Chapter 21

Doc

I swallowhard as I watch Phil let Kennedy through the gates. He grins wide when he sees me, and I put my hand up as I drive through. I notice my sister and dad near her car as Kennedy passes them. They both wave before looking my way. My dad"s body physically relaxes, while Lola looks at where Kennedy is driving, and her eyes light up on me.

I put my hand up to them, my dad getting his phone out, most likely to inform everyone I"m back and tell them to give us some space. Then, I follow Kennedy back to my place.

Dad mentioned that Momma was airing it out daily, so it wouldn"t smell, at least.

Kennedy pulls in front of the garage, and I park next to her but stay on my bike for a moment, letting her climb out of her car. I"ve done a lot of thinking over the past five weeks. We"d sorted out the rats within two weeks and the rest, well, I just needed some time to get my head straight.

I"ve needed the time to accept that she"s most likely still with the guy she"s seeing, and that we may never have our chance together. It kills me, but I"ve realized I need to let her live her life, even if it isn"t with me.

I hurt her so fucking much that not even my letters, which were full of pain, convinced her to call me.

Sighing, I climb off my bike and walk toward her where she"s waiting near the front door.

Fuck she"s beautiful. Her hair is now down instead of up in the bun she had, and she"s still in her scrubs, but she"s gorgeous. She always has been, and my cock definitely likes what he sees.

I silently tell him to stand down as I walk past her and unlock the door, before opening it to allow her in first. I shut and lock it again, knowing we need to get everything out without interruptions.

So much fucking hurt and pain, and I"ve barely slept…. Fuck this is going to be shit.

I walk into the living area to see she"s looking at the photo of her and me or her eighteenth birthday as I throw my keys on the table near the doorway.

"I remember this day," she rasps. "I was hoping you"d kiss me again like you did on my sixteenth."

I smile at that and reply, "I did. You were just too drunk by that point; you were babbling, and I didn"t know what to do, so I planted one on you. You threw up straight after. Pretty sure Lola was grounded for a month for spiking your drinks."

She snorts, shaking her head, before turning toward me, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"I-I don"t know where to start," she stutters, and I sigh, running a hand through my hair.

I say, "Wherever you like, Pixie."

She nods, twisting her fingers nervously, before slowly walking over to me. I bite my bottom lip, wondering what she"s doing. Suddenly, I'm kneeling, my hands going to my violated balls.

"Fuuuuuck…." I gasp, my eyes watering.

"That is for making her your old lady, then announcing it to everyone in front of me, blindsiding me!"

I cough but nod at her words.

"Fuck, I think you kicked my balls into my throat." I groan.

She snorts, her figure moving away from me as she says, "We both know that"s medically impossible."

I blink back the tears and rasp, "I don"t know about that, Ken. Right now, it feels possible."

She snorts again as I slowly stand, wincing at the pain.

When I look up into her beautiful eyes, I notice they are full of tears again, and she whispers, "I didn"t want to go no contact these past few months."

I place my hands on my hip, breathing hard, trying to ignore the pain in my balls, and ask, "Why did you, then?"

Her tears fall. "I-I needed to try and get my head sorted. You-you hurt me a lot, and instead of questioning you, I ran away. I knew your character, I knew your heart, but my hurt clouded over, and whenthe veil was shifted, I felt like I couldn"t breathe knowing the pain you went through. But I was also angry, so angry because you never gave me a chance. You had made your mind up to make me believe you were with her. You gave her your cut when all you had to do was tell me the truth. I would have been able to explain where my mother keeps things hidden, where she always keeps them hidden—behind the toilet—and all this could have been avoided." She shakes her head as her tears fall. My heart hurts seeing them. "…and then I-I felt guilty."

My eyes soften at her words before I tilt my head in confusion and ask, "Why would you feel guilty?"

She sobs, her hand going to her mouth as she rasps, "I had our daughter."

My whole world tilts.

Daughter….

I have a daughter….

I look at her, and absolute agony oozes off her. She said she had not have….

No.

"I-I was twenty weeks when they couldn"t find a heartbeat."

I squeeze my eyes shut. Please, no….

