16. Rin

16

Rin

"Roshan," I mutter as the boring story of my life plays behind my eyes, unrolling as an empty chasm of unachieved dreams and begging for the right to exist.

The argila brays softly, its cool nose nudging me, as if it can see the thoughts going through my head. Tears start to prickle at my eyes. In this hostile, unforgiving world, the only kindness I have received on this forsaken planet has been from an animal. A precious, spider-legged blue not-horse creature that is the only reason I am still alive.

A lone tear rolls out of my eye and Roshan sticks out his wide, black tongue to lap at it gently.

It tickles and the movement hurts, so I raise a hand to my face to stop his ministrations.

It's almost like he is determined to continue until I stop crying. The pain in my stomach stops me from laughing, but Roshan does not let up. The poor animal is only trying to help, but I could do without it.

I try to roll over and out of reach, but the agony puts a firm stop to all of that.

A rustling sound from somewhere above reaches my ears, followed by a low grunt, sending a chill down my spine. My breath catches, and a small whimper escapes me as dread takes hold; it's the big, angry alien, and it has found us.

Roshan stops licking and makes a concerned sound. His head tilts in a way that feels almost inquisitive before he turns around, positioning himself protectively once more.

I peek out from underneath him and see the alien bounding toward us with the same thirst in his eyes. Fear grips me. I've seen firsthand what he can do when sufficiently motivated. We aren't safe.

I recognize the blood-covered blade in his hand. The same one that he used to tear Tehlmar apart. He wants to do the same to Roshan, and I muster all my energy to scream through the pain in my throat.

"Stop, please!" My voice barely escapes, a squeak lost in the air. It's far too weak to stop the freight train of an alien barreling straight toward us.

He will not hear me, and Roshan will be dead shortly. Despair grips my heart like a vise. The alien doesn't even glance at me as he approaches, his focus completely on hurting Roshan.

The argila turns to look at him before lowering himself over me and angling his body toward the alien. My heart hurts again, and I raise my hands up to Roshan's neck, digging my fingers into his fur.

Roshan's yellow eyes meet mine, filled with a strength I didn't know was possible. I burst into a fresh round of tears when I realize he is actually willing to die for me.

"I'm so sorry, Roshan," I sob quietly when the alien reaches us and prepares to strike. I cannot bear to watch him shred another thing to pieces before me. Not after the last time, so I close my eyes tightly.

The sound of the blade against the argila's body sends a chill up my spine and his injured cry echoes in my ears. Then I find my voice, letting out my grief.

When I pull in a breath, I expect his lifeless body to fall, but all I can feel are his legs shaking on either side of me.

He opens his eyes and turns, a fierce snarl directed at the terrible alien, then glances back at me. I poke my head out, unable to resist checking on him, needing to make sure he's alright.

"Oh, Roshan, you're okay," I whisper, my voice trembling. But the relief is overwhelming, and before can stop myself, I break down completely, sobbing loudly. My hands wrap around his neck. I bury my face in his fur and cry shamelessly with relief.

"You're okay. Alhamdulillah . You're okay."

The argila envelopes me with two of its free appendages as if to return my hug, the agony of the movement almost worth it. I feel liquid dripping on my leg and blink the tears away to see that it is Roshan's dark blue blood on me.

I know the alien meant to kill him, so why didn't he? I have already seen that he is capable of brutality, so what changed? What stopped him?

I would have thought it was another attacker swooping in to save Roshan and me if not for the utter lack of sound and evidence of a struggle.

I can hear babbling from behind Roshan, and my heart skips a beat in fear that this might be some kind of ritualistic killing, with him now praying to his god or something like that. My fright almost makes me miss the fact that I can still understand what he is saying, which, to my relief and slight confusion, is not a prayer.

"I have no honor. This is a loss of honor," he continues to mutter, his face twitching and the bright lights along his nearly black skin flickering as he stares at Roshan and me with dead eyes.

He just keeps saying it.

I don't want to say anything to risk triggering his anger again, but something tells me that if I am not already dead, then he either didn't want to kill me at all or has changed his mind.

Although it causes enough pain to make me grind my teeth together, I move from under Roshan, hoisting myself up to a sitting position with great difficulty and supporting my back against a small boulder.

Roshan is incredibly protective of me, standing by my side and glaring at the alien whose eyes have followed me the entire time.

The alien's dark lips continue to move as he babbles about his loss of honor.

