Chapter Eleven

"Ihave to leave for Christmas," Jake said.

We were walking through the park, the wind blowing under my jacket. He had been nervous from the moment he met me there, the usual cup of coffee in his hand and one for me in the other.

"Yes, sure. I get it. You need to spend it with your family," I said.

"Alice is staying."

I looked at him, trying to hide my smile.

"Why?"

"She wants to get ready for her job which starts in January. She wants to practice as much as possible, and at home, there would be too many distractions, too many relatives and guests."

"Oh, okay," I said. "That's good. I'm happy she's staying."

Jake turned to me, his eyes searching my face, pausing on my smile.

"She'd be happy to hear that, and I'm sure she won't spend all the time on her laptop. You could hang out. You can stay in my bedroom if you want, so both of you won't be lonely on Christmas."

"Yeah, I'm just going to move into your house," I said and laughed. "Thanks, Jake, but I have a place to live. And anyway I heard that Miranda and Brian are staying, so we won't be lonely."

"Good, I just …" he said and paused looking straight in front of him, a curly lock falling in his eye, "I want you to get to know each other."

"Sure, I want that too," I said.

And I really wanted it. Alice was an enigma to me, her beauty pulling me in, her movements flowy, her mind sharp, her demeanor kind and lively. But she was always reserved as if she was hiding something.

I wanted to know her secret.

* * *

Jake left two weeks after our walk in the park. He stopped by my dorm to say goodbye. Our kiss lingered on my lips long after his car hid from the view.

Back in my room, I looked around. In less than half a year I would be moving out. Moving where? Where would I work? How would I live?

When Jake was around I didn't have time to worry about it, my mind was in another place, in a warm cocoon of his presence. But now that he was away, the old anxiety crept in. The feeling was quickly swept away by the ping of my phone.

Do you want to go to the movies tonight?

Alice.

Sure.

We met in front of a movie theater, the old rumbling building just a few steps from the campus. The winter wind shook its walls as if it wanted to rip the building out and carry it away. But it was surprisingly warm inside, old lamps creating flickering shadows on the walls. We bought two buckets of popcorn and sat in an almost deserted hall—many students were already away for Christmas. The movie was a black and white romantic comedy.

In the middle of the movie, there was a squeaking sound from the back row—a girl sighing lightly. I turned to Alice, my eyes wide, cheeks turning crimson.

"Are they having sex right there? With us here?" I whispered.

Alice nodded, stifling the giggle when the girl moaned again. Either the couple hadn't seen us or they didn't care. There was no one but us and them in the hall so they didn't have much of an audience. Her cries became more insistent and then she was suddenly silent.

We turned back to the screen and I tried hard to concentrate on the movie. But there was something hot in those noises, so close. A familiar tingle woke up in the pit of my stomach. A few minutes later another set of noises started―the wet sound of lips, the grunts of the man. This time the girl was working on him.

"Oh, god, I can see the porn movie in my head," Alice whispered.

"Let's get out of here?" I asked.

She nodded and grabbed my hand, pulling us up, and all but dashing toward the exit. The couple didn't even notice us.

"It was peculiarly disturbing and hot, better than any porn in its realness, but kind of inappropriate," Alice said, laughing.

"The girl sounded satisfied though," I said.

"Yeah," Alice said and I found her watching me, embarrassed. I looked away.

"What do you want to do next?" I asked.

"Do you want to watch something in color and less, em, hot at the house? My car is just around the corner."

"Sounds good," I said.

That was the first time I was in the car while Alice was driving, and as soon as she pushed the gas pedal I remembered what Jake had told me about how she drove. Mad, fast, exhilarating.

"Do you want ice cream? We could make a detour, drive around a little," she asked.

I agreed, and in a few moments, the town was behind us. As Alice pulled onto the highway she flicked on the radio—a Nirvana song played. I turned to look at her. Her skin was glowing from the dashboard light as she sang quietly, her voice mixing with Kurt's. That was another side of Alice—free, open, relaxed. As the small car revved under my seat, going just a few miles above the speed limit, I couldn't stop watching her.

She looked at me and back to the dark road, a small smile revealing her dimples.

We drove to a tiny ice cream shop that was open 24/7 just a few exits down. It was decorated in Christmas lights, the cashier in a Santa hat looking jolly as she scooped ice cream. Alice stopped in the empty parking lot, facing the slow street.

"Aren't you sad that you didn't go home for Christmas?" I asked.