"I gave birth to her a few days later, then I had her cremated." My breaths come out short, dizziness taking over as she continues, tearing me apart, "and then I tried to kill myself, swallowing several pills. Alex had found me just in time."

I fall to the floor, my head in my hands, and I shout out in agony.

She had my daughter….

She cremated her….

She tried to kill herself….

I feel her arms wrap around me tightly as she whispers how sorry she is, her tears coating my neck as my body shakes with my sobs.

My daughter….

An hour later, we haven"t said anything to each other. We"re sitting on the floor, leaning back against the couch, her body curled into mine, my arm wrapped around her as I stare off at the wall.

I don"t know how to feel right now. I love her, I love her so fucking much, but she kept this from me.

She didn"t allow me to hold her, to say goodbye….

She moves her nose and gently rubs my neck with it where her name is, and whispers, "I thought Prue lost your baby. I didn"t want you to hurt more than you already were."

I nod numbly and state, "Prue couldn"t get the gender of the baby right after she apparently lost it. Tech finally confirmed who she"d been staying with when she left town, and her aunt told us everything after we offered her 10k. She was never pregnant, Kennedy, and a part of you knew that."

She flinches at me using her name, but I just….

My daughter.

"What was her name?" I whisper after a few minutes.

I feel some tears glide down my neck, and she replies, "Layla Lola Carter."

My tears fall. Named after Shelly and Lola.

She moves from beneath my arm and straddles me, her soft hands gripping my cheeks, and we lock eyes as I grip her hips.

"I…do you hate me?" she asks, and my eyes soften.

Gently, I glide my hands up her back and into her hair, bringing her to me, and forcing her forehead against mine. I rasp, "I don"t hate you, baby. I just…." I squeeze my eyes shut, then say, "I need to head out for a little while…."

I can"t think straight with her near me. I need a minute.

She flinches but nods, and I whisper, "Where is our daughter?"

She sniffles. "Her urn is in my apartment."

I nod before moving my head, placing my lips to her forehead, and whispering, "Head upstairs for a bath and get some sleep. I"ll be back soon."

She nods, concern and worry flowing from her as she stands. I get up and kiss her head again, before walking out without looking back.

I know I hurt her when I gave Prue the cut, when I made her think she was the other woman, but this, not allowing me to say goodbye to my daughter, to hold her…. I don"t know how I can forgive her.

My eyes lock with Breakers as I walk into the common room five minutes later, my bike out front. My anger shining through. I was going to just head out for a drive, but…that fucker knew. Brothers cheer seeing me, but Breaker flinches, seeing my pain and anger.

"Brother…."

I shake my head and point at him, stating, "You"re no longer my brother," causing the club to quiet in shock. My dad comes toward me with confusion but soon stops with my next words. "You knew, you fucking knew Kennedy gave birth to my daughter, and you didn"t say anything."

He flinches as gasps can be heard around the room and he whispers, "She"s my…."

I cut him off, shouting, "I don"t give a fuck if she"s your cousin. My daughter, Alex, my fucking daughter is dead, and I couldn"t be there. She tried to fucking kill herself, and I didn"t even know." He flinches again, and I show him my pain as I whisper, "I didn"t even get to hold her. You helped stop that. You fucking know me; you know the person I am, and you kept me from saying goodbye, and how the fuck would you feel if I gave you the same courtesy, huh, if this was Quinn and I knew, and never told you?"

He lets his tears fall, and I shake my head as I hear a sob. I turn my head and make eye contact with Shelly, my momma, and guilt etches her features, making me chuckle darkly and state, "You knew too, huh?" causing the brothers to look at her in shock, while my dad"s head whips her way in horror.

"I"m so sorry, sweetheart," she sobs, but I shake my head and say, "I called you Momma. You basically raised me." I look around the room. I notice Nina smirking, the clubwhores looking at me with glee, thinking I"m now available, while the old ladies try not to cry. I rasp, "I"m fucking done."

I"m officially pushed over the edge.

The brothers all suck in a breath, and I walk past Breaker, who pleads for me to listen, but I don"t. Instead, I head to my bike and quickly drive off, Phil only just opens the gate in time as my father shouts for me.

