Chapter 20

Kennedy – Five Weeks Later

I gently removethe cannula from little Ameilia's hand and smile at her momma, her hazel eyes tearing up. I've been back at Huntersville Hospital for nearly four weeks, though I've spent my nights at Aunt Shelly's. The apartment just doesn't feel like home.

"What if I mess up? Maybe she's not ready to be discharged…." She panics like most parents in her position do at this stage.

I smile at her again and gently pick up her daughter, who was born at twenty-five weeks but is a little fighter. I gently place the little girl in her momma's arms and rasp, "You won't mess up, I promise. You'll have aftercare for about two months. We're always here, Jackie."

She nods, looking down at her daughter lovingly, and I smile. "I'll go get your discharge papers and every contact number you'll need if you"re concerned, but remember, the doctor said that she is perfectly happy, and what better way to celebrate than to be discharged on her due date?"

She grins, nods, and then looks back down at her angel. I head to the nurse's desk for the little one's papers, my mind on my own daughter, who is currently in my apartment.

I told Breaker I needed a little time to figure out how to tell Lucas about Layla, but what I didn't expect was for him to leave before I got home.

I sigh as I pack the last of my clothes into the suitcase, glad I didn't buy anything here. My car isn't that big and, well, I'm surprised it even got me to New York. I'll be shocked if it gets me home again, so I don't need to overload the thing.

Home….

My heart pounds at the thought.

I miss my cousin, my friends, little Noah, and yes, I miss Lucas so much, but I don't know how we can get through everything we've been through. He was the guy I was in love with when I went through puberty. I gave him my heart, my body, and my virtue, and he broke me.

I was hurt for so long, thinking he used me, when I should have remembered his character.

I buried a body to save him, to protect him, and he made Prue his old lady to save me.

Whether or not she was pregnant with his baby is still to be confirmed, but I was pregnant with his child. I gave birth to our daughter, I cremated her, I tried to kill myself….

And he has no idea.

We have a lot to talk about, a lot of pain to unravel, and whether we can get through it, well, that remains to be seen.

My hurt was still real; his choosing her still destroyed me, and my leaving him destroyed him, his letters prove that.

I shake my head. I don't know what will happen with him and me, but I know we have much to discuss, and I guess we'll go from there.

Though he still deserves a knee to the nuts for hurting me the way he did.

"Ken?" I hear Alex say loudly, and I smile. I"m grateful he's come to drive me back to Texas.

"In the bedroom," I say call out before I hear his footsteps. He smiles at me when he comes into the room. He's not wearing his cut, and I have to admit, he looks weird without it. He left it back in Texas, not needing it while driving a cage.

He leans against the doorframe and asks, "Is this the last bag?"

I nod, standing up. "Yeah, but also Layla, too."

His eyes soften, but he nods before clearing his throat and asking, "Are you going to be okay around Quinn and her pregnancy?"

I smile at him, taking the suitcase to him, and admitting, "I can't wait to help her through it. I'm okay, Alex, I promise. Do I miss her? Every single day, but I've had to come to terms with my loss and pain, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to do my job. I just have to figure out a way to tell Lucas."

He flinches at my words, confusing me, and I furrow my brows.

He sighs and says, "I didn't want to tell you while you were trying to figure things out. I fuck, I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of my cousin and best friend."

I tilt my head. "I never wanted to put you in the middle, Alex."

He smiles and admits, "I know, darling. When he hurt you, I had a one-track mind, but when he finally told me the truth, I understood his reasoning and noticed how much he had fallen apart since you left. He loves you so fucking much, Ken, and I wanted to tell you, but then I feel like I'm betraying him if I do tell you, especially when he barely speaks to me, but then you're going to go home and…." He stops rambling, and my heart pounds hard, worrying hitting me.

Did I push him away too hard that now he's found someone else?

Alex bites his bottom lip, then rasps, "Doc is gone."

My lungs freeze in shock.

Gone?

I blink, grabbing Ameilia's papers. No one has heard from Doc, except for Snake. Crow is mad, Aunt Shelly is struggling to understand why he hasn't been in contact with anyone other than his prez, the brothers are angry and worried, and I don't know how to feel. He's giving me what I asked for, but he's doing it far from me.

Alex said he tried to convince him not to go, but apparently, he was at his breaking point.

They don't even know if he'll return; he's already been gone a week longer than necessary.

I did that. I hurt him enough for him to leave his family, but doesn't he understand that he hurt me, too, that I needed to come to terms with why he chose her the way he did, to get my heart and mind up to the same speed.

I hate that he's not here. I finally got the courage to tell him about Layla, only to find out he'd gone on club business. Everyone welcomed me back with open arms, yet he wasn't there. The one person I needed to see wasn't waiting for me, wasn't fighting for me anymore. Prue was, though, and boy, did she look mad that I was back.

I gave her a lovely smile before being dragged away by Noah and April. Fun times.

I walk back to the bed Amielia was in, give Jackie her daughter"s papers, and reassure her, again, when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I wait until Amielia's gone before checking it.

As I read the text, my breathing picks up.

Quinn: He's back x

That's all she said.

Lucas is back. He's finally back.

I swallow hard, putting my phone away. I want to run to him and scream at him for leaving when I finally got the courage to tell him about Layla. I want to scream at him for not giving me a heads-up about choosing Prue, for not letting me in on his plans so we could figure it out together, and for giving up when I've come home to fight….

I want him to hold me and never let me go….

I bite my bottom lip, my eyes tearing up, my emotions are everywhere. It's time to clock out; the head nurse already gave the switch over while I was sorting out the discharge papers.

