Chapter 22

Kennedy – Four Days Later

I slowly rubthe tip of my finger around the glass of my cola, watching Lucas at the bar as Noah runs near him. He and April are the only two that make him smile.

It"s the club"s family BBQ to celebrate Lucas being back, even though he"s not participating.

The brothers are concerned. They begged and pleaded with Tats when he tried to hand in his cut, the old timers and their old ladies treating him like crap because of who his birth mother was, but they know with Lucas that isn"t going to work.

He's cut everyone off, not even even bothering to tell me about my parents' deaths, Snake doing the honors.

My parents are dead. The autopsy stated my father was already dead before their house blew up, and my momma, they were not 100% sure because her blood was full of cocaine. There was a gas leak, and the place went up in flames. It doesn"t surprise me that it was the same night Lucas "needed a little time." He knew they hurt me, and where that man is concerned, he"s already proven he"ll kill for me. Whether they are my parents is irrelevant. They hurt me, so he hurt them.

A part of me is sad, but only because I"m now an orphan, but then, I always was, to be fair. I guess I"m just sad because I never had an actual family with them.

"How are you doing, cuz?" Alex asks as he sits next to me in the back of the common room.

I keep my eyes on Lucas as he takes a drink, and I whisper, "Not good."

He hums and rasps, "Forget about all the hurt and pain, the lies and secrecy. If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?"

I half smile, my eyes tearing up as I say, "Lucas."

He nods. "You"ve both hurt each other?—"

I cut in, "He made me believe I was the other woman, claimed someone else to protect me. Me, though, I didn"t give him the chance to hold his daughter before cremating her. I"m pretty sure I win if there"s a contest in causing the most pain." I shake my head. "I read another letter last night, trying to wait for him to come home; I fell asleep sobbing."

He leans forward and asks, "What did it say, darling?"

I wipe away a few tears and whisper, the words cemented in my mind, "My dearest Pixie, you called me again today, and you sounded upset but still wouldn"t talk to me. I"m breaking, baby, I can feel myself falling, and I don"t think I have the strength to lift myself back up again. What is the point of life when you"re not here with me? Come home, Pixie, come home to me, help me live again, help me with your strength. I love you, your Lucas."

Alex drops his head and rasps, "Fuck."

I nod and say, "He hasn"t spoken to me in four days. He said he needed time with our daughter, but then he returned with all of my stuff and stated I now lived with him, and then that was it. He hasn"t spoken to me. He hasn"t spoken to Aunt Shelly…."

Alex says, "We didn"t mean to, darling, but we all took sides. Momma and I stood by you with the brothers, while Dad stood by everyone. We didn"t know why he picked Prue or made the choices he did, especially when he knew if she was pregnant, it most likely wasn"t his, and by the time we did…. Well, it was too late. We knew his character, yet none of us questioned him. He never kissed or held her; he only stuck up for her when Lola opened her mouth, and that was only because she wore his cut. To disrespect an old lady, you disrespect the brother."

I sniffle as Sniper sits next to me. I whisper, "I felt so mad at him for so long, but when he told me the truth, it was like a switch flipped…my emotions and feelings, and I didn"t know how to feel about it. I didn"t know how to handle it, and then my guilt weighed on me. I think I subconsciously punished him by not telling him about Layla, and nowbecauseof me, Crow won"t speak to Aunt Shelly."

He"s been sleeping at the club. Even now, they"re both here, but he"s ignoring her while she looks at him with longing, and looks at Lucas with guilt. That"s my fault.

Sniper grips my hand on the table, and I look at him, his eyes showing concern as he whispers, "He"ll forgive you, Ken. You and him, you"re meant to be. You just have to get through all the hurt first. And Crow and Shell will be alright. While Doc hurts, his dad hurts, sojust give them time. It"s not your fault she kept your secret, darling; she could have told Crow any time but chose not to. That"s not on you, it"son her."

I nod knowing he's right, before I notice a sliver of silver as I look at hishands.I ask,"Um, Sniper, why are you wearing a wedding band?"

Alex chokes on his drink, making Sniper snort, and I grin as Alex hits his chest, coughing.

"You"re supposed to swallow, not choke, Breaker,"Bull says loudly, and Lola shouts, "That"s what she said,"making the brothers groan and the women laugh. I grin wide before I lock eyes with Lucas, and everyone else fades. I feel like I barely see him. He let go of my apartment, informing the hospital we live together, yet I never see him.He"sworking all hours, and I try to reason with myself that he"s just catching up, but I know he"s avoiding the club and me.

And while he"s avoiding, I can"t kick his butt for having the hospital let go of my apartment.

Maybe I need to take a leaf out of Lola's book and set loose some animals in his room here. Maybe rats….

My eyes tear up when Lucas turns away from me.

Sniper rasps, "I got married to a woman I"ve fallen madly in love with, but she doesn"t know I"m a part of an MC. She hates them, and I, well, I really fucking wanted her."

My eyes widen as I look at him in shock.

Alex chuckles. "Fuck, you're in trouble if your momma finds out. Snake eloped, and now you."

My mouth gapes before I snap it shut and state,"Never mind his momma; if his wife finds out, the man is never going to be able to have children."Alex hums in agreement as Sniper groans, making me chuckle and ask,"Are you happy?"

He smiles, wrapping his arm around me, and whispers,"So fucking happy."

I nod."Right now, that"s all that matters."

He nods before we all look toward Lucas again. He"s hunched over the bar with a glass of whiskey in his fist.

"I miss my friend,"Alex whispers, causing Sniper to sigh.

