34. Rin

34

Rin

It doesn't take us long to get cleaned up. I enjoyed every minute of it, but once his hands are no longer on me, my mind starts to overthink everything.

I just had sex with him… and I'm not sure I even fully trust him yet. I mean, I guess I should, but when I search for that settled feeling of trust, it isn't there. Just like it shouldn't be. Right? From the way my chest constricts, my heart doesn't agree. The longing for trust might just be my undoing, but now I see my error.

Sex might not mean much for other people, and that's fine, but apparently I am not one of those people.

I don't feel guilty about losing my virginity, but it happening when there isn't trust makes me question if it was truly my choice—or if it was something the genali did to me. Suddenly, knowing that becomes crucial, but I don't know how to tell the difference.

I push the thought aside for now, following Kuret's lead to help us get out of the clearing, surprised that I didn't notice that Roshan had left or that I would need to call him back.

Hooking him back up to the cart helps calm my nerves and I'm able to put off thinking about what all of this means for now. What we are or aren't and if I am the type who can just move on now.

Before long, we are moving back along the path.

Roshan brays and steers us in a different direction. I turn to Kuret, wondering if he was the one leading him that way, but the expression on his face tells me that he is just as confused as I am.

I lean forward to talk to the argila but I hear a braying sound coming from a distance away, as if in response to Roshan.

Could it be another argila? That would be extremely unlikely given the circumstances, but with the way things have been going recently, anything is possible.

Kuret is doing his best to steer him away, but Roshan bolts in the direction of the sound, moving faster than I have ever seen, and we cannot stop him. For a moment, fear grips me—it could be a hunter or a predator with mimicking abilities, but as he starts to slow down, I realize that it was not a false alarm.

There is indeed another argila here.

Kuret helps me down from the cart.

I unhook Roshan before he tips over the cart in his excitement, then he scampers toward the lone creature, before halting nearby. Something about their differences and the way Roshan acts makes me think it's a female.

"Even bigger than he is. Interesting," he says, obviously amused by the situation, as he leans casually against a tree.

The strange argila really is much bigger than Roshan, on a general scale, but also has a more distended belly that makes her truly look like a furry spider with those odd legs.

Hopefully not of the type that eats males alive. Roshan seems to be entranced by her, though, rubbing his head against her short neck.

It makes so much sense why he was so eager to get to her. It's amusing to think about the way he bolted directly for the female. Seems like men are really all the same, regardless of species or planet of origin.

She seems to appreciate the attention until she catches me in her line of sight and starts to bray loudly. Her movements scare me off, and I take several steps back.

"Nasrin, be careful," Kuret hisses and I nod, chewing on my bottom lip.

I have a feeling that Roshan will not leave without his friend and I don't want to leave her either. He seems eager to help quicken the entire ordeal, so he pulls the cart toward me and nudges my hand with his nose, as if pushing me toward her.

Her bright yellow eyes are laced with confusion as she looks between us, but Roshan leads me to her and looks between both of us expectantly.

My heart swells with pride at how smart he is and I make a quiet promise to find him good treats as soon as possible. There has to be a reward for him being such a good boy. The female argila keeps its wary eyes on me the entire time. It is making me more than a little nervous, but I keep myself calm and maintain my composure.

"Hello," I murmur softly, reaching a tentative hand forward to pat her head.

Her eyes are glued to my hand, but the moment, I touch her head, her large eyes flutter closed and when I start scratching her she lets out a sigh of satisfaction.

Roshan makes a low squeal and stamps his many feet down on the grass a few times.

It's beginning to seem like I have a natural affinity for these gentle creatures. One time might have been a fluke, but this second occurrence all but confirms it for me. I chuckle lightly to myself.

I hear a sharp, hissing bark and turn around in fear, only to find that it is just Kuret, laughing.

It looks like something out of a horror movie, with his mouth wide open and sharp teeth jutting out. When he catches me staring, he stops laughing immediately, looks away, and clears his throat. "Roshan is really smart. That was admirable of him."

It sounds like he is trying to convince me that his laughter is not mocking, so I smile to let him know that it is alright. I was just surprised at how human, yet scary, that was.

As if to remind me that there is nothing normal about the situation I'm in. The alien spider-fuzz ball nuzzles her head against my hand and begins to nibble on my fingers.

She is encumbered in a way very similar to how Roshan used to be, with a rope strung through holes cut into her cheeks, then tied fast to a large tree. Being familiar with this, I quickly free her from the ropes and unhook her from the tree.

In a matter of minutes, I am done, though I don't want to risk removing the rope through her cheeks just yet. We'll have to build up some trust first.

The female argila bolts away from me, closely followed by Roshan.

