15. Nik

15

Before I know it, it's dark outside, and I'm mildly surprised to realize I've been working for hours.

I rub my tired, bleary eyes and force myself to stretch my back, my tight muscles groaning in protest. Even those too-brief, heart-arresting moments spent making love to Kat earlier were not enough to erase the stress I've been carrying in my shoulders and neck.

It has become clear to me that the only way out of this nightmare is through. I'll rest and relax once McGuire is dead. There'll be no lasting reprieve for me until then.

Of course, it goes without saying that I hope Kat won't stop trying to change my mind. Especially if what we did earlier today is how she plans to go about it.

After rising from my chair, I decide I've spent enough time without her for today. It's been too long already, and I miss her too much to stay away from her a moment longer. Quietly, I set out to find her, walking through the penthouse.

Just thinking about finding her in our bed—comfortably tucked under the blankets—makes my heart ache. Eager to hold her, I open the bedroom door to look for her inside. To my surprise, Kat isn't in bed. In fact, the covers are completely undisturbed.

So I make my way to the kitchen. It's possible, perhaps even likely, that Kat made her way there for a late-night snack. I'm a little hungry myself—for food and for her. But after switching the kitchen lights on, I frown—Kat's nowhere to be seen.

With an exhausted sigh, I rub my tired eyes again. She's probably back in the guest room, the bedroom she first occupied. Whether she went there to fetch something she left behind or to provoke me, I don't know. I'd bet my money on the latter, knowing her.

If that's the game she wants to play with me, I'm more than happy to oblige her. It's not a problem. Nothing will delight me more than meeting her challenge.

So I shove the guest room's door open. My amusement promptly dies away when I find the room empty.

I quickly step into the adjoining walk-in closet, but Kat's nowhere to be found.

Frantically, I search every room in my home, practically kicking doors open and impatiently turning on the lights. But it's all for nothing—Kat's whereabouts remain a mystery to me.

A horrible, icy feeling settles in the pit of my stomach when I realize I have no idea where she is or if she's safe.

Enraged, I make my way to the penthouse's east wing. Without knocking, I push the door of the room next to my office open. A young shestyorka whose name has completely evaded me chokes on his coffee as Vladmir inquisitively glances at me. The only indication of his surprise at seeing me is the slight rise of his eyebrows.

Before they can say anything, I ask, "Where is she?"

I don't miss the look the two men exchange between themselves before Vladmir says, "Ms. Devereaux left a few hours ago, Nikolai. She told me you let her go out on her own."

"Did she now?"

Vladmir nods. "She said she had a few errands to run."

"And did that sound like something I'd realistically allow her to do by herself in our current circumstances?"

Vladmir visibly swallows. "I didn't think?—"

I cut him off. "Oh, we can agree on that. You most certainly didn't think. Did she mention where she was going?"

Vladmir shakes his head, and I leave him, cursing. This is a waste of my time, and I have a feeling I won't be able to keep my temper in check if he keeps looking at me like that—as if I'm a besotted fool who can't control a woman who's clearly playing him.

I can't believe Kat did this. A few hours ago, she promised to stay in the penthouse until I finished dealing with McGuire. But now, she's gone without so much as a by-your-leave. God only knows where she is or if she's safe.

I tried to explain these things to her, but she refuses to understand that while I can guarantee her safety while she's under my roof, it all goes out the window once she's out there. As long as McGuire is on the loose, Kat isn't safe out in the streets by herself. There's nothing he would love more than to punish me by harming her.

If there was an important matter that required her immediate attention, why not just tell me? I would handle it for her. Or, at the very least, I would have escorted her while she was out and about.

Kat promised me she would stay at the penthouse, and I thought I could trust her to keep her word. I thought I could expect her to trust my judgment.

Dmitri's excited voice interrupts my thoughts. "Nik, there you are. You're not going to believe what I have for you."

