette hair.

Why am I even overthinking this so much?

It was just a peck on the forehead, not some hot and heavy make out session.

Still, it felt intimate in a way I’m not used to, especially not with Doc.

Grabbing my purse, I head out to the living room. “Shnookums! Where are you, you little furball?” I call out in a sing-song voice.

A pathetic meow answers me, and I spot my scraggly rescue cat curled up on the couch, his patchy fur sticking up at odd angles.

The poor thing has been through hell, diagnosed with bone cancer, and only given a year to live.

That was two years ago.

Now, he spends his days hopped up on kitty painkillers, living the high life.

“Time for your meds, buddy,” I coo, scooping him up to administer the liquid medication.

He swallows it without much fuss, used to the routine by now. “That’s a good boy.”

Setting Shnookums back down gently on his favorite pillow, I head into the kitchen to check on the stuffing.

I pull the stuffing out of the oven, the savory aroma of sage and thyme wafting through my kitchen.

As I set the hot pan on the stove to cool, my mind drifts back to Doc, like it has been constantly the past couple of weeks.

“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath, realizing I almost let the last batch of stuffing burn while spacing out thinking about him again.

Get it together, Mandy.

I grab some tins and start scooping the stuffing into them to bring to the clubhouse for Thanksgiving dinner.

They’ll feed the whole rowdy Reapers Rejects crew and then some.

I check the time and curse. I still need to get dressed and go over to the clubhouse.

In my bedroom, I slip into a black lace bra and panty set, the material smooth against my skin.

Over that goes a pair of tight suede bell bottoms that hug my ass just right and a low-cut black top.

I quickly run a curling iron through my hair, creating loose, sexy waves.

Some gold jewelry and I’m ready to roll.

I stack up the tins of stuffing in insulated bags and head out to my car.

The whole drive over to the clubhouse, I can’t stop imagining how it will feel to see Doc today.

Will it be awkward?

Will he avoid me?

Or will he finally say something about that kiss and what it meant?

My heart races as I pull up to the gate, and Shiver lets me through with a nod.

I park and grab the heavy bags of food from my backseat.

Kade, one of the older members, calls out as I’m struggling to juggle the tins, “Need a hand with those, darlin’?”

I huff, blowing a strand of hair out of my face. “That’d be great, thanks.”

Kade grins and opens the clubhouse door.

“Hey, Doc! Get your ass out here,” Kade hollers inside. “Your girl needs some help!”

My stomach flips at his words—your girl.

If only.

A second later, Doc himself appears, his green eyes flashing in the sunlight as they land on me.

He jogs over and grabs the bags from my arms, his fingers grazing mine briefly. I suppress a shiver.

“Thanks,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

Orion and Fate come tearing out of the clubhouse, shrieking with laughter.

They almost run straight into us.

Kade scolds them, going into dad mode, “Hey, you two, calm your asses down!”

I chuckle as the twins ignore him completely.

“Just wait ‘til it’s Kash wreaking havoc around here soon,” I tease Doc with a smirk. “It goes by fast.”

Doc’s eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles back at me. “Let’s hope I can savor the baby stage for a while first.”

I clear my throat. “Well, we better get this food inside.”

Doc nods and leads the way, holding the door for me like a true Southern gentleman.

The delicious smells of roasting turkey and homemade pies envelop us as we step into the warm, bustling clubhouse.

My eyes can’t help but follow the lines of Doc’s broad shoulders as he carries my stuffing over to the overflowing dining table.

Things may be complicated between us right now, but damn if he isn’t a sight to behold.

I want him. I can’t deny that. Messy backstory and overprotective streak included.

But I’m terrified of messing up our friendship, this special bond we’ve formed.

He means more to me than I’m ready to admit.

Doc glances back and catches me staring.

A slow, knowing smile spreads across his face before he turns back to arranging the food.

Busted.

Heat floods my cheeks, and I busy myself saying hi to the other club members and ol’ ladies, but I can still feel the weight of Doc’s gaze on me.

It’s going to be an interesting Thanksgiving, that’s for damn sure.