"Not really. Mom and Dad decided to invite over uncles and aunts and my cousins, and they already have kids. I'm not good with kids. I would have hidden in my room the entire time," she said and licked the chocolate ice cream that threatened to drip down her fingers.

"What do you mean? About being not good with kids?"

"I don't really like that age, when they"re all whining and grabby and loud. I just don't feel comfortable," she said. "Jake's good with them, though."

I shrugged. "I think I'm closer to your views," I said.

Her eyebrow shot up.

"Eat your ice cream, the car heat melts it faster than global warming," she said.

We ended up watching the Bridget Jones movies on their huge red sofa, steaming tea cups in our hands. The wind sang outside, wrestling with the trees and throwing branches at the walls and windows of their little house.

"Do you want to stay or should I drop you at your dorm?" Alice asked, taking the cups to the sink.

"I'll stay," I said. Alice nodded, turning away to the kitchen, but I saw it, the smile.

* * *

There was a knock at the door. It dragged me out of sleep, my dream already fading away.

"Yes?" My voice cracked.

Alice opened the door to Jake's room. Her white kimono was wrapped around her and her sleeping shorts revealed the milky white skin of long legs that ended in bare feet. She strolled into the room as soon as she'd made eye contact with me.

"Look outside," she said, as she stopped by the window, a huge grin on her face.

I peeled off the warm quilt and stood up, groaning. I was not an easy riser. The ice-cold floor sent a shock up my spine.

"It's freezing, how are you walking around barefoot?" I asked as I hurried to pull my socks on.

Everything was white outside. During the night, the wind had brought snow. It covered everything in a fine white blanket. The perfect scenery for the day before Christmas.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Alice asked.

I grinned.

It was not just a walk. We fell in the snow, we made snow angels, we even made a creepy snowman. My feet were soaking in a matter of minutes, but I didn't care. Just before we headed home we had a rather fierce snowball fight with the neighborhood teenagers.

We won—almost.

Back in the house, Alice strode directly to the kitchen, saying that we need something hot immediately.

I started peeling off my wet clothes by the front door, goosebumps covering my thighs and arms as I stood in my underwear, a slushy pile of fabric on the floor by my side.

"Can I take a shower first?" I asked Alice when she appeared from the kitchen.

Her eyes darted to my black bra, down my stomach, slid down my legs.

"Sure," Alice said, her voice hitching, as she looked away. Her cheeks were pink from the exertion outside, or the cold, or something else.

"I'll be fast," I said as I went up the stairs.

After a few minutes of scorching hot water warming my skin, I turned off the shower. Alice knocked on the door, saying that she left me dry clothes just outside.

I wrapped myself in a towel and opened the door. A familiar sweater, leggings, and fluffy socks were neatly folded on the floor.

As fast as possible I put them on, diving into the smell of vanilla. I left the bathroom, shouting, "Next!"

"There's tea ready downstairs," Alice said, opening the door to her room. "I'll be right back."

Downstairs, I wrapped my fingers around the cup and took a sip, the black tea with a faint smell of bergamot warmed me from the inside. I took a chair and moved it to the big window in the living room and propped my chin on my knee. I closed my eyes and sighed. I felt a bit tired, but warm, cared for, not alone.

Alice soon joined me, pulling her own chair up. Her huge gray eyes studied me and I noted the long strands of wet hair sticking to her back.

"How come you don't have a boyfriend?" I asked.

She looked outside, smiling. "First, I'm a terribly difficult person to be with," she said.

"I don't think you're right about that," I said. She wasn't difficult. She was a free spirit, in every way.

"Oh, I am. And second," she took a deep breath and turned to me, worry running across her features.

"Second?" My heart picked up the speed as I asked.

"Second is that I like women, Emily. I'm gay," she said.

It made perfect sense―why she never responded to any of the flirting from guys at the bar, why she never gave them a second glance.

"You are going to make some girl so happy someday," I said and she exhaled as if she was afraid of my reaction.

"The first point still stands," she laughed.

"You're not difficult," I said again, smiling at her.

She just shook her head and looked back outside. The creepy snowman watched us from the front yard. For all the fun we had had making it, the result was terrifying.

"God, he's ugly," Alice said looking at it, the same moment my stomach growled.

"We're going to starve while Jake is away," I said.

"Nah, he took care of us. The freezer is stuffed with his lasagnas and casseroles. We just need to heat them. He made a point of writing the oven manual guide and asked us not to burn down the house."

"Sounds like him," I said.

In half an hour the steaming lasagna was in front of us. Skipping the plates, we armed ourselves with two forks and polished off the dish. The icy weather and excitement had left us ravenous.