22. Nik

22

Even under the faint light in the vast, dark chamber, I have no trouble recognizing Giuseppe Salvatore a stone's throw away from where I stand.

While our peers gather around us in silence, I study him in his expertly tailored suit as the rage inside me begs me for release.

Never have I needed to kill as much as I do at this moment, knowing everything the man has done to Dmitri and Kat.

I've never wanted anything as much as I wanted to spend my life with Kat. But that will never come to be, thanks in no small part to Salvatore.

Even now, being kept from her makes me restless and uneasy. At least I have one consolation: in the end, Kat will be free and safe. After everything I've put her through, it's no small comfort to know that this will be my parting gift to her. My death will not be in vain.

Still, I would have liked to try to earn Kat's forgiveness. I would have cherished a long, happy life at her side.

Will she wonder about what could have been between us? About the life we could have had together? A selfish part of me hopes Kat won't forget about me.

But in the end, I hope she does. I hope she thinks fondly of me now and then, but not too often. I'm not fond of the idea of Kat spending the rest of her days in any pain or misery, especially not over me.

Soon, it won't matter, anyway. Shackled and unarmed, I will die tonight at Salvatore's hands, and Kat will be safe.

Over the years, Dmitri often asked me about my past and my will to live and overcome my pitiful circumstances. He often marveled at it, amazed at how far removed I had come to be from the street urchin I once was. Moments ago, when he brought me before the heads of the Seven Families, memories of my trials and youth flooded me and I started to feel emotional.

I found myself reminiscing about the tortuous path that has brought me here. All the pain and suffering, the senseless violence… All the longing and yearning, and the undeniable desire to reach for something better than myself.

I have accomplished so much in a little over three decades on this earth, but I will leave it knowing I could have achieved so much more.

I have so many regrets… I wish I had done so much differently. There are so many mistakes I won't have the time to fix. But if anything had been different, maybe I wouldn't have known Kat. Perhaps I wouldn't have stumbled upon her at that party.

Even now, I can picture her so clearly—her lush lips curving into a tempting smile as her dark blue eyes sparkle at me.

By a serendipitous turn of fate, I came across the most fascinating woman ever born. Somehow, I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to get to know her. I savored the feel of her on me, under me, and around me as I brought her pleasure over and over again. With my last breath, I'll regret the pain I've caused her, but I'll part this world knowing I protected her to the end.

If only I had known years ago that Kat would be in my future someday, even for a short time… How much more could I have achieved? What kind of man could I have become?

Throughout my life, the one thing I could always count on was my desire to survive, to seize the chance to carry on and become something better than I was the day before. Even during the darkest times of my early years, this yearning was the only constant I knew. I've never been willing to lay down my life for something more significant than myself. Truthfully, I've struggled to picture a cause greater than my need for survival. But I will gladly do it for Kat's life, for her future, safety and happiness.

Salvatore's pale blue eyes shine with unconcealed pleasure at the sight of me bound and powerless before him. His slick, greasy smirk twists his unbecoming features into a disturbing picture under the flickering lights above.

I shove my shoulders back, meeting his mocking gaze without hesitation. Even though my life is about to end, I know I have won. Kat will be happy and free of him and me.

The only regret I will take with me is that I hurt her so badly. If only we hadn't wasted so much time that we could've spent being happy together…