I am standing there in shock, staring at both animals as they crash through the underbrush, and I don't notice Kuret moving forward until he is standing right beside me.

"Roshan will come back," he assures me.

Although I find his words reassuring, I can't help but feel afraid as I continue to hear them moving farther away. After the last couple of days we have been having, anything could happen at any moment. They could get attacked, trapped, or anything, but I swallow it down.

It's not like I can go running after them.

I sigh worriedly. "You are probably right, but I hope she does too. I would hate to leave her here for something much worse to find her."

Kuret makes a sound. "They will."

I stand there, staring into the dark forest for what seems like hours before I see the two argila skittering in our direction. I squeal excitedly and call out to Roshan, watching as he increases his pace, looking back to make sure the female is still behind him.

Even though I had no involvement in his sweet temperament, I feel like a proud mother watching him like this. Obviously, he loves me as much as I do him, and that is enough for me.

When they return, they nearly push me to the ground, demanding pets, and I giggle like a small child surrounded by puppies.

They seem completely enamored with each other and it pulls at my heartstrings.

While I am scratching the female argila, I confirm that the reins are disappearing into her cheeks, just like Roshan, and I bend forward and undo it. My fingers have gotten good at knots.

When I am finished, I loop the rope correctly and hook her to the back of the cart so she can follow behind us.

"She needs a name," I say to Kuret, and he makes a distracted sound of agreement.

I had forgotten how alien this behavior must look to him. I don't think his people are very familiar with the concept of using animals for anything other than work or food.

"Do you have one in mind?"

Looking at her, I notice that her blue coating is just a few shades lighter than Roshan's. If I had the patience to wait until morning before naming her, I'm sure I could find something more well thought out. I wouldn't want to be stuck calling her something I don't like for the remainder of the journey just because I rushed to name her.

Roshan can't seem to take his eyes off her, craning his neck to make sure she is well. This gentle gesture reminds me of a poem I once read about a man being lost in his lover's eyes like a sailor lost at sea. A name immediately pops into my head.

"Darya, I will call you Darya."

It seems to fit her perfectly. It makes no real difference to the argila what we call her, but I repeat the name, regardless, hopeful that she will start to recognize it like Roshan does.

Kuret's patterns dance on his bioluminescent body. "Darya," he tests the name on his tongue. "What does it mean?"

He seems mystified by the entire process I have gone through but is humoring me.

I see him still leaning a little to take the weight off his still-injured thigh, and my mood becomes more somber. It must be bothering him more after sitting for so long. He got that protecting us, and now we have even more responsibility.

I glance back at her. An even bigger target than Roshan. I'll need to figure out a holster for the gun, not just have it glued to my side with the weird black material.

The thought shocks me, but I know it's the right thing to do.

We climb into the cart again, with Kuret going first and then helping me up. As if I'm the one that got stabbed.

"Ocean," I respond with a proud grin on my face.

"That doesn't translate either, but it sounds nice. Gentle, just like they are."

I like how interested with the argila he has become over the course of our time together. I remember the animosity between them when they initially met. Look at them now, comfortable in each other's company.

Kuret steers the argila on the right path and our journey begins again.

We roll along in silence for a while before Kuret speaks in a quiet voice.

"May I ask a question?"

A surprisingly intense tone in his voice comes out of nowhere, considering the lighthearted tone of our conversation up till now.

I turn to face him, starting to worry about the sudden somber look on his face. I push my hair behind my ear in my usual nervous gesture.

"Yes."

"What made you decide to take off the covering from your head?"

It seems like years ago and I'm wondering why it's still on his mind.

I place my hands on my cheeks and stare blankly ahead at the swaying grass. The cool wind bites at me as I search my brain for an answer. Thankfully, I don't have to give one, as Kuret lets out a gasp.

"Is something wrong?" I ask, sitting up straight and he points to my ear.

There is no way to look at my reflection, so I run my hand up and down my ear, breath stopping when I feel three points instead of a rounded helix. I gasp and touch the second ear, finding out that they are the same.

Maybe I have been desensitized by all the craziness that has been happening recently, but I don't feel as bad as I did about the silver patterns on my skin, and definitely not as upset as when my eyes changed.

"They are lovely," Kuret says and I smile stiffly at him.

I can't say I like it, but it doesn't seem all that important in the big scheme of things, though I suppose this is the third change. Of many?

My mind is more weighted with thoughts of other changes that will start happening to me and what they will be. The more time I spend on this planet, the less I will look like myself.

That is frightening.

I hope I can look at my reflection and not hate what I see.

It isn't helpful, so I distract myself thinking about how good it feels to know I'm better at defending myself, even though what I want to talk about is what we did together in the grass.

I just don't know how to bring it up.