21.

Dying of old age is really just dying of not dying.

Dice

FOUR MONTHS LATER

C YDNEY

When we pulled up in front of my house, it felt strange somehow. Yes, it was still my house, but it wasn’t my home anymore - not permanently, at least. I was happy to see that Robby, my friend Jewel’s son, had earned his monthly paycheck.

The lawn looked great, the flower beds were pristine and clear of any weeds, and there was even a vase of fresh flowers on the small table where I liked to sit and have my coffee early in the mornings.

“The place looks great. Are you glad to be home?” Kenny asked as he unbuckled his seatbelt and reached behind my seat to grab my purse.

“It’s just a house now. Wherever I am with you is my home.” I winced and quickly said, “I have to pee.”

“Aww, babe, you say the sweetest things.”

“Did you know that the human body has seven trillion nerves?”

“No, I did not.”

“I’m not sure how it works, but you’re managing to dance on every single one of them today while your son is stomping on my bladder.”

“Why do you only call him my son when he’s irritating you?”

“Because that’s when he acts the most like his daddy,” I grumbled as I pushed the truck door open. I was twisting around so that I could use the running board to step down when I heard Kenny’s door slam and then his footsteps as he ran around the truck. Before I could shift my weight to the foot I’d settled on the rail, he had me in his arms and was walking toward the porch. “I can walk, you know!”

“Not very well, babe,” he said with a grin. “I’d rather you not fall down on the sidewalk again.”

“That fucking tourist pushed me!” I yelled.

“That fucking tourist was about three hundred years old and couldn’t push a cotton ball across a table,” Kenny argued. “Your balance has been off for a few weeks now, and I’d rather not risk you getting hurt, so I’ll just carry you everywhere.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” I whispered as tears filled my eyes. “Shit! I’m doing it again!”

Kenny bent forward as he gently set me on my feet before he reached up and cupped my cheeks in my hands. “I love you. I love you so much that I’d take a three-day road trip with you any time you ask - unless you’re almost nine months pregnant and hate the world and everyone in it.”

“I didn’t want to drive!”

“I know. Roscoe was just being a dick when he said he didn’t want you to fly. I get it.”

“It sounds ridiculous when you say it like that,” I muttered as I rested my purse on top of my protruding belly and started digging for my keys.

“Should I call your parents and let them know we’re here?”

“You don’t have to. Amethyst was standing on her porch when we drove by, and you know that nosy bitch is burning up the phone lines as we speak.”

“The two of you have the most bizarre dynamic of any best friends I’ve ever seen.”

“She’s not my best friend this week.”

“Only because she told you that if you didn’t stop eating all that salt on your food, you’d blow up like a balloon.”

“A blimp, Kenny. She said I would look like a blimp.”

“I think she actually said a hot air balloon.”

“Which is a fucking blimp,” I snapped as I turned the key in the lock and pushed open my front door. I had just enough time to step inside when chaos erupted. I had the urge to turn around and run . . . or quickly waddle, which seemed to be the fastest speed I could get up to at this point. I turned around and glared at Kenny before I hissed, “Did you know about this?”

“Absolutely not,” he said as he put his hands up as if I were pointing a gun at him. He put his hands on my shoulders as he leaned forward to whisper in my ear, “They’ve missed you, Cyd. Give them some grace.”

I took a deep breath and pasted a smile on my face because he was right. My girls had missed me, probably almost as much as I had missed them, and besides, not many people could say that they’d been greeted at their homecoming by a bunch of biker Queens.

The next few hours were a whirlwind of gifts, snacks, and gossip, and as much as I loved seeing my friends and club sisters, I was also glad to see them go. I made plans with almost all of them, either separately or in groups, to go to my favorite restaurants and diners while I was in town and also to do some last-minute shopping in preparation for the baby’s arrival.

As I looked around my house, which the girls had cleaned up before they left, I thought about all the hours I’d spent with one or more of them here. We’d been carefree and fun, usually drinking, always eating something unhealthy, and having the time of our lives.

All of that changed when I got pregnant, at least for me. In the last year, our group had experienced many changes besides just mine, though. First, Lark fell in love and became a mom to some really awesome kids, then Bella moved away to be with Matteo. And, of course, Zozo was still recovering from the injuries she’d received in that attack all those months ago, although she seemed to have a new pep in her step when I saw her earlier, - even though those steps weren’t nearly as certain and strong as they had been before.