I just hope I can make it through the day without jumping the man.

With the way he keeps looking at me when he thinks I don’t notice, I’m not betting on my self-control.

Only time will tell if we’ll keep dancing around this thing between us or if one of us will finally have the guts to do something about it.

“Hey, Mandy, get that stuffing out of that man’s hands and come give me a hug!” Zoe calls out, waving wildly at me from across the room where she’s perched on Spark’s lap.

I shake myself out of my overthinking spiral and flash her a grin, pushing thoughts of Doc, and that kiss aside for now.

Today’s about friends and found family, something I don’t take for granted. Everything else can wait.

“Coming, Z!” I reply, making my way through the sea of people, stuffing in hand.

As I reach them, Zoe practically tackles me in a hug, nearly spilling her drink on both of us.

I hug her back just as tightly, grateful for her presence in my life, even if she has no idea how much she means to me.

We finally release each other, both a little misty-eyed, and I turn to greet Spark, who slings an arm around my shoulders. “Bout time you showed up. Doc’s been pacing like a caged tiger waiting on you,” he teases with a wink.

I elbow him in the ribs and roll my eyes. “Shut it, you.”

I can’t help sneaking a glance at Doc, who seems engrossed in conversation with Kade and Mouser.

As if sensing my gaze, he looks over, and our eyes meet, electricity arcing between us.

I swallow hard and quickly look away, my heart thudding erratically.

Zoe watches the exchange with a knowing smirk. “Uh-huh, you just keep telling yourself there’s nothing going on there. I’ve got eyes, babe. That man wants you something fierce.”

“Can we not do this right now?” I mutter, my face heating. “All of this is complicated.”

She snorts inelegantly. “Doesn’t look that complicated to me. He wants you. You want him. Seems pretty simple.”

If only it were that easy.

She and Spark start bickering about something that’s not overly important when Damon calls everyone to eat.

The mouth-watering scents of roasted turkey and savory sides waft in the air.

My stomach rumbles in anticipation, and I gratefully seize the distraction, knowing Zoe is nowhere near done with this topic.

But it buys me a little time to get my swirling thoughts and hormones under control.

We all gather around the heavily laden table, a mishmash of folding chairs and stools, paper plates, and real china.

Kash smiles excitedly in Doc’s arms, reaching chubby hands out for the colorful dishes.

Warmth spreads through me at the sight of Doc with his son. So natural and loving.

He’s an amazing dad, even if he doesn’t always see it himself.

As if drawn by my thoughts, Doc glances up, his mossy green eyes finding mine.

A thousand unspoken words pass between us in that charged moment.

Questions and confessions, fears and desires, all tangled up in a complicated web.

I ache to unravel it all, to lay myself bare to this man who’s come to mean so much to me.

But I’m terrified of what I might find on the other side.

Doc’s lips quirk faintly, ruefully, and he inclines his head just slightly as if to say ‘later’.

I nod back minutely, both relieved and disappointed.

We’ve been dancing around this growing thing between us for weeks now, both too chickenshit to upset the delicate balance we’ve found.

I can feel us teetering on the edge, the point of no return looming closer each day.

Clearing his throat, Damon immediately silences everyone.

All eyes turn to him expectantly as he stands at the head of the table, Kat tucked into his side. “Normally, this is where I’d give a long-winded speech about brotherhood and loyalty,” he starts, his gravelly voice carrying easily. Chuckles ripple around the group. “But I figure you assholes know that already or you wouldn’t be here.”

“Damn straight!” someone calls out to raucous laughter and agreement.

Damon grins and flips them the bird before continuing. “In all seriousness though, this here,” he gestures to encompass the room, “this is what it’s all about. Not just the club or the bikes. It’s family. The ones we choose to let in, to fight for, to die for. And I’m fuckin’ thankful for each and every one of you sons of bitches. Now, let’s eat!”

A chorus of “hell yeah!” and the clatter of serving spoons signals the feast kicking into full gear.

As I load my plate with glistening turkey, creamy mashed potatoes, and the stuffing I slaved over, I can’t help but steal another glance at Doc and Kash.