I pivot in his direction. Could it be? Did he run into Kat? Did he bring her back home? But no luck. Instead, Dmitri is by himself, looking a little out of breath.

One look at my face and his expression turns into a frown. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Kat's gone. She went out a few hours ago and isn't back yet. I don't know where she is or if she's all right."

Dmitri's frown deepens, but he tries to reassure me. "I'm sure it's nothing you need to worry about, Nik. I'm sure Kat's fine. Maybe she wanted to get some fresh air or something like that."

I shake my head, grimacing. "Then why wouldn't she say something to me before leaving? Just a few hours ago, I asked her to stay here until I have a chance to take care of McGuire. She promised me she would."

"Well, you know how Kat is. Maybe she forgot to tell you she was going out. I'm sure she just needed a break from the tension around this place, so she stepped out for a moment. You were hard at work, and she probably didn't want to disturb you. I'm sure that's all. I have no doubts she'll turn up safe and sound any minute now."

A terrible, ominous feeling festers inside me. "I hope you're right, Dmitri. But I'm not sure I buy this idea that she just forgot to tell me she was going out. She knew I wanted her to stay here for the time being. She promised me she would. You can't tell me she didn't know what she was doing when she left without speaking to me."

Dmitri interjects with a sigh. "Did it occur to you that Kat might feel a little claustrophobic if you try to keep her in this expensively decorated gilded cage? I'll bet you dollars to donuts that's what happened. I'm positive she needed a moment to herself. But she'll be back any minute now. If you want my advice, you should probably reevaluate this super controlling approach of yours."

"The only thing I'm reevaluating right now is the idea that I can trust her blindly. I can't believe I'm letting myself be fooled by my own wishful thinking."

Dmitri places his hand on my shoulder. "You're only saying that in the heat of the moment. You're out of your mind with worry for her, and it's driving you a little crazy. I don't think for a second that you actually mean that."

I shake my head. "I'm not so sure about that, Dmitri. Why would Kat do this? Why does she always have to go behind my back? This little stunt makes me wonder what else she's been hiding from me."

"May I suggest you take a deep breath before making any impulsive decisions you might regret later?"

On the brink of losing control, I snap at him. "Watch it. I'm very tolerant with you, Dmitri. More than any other man in my position would be. But don't mistake my tolerance for weakness."

"I would never, Nik," he says in a slightly pacifying tone that is a bit insulting.

"If McGuire gets his hands on her—" I choke. "If something happens to her, Dmitri, I don't know what I'll do."

"Nik, nothing will happen to her. Kat's a big girl. I'm sure she's completely fine. Don't start thinking of worst-case scenarios just yet. Besides, I have some good news. It might cheer you up."

I scowl. "Not now, Dmitri. I'm not in the mood."

"You will be once you learn who I ran into just a few blocks from here. Guess who it is."

I impassively stare at him for a moment, waiting for him to go on. When he doesn't, I say, "I honestly hope for your sake that it was a rhetorical question and you aren't actually expecting me to try to guess."

With a sigh, Dmitri says, "Connor Daniels. I caught him scouting us. Now, I'll admit I wasn't sure if I should bring him back here, but I figured you'd like the opportunity to talk to him yourself."

Even though it's terrific news, I almost can't focus on what Dmitri's telling me. Connor is McGuire's right-hand man, and this could be a game-changing development for us. Still, it's hard to let go of the urge to set out to find Kat right now, tracking down wherever she's hiding from me.

In the end, Dmitri's advice sticks with me. Maybe Kat does need some space from me and this whole mess with McGuire. For all her faults, she isn't careless. She is brave and bold to a dangerous degree, but never needlessly reckless.

It goes against my every instinct not to hunt her down and drag her back home, but I can't afford to lose her. She knows I'm only one call away if she needs me. Besides, there's no better way to ensure her safety than to find out where McGuire is hiding and kill him at last.

"Bring him up," I say. "But tell Vladmir I want him to find Kat. I don't want him to let her spot him or try to bring her home just yet. I just need him to keep an eye on her." If nothing else, Vlad will be glad to have a chance to fix his mistake.

