20. Kat

20

I can't deny it any longer. It's obvious now—I must've been a naughty girl in one of my past lives. There's just no other explanation.

People often say that when it rains, it pours. In my case, I think it's more of a deluge situation.

At first, I had to deal with the stronzo, Giuseppe Salvatore, the head of the Italian mafia. That, of course, led to Nikolai Stefanovich, the pakhan of the bratva, deciding he had beef with me. Because of Nik, I found myself on Patrick McGuire's bad side. Then Dmitri Ivashkov, Nik's right-hand man and the stronzo's secret love child, demanded that we go for a ride. And by ride, I mean suicide mission.

Dmitri sighs beside me. "I wish it hadn't come to this, Kat," he says under his breath. His hands clutch the steering wheel tightly. I don't know whether it is to keep them from shaking or from doing something even worse. "I did my best to avoid it. For what it's worth."

"Nothing. It's worth nothing, Dmitri," I say.

Dmitri wipes the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand. "I don't blame you for feeling like that. I hope you can understand I don't have any other choice."

I sigh, staring out the car's window. "Trust me, Dmitri, there's always a choice."

We are leaving the city. Dmitri hasn't bothered blindfolding me, which tells me all I need to know about his intentions. He doesn't need to hide where we are going because I'm never returning.

"I wish that were true, Kat," he says, his voice breaking. "I'd think that you'd know better than most that sometimes we must do unspeakable things to protect those we love. Once you learned who I am, who my father is, I had no choice but to take you."

"I cared about you and thought you cared about me. I thought we were friends."

"We were, and I still care about you, Kat. There's just someone I care about more, that's all. You know as well as I do that now that my secret is out there, it's only a matter of time before I'm put down either by Nik or my father. I'm too much of a liability to both of them. I don't have much time left, and I'll be damned if I go down before setting her free."

Dmitri's mysterious girlfriend. He won't even dare uttering her name. It's almost like he thinks he isn't worthy of saying it out loud, as if he might sully her by the meaningless act.

"I would have helped you, Dmitri. I would have done my best to help you because we were friends. Or at least I thought we were before you kidnapped me after I welcomed you into my home."

"I'm so sorry, Kat—more than I can ever say. If there had been any other way… I wish I could promise to make up for this, but that would be a lie. I won't have time." Dmitri's eyes dart from side to side, unseeing. He's in full desperation mode, controlled by the adrenaline raging through his veins.

"Funny you should say that, Dmitri—I doubt I will, either. Now that I've taken the Flame of Mir from your dad, he will kill me on the spot, and you know it. You're sending me to my death."

Dmitri's shoulders sag, and he clenches his jaw. "I'm sorry," he says, his words barely more than a whisper. "You don't deserve this. I wish there was another way, but I'm out of time. My father will release her in exchange for you. And if Nik catches up with us before I can make the trade, you'll be my only leverage. He will do anything to get you back."

I open my mouth to retort, but then I think twice about it. There's just no point. Dmitri won't change his mind. He is too far gone to release me. I'm just wasting my breath and energy by arguing with him.

Dmitri's words about Nik make me want to weep, because I realize I will never see him again. I won't ever be in his arms again, feel his skin against my lips, or breathe in his scent…

Even worse, the last shared moment we will ever have will be one of hurt and regret. I'll never hear his laugh again. Our last kiss will be our last. If only I had known then…

I wish I had realized before that my fear of losing control was the only thing standing in the way of my happily ever after. I wish I had understood that by choosing to hold on to it, I was sentencing myself to live out the rest of my days with no chance of true love and happiness. If only I could return to the moment when I burst into his office to throw his diamond at him… I would tell myself that holding on to that fear would only bring me misery.

The irony is that I now realize I've been clutching to something imaginary. There is no such thing as complete control of your life or yourself. All this time, I've been clinging to an illusion, and it only brought me pain and anxiety. Now, I must accept that however much time I have left before Dmitri ends me will be full of nothing but regret. I lived a full life, I suppose. I did things my way, on my terms, for the most part. But, when it truly counted, I fucked up.

I didn't understand then that real love is so rare and magical that life puts you to the test before awarding it to you. I had to prove I was worthy of it. I had to pay a price for this kind of magic—the type that only comes around once in a lifetime—by sacrificing something of myself. Something that made me unworthy of it, even though I've been clinging to it like it's worth something.

