Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Doc

Watching this movie has suddenly made me exhausted.

Meanwhile, Mandy was able to get a cat nap while a few of us got through the damn thing.

She stirs awake, and I shoot her a smile. “Mornin’ darlin’.”

She blinks a few times and rubs her eyes. “Fuck, what time is it? Is the movie over?”

Nodding, I confirm, “Yeah, just ended a few minutes ago.”

Mandy yawns and stretches as she gets off the couch. “I’ll be back in a few.”

Sure enough, she is. I guess she went to go freshen up or something.

She comes back over next to me and pops a squat.

“So Mandy,” Shiver says from one of the other couches, leaning forward on his elbows, “I gotta say, that last video you posted was hot as hell. You and Zoe really know how to put on a show.”

He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

I stiffen, my grip tightening on the remote.

I arch a brow at Shiver’s comment. “You subscribe to her content?”

Shiver smirks, his eyes flicking between Mandy and Zoe. “Oh yeah, there’s some good shit in there.” He chuckles low and dirty. “That last video was hot as all hell.”

The thought of Shiver, of any of my brothers, jerking off to Mandy makes me want to put my fist through a fucking wall. I know it’s her job, I know it ain’t my place, but fuck if I can make the feeling go away.

I force myself to take a slow, even breath. “That so?” I grind out through my teeth.

Shiver seems oblivious to the rage simmering under my skin. He grins, all cocky-like. “Damn straight. Your girl knows how to put on a show. Wouldn’t mind having a piece of that action myself, if you know what I mean.” He winks at Mandy.

White hot fury explodes behind my eyes.

Before I even realize what I’m doing, I’m halfway out of my seat, ready to choke the shit out of him.

But Mandy’s hand on my thigh stops me cold. “Doc,” she says quietly, a warning in her voice.

It’s like a bucket of ice water dumped over my head.

I slowly sink back down, struggling to regain control.

I can’t fucking lose it, not here, not now.

But I want to. God, I want to.

Shiver finally seems to clue in that he’s misstepped.

He holds up his hands in mock surrender. “Whoa, hey, just paying the lady a compliment! Didn’t mean nothing by it.”

“Then watch your fucking mouth,” I snarl under my breath. “That’s not how you talk about her. Any of them.”

My blood’s still boiling, my chest heaving with barely leashed aggression.

The dark, ugly thing inside me rattles its cage, hungry to break free.

To stake its claim on Mandy in front of everyone, consequences be damned.

But I wrestle it back and shove it down deep where it belongs.

Imagining my brother getting off to Mandy sends a surge of possessive jealousy through my veins.

I don’t want any of them seeing her like that, picturing what they’d do to her perfect curves.

She’s so much more than a piece of ass.

“Shit, man, I didn’t mean nothin’ bad by it.” Shiver smirks. “Cut me a break, will ya?”

Mandy shifts and grabs the beer in my other hand, taking a big swig of it, clearly eager for us to change the subject.

I open my mouth, ready to tell Shiver to shut the fuck up when Dixon jumps in. “Jalen had a hell of a game last week. Coach says he could make varsity as a freshman if he keeps it up.”

“Boy’s a natural,” Indra adds proudly. “Get used to seeing his jersey at the top of the leaderboards.”

The conversation drifts to football and everyone’s plans for the holidays.

Crisis averted, for now at least.

But I put the remote down and wrap my arm around Mandy’s shoulders, offering her some reassurance.

She doesn’t pull away.

“I should go check on Kash,” I say reluctantly, not wanting to leave her side but knowing I need to peek in on my boy.

He’s been out cold for a couple hours now.

Ivy waves me off from across the room, where she’s pouring another round. “I got him, Doc, don’t worry. You two go on and enjoy yourselves for a bit. I’m not taking no for an answer,” she adds when Mandy opens her mouth.

Ivy winks at us over the bottle of Jack.

I chuckle and stand, holding a hand out to Mandy. “You heard the lady. Let’s go get some air.”