As usual, though, my girls had come through for me today. They had welcomed me back into the fold as if I hadn’t been gone for more than a long weekend and then showered me with gifts that would make me think of them every time I used them for the baby or myself.

I couldn’t help but laugh at myself as the waterworks started again - something I had absolutely no control over that drove me completely insane.

I was still laughing while crying at the same time when Kenny walked in followed by my dad and Uncle Stoffer. He saw the shape I was in, and having spent way too many hours trying to talk me back to myself, he spun around as if he was about to leave again.

I snorted when Dad put his hands on Kenny’s shoulders and said, “Be strong, man. You’ve got this. We’ve all been there in the same trenches and survived with just a few scars. Even though it seems like a good idea to run, you can’t do that because if you leave me here with a hormonally-imbalanced pregnant woman, I will chase you to the far corners of the earth to exact my revenge.”

“Good grief, you pussies,” Stoffer said as he pushed past the men in the huddle and walked into the living room. “Hey, Squid. You’re looking . . . good.”

“Make one comment about my shape or size, and I will explain to Aunt Izzy that it wasn’t me who forgot to put the plug in her oil pan,” I threatened.

“You’re gorgeous, you look fantastic, and you’re my favorite niece.”

“Mm-hmm,” I hummed as he leaned over to give me a hug. “I’ve missed you too.”

“You remind me so much of my Izzy sometimes that it’s a little disconcerting, sweetheart.”

“I know you don’t really mean that as a compliment right now, but I’ll take it as one,” I told him before I kissed his cheek and pushed him back to stand. I lifted my hand and sighed before I asked, “Will you help me stand up? I need to hobble my pansy-ass baby daddy before he takes off for parts unknown.”

Uncle Stoffer burst out laughing and helped me stand before he threw his arm over my shoulders and walked with me toward the door. “She’s got your number, Dice. There’s no escape.”

“I’d never consider . . . Escape is what I . . . Shit,” Kenny muttered before he smiled at me and asked, “How was your shower?”

“It was wonderful, and I’m exhausted.”

“If that’s the case, then you should get some rest, Squid. There’s another shower tomorrow with the rest of the women in the family,” Dad explained. “And you’re gonna act surprised when it happens because your mom and Aunt Izzy have been working their ass off to make it perfect.”

“Yessir,” I said with a nod. “I promise I’ll be completely surprised, but thank you for the warning.”

“I know how my girl thinks,” Dad said as he awkwardly tried to pull me into his arms. My belly was in the way, so the hug wasn’t nearly as tight as usual, but it gave me that sense of security I always felt when my dad was near. “We’re going to get out of your hair, I just wanted to drop this guy off and give you a warning about tomorrow’s schedule.”

“Thank you for entertaining him while I had the girls over. I’m sure he had much more fun with you than he would have here with us.”

“I don’t hate the man, Squid,” Dad said as he slapped Kenny on the shoulder so hard he had to take a step forward. “If I did, I would have let him stay here with the houseful of crazies you call a club.”

“It was a great ride,” Kenny said cheerfully. His smile fell before he said, “And soon, you’ll be able to take your own bike out and go for a ride with us!”

“I’m sorry I’m so cranky, babe,” I said as I reached for him so he could pull me into his arms.

“Are you hungry? Can I get you something?”

“Oh, no. The girls brought some of my favorite nibble foods, and I’ve eaten so much that I feel like I’m about to pop.” I complained as I rubbed the side of my stomach where Junior kept pushing out. “What I really want is a long nap.”

“I’ll help you get settled in,” Kenny said as he turned toward my dad and uncle. “Thanks for rescuing me, guys. That ride was exactly what I needed after such a long drive.”

“You can say it. Such a long drive with the crazy pregnant woman.”

“He doesn’t have to say it out loud, sweetheart,” Dad said before he gave me another kiss on the cheek.

Stoffer pinched the same cheek as he walked by and said, “You were crazy before, but pregnancy has taken it to a whole other level.”

Uncle Stoffer was barely out the door when I snapped, “Hurry up and lock it before someone else comes in!”

I could hear Dad and my uncle laughing as they walked down the steps, but Kenny followed my instructions and slammed the door and then threw the deadbolt. He looked around the house and asked, “They’re really going to throw you another party tomorrow? I don’t know where we’re going to put all of this stuff as it is.”