He states,"It was his daughter, Breaker. I get he hurt Ken; we were all fucking angry at him for it, but you can"t sit there and tell me you didn"t feel like something wasn"t right with the situation. We all knew he loved her growing up, but Crow refused for us to get involved, wanting them to come together by themselves. His choosing Prue didn"t sit right with any of us, but we were all too fucking angry to question him, to understand why…."He shakes his head, and I wipe my tears as he continues, "He didn"t get to hold his daughter or say goodbye to her. Right now, he just needs some time. He"s moved Ken in without asking her, so he"s not giving up. He just needs time to breathe."

Alex shakes his head. "I just wish he"d fucking hit me so we can fight it out and get back to where we were."

Sniper nods. "He"ll get there."

I go to speak, to ask what I can do, but I hear her voice, and my veins fill with ice.

"Doc, baby, you"re finally home, and you didn"t come to see me?"she whines, and I look her way. She is wearing a mini black skirt and a crop top that can be classed as a bra, her stripper heels clicking against the hardwood floor.

She"s wearing his cut.

Damn…. And there's that pain shooting through my chest.

She goes to run her hand over his broad shoulders, but before she can make contact, he grips it, and then stands. Tech and Smokey are standing behind him, smirking.

I furrow my brows, wondering what"s happening as she cries, "Baby, that hurts."

He looks at her coldly before wrapping his other hand around her throat, squeezing it, causing her eyes to widen as Sarah ushers the kids into the kitchen.

Into the quiet clubhouse, he rasps, "Guess what, Starlight,"she flinches at him using her stage name, "not only did we find out the truth where the so-called baby was concerned, but guess what I found…."He leans forward as she sobs. "The flash drive."

She freezes, and my body sags in relief, realizing it's finally over, we can finally move forward.

He growls lowly,"You have twenty-four hours to get out of town; fucking run, because if I catch you,"he sneers at her as she gasps for air, "then I"ll fucking kill you."

With that said, he grabs his knife from his belt and slices through the leather cut, making her scream in terror as it falls to the floor. He shoves her hard, causing her to fall on the floor, crying out. She looks around the room, her eyes pleading for help, but no one moves. Everyone glares at her before she scrambles to get up and runs out of the club, tripping several times in the process.

I look back at Lucas and see him breathing hard, glaring at the door as Smokey holds his arm, whispering in his ear. He shakes his head, pulls out of Snake's hold, and walks to the backdoor. I realize then that we can't move forward yet.

I can"t cope with the silence anymore, and I can"t let him give up.

I get up and run after him. I hear a chairs scrape, and I know Alex is following. I notice Crow and Aunt Shelly both following as well as I rush out the door and look around the back yard to see him near the gate, about to go through it.

"So that"s it, huh? A year of letters expressing your pain, and you"re now giving up on me?"I shout, causing him to stop, his hand gripping the gate, and I state loudly,"Four days, and you"ve said nothing to me, Lucas. You hurt me, you made me think I was the other woman, and now, after having to deal with her and her blackmailing, you"re giving up after I finally had the courage to tell you everything?"

He shakes his head and turns to me, growling, "I"m not fucking giving up Kennedy; I"m trying to get through the pain without taking my anger out on you!"

I nod, biting my bottom lip, before holding my arms out and saying, " Take your anger out on me, Lucas." He shakes his head as I drop my arms, but I continue; I goad him into letting it out, knowing it"s going to hurt, but it"s needed.

Yes, he hurt me, but I didn"t let him say goodbye, and until he finally lets it all out, he'll be lost to us. Not just me, his dad, Aunt Shelly, and Alex, but also the brothers.

"I ran from you. I didn"t give you a chance to explain. I had found out I was pregnant but refused to tell you, using her as the excuse when I knew I couldn"t handle the pain of rejection again. I gave birth to our daughter, I cremated her, I tried to kill myself, and then, when you opened your heart up when you told me the truth and gave me all those letters full of your pain, I locked you out again."

He shakes his head, hurt, anger, and sheer agony showing through those green eyes of his.

"Stop,Kennedy."

But I don"t. I continue, trying not to flinch at him calling me my full name. "I pushed you away, I kept you from saying goodbye, from mourning our daughter. I spoke to others instead of you, I leaned on others instead of you."

"Stop it, Pixie!"he shouts.

I shake my head. "I started seeing someone else to get over you, I let him hold my hand and kiss me…."

And that does it as his face reddens before his foot connects with the bench near him. His foot tears through it and I cry as he finally lets loose. He grabs the bat near the wall and starts to hit the bench over and over; pieces of wood flying everywhere.

I hear sobs behind me. Lola"s. "Dad, Breaker, do something please."But the men don"t stop him, knowing he needs to release this anger somehow.

"Fuck…."I hear Sniper rasp, but he doesn"t get in the way, either. They allow Lucas to get his anger out.

He throws the bat, points at me, breathing heavily, and snaps,"How could you? How fucking could you, Kennedy! She was my daughter, too. It didn"t matter if what Prue and I had was real or not; you had no right to keep that moment from me. No fucking right!"

He shakes his head before gripping his head, then kneels, screaming in pain. Aunt Shelly and Lola sob behind me as I fist my hands at my sides, hating this pain he has to go through in order to move forward, hating that I was the cause of this.

"Why, w-why, Pixie?"he sobs, and I run over to him as he continues, "I fucking love you so-so much…. Why did you do this? Why did you have to punish me this way?"

Because I"m my mother"s daughter….

I wrap my arms around his head, sobbing, "I"m sorry, Lucas…."