I don't want to be anywhere near this creature anymore, but neither Roshan nor I are in any condition to move. I listen to him for a few moments, growing more uneasy, before I realize he may have nothing of importance to actually say to me.

"Please leave us," I choke out, wincing as my throat constricts over the switch from Farsi to his language.

His head shifts up at the sound of my voice and some life returns to his eyes when he stops mumbling. The silence suggests he didn't hear me, and he attempts to lean in closer, which makes me gasp and try to roll painfully to the side.

Roshan makes a braying snarl at the large alien. His feelings for the guy are obvious. I can't argue with him because I feel the same, but I don't want to lead the alien into another frenzy where he kills us.

"Leave us alone, please."

All three points of his ears twitch and he shakes his head furiously, the trinkets in his long braids clinking against each other.

"I cannot do that," he refuses, rubbing his three-fingered hand over his cheeks, causing glowing green patterns to ripple brightly in the dark.

His hands slide down the armor of his chest and he continues to look at me, well, in my general direction, unblinking.

I don't know what the gesture means, but I don't ask because, honestly, I don't care. He killed Tehlmar like a complete savage, and the only reason I am not running for the hills is because I am far too weak to move, as is Roshan.

I scratch at Roshan's head, trying to soothe him, but he doesn't make any pleased sounds because his eyes are trained on the alien. "Please, we don't want any trouble. You have hurt us enough. Go away."

I try to sound confident, putting as much metal into my voice as I can muster, but instead I sound like I have been crying for weeks. "Just leave us alone."

"I cannot," he says in a sharp bark, "not until I have restored the honor I lost."

His language is rough, with a lot of hissing barks, clicks, and guttural undertones.

"What honor are you talking about? There is no honor here," I spit at him before I can help myself and his eyes meet mine for a split second.

I expect him to lurch at me or hit me, but all he does is look away and bow his head. "I wasn't sent here to bring harm to you, but I have. The honor I gained is lost."

I tilt my head to the side, wincing. "Did you know of me before all this? Were you following us? Is that it?"

He just continues to stare, looking dejected. "Ree would not have wanted this."

The male makes no sense. "Wait. Who is Ree? What honor have you lost?"

He doesn't answer and I cannot help the rage that squeezes at my chest.

"Say something," I hiss out, feeling faint as my head throbs in the same rhythm of my still-racing heart.

I moan in pain and Roshan nibbles at my hair, his eyes concerned.

The alien lets out a long breath and speaks again. "I met with Ree, another like you. She told me to take you somewhere safe where you could be with your other friends and that is all I was trying to do."

I nearly laugh at how preposterous it sounds, though my heart leaps at the mention of there being other humans around.

"Help me? You tore Tehlmar to pieces long after you killed him, and you are speaking of helping? I want you to go away forever and let us be. Your violence is unacceptable, and I don't want to spend another moment in your presence."

He doesn't leave, and I finally take a good look at the alien.

Kneeling down, he is almost at my full height, and he glows, his dark skin littered with bright green luminescent patterns. The first thought that comes to mind is how terrible he would be at a game of hide and seek.

My second is that he's beautiful, despite how odd he looks. The bright green patterns on his skin cast a glow across his features in a mesmerizing way. His green eyes, with their black horizontal pupils also glow, pulsing each time he blinks. He doesn't have eyebrows, or a beard, only seeming to grow hair on his head. As far as I can tell, he doesn't have a nose, just a wide space that follows the same curve of his broad forehead down to too-wide, thick, nearly black lips. Like Tehlmar, his teeth are sharp, except they are white, not green.

A quick search for where he breathes ends when I spot two holes just in front of his pointed ears. The braids near them shift in a rhythmic way, matching the movement of his chest. It's broad, tapering to a small waist. His arms are enormous, with well-defined, corded muscles visible beneath his skin where I can see his forearms. His skin is rough looking, but in long striations. Almost like you can see the muscles right underneath. It makes my stomach queasy, reminding me of medical images of skinless humans.

He has long, thick black braids that start farther back on his skull than where human hair begins. There are primitive trinkets woven into them. He's wearing some sort of brown animal hide armor, which I assume is hiding more glowing skin, since the undulating green veins and dark gray skin disappear under it midway up his forearm. The armor covers all but his lower arms, part of his neck, and head.

His hands look strong, though odd with their three thick fingers instead of four. The green marks on them shift as his hands twitch and it's mesmerizing, a welcome distraction from the pain. But then I realize I have the same warmth between my legs for him as I did for Tehlmar and rage overtakes my brain for a long moment.