I failed my test horribly by allowing my fear of letting go of nothing but a stupid illusion of control make me lose Nik. Unlike that pretense of control, Nik is real and capable of making me happier than I knew was even possible.

By a turn of fate, I came across someone who is every dream I have ever had made flesh. Everything I have ever wanted was on the other side of my fear, and I made the wrong choice. I chose to hold on to what needed to be lost, and now it's too late. I will never get a chance to get Nik back. And I have nobody but myself to blame for it.

While sweating profusely, Dmitri glances at his phone, harmlessly displayed on the console. Again and again, his eyes return to the device, and it makes me nervous. His frazzled state already makes him a careless driver. I don't like our chances of getting out of this car alive if he won't stop taking his eyes off the road.

"Expecting a phone call?" I ask with sarcasm. "If you untie me, I can check your phone for you."

Dmitri briefly looks at my wrists, painfully tied together by a zip tie. "No. I'm just… debating something."

"Are you having second thoughts about this plan of yours? I don't blame you. Why don't we pull over at that gas station and take a moment to think this whole thing through again?"

He shakes his head. "No. I'm torn about whether to keep or toss the phone. Nik can track it. If he suspects I might've taken you, he'll sniff us out in a heartbeat. But I need the phone to find her because it's the only way I have to locate her right now. I don't have the time to figure something else out before Giuseppe learns what your friend discovered about me."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I ask.

Dmitri shrugs. "I guess I'm just thinking out loud. But believe it or not, Kat, I still think of you as a friend. Even though I don't expect you to feel the same way about me right now. Also, in the end, it doesn't really matter if you know this stuff or not."

"Because I'm as good as dead, right, friend?" I ask, almost yelling as I struggle against the restraints around my wrists. But it's a waste of time and hurts like hell.

Dmitri doesn't bother giving me a response. With a resolute expression, he stares ahead through the windshield. The unwavering look in his eyes tells me my fate is as good as sealed.

The two of us sit in tense silence as he drives for what seems like hours. After an eternity has passed, Dmitri slows down. As he pulls over, the unmistakable sound of gravel being crushed under the car's wheels startles me. A moment later, we come to a stop in front of an abandoned-looking warehouse.

The building looks like it has no business still standing. It's massive, wide enough to cover an entire block, and at least five stories high. Its once-blue paint has almost completely faded to a pale gray. Multiple spots over the facade have been stripped of it, replaced by a thick layer of rust.

I glance around, but I don't see any signs of life or anything else. The warehouse is the only structure occupying the massive lot.

"We have to make a quick stop. We won't be long," Dmitri says, unbuckling both our seatbelts. He comes around the car to open the passenger side door and drag me out of the vehicle against my will, while I drag my feet—quite literally.

Dmitri says nothing, and neither do I, as he forces me to walk into the decrepit building. Somehow, it's even more massive looking inside. It's damp and cold, too. Almost no sunlight makes it through the crumbling structure, but the interior is illuminated enough for us to see the way ahead.

Unable to contain myself any longer, I ask, "What are we doing here?"

I fully expect Dmitri to give me the silent treatment, but to my surprise, he answers my question. "I need to grab something with more of a kick than my pistol before we meet my father. This is one of the bratva's armories. We won't be long."

While clutching my upper arm, Dmitri moves forward deliberately, clearly familiar with the place's layout. We stop before a set of double doors—a closet, if I had to guess. A thick metal chain is wrapped around the door handles, and a padlock larger than my fist secures it.

Still holding on to me, Dmitri digs around his pockets, searching for what I can only presume is the key that unlocks the doors. But before he is able to locate it, the startling sound of the warehouse's metal front doors opening and closing echoes through the air.

I don't have the chance to even muster a reaction since Dmitri's hand closes over my mouth almost instantly. I can barely breathe, let alone scream.

Quietly, Dmitri turns around, pressing his back against the doors to the armory. He positions me directly in front of him, drawing me close until my body practically covers the front of his.

A human shield. Nice.

A heartbeat later, I see him.

He's more breathtaking than ever—even more than I remember.