"No problem," Dmitri says.

My mind is elsewhere, and my heart isn't in it—but Dmitri and I mercilessly question Connor. We quickly learn the reason he ventured so close to my home. He was searching for Kat. His orders were to take her at all costs.

My blood runs cold upon hearing the man's bold confession. I don't even realize I'm choking the life out of him until Dmitri physically stops me from prematurely killing him.

Connor tries to put up a show of loyalty to his boss, but McGuire isn't the type to inspire self-sacrifice in his men. In the end, bloody and beaten, Connor tells us what he knows. "You know the story as well as I do," he says, sputtering while struggling to catch his breath. "Your pal Maxim came to be in Patrick McGuire's service because there was a rebellion within our ranks. My predecessor was their leader. He was a cunning bastard. Good ole Jack."

Connor pauses for a second, coughing up some blood.

"What you don't know is that, close to the end, Jack had a feeling that old man McGuire was onto him. But Jack was a clever man. He wrote down everything he knew about Patrick in this small black book—and he knew a lot. Every dirty secret or minor detail about the man's operations or assets Jack could think of went on the little notebook. Not satisfied, Jack stole millions of McGuire's money. Legend has it that he buried it, noting the location in the same book. And then he hid it. It was supposed to be his insurance against McGuire, you see. Unfortunately for Jack, he was taken out in that nasty car accident. Or maybe it was for the best. At least he died before Patrick got his hands on him."

"And why is it again that we should care about any of this?" Dmitri asks.

As he struggles against a hacking cough, Connor says, "Because Jack's little black book was presumed to be lost forever since his unexpected demise. But then we learned he kept a lady on the side. Someone he kept a secret from all of us. This woman had no lost love for Jack, so she was more than happy to tell McGuire all she knew in exchange for some coin. And what she told him drove the old man up a wall. You see, according to her, before dying, Jack had only trusted one person with the location of the book. Imagine our surprise when we learned that person was one and the same with your good friend Maxim Petrovski."

Connor's fantastic story surprises me, and it takes me a moment to process his words. Dmitri, however, promptly scoffs. "Do you honestly think we believe in this fairy tale of yours? You'd say anything to save McGuire and yourself."

Connor shrugs. "Believe what you want, pup. It makes no difference to me. It's the truth, though. I have no reason to lie. Whether it's by Nikolai's hands or McGuire's, I knew my life was forfeited the moment you managed to drag me back here. Why do you think Patrick didn't throw a fit when your boss brought Maxim back from Siberia? The old man saw it as his chance to get his hands on that book and retrieve his money. It was going to be tough to get a chance to interrogate Maxim when he was all the way across the ocean in your territory. Now, if he was here… Unfortunately for us, though, we never got a chance to get our hands on Maxim. That's why we went to that museum party, you know. McGuire meant to grab Maxim once he had a few drinks in him. But someone else got to him before we could make our move."

"You expect me to believe your boss had nothing to do with Maxim's murder?" I ask, barely managing to keep my temper in check.

Connor shrugs, grimacing in pain. "Like I said, it doesn't matter to me if you do or not. I know I'm as good as dead. All I can hope for now is that it's quick and painless. The way I see it, maybe if I tell you what you want to know, you'll grant me that mercy."

"Nik, you don't believe this crap, right? Connor's obviously full of shit," Dmitri says with a scoff. "I say we kill him to send a message to McGuire."

I stare at Connor, debating my next steps. A heartbeat later, I completely lose my train of thought once Kat's familiar voice echoes outside my office, just before an angry baritone voice responds.

I'm making my way to her before my brain even fully registers that she's back. I yank the door open, and the sight of her turns my limbs to rubber.

She's safe. She's back.

Indescribable relief washes over me, and I take a moment to look at her, quickly scanning her from head to toe. My eyes assess her for any signs of injuries while my brain tries to commit every detail to memory.