Clearly, the genali did something to me. More than just my hair and the translator, but something deep inside my body. Or my mind?

Because nothing explains this odd attraction to two males who are so obviously not even worth a single glance, let alone this unwanted arousal.

It sickens me.

The male continues to look downcast, and I feel the urge to throw a rock at his face to get him to move on. I won't feel safe if he is nearby.

I want to tell him to kill me off before I die of hypertension, but he mumbles again. "That was the only way to save you from him. Is that not what all females want—a male who can protect them?"

He catches my eye again and my jaw drops open. He thinks that is what a woman wants? To be splattered with blood as he looks like an enraged animal?

No.

"Cutting up a man like that is—"

He cuts me off and speaks. "I know there wasn't a tribunal, but we couldn't call one. He clearly didn't know how to respect autonomy."

"No, he didn't. He was a terrible person, but what you did… it was far too violent."

He exhales deeply. "No. It was over too quickly. He hurt you and would have forced your donor choice. Among my people, a rapist is stripped naked, spread, and tied to a large rock. Their victim is given a dull knife to carve their names onto the rapist's body and cut off whatever body parts they see fit. Afterward, they are left there to the mercy of the elements and whatever animals happen to pass by. Usually, by that time, their voice is broken from all the screaming, not that anyone would bother listening."

I'm in shock, completely appalled for a long moment, and then another part of my brain takes over. The one that has spent far too long huddling inside a house because someone wanted to silence me. If that was what happened when someone was raped… there would be far fewer people carrying around the scars. Especially the scars of having people disbelieve them.

What would that world look like?

I don't get to think through it before Roshan brays at me and stands up, shaking out his fur before crouching beside me. His eyes don't leave the alien.

"I was only trying to protect you, looking out for you. I was only doing my duty."

I cock an eyebrow. "Your duty?"

"Yes. Protecting you."

I rub my temple, feeling a headache coming on. "Your job is not to protect me. I don't even know you. I can't be around someone capable of that much violence. It taints everything they touch."

He looks confused, perhaps even insulted, as his hairless brow lowers. "Violence works best for people like him. I know. I have seen it. It is all I can offer to protect you."

I chuckle dryly. "Violence is the last thing I want from anyone, especially someone who claims that they are trying to protect me."

"It is what all females want, what they expect."

His tone is disbelieving, almost as if he can't understand what I am saying. I understand his point to some extent, but it isn't what women want, even though I can admit that it might be necessary in this situation. But that doesn't mean you have to embrace it, or make it your entire identity, like he seems to have.

I want to groan in frustration. "If there is a list of things that women want, violence is at the bottom of the list."

Maybe if I use a different analogy, he will understand me. I don't come up with one before I am distracted again. He moves, alerting Roshan, who hisses at him again.

I look down and see dark green liquid around where he is kneeling, indicating that he is bleeding. I look away quickly because the differences between us are too jarring. In the past day I have seen four… no, five different colors of blood. In just one day. It makes me question what I said to him about violence, but I can't sound weak right now. It might be needed here, but it goes against every one of my beliefs and my instinct is screaming at me to not trust him.

He looks at Roshan first, then at me. "Violence saved you back there, when you were in danger."

His words shift my perspective slightly, though it still bothers me. Why am I sympathizing with Tehlmar? He pretended to be on my side when all he truly wanted was to take advantage of me.

Sure, I don't appreciate this person's methods, but I saw Tehlmar kill the genali and if this alien had not killed him, I would most likely also be dead.

I groan softly and shut my eyes. Even though I know he has a point, I will not acknowledge it because I never want to see anything like that again. Ever. It will haunt my dreams.

He speaks again. "Let me get you somewhere safe and you will never have to see me again."

I look up at him questioningly.

Will this last? I have seen violence before, and I know that it never really ends. However, it is only a matter of time before some other twisted person finds me, and I have no fighting skills whatsoever to protect myself.

If there truly is a safer place, then I am willing to take the risk, especially if it involves seeing humans again. "I will only come with you if you agree not to be so needlessly violent. There is protection, and then there is… whatever you were doing."

I shiver as I remember the look of bliss on his face as blood splattered everywhere.

He opens his mouth to speak, but I raise a finger to silence him "I'm not done. If you show any sort of behavior that scares me, I will run very far away from you, and whatever happens to me will be on you and your honor. Understood?"

I am out of breath by the time I reach the end of my sentence, and I watch him mull my words over.