He'll be at his house on club land….

But maybe he doesn't want to see me; he left.

But I left first….

My heart pounds hard in my chest, my mind scrambled. I shake my head, muttering, "Screw it," and quickly make my way to the elevators, determined to go see him. If he's with Prue, well, I'll just have to hit her. I know who has the footage; I'll just break in if necessary. I know Tech has been monitoring the house for a few months, trying to get her routine down so he can search the bathroom, but only I would know where she would have hidden it.

Behind the toilet.

It"s where she kept her drugs, so why not the proof of her daughter burying a body in the woods behind the house?

I press the elevator button several times before the doors finally open, then press the button for the first floor. I can feel my body shaking. I need to see him; I need to get my feelings out to finally tell him what he did to me…and about our daughter.

I need to finally have my say and stop running.

I'm in my head when the doors open again, but I notice it's stopped on the 3rd floor where Lucas' office is, and a lump forms in my throat, wishing he was already here. Someone walks into the elevator, making me look their way.

The lump that formed in my throat causes me to nearly choke on it and I suck in a breath, my eyes taking in his form.

He looks tired, real tired.

His dark blonde hair is a mess, but his body…the way his white V-neck t-shirt stretches over his muscles, his cut hugging his figure….

Dammit, I've missed him so much.

This is why things couldn't work with Austen; he never made me feel like this, like my whole body is lighting up and pulling me toward him.

He presses the first-floor button then drops his head forward and sighing, not realizing I'm here.

I tilt my head, rasping, "You look like hell," making his head shoot my way in shock.

He'd normally know when I was near. Are we truly over?

I bite back my tears while he blinks a few times before rasping, "I've just got home; I needed to check my case files for next week."

I nod, his eyes still looking at me like he's seen a ghost.

I'm guessing Quinn saw him in passing. I know she had a check-up this evening but didn't realize it was this late.

I go to speak, to say, well, anything, when the elevator shudders. The light flickers several times, making me gasp, before it finally screeches to a stop, the emergency light blinking on after a few seconds in darkness. Lucas jams the button several times to get it to move again, and my breathing becomes shallow. Memories from my time in the closet hits me, and I slowly walk backward until I'm against the wall, sliding down to the floor.

"Damn, I think we could be here for a while," Lucas mutters, but his voice is drowned out by my mother's manic laughter, the pain in my head each time she drags me by my hair, the smell of my urine and feces covering me, making me feel dirty.

"Ken…." Lucas starts but stops before suddenly his hands are cupping my cheeks. My eyes connect with his worried ones as he lifts my head from my knees and rasps, "Pixie, talk to me, baby."

I grip his wrists, holding him to me, his touch bringing me back. My tears fall as I focus on him, his touch, his smell, and I whisper with a broken sob, "I-I missed you…."

He furrows his brows as his hands tighten on my cheeks, his eyes racing between mine before he leans forward, pressing his forehead against mine. I close my eyes, finally feeling at home for the first time in a year. And speak my truth.

"Whenever I spoke of the MC, whenever I asked my mother a question, didn't have enough money to pay her bills, or forgot to clean the kitchen, I would end up locked in the closet. Sometimes for only an hour, other times, for forty-eight hours, because she forgot about me. It's only when she realized the house was a mess that she'd remember, and then she'd shout at me for not doing what I was supposed to, even though I was locked away." His body shakes with anger as my tears fall. "I was never good enough for her. She hated the MC; she blamed Uncle Chris for her downfall, and hurt me daily, and-and Nick paid her for my virginity." I sniffle and admit, "After you dropped me off that night I had that date with the guy who tried drugging my drink, I spent three days in the closet."

He bites his bottom lip, his anger radiating from him as we make eye contact. I show him my pain, and he mirrors it.

"I gave you my heart despite my home life, and you broke it," I finally admit. "For nearly a year, I thought you were making it work with her. You never gave me a chance to understand your reasoning, just deciding to try and protect me like I protected you by burying that body." He flinches. "You never gave me a chance to help you because, if you did, then I would have told you the one person she would have gone to with the footage, the one person who likes to hold me over a barrel is the person who locked me in a closet any chance she got." He slowly closes his eyes, but I continue, "You hurt me, Lucas. You are all I've ever wanted and instead of speaking to me, you let me believe you used me, you let me believe you only wanted me because I was a virgin. You made me believe I meant nothing to you when I mean everything."

He slowly drops his head.

I sniffle. "You left me. I finally had the courage to come home, to tell you everything, and you left me."

He shakes his head, not looking at me as he whispers, "I couldn't bear the hurt anymore, Kennedy. You were talking to everyone else but me. You read my letters and went radio silent with me. I couldn't cope any longer. I had to go."

I let out a sob, ready to tell him about Layla, when the elevator shudders, then starts to move again.

He sighs then kisses my forehead, murmuring, "Come on, Pixie."

I nod as he helps me up, and I quickly wipe away my tears, my eyes staying on his. I whisper, "I want to talk to you, Lucas. I need to. I know you"re tired, but I-I…."

My words trail off, not knowing how to express the urgency, but he sighs and then nods, rubbing a hand through his hair as the door opens. He holds his arm out for me to go first, and I do, ignoring the professionals all looking at the elevator. I head to my car, promising to take the stairs from now on. I slightly turn to see him heading to his bike on the opposite side of the lot, and state, "Follow me back to yours…."

He nods, lifting his hand, and my heart hurts.

Are we done?

Is too much pain spread between us?

Is shake my head…. No, I won't allow it. He fought for me even when I couldn't fight for us. Maybe it's my turn to fight.