I drive around for about an hour before sitting in front of Kennedy"s parents" place. The lights are off, the house seems quiet, and I rasp, "She thinks the footage is on a drive hidden behind the toilet."Snake steps out of the shadows with Smokey and Tech. All three nod, and I say, "You boys have got to work on your sneaking. I could hear you from a mile away."

Someone snorts and Snake rasps, "Please, tell me, brother, that I"m not going to have to sedate your ass to keep you in the club."

This time, I snort, shake my head, and admit, "I"ve reached my breaking point, Hunter. All the lies and secrecy. I get he is her cousin but what the fuck about me? I'm not just his brother by the cub, I‘m his fucking step-brother. If the roles were reversed, would he just be walking away, or would he put a bullet in me?"I look his way, and he sighs, knowing I"m right, and I continue, "A woman I saw as a mother lied to me. The woman I love with everything in me didn"t let me say bye to my daughter because she thought I"d already lost a child when a part of her knew Prue was lying. She just didn"t want to face the hurt and pain; she didn"t want to hear my side of things because all she fucking cared about was how she felt. I don"t know how to get over that."

"By giving it a day at a time. Don"t hand in your cut, brother, and don"t give up on her, not now,"Tech rasps, and I sniff, trying to control my emotions.

"I don"t know what I"m going to do yet. All I know is that I feel like I"m dying from the inside out, and I need a release. Now normally, I"d fuck my girl, who I haven"t seen in months, but that"s out of the question because she lied to me, and I don"t want anyone else, so this is the next best thing."

They all nod in understanding.

Smokey steps forward. "Alright, let"s go find the footage and hope it"s where Ken believes it is, because Tech hasn"t managed to figure out where else they'd have hidden it. Then we"ll plant some evidence to have those two arrested…."

I cut off Smokey and rasp, "Her mother sold her virginity. The guy I killed is the one who bought it. She also locked Ken up in a closet for days on end for not earning enough money to pay the bills or for just asking a question. She abused her daughter while her father drank himself stupid."

The boys are silent for a moment before Smokey states, "Okay, change of plan. We find the footage, and then I set the house on fire with her worthless parents inside."

I give him a nod of approval before we quietly head to the house, Tech ensuring all signals are blocked. When we enter, we all start to gag at the smell as we head into the living area. The place is a fucking mess, and Ken's mother is lying on the couch, her naked body spread, a needle in her arm as she snores, while her father….

I shake my head. "His lips are blue."

The brothers curse, and I quickly rush through the house, ignoring the state of it, hating Kennedy lived here. I find the bathroom. It stinks of shit and piss, but I ignore it and move the toilet out of the way, causing hundreds of tiny bags to fall to the nasty floor.

"Holy shit, that"s got to be thousands worth of pills,"Snake blurts, running a hand over his bald head. I nod, my eyes going to the thumb drive in the pile of baggies.

"Fucking gotcha,"I whisper, and then say, "Tell Smokey to light the place up."

Snake chuckles, and we run out of the bathroom. I look to the right, my eyes catching the closet, causing my breathing to pick up.

Snake grips my arm and rasps, "Come on, brother, she's free of this place now."

I nod and allow him to pull me out of the house, knowing Kennedy packed all her valuables, while her mother tried to throw out everything else.

It's time to burn this shithole to the ground.

When we get near the large oak tree where are bikes are, I hand the drive to Tech, who plugs it in, and we crowd around his laptop. The footage shows my girl trying not to vomit as she drags the body into the grave.

"Fucking woman…."Tech growls, and I nod before the house explodes behind us, shocking the shit out of us.

I look at Smokey, whose eyes are wide, and he rasps, "Fuck, I didn"t think it would go up that fast or hard. all I did was put a flame to a bit of fuel, ensuring the gas was on."

Snake and Tech snort, and I shake my head.Asmall smile appears before I sigh.

"I have somewhere to be. I"ll, uh, go back to my house tonight. I need to make sure Kennedy stays put. I don"t want to see anyone."

Snake swallows hard and asks, "Where are you off to, brother?"Tech and Smokey look worried.

I rasp, "To pick up my daughter,"before turning and heading down the street to where my bike is, their eyes firmly on my back.