Chapter 23

Doc

My Pixie holdsme tight as we sob in the club"s backyard. The pain of not seeing her, not being able to hold my little girl, kills me slowly.

So much pain….

She didn"t realize it, but she was punishing me for my decisions in not letting me know, and Breaker and a woman I thought of as my momma doing the same.

They all punished me when I was trying to protect her, even after finding out the truth, they continued to punish me.

"Please, forgive me, Lucas, please…. I"m so sorry…" she pleads, holding me tighter, and I just sob, not giving a shit about our audience.

My daughter, my fucking daughter….

"I"m so sorry…. Please, I"m so sorry…" she sobs over and over, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her to me, making her cry harder.

I love her with everything that I am, that"s why I"ve moved her in. I don"t want to give up on us; I want to fight just like I have all this time, but my pain, the hurt, is killing me. I feel like I can"t breathe.

She tried to kill herself, and I wasn"t there for her.

She gave birth, and I wasn"t there.

She got to hold our little girl, mourn and say goodbye, while I suffered without the knowledge of her existence.

I blame myself, I blame my actions, I blame Breaker and Momma, I blame that selfish bitch, and I blame Kennedy.

I put my face into the crook of her neck, feeling at home with her in my arms.

I hear Snake rasp, "Let"s give them some privacy. Everyone back inside now. Shelly, Lola, move, please."

"But-but…"Momma stutters, but Snake cuts her off.

"No. Only one person will make sure he stays, and that"s her. They need to talk this out now that it"s not so raw. Inside."

I hear the back door shut but I don"t look up, keeping my face on my girl"s neck as she holds me tightly. She"s straddling my legs from where I sit on my knees, my arms tightly around her, and I don"t want to move.

I want all the pain to go, to hold her tight and never let go.

"You protected me, and I threw it in your face…. I'm so sorry, Lucas,"she mumbles against my neck, and I squeeze her tighter.

"You thought I made you the other woman, you thought I claimed her out of love,"I rasp back, refusing to let her blame herself for everything.

She sniffles."Apart of me knew, though, Lucas. I knew your character, the love you felt for me, and the weight of the promise you made."

I sigh and lift my head, causing her to move, before I place my forehead against hers, and whisper, "You hurt blinded you, Pixie."

Her tears fall as her hands go to my stubbled cheeks, her thumb gently rubbing against my jaw.

She admits, "I was scared you were going to blame me."I furrow my brows in confusion, and she sobs. "I thought it was my fault that her heart stopped, and I-I thought you would blame me. I punished you for something you did to protect me because I buried that man to save you, to protect you. I pushed you away because my hurt was destroying you, and I thought you"d blame me. I"ll never forgive myself for this."

I hold her tighter and murmur,"You didn"t know, Pixie. How you felt, it was warranted. I should have just told you the truth. I should have gone after you after I realized where you went and explained, and I"m so fucking sorry I never did. I love you, Kennedy Gray, Ilove you so much, and our daughter…. We both know these things can happen. It wasn"t your fault, baby."

She lets out a sob, then kisses me, and I instantly melt. I press my lips to hers, then break the kiss before I rasp, "Let"s go home, baby."

She nods but makes no movement to climb off me, making me chuckle and shake my head. She grins wide, her whole face lighting up, making my heart soar.

I command,"Wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my waist."

She does as instructed, then I use all my strength to stand with her in my arms. She gasps, tightening around me like a koala, and I place one hand on her back andanother on her ass, and go to the gate, open it, then walk out, heading home.

Ten minutes later,I"mgently laying her on our bed. I go to stand up, but she grips my shirt, making me chuckle. She brings me chest to chest with her, her legs tightening around my waist to keep me with her.

I lean my face down and gently kiss her. "I was just going to run us a bath."

Her eyes soften as she nods then disentangles herself from me. She kisses me again, and I smile before getting up and heading to our en-suite. I put her favorite bath bombs in the large tub and run the water, making sure it"s not too hot. Once it"s ready, I head to the bedroom to grab her but stop in the doorway to see she"s looking in the box full of letters—my letters.

"Youstill have them?"I ask while removing my cut and hanging it up. She looks at me and smiles before looking down at the pile in the box, gently skimming each one.

"Of course. I"ve only managed to read half of them so far."

My brows hit my hairline in shock.

"You haven"t read them all?"I ask as I remove my shirt and throw it in the hamper. Then, I toe off my boots, and undo my jeans.

She doesn"t look up; she just shakes her head. "I started reading them randomly, only managing maybe three in a day before I fell apart. I think I"ve only read two consecutive letters once, and that was because I told Alex that you wanted me to try and move on. He bet his bike that you took the words back in the next letter."

I chuckle. I remember I crashed my bike hard that night, regretting what I wrote, then silently kicked my own ass when I realized I could have just torn the letter up, but I promised myself and my father to show her the bad and the ugly with my pain.

She looks up as I walk over to her in only my boxers. Biting her bottom lip, her eyes take in my tanned, tatted body.

I smirk and tease,"My eyes are up here, Pixie,"making her narrow her eyes at me, and I chuckle again. Gently, I take the box from her hands, place it on the nightstand, and command,"Arms up, baby."

She listens, her eyes locking with mine as I remove her tank top, throwing it toward the hamper, before unhooking her bra. Her beautiful tits pop free, and yes, my dick likes the look of them.It"sbeen too long without her, and the tip weeps with precum, wetting the front of my boxers, but I ignore it as I stand and remove them. My cock springs free as my eyes go to her tattoo, a tattoo I now know is for our daughter, making me swallow hard before I help her up.

Gently, I undo her jeans, and slowly glide them and her panties down her legs. I throw them across the room, and then lean forward, gently pressing my lips against her pubic bone, then her belly, where my daughter grew for a little while. Then, I move between her tits, skimming my lips against her skin all the way up to her neck, before gently placing my lips against hers.