Kat seems completely fine. More than fine, actually, if the outraged way she's giving Vladmir a piece of her mind is any indication.

Vlad is visibly upset as he chastises her for lying to him about having my permission to leave by herself. Normally, I'd lash out at him for talking to her in such a disrespectful manner. Right now, however, I'm more than inclined to let him give her a piece of his mind.

"Dmitri," I say over my shoulder. "You and Vladmir. Get Connor out of here now. Stash him somewhere safe for the time being."

My voice startles Kat, who hadn't noticed me standing a few feet away from her as she faces Vladmir.

With a gasp, she turns in my direction, having the audacity to ask, "Connor? As in Connor Daniels? McGuire's right-hand man?"

"You must be kidding me," I say, somehow managing to address her without yelling. "That's what you have to say to me? After breaking your promise to me and leaving home without warning?"

With a beatific smile, Kat pats my cheek. "Nik, I'm sorry I upset you. I thought I'd be back before you even noticed I was gone. I know I should've said something, but there was something I had to do and I didn't want to interrupt your work. But I'm back now—safe and sound. We don't need to argue about this, right? No harm, no foul. Now, tell me about Connor. Exciting news, huh?"

And then, Kat smiles at me. She fucking smiles at me.

"Have you lost your mind?" I ask, for all intents and purposes yelling at her at the tops of my lungs. "You could've died! Do you have any idea what kind of horrible scenarios were going through my mind once I realized you were gone? Not to mention—you made me a promise, and then, almost with the same breath, you broke it."

With an exasperated sigh, Kat says, "I understand how you would see it that way, but Nik—I was fine. I can take care of myself. I knew I was going to be completely fine, and I didn't want to disturb or worry you unnecessarily. You already have a lot on your plate right now. I'm sorry I upset you. I truly am. I was hoping I'd be back before you were done with work."

"That doesn't make it okay! I trusted you to keep your word to me, but you disregarded it a few hours later. And for what? Some stupid errand? Do you seriously expect me to believe that?"

Kat's eyes narrow slightly. "If you must know, it was for something a little more serious and urgent than a simple errand. Like I said, I'm sorry you feel like I broke my promise to you, and I'm sorry for upsetting you. I don't want to add another worry to your already gigantic pile of problems. But I hope I don't have to remind you I don't need your permission to come and go as I see necessary. I appreciate your concern for my safety. I'll certainly take your advice under consideration when assessing the risks of going out, but you must understand that I'll do that out of care, concern and affection for you. I trust I don't have to point out that you, as a matter of fact, do not own me."

I practically shout in her face. "You did not just say that to me. You promised me, Kat! You promised me. You said you wouldn't leave the penthouse."

Kat shakes her head, raising an eyebrow at me. "Actually, no. I did not promise that at all. I said I'd keep your request in mind. I promised I'd do my best to stay out of trouble and be safe. Which I was, whether or not you choose to believe it. Now, Dmitri—since it's clear Nik's too far gone with his temper tantrum to tell me anything, can you please let me know what Connor had to say?"

"Dmitri—" I say in warning. "Don't you dare answer her. Get Connor out of here. Now."

Kat rolls her eyes. "Come on, Nik. Don't be like this. Dmitri, you know I'm a part of this now, too. I deserve to know. What did Connor have to say?"

Dmitri's head swivels back and forth between us, but I expect his loyalty to ultimately lie with me, his pakhan—the man who signs his paychecks and the man who helped raise him. I expect him to follow my orders and leave immediately. As it turns out, that was foolish of me.

Still, I can't say I'm too surprised when the insubordinate fool obliges Kat instead, relating every tidbit of information we just learned from McGuire's right-hand man. Once he finishes reporting to her, he turns to me. He has the nerve to shrug, apologetically. "Sorry, Nik. I'll get Connor out of here now. Let's go, Vlad."

"Get the fuck out of my sight," I say under my breath.