“We’ll deal with that later,” I promised. I slid my hands up over my stomach and cupped my breasts before I said, “Right now, I’d like a shower with my man and then a few pre-napgasms.”

“I’m more than willing, but I still have to say that’s not a real word.”

“Honey, it might not be a real word, but it’s a real thing. There isn’t much that is better than getting the good stuff and then taking a nice, long nap in the middle of the day.”

“I’m definitely not going to argue about that.”

◆◆◆

KENNY

I walked around the corner of the house to find some peace and quiet but only found a group of men huddled together as if they were planning the great escape.

“Did anyone see you walk over here?” Luke asked.

“I don’t think so.”

He put his hands on his face and rubbed his eyes for a few seconds before he looked at me and sighed. “If someone followed you, then we’ll just disable you and leave you here as a distraction while we run.”

“Why are all of you hiding?”

Grunt tilted his head and asked, “Isn’t that what you were trying to do?”

“Maybe I just came for some fresh air.”

“There’s fresh air in the house where the women are.”

“It’s calmer out here,” I argued.

“Because they’re playing those trap games,” Grunt grumbled. “No matter how hard I try, I’ll never understand women. I’m glad Sour Patch is different.”

“Shannon isn’t different, she’s just more understanding,” Smokey argued. “Like my Martha.”

“What is a trap game?” I asked.

“They give you a ball of string or a roll of toilet paper and have you pull out a length you think will fit around the pregnant woman’s waist,” Grunt explained. Apparently, I looked horrified at the idea, and he nodded before he said, “It’s a trap.”

Suddenly, the window behind Smokey opened, and he smiled as he popped off the screen. Once that was done, Hank reached over Smokey and took the six-pack of beer someone handed him and then took another with his free hand when it came out. Luke was next in line and grabbed two plates, and then Grunt stepped up to carry two more. Once they had their drinks and snacks in hand, Smokey blew a kiss and passed a few bills through the window before he said, “You’re the best, sweetheart.”

“I didn’t see nothin’!” a young woman called out before the window slammed shut.

Once the screen was back in place, Smokey turned around and said, “Where are we headed, gentlemen?”

The men, who I had just decided were my favorites of the group, shrugged and followed Smokey when he took off toward the gate. He walked through it and then out into the yard where he veered left and crossed the grass. Once he was on the porch, he sat down on the swing and reached for the beer Luke held out for him and then motioned for all of us to find a place to land while we passed the food around and had a cold beer.

We could hear laughter and yelling from the house next door. I felt a twinge of shame for not being there with Cydney while she celebrated with her family, but it was fleeting when I considered how many people were packed into that house and spilling out into the yard around the pool.

We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Smokey asked, “When’s the baby due?”

“I went with Cyd to her appointment this morning, and Wren said she could have it at any time. She’s already started the process - and I’ll spare you the details I got to hear when she explained exactly what that means, but the bottom line is that she guesses it will be within the next week.”

“Are you ready?”

“Absolutely not,” I blurted without thinking.

The men around me laughed before Smokey said, “That’s perfectly normal. If your answer had been anything else, we’d have known you were lying.”

“It’s crunch time,” Hank said cheerfully. “Right now, he’s going through the forty-three phases of doubt that come with fatherhood, starting with the biggest question of all.”

“How badly am I going to fuck this up?”

“Bingo!” Hank yelled before he slapped me on the shoulder. “If you’re not fucking something up, then you’re not trying hard enough. The kid won’t know you’re fucking up, he’ll just know you’re there, and that counts for more than almost anything.”

Grunt reached out and tapped the neck of his beer against Hank’s as he nodded and then asked, “What does your family think?”

“I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have a family, so it’s kind of hard to answer that. However, the Turners are beside themselves at the thought of another baby to spoil.”

“Aren’t they your family?”

“They weren’t supposed to be, and if they weren’t such wonderful people, they wouldn’t want to be.”

“He’s already talking in riddles, and he hasn’t even experienced sleep deprivation yet. That’s not a good sign,” Luke said sadly. “Squid’s going to need all the help, wrestling a new baby and a moron at the same time.”

When I just stared at him, he smiled, but the brothers I’d met the first time I was in town joined in with more insults. After a minute or two, I felt like I should try and defend myself, but wasn’t sure how.

“Why do you call them the Turners instead of your family?”

“They didn’t, um, come into my life until I was an adult, and then it was . . . um . . . a little . . . uh . . .”