Doc is attempting to juggle filling his own plate while preventing his wriggly offspring from face-planting into the cranberry sauce.

It’s adorable, and my ovaries clench at the sweet picture they make.

He must feel the weight of my stare because he looks up again, a half-smile tugging at his lips.

“Wrangling this one is like trying to herd cats,” he comments wryly, shifting a squirming Kash in his lap.

“I can take him if you want,” I offer impulsively, already setting my plate aside and reaching for the baby. “Let you actually eat a full meal with both hands for once.”

Gratitude and something deeper, more intense, flickers across Doc’s handsome face as he willingly passes Kash over to me.

Our hands brush in the exchange, calluses against soft skin, and awareness sizzles up my arms. “Thanks, sweetheart,” he murmurs, the endearment sending a shiver through me. “I owe you one.”

“Anytime,” I manage around the lump in my throat, snuggling Kash close and breathing in his sweet baby scent to center myself.

Doc’s eyes soften, and he reaches out to tuck a stray curl behind my ear, his touch lingering for just a moment too long to be casual. “You look amazing tonight,” he says quietly, holding my gaze.

There it is again, that sense of tipping over the edge into the unknown.

The air feels too thick, too charged, and I can hardly breathe past the fluttering in my stomach.

I know I need to break the intensity to step back from the brink before I do something reckless.

Like kissing this man senseless in front of God and everyone.

Kash chooses that moment to grab a fistful of my hair and shove it gleefully into his drool-slick mouth, effectively shattering the moment. “Oh no, buddy, Aunt Mandy’s hair is not for eating.” I laugh, gently untangling his chubby fingers and making silly faces at him until he shrieks with giggles.

Crisis temporarily averted, I risk a darting glance at Doc from beneath my lashes.

He’s watching us with an unreadable expression, something hungry and yearning and almost painful in its intensity.

It steals my breath, and I have to look away and focus intently on Kash.

The rest of the meal passes in a blur of laughter, conversation, and the occasional loaded moment whenever my eyes meet Doc’s across the table.

I’m hyperaware of him, every shift of his big body, every rumbling chuckle that I swear I can feel in my bones.

It’s maddening and thrilling, and I just want to crawl out of my own skin or maybe into his.

By the time the pies are reduced to crumbs, I’m relieved to escape to the bathroom for a few minutes alone to regroup.

I pass the drowsy baby off to his doting uncles, ignoring Doc’s questioning look, and shut myself in the blessedly quiet room.

Gripping the edge of the sink, I stare at my reflection, taking in my flushed cheeks and dilated eyes.

I look wrecked, and I feel it too like I’m coming apart at the seams, unraveling with pent-up wanting.

For Doc.

For something real and raw and soul-deep.

It terrifies and exhilarates me in equal measure.

“Get it together, Mandy,” I whisper harshly to myself. “He’s your friend. Don’t fuck this up.”

But even as I say the words, I know it’s futile.

Whatever this is between Doc and me, it’s bigger than friendship now.

It’s like a live wire, sparking and spitting and threatening to ignite at any moment.

We can’t go on like this, in this maddening limbo.

Something’s gotta give.

I wash the remnants of dinner off my face and straighten my clothes, trying to tamp down the unruly curls that have sprung to life in the dry heat of Nevada.

I can’t let on just how much he affects me.

I can’t afford to show weakness.

As I open the bathroom door, I can hear the low rumble of Doc’s laughter carrying from the main area.

My stomach flips, but I force myself to school my features into a mask of indifference.

I can do this.

I can be just friends with Doc.

I have to be.

His green eyes meet mine, full of concern. “Hey, you okay?”

Fuck, he’s too perceptive.

Damn him for always seeing right through me.

“Yeah,” I manage to croak out, clearing my throat. “Just needed a second. You know how it is.”

He nods, but I know he doesn’t buy it.

The rest of the night passes by in a blur.

We watch some mind-numbing zombie flick on one of the couches in the main area, both of us careful not to touch more than necessary.

I focus on the screen, trying to ignore the way my body aches for his touch, for his hands on my skin, but soon enough, sleep takes me.