I thought I'd never see him again, but he's here. He's so handsome it almost physically hurts me. The mere sight of him makes me want to weep.

He came for me.

After everything, he still came for me.

Dmitri's hands grasp me painfully, but I barely feel the discomfort. All I see is Nik—his tall frame, those broad shoulders enclosed by his jet-black jacket, and that glossy dark hair arrestingly framing his gorgeous face.

I want to run into his arms. I want to hold him tightly to me and never let him go.

Dmitri tightens his hold on me and I realize I had been unwittingly struggling against him. I try harder to break free from him, but I might as well be pounding sand. Dmitri towers almost a foot over me, and he likely outweighs me by at least fifty pounds, too—I have no shot.

Nik's eyes land on us then.

"Kat…" he says hoarsely. "You're alive."

As Dmitri's palm keeps me from speaking, I frantically nod, wordlessly attempting to convey to Nik everything I feel right now. All that's been left unsaid for far too long.

Nik scans me from head to toe. "Did he hurt you?"

I shake my head, and Nik's shoulders sag in relief. Instantly, his attention is diverted to the man behind me.

"Dmitri…" Nik calmly—almost placatingly—says.

"Nikki—" Dmitri says with a gasp, his voice quivering. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. You have to believe me, Nik."

"I do, Dmitri," Nik says appeasingly, stretching his hand towards us. "Let Kat go, and we'll talk. Everything will be okay."

Violently shaking his head, Dmitri says, "No. I'm sorry, Nik. I can't do that. I'm sorry, but I need her."

Nik's voice remains impressively even. "You know I won't let you take her with you."

Humorlessly, Dmitri laughs. "I don't see how you can stop me. I have the girl and the gun."

Nik's gaze fixates on the pistol in Dmitri's hand. "Kat is not a part of this, Dmitri. This is between you and me. Let her go."

"You made her a part of this," Dmitri angrily says, clutching me tightly. "Her blood will be on your hands as much as mine."

Nik's eyes widen slightly at Dmitri's passionate tone. "No blood needs to be shed today. Why don't you let Kat go so you and I can sort this out between us? Peacefully."

Dmitri scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Come on, Nik. I know you too well to believe that. The moment I let her go, I'm a dead man. And I can't die just yet."

"You have the gun," Nik says. "You said it yourself. Let Kat go, Dmitri. You haven't harmed anyone innocent yet. No reason to start now."

"I realize this might not be my greatest moment, Nik, but I'm not that stupid. After what I've done to Maxim, to Kat… If I let her go, I'm done. You'll see to that."

Nik shakes his head, sighing. "Dmitri, you're like a brother to me. I could never kill you in cold blood. Let's talk. Let Kat go, and you and I will figure this out. I promise."

Dmitri's hold over me loosens a bit. I can't currently see his expression, but it's obvious that Nik's words have made him hesitant. Even now, the bond between the two of them is undeniable. Cruelly disregarding Nik's pleas isn't something that comes naturally to Dmitri. More than anything, he wants to trust his pakhan.

In the end, however, Dmitri's resolve wins. With a final shake of his head, he says, "Sorry, Nik. I'm taking Kat with me. I don't suppose you'd consider making my life easier and letting us go? I'd rather not have to hurt her in front of you. Or harm you."

Nik tenses up. For a second, he looks as if he might move towards us. But he hesitates. After taking a deep breath, he stares into Dmitri's pale blue eyes instead. "Why, Dmitri? Why would you choose this path for yourself? You and I were family. Is it true, then, that blood is thicker than water? I guess I wouldn't know."

Against my back, Dmitri's heart madly races. "No," he says in a horrified tone. "Nik, how can you even ask me that? My father is nothing to me. Less than nothing. Being related to him is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He never cared about me or my mother. Not until you did. He tried to turn me against you once he learned of my connection to you. He's always despised you, Nik. You know that. He tried his damned best to play the part of the proud dad once he found out you and I were close. I wanted nothing to do with him. But then, the bastard learned about her. He took her from me, Nik. I had no choice?—"

"You could've come to me, told me everything, and I'd have dealt with him for you—as your pakhan and friend. You should've trusted me, Dmitri."