“See? I told you he was a moron,” Luke said cheerfully.

Bird ignored him and asked, “How did you meet them?”

There was no reason to lie because I was positive that all of these men knew my history, so I said, “We met when my partner in crime and I broke into their house to burglarize it.”

Hank snorted before he asked, “And they just welcomed you with open arms or what?”

“When we cased the house, it seemed like they were out of town, but between checking it out and going to do the deed, they came home, or at least Debbie and the girls did. We broke in and one of the girls that happened to be downstairs screamed bloody murder, so I took off like a shot in the hopes that she hadn’t seen our faces and we might be able to get away.”

“I guess they found you?” Luke asked.

“I realized that my buddy wasn’t with me, so I circled back to see if I could help him get out of a sticky situation. I found him with Debbie and her three young daughters. He was planning more than just a robbery and wouldn’t listen to me when I told him that we should just leave. He refused and flat out said that he was going to rape at least Courtney, the oldest, and I fought with him to protect them. Stabbed him in the chest with his own knife, and he was dead by the time he hit the floor.”

“Holy shit. You broke in to rob them and then saved them?” Smokey asked. When I nodded, Smokey burst out laughing and said, “No wonder they fucking adopted you!”

“I shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

“But if you hadn’t been - if he had broken in on his own and found them - their lives would have taken a much darker turn.”

“I always thought that the only reason they kept in contact with me after I went to prison was out of gratitude. Debbie and the girls testified for the defense during my trial rather than the prosecution, and Frank read a character reference to the court instead of an impact statement. Cydney insists - hell, they all insist - that I’m family but . . .”

“Gratitude is a handshake and a thanks, maybe a reward or give me a call if you ever need anything. Gratitude is not befriending an inmate, keeping in touch through his sentence, and then inviting him into your home when he gets out,” Grunt said with a frown. He looked over at Smokey and said, “Maybe he is a fucking idiot.”

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe it started out as gratitude but once they saw the real man inside, it turned into respect?”

“I was a thief. Who can respect that?”

“I know, right?” Smokey asked as he looked at Hank with a humorous expression. “Fucking thieves, man. You never know what those bastards are going to do.”

Hank burst out laughing and the other men chuckled before Hank explained, “I was a little punk who stole from Smokey, and the man gave me a bed to sleep in.”

“Now look at us all these years later,” Grunt said with a grin. “Just one big happy family of fucked up.”

“Let me break it down for you, Dice. Frank will never be able to repay you for saving his family. That’s a given. But he damn sure didn’t have to invite you to be part of it. Debbie could have hated your ass for being part of the problem to begin with and then moved on after you saved her and her daughters, probably with some fears and trauma after such an invasion happened while she was the one who was there to protect her girls. The girls could have looked at you as the bad man who did one good deed and protected them from the even worse man who planned to do so much more. But that’s not how it worked out, is it?” When I shook my head Hank said, “No, they were thankful for what you had done and hated the fact that you had to serve time for it. And then, they got to know you and saw there was something in you that they connected with - and it didn’t have shit to do with DNA.”

“For instance,” Smokey said before he cleared his throat and drank from his beer. “Right now, you’re Squid’s old man and the father of one of the next generation of Texas Kings. But after a while, when you’ve proved your mettle, have done right by your family, and shown us the man you really are, we’ll call you family too.”

“Look at it this way, Dice. When Grady met Ella, she already had Squid, but there is no denying that Grady is Squid’s father, is there?”

“He is her father,” I agreed.

“Not by blood, but by the love in his heart,” Smokey explained. “That family of yours loves you, and you clearly love them.”

“Even though you weren’t sure what to label them, you kept them close and made them part of your everyday life as well as your business.” When I nodded, Grunt scoffed and said, “That’s family, dumbass.”

I laughed before I said, “I’ve told Cyd over and over that I don’t understand the dynamics of her relationship with Amethyst, but I think I get it now.”

Grunt shrugged one shoulder and said, “What’s so hard to understand?”

“They seem like they want to kill each other half the time, but if someone says anything bad about Amethyst, they’re gonna get a whole lot of Cydney’s rage.”

“That sounds about right,” Bird said with a nod.

“It should because it’s exactly like all of you!”

“A little like us,” Luke allowed. “The urge to kill them hasn’t won out, but it’s right there in the background.”

Bird tipped his beer bottle toward me and said, “That’s family, Dice.”

“I guess it is.”