Mandy hesitates a second before taking my hand and letting me pull her to her feet. Her skin is soft and warm against mine. “I need a drink first.”

“Well, come on then, darlin’. I know where Dixon keeps the good stuff.” I lead her over to the bar, reluctantly dropping her hand so I can duck behind it and grab a bottle of eighteen-year-old Macallan scotch and two tumblers.

Mandy watches appreciatively as I pour each of us a few fingers worth.

We clink glasses and head out the back door onto the small deck. The cool evening air greets us.

Stars glitter overhead, bright against the inky sky.

Music and voices filter out from inside, but it’s muted as if we’re in our own little bubble out here.

Mandy takes a sip of her drink. “It’s a nice night.”

The amber liquid clings to her plush bottom lip for a second before her tongue darts out to lick it away.

I swallow hard.

“Sure is.”

I lean my forearms on the rough wood railing, glass dangling between my fingers, and turn to study her. “You warm enough?”

She mirrors my pose, her arm brushing mine. “I’m good, thanks.”

We both take a drink, savoring the slow burn sliding down our throats.

Crickets chirp in the grass.

I’m hyper-aware of every breath she takes and every shift of her weight from foot to foot.

“So . . . about the other day,” Mandy says after a few charged moments, “when you kissed my forehead. What was that all about?”

Even in the low light spilling from the clubhouse windows, I can make out the furrow between her brows and the uncertainty in her hazel eyes as she gazes up at me.

My heart thuds against my rib cage. “Guess I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you, ‘specially with Kash and all. You’ve really stepped up, Mandy. More than you had to.”

She shrugs and looks down into her glass, hair falling to hide her expression. “It’s nothing. You needed help, so.”

“Nah, that ain’t nothing. Most people wouldn’t bother.” I reach over to tuck some hair behind her ear, letting my fingers linger on her jaw to tip her chin up until she meets my eyes again. “Why’d you do it?” I ask softly.

Mandy’s throat bobs as she swallows.

A self-deprecating little laugh escapes her. “Honestly? I’ve never had anyone really be there for me, not like you are for Kash. Guess a part of me just wants to know what that feels like.”

“What do you mean?” I frown, not liking the pain that flashes across her face.

Makes me want to hunt down whoever put it there and beat their ass.

She sighs and turns to stare out at the dark tree line, worrying her lip between her teeth. “My mom was a junkie, in and out of rehab more times than I can count. Dad took off before I was even born. Then she shacked up with my stepdad, who was a mean drunk. Always throwing things, screaming, gambling away what little money we had. Not exactly a stable home life, you know?”

“Shit, Mandy. I’m so sorry.” I ache to reach for her, to pull her into my arms and hold her close.

To shield her from all that ugliness.

But I don’t want to spook her, so I keep still even though it kills me. “You deserved so much better than that.”

“Yeah, well. Can’t change the past.” She shrugs like it doesn’t matter, even though I can tell it does.

It matters a whole fucking lot. “What about you? An all-American upbringing with a picket fence?”

I snort out a laugh. “Hardly. Sperm donor was never around, and Ma . . . she was in a bad wreck when I was sixteen. Traumatic brain injury. Docs say she’s got anterograde amnesia, like Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates , yeah? She makes new memories for a bit, but then they just disappear, and she resets back to the day of the accident. Still thinks I’m some skinny kid.”

“God, Doc, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.” Mandy’s hand finds mine on the railing, her fingers curling around and holding tight. An anchor in the dark. “I can’t imagine how hard that must be.”

“Was at first,” I admit, thumb rubbing over her knuckles. “But I graduated early and enlisted, and I made sure she was set up in a good facility with the benefits I got. She’s taken care of, even if I can’t fix her.”

Mandy squeezes my hand. “She’s lucky to have you. Kash too. You’re a good man.”

Nobody’s ever said those words to me before. I have to blink a few times to clear the sudden thickness from my throat. “Just doing what I gotta.”

God, she’s stunning on the inside and out.

A diamond in a sea of coal.