"I wanted to, Nik—more than anything. But you have to understand… Even at first, I was deeply ashamed of my connection to him. I didn't want anyone to know that my blood is that bastard's blood. Least of all, you. You were always so good to me and to my mom. I couldn't bear the thought of disappointing you. I didn't want you to think we were on his side and toss us out. And then he took her, and I couldn't risk telling you everything. I had already jeopardized her life enough."

With a sigh, Nik says, "I never knew anything?—"

"I know," Dmitri says. "And I hoped things would stay that way until I figured out how to get rid of my father. But Kat and her friend learned the truth about me, and I understood it was only a matter of time before you did. So I had to act fast. I hope you can someday forgive me."

"It doesn't have to be this way, Dmitri. It really doesn't. Let Kat go and let me help you."

With a sad laugh, Dmitri shakes his head. "I wish I could. I wish I believed you would actually do that. But I know you too well. You will never let me get away with what I did to Maxim and Kat. And I don't blame you. But I can't let you end me before I save her. I'll try to spare Kat of any pain I can."

Nik's eyes flicker to my face before quickly refocusing on Dmitri. Even from where I stand, I can see Dmitri's ominous statement's devastating effect on him. "Like you did for Maxim?" Nik's tone is measured but scathing, nonetheless.

Dmitri shrugs. "I am sorry about Maxim. I really am. For what it's worth, I made it quick. He didn't suffer long."

Nik's eyes darken, and my heart breaks for him. He never knew that on that single, eventful night, he lost the two people he loved the most in the world…

"What did you do with his body?" Nik asks.

"I had nothing to do with that. The last time I laid eyes on Maxim was when you saw his body on the ground in the museum."

Nik scoffs. "Right."

"I mean it, Nik. I have no reason to lie about this. Not anymore."

After the briefest pause, Nik asks, "How did you do it? Kill Maxim, I mean."

"The room was dark, and Maxim didn't hear me come up behind him. I wrapped this around his neck." Dmitri's fingers reveal from under the collar of his shirt the gold necklace with the emerald pendant he always wears. "And that was it. I left him where you saw him."

Nik conceals it well, but I spot the pain in his expression as clear as day. Still smothered by Dmitri's hand, I cry in silence. For Nik. For me. For Dmitri, too.

"I didn't want to kill Maxim, you know. I tried to resist my father for as long as I could. But he wouldn't be moved. He was adamant about Maxim being killed that night. Hell, during the party, he called me and ensured I could hear her cries over the phone… To make sure I'd follow through with his plan."

The gala's surveillance feeds. The call we saw Dmitri take…

With horror, I understand I was even more of a pawn in the stronzo's hands than I had known. Just like Dmitri described, his father had been steadfast and specific about the terms of my assignment. He insisted I had to steal Nik's diamond on that fateful evening—nothing else would do. All of it is just a piece of this big puzzle…

"All of this because of Erin and Lorenzo?" Nik asks in disbelief.

"That's some of it, I'm sure, but not the whole picture. My father most definitely resents the humiliation Maxim—and, therefore, you—put him through with the whole mess involving Erin, but I always got the feeling that it was about more than that. He never got over the fact that the Russians and the Irish were running the show, even though he was the big, bad Italian boss. He'd love to have you and McGuire destroy each other. I think he knew there was so much bad blood between you and McGuire that it would be easy to start a war."

Nik sighs. "He wasn't wrong about that. But he doesn't have to win, Dmitri. We can turn it around. We can destroy him together and save your girl. Then we'll figure out how to clean this mess with the Irish. You and I are family. We'll work it out. Just let Kat go."

"I can't tell you how much I wish I could believe you," Dmitri says with a sigh. His voice is so sad it almost pains me. Almost. "But the truth is, I just know you too well, Nik. You can't possibly mean that, not after everything I did. You won't forget what I did to Maxim and Kat. I'd take a chance on you if it were just about me, but I just can't bet her life."

With a resigned, heartfelt sigh, Nik finally allows his glance to drift away from Dmitri. His dark brown eyes meet mine momentarily before he takes full measure of me. As lovingly as a caress, his gaze roams all over me. After a second, it returns to mine, and my breath catches. Something in his eyes makes me want to weep.

"I understand, Dmitri," Nik says, still looking at me. "Take me instead, then."