"Nik, this changes everything, right?" Kat asks, breathless with unbridled excitement once we are alone. "You have to see my point now. You have proof that it's entirely possible McGuire isn't behind this. No need to go to war against him just yet."

"This changes nothing," I say, angrily refuting her suggestion. "Of course Connor would say that McGuire didn't kill Maxim. He'd say anything to try to save his boss. I don't know how many times I have to tell you he's the one who killed Maxim. An incredibly fantastical story from an untrustworthy source changes absolutely nothing. Besides, as I've already fucking told you, it doesn't matter anymore. Patrick McGuire attacked you in broad daylight. That was an act of war."

Disappointment shadows Kat's features. "How can you say that? Think of all the horrible things that could happen to all of us if you insist on heading down this path," she says.

"You aren't listening to me," I say, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. "And it doesn't fucking matter to me right now, anyway. You lied to me, Kat. I trusted you, and you went behind my back when I let my guard down. You could've gotten yourself killed. Connor just told us his orders were to capture you. Do you have any idea what it would do to me if McGuire got to you? If I lost you, Kat, I don't know what I'd do. I wouldn't have been able to go on."

Kat's eyes soften as she touches my face. "Nik, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you this much pain."

"You even made me look like a fool in front of my men. You undermined me and endangered our plan to catch McGuire. You left me. You endangered yourself. You betrayed my trust and you disobeyed me. You did it just to prove you could."

Kat's tender expression hardens. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You don't own me, Nik. I don't owe you obedience. I thought we saw eye-to-eye on this, but it seems I was wrong. You tell me I've broken your trust, but the way I see it, you're breaking mine right now. You're trying to control me. I'm setting very clear boundaries, and you insist on kicking them aside. I thought you respected me more than that. After everything we've been through, I expect you to know that you can't shackle me to you. Believe it or not, I'm not just being a brat. I have a really good reason for doing what I did today. Believe it or not, I did it for you and me. I'll tell you all about it soon. Right now, you need to trust me to come back to you. You need to trust me—period."

The hurt and seriousness in her tone give me pause and make me second-guess myself. The very last thing I wish to do is hurt her. But I just can't agree with her. Unlike her, I'm not making the mistake of underestimating McGuire again. I know better than she does that he is a genuine threat to her safety. Everything I've done has been for the right reasons. Can Kat say the same? If she had such a good, legitimate reason for breaking her promise to me, then why be so secretive about it?

"I guess I never realized my trust would be put to the test so soon or so often," I say, still reeling with anger. I should've realized that if I let myself need her—if I let myself trust her—then I'd be powerless to stop her from thoroughly ruining me if she decides to leave me.

Like my parents did. Like Maxim did. Their loss nearly broke me in half. It took all that I had to pull myself back together and fix the mess their absence created in me. If Kat leaves me, it will destroy me. There'll be nothing left to fix.

She sighs wearily. "I hate to break it to you, Nik, but that's exactly why it's called trust. There's always going to be an element of uncertainty. You'll just have to chance on me. On us."

The coldness and disappointment in her dark blue eyes almost rip me in half. With a sharp pain in my chest, I wonder how it's possible that we're looking at each other like this right now when I was lost inside her mere hours ago. I don't want to lose that Kat, the one who sighed in my arms, showering me with kisses while playfully calling me miliy.

"Dusha moya," I say, reaching for her hand. My soul. Kat's ice-cold blue eyes melt slightly at the endearment, and I allow myself to hope. "I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. Believe me, I want nothing more than to see you happy and content, and I'll do my best to make you feel satisfied with your life. With me. But make no mistake—my priority will always be to keep you safe. Whether you like it or not, I'll do what it takes to ensure that. Even if it displeases you. I won't let McGuire, the threat of war among the Seven Families, or the devil himself stand in my way."

Kat's face falls, and her disappointed expression gives way to fury. Without another word, she shoots me a disenchanted look before storming away.