Pulling back, I smile as I grip her hips and lift her, causing her to wrap her legs around my waist, her arms around my neck, her fingers threading through my hair at the nape of my neck, and I walk us to the bathroom and climb into the large tub. I sit with her in my arms, the water swishing around us as I lay back, bringing her with me. My cock nudges her entrance, and she slowly glides down on me, taking me inside of her, before placing her face into the crook of my neck.

I glide my fingers up and down her spine, not moving my hips, much to my cock's annoyance, as she lays on me. Simply connected.

"I love you, Lucas,"she whispers. I hold her tighter, those words coming out of her mouth set my body on fire, my heart skips a beat. But I let her speak, knowing she needs this, that we need this. "When I watched you walk into the club with her in your cut, your arm around her, I felt like I couldn"t breathe. My whole world crumbled around me that day."

I sigh and admit,"Dad and I were trying to find the extra footage for two weeks. I didn"t know about the trauma your mother caused or the fact the bitch was following you, and would have seen your parent"s treatment of you. All I could think about was protecting you and saving your future like you thought you were doing for me." I press my nose to the top of her head and inhale. "I knew she wasn"t pregnant. She used it as a way to have me, but when it didn"t work, when I refused to hand her my cut and demanded a pregnancy test, she brought out the footage, and I fucking panicked."

She presses her nose harder against my neck and whispers, "There"s so much hurt between us. We both tried to protect the other, and then I-I hurt you badly. I didn"t let you say goodbye, and I"ll forever be guilty about that, but I just, please, don"t give up on us. I finally came home to you, I finally had the courage to tell you everything, so please don"t give up on me now. Please don"t leave your family…."

I squeeze my eyes tight, hold my girl tighter, and whisper, "I haven"t given up on you, Pixie; I moved you in. I just needed time to try and get my anger out. I didn"t want to take it out on you because, at the end of the day, whether you forgot my character and the love I had for you, the promising I made…out of my own hurt I still hurt you. For a while, your pain clouded everything, and you thought I made you the other woman; you thought I lied to you, and I know it was what I needed to do to keep you safe, but you still got hurt. I refuse to put my anger on you when your hurt is warranted."

She sobs. "I don"t want to lose you now that I"ve managed to bring myself back to you."

I kiss her head. "You"ve not lost me, Ken. I promise. Just give me some time, baby…."

She nods before gently kissing my neck, making my dick twitch inside her. She sits up a little, her hands gripping my hair tighter as her chest presses against mine, and she rasps, "I have a truth for you."

I hum, gently running my hands over her hips, loving that she"s here right now, with me in my arms, despite all the hurt and pain. "And what"s that, my Pixie?"

She smiles, gently rubbing her nose against mine, and then whispers,"You are the only person I have ever been with."

I lean my head back in shock, my eyes widening, and I rasp, "Really?"making her nod. My heart pounds at the truth that shines back at me in her beautiful dark green eyes, and relief hits me hard. I know she"s not my only, but she has been since that night I slipped inside her and made her mine.

She is all I"ve ever wanted.

Peace washes over me, knowing she"s all mine. I lean forward, gently run my nose against the column of her neck, and growl,"Ride me, baby…."

Her cunt squeezes my cock in anticipation, making me groan at how tight she is around me. She slowly moves her hips up then down, swiveling, ensuring my pelvis hits her clit, making her gasp. She moves faster, and the water is going all over the floor.

I grip the back of her hair, bring her face toward mine, and murmur, "I love you, my Pixie,"then place my lips against hers. I push my tongue into her mouth, tangling it with hers as her hips move faster, her cunt squeezing me, my right hand gently pulling at her nipples.

I groan against her lips. "That"s it Pixie, give it to me."Her cunt flutters and she throws her head back and moans as her orgasm washes over her, her cunt strangling and pulsing around my cock. I kiss her neck, sucking hard, marking her as I thrust my hips up into her once, twice, three times before holding her down on me, coming inside her, painting her walls with my seed.

Her arms tighten around my neck, her lips on mine, and I hold her close to me, relishing the feel of her around me.

Fuck, I"ve missed my girl so much.

An hour later, Kennedy lays half on top of me, her arm wrapped over my shoulder, across my chest, her hand resting in my hair at my nape as I run my fingers up and down her spine as she sleeps. My phone buzzes. I quickly grab it without waking her, her arm tightening around me at the slight movement, and I quickly answer it.

"Yeah?"I question.

"How are you doing, kid?"my dad asks, and I sigh.

"Dad, I"m not a kid anymore."

He hums and says,"Still my kid."

I chuckle a little. It"s the same thing each time he calls me.

"I"mstruggling, Dad,"I admit. "I love her so much, and I know I won"t let her go. I need her like I need air to breathe, but there is so much hurt between us. How do we get over it?"

He"s quiet momentarily before he whispers,"By holding each other tightly and not letting go. You hurt her to protect her, she hurt you to try and save her heart.You"velost your daughter, and for her, she"s been trying to figure out how to tell you, and your grieving has just started. She knows this, son. She"s allowing you to get your hurt and anger out so you both can try and move forward, to heal together. She allowed you to take your anger out on her, knowing you needed the release."

My eyes fill with unshed tears as I hold Kennedy tighter and rasp,"We have the urn here. I, uh, I want to bury her with her great uncle, to help the process. I, uh, I want to make a necklace with some of the ashes first, though, for Kennedy. Can you help me, Dad?"

"You bet your ass I"ll help you, son. I won"t lose you, and you won"t lose Kennedy. We"ll all get through this, I promise."

I slowly close my eyes, squeezing them tight, hoping he"s right. But he can"t see the future, can he?