And I’m just the poor schmuck lucky enough to bask in her glow, even if I’ll never truly have her.

Not the way I’m starting to realize how badly I want her.

I’ll take what I can get.

Her friendship, her presence in my life, in Kash’s life.

It’s more than I deserve.

More than I ever thought I’d ever have.

I suck in a deep breath and tell myself I have to stop being such a possessive prick.

Mandy’s not a damn doll to stick on a shelf.

She’s a living, breathing person.

Who she shares her body with, on camera or off, is her choice.

It’s not mine.

Even if the mere thought of another man seeing her the way I have makes me want to put my fist through a wall.

The primal, caveman part of my brain roars in outrage at the idea.

But I don’t have that right.

I’m not hers, and she sure as shit ain’t mine . . . no matter how badly I’m starting to wish things were different.

A wry smile tugs at my mouth. “Mandy, would you have wanted me to kiss you somewhere else?”

She huffs out a laugh, shaking her head. “You’re impossible.”

But there’s no heat in her words, only fond exasperation.

I lick my lips, staring directly at her. “In all seriousness, though . . . I truly mean this. You’ve been amazing with Kash, and with me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Something flickers in her hazel eyes—something soft and warm that makes my heart stutter in my chest. “I care about you, Doc. Both of you. You’re family now.”

Family.

The word wraps around me like a balm, soothing the ragged edges of my battered soul.

Before I can second guess myself, I set my glass down on the railing and step closer, crowding into her space.

Her breath hitches, her eyes widening as I cup her face in my hands. “What if I want more than that, Mandy? What if I want everything with you?”

I swallow hard, my heart hammering against my ribs as I search her face for any sign of rejection or disgust.

But all I see is surprise . . . and maybe a flicker of hope?

She whispers, her voice barely audible over the distant sounds of laughter and music drifting out from the clubhouse. “Everything?”

I nod, my thumb brushing over the swell of her bottom lip. “Everything,” I confirm roughly. “I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with you in my arms. I want . . . Fuck, Mandy, I just want you .”

She sucks in a shaky breath, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “I—I don’t know what to say . . .”

“You don’t have to say anything,” I assure her quickly, suddenly terrified that I’ve pushed too far, too fast. “You can count on me,” I tell her fiercely, squeezing her fingers for emphasis. “I’m not going anywhere, Mandy. I promise.”

She searches my face for a long moment as if trying to gauge my sincerity.

Whatever she sees there must satisfy her because she nods slowly, a tentative smile curving her lips.

“Okay,” she whispers, stepping into the circle of my arms and winding her own around my waist. “I trust you, Doc. With my heart and my life.”

I crush her to me, burying my face in her hair as a wave of fierce possessiveness crashes over me.

This woman is mine now, body and soul, and God help anyone who tries to come between us.

Her gaze drops to my lips and lingers there, the air between us suddenly charged with unspoken longing.

Before I can second guess myself, I tell her we have plans this weekend. “You’re coming out with me on Saturday night. We’ll go hit up a bar, shoot some pool, and have some fun together. Just the two of us.”

She blinks at me for a second, clearly caught off guard.

A bedazzling smile spreads across her face, her eyes sparkling with pleasure and something that looks a hell of a lot like relief.

“Yeah, Doc. I’d like that. I’d like that a whole lot,” she says softly, threading her fingers through mine and squeezing like she never wants to let go.

I tug her closer, slinging my other arm around her shoulders as we turn to head back inside the clubhouse. “All right then, darlin’. It’s a date. Think you can handle keeping up with me?”

Mandy tosses her head back and laughs, the joyous, uninhibited sound arrowing straight to my heart and my groin. “Oh, baby, trust me—it’s you who better worry about keeping up with me. I’m gonna rock your world six ways from Sunday. Just wait.”

I chuckle and press an affectionate kiss to her temple. “Looking forward to every second of it, beautiful. Every damn second.”

For the first time in longer than I can remember, I find myself actually meaning those words.

Actually excited to see what the future might hold, so long as Mandy’s right there